Episode 76
Jenok, who had urgently followed after Killian, practically leaped from the carriage, exhaled a breath that had risen to his throat.
“Hah, hah…… Your Grace!”
“Not here. She’s not here.”
“Pardon? What do you mean?”
“I think we just passed her.”
It had been but a fleeting moment. On a deserted thoroughfare, the instant a carriage had passed, Killian descended as if leaping from it. By the time the bewildered Jenok reined in the horse and followed, he had already been running through the foggy night streets for some time.
“What are you talking about?”
Jenok, having barely calmed his heart that was pounding as though it would burst through his chest at any moment, tilted his head.
“Who do you mean we passed……”
“Rowena.”
The words had barely ended when Killian answered, turning sharply with bloodshot eyes. Jenok, stepping back, hesitated and muttered.
“I didn’t see her. Even if we brushed past, it was but a moment, and it was dark, so how could you……”
Killian let the trailing words go in one ear and glared at the end of the road where the carriage had disappeared. The instant the carriage passed, pain came throbbing to his left arm, which he had believed fully healed by now.
Though he furrowed his brow at the spasmodic pain, it was only for a moment. In the pitch-black night, like a beast that instinctively fumbled with scent and touch to find its mate, he reflexively sensed Rowena. Not even a thread-like scent or a single breeze could pass by him casually—he was on edge to such a degree. He himself could hardly believe how all five of his senses could grow so acute.
“Do you think I’ve gone mad?”
At the sharp words, Jenok shook his head instead of answering.
“Please go back in for now. We have people out searching, and Sir Owen is also secretly scouring the surroundings, so you will find her soon.”
“Tell them my patience is about to end.”
“……Yes.”
At the low yet definite warning, Jenok bowed silently.
Contrary to the expectation that she would be found quickly if she were hiding, searching for Rowena Fillone met with unexpectedly fierce resistance. From those who had received banquet invitations to those who had come to earn a day’s wage. They searched without missing a single person, but there was not even a woman with a foreign name, let alone a foreigner. As he wandered about searching for one woman in this manner, the Duke’s nerves grew sharper and his sleepless nights longer.
Jenok thought that it would be better if Rowena had truly died on that island, or if she had completely vanished from the world. For her own sake.
* * *
Demian, having met his mother after a long time, seemed determined to indulge in all the pampering he had been unable to do until now, refusing to be apart from Rowena for even a moment.
“Sometimes he seems to grow up in leaps and bounds, soon to leave my embrace, but these days I feel he is still a baby. I think he has a long way to go.”
It was a peaceful afternoon. Lauren’s condition looked fine for the first time in a while, and there was no banquet that evening. Demian, who had been pestering her to read as many as five books, fell asleep gradually as if under a spell the moment Rowena closed the third fairy tale.
Cedric had naturally settled beside the mother and child as if he were a member of the family. While gazing at Rowena and Demian with warm eyes without a word, he abruptly asked a question at those lament-like words.
“So is it a good thing, or a bad thing?”
“You call that a question? Of course it’s the former.”
Rowena cast her eyes at him, not unkindly, and stroked the head of Demian, who was sleeping on her lap. At that sight, Cedric shrugged his shoulders playfully.
“That’s a relief. Otherwise, I was thinking I’d have to secretly take Demian and run away.”
“He’s my son; why would you take him out?”
“It’s what husbands do when their wives are angry—they take the child and go out for a while.”
“For an unmarried man, you certainly know a lot……”
It was the roguishness she had not seen in a long time. Rowena let out a small laugh without realizing it, but just as she was about to retort, Cedric suddenly reached out and covered her mouth.
“Shh.”
A maid entered quietly after knocking at some point, tidied up the toys and books Demian had scattered about, and cleared away the empty teacups and teapot. While the maid was organizing the surrounding items and leaving again, Cedric had his arm wrapped around Rowena’s shoulder. Rowena leaned against him and played the part of a harmonious couple.
The act was only dropped after the maid had left. Rowena let out a tense breath and lowered his hand from her shoulder.
“You startled me.”
“I know.”
She had not wanted to act even inside the house, but this was not a rural estate, and the maid was not a maid of a loyal estate. They had somehow deceived her into thinking Demian was her nephew, but since they had firmly established their relationship as husband and wife, they had to appear natural. It was fortunate that at least the townhouse maids went home at night, so they did not have to share the same bedroom.
“How long must we keep acting like this?”
Rowena smiled awkwardly and looked down at Demian’s sleeping profile for no particular reason.
“It will end soon. The ‘acting’, I mean.”
Their exchange of empty jokes was short-lived; in the abruptly awkward air, as if an uninvited guest had appeared, Cedric placed his hand over the back of hers.
“Rowena.”
“……”
“What do you think of me now? Not as a joke, but seriously.”
It was the most serious voice he had ever used. Rowena raised her head and turned her gaze to Cedric, who was looking at her with heated eyes.
“……A good person.”
“……”
“I think you’re a good person. Truly.”
“Is that all?”
Cedric’s hand, which had threaded between her fingers, intertwined with hers as if inviting her. While Rowena, having helplessly yielded her hand, was at a loss, Cedric turned her palm over toward himself and pressed his lips directly to it.
Startled by the soft and warm sensation, Rowena withdrew her hand from him.
“Does it displease you?”
“……No.”
She was not displeased. Yet her heart did not flutter, nor did it race madly, nor was she happy. She was merely comfortable, and she enjoyed his company. When she was with Demian, she felt happy because Demian looked happy, and to her, Cedric was someone she was grateful for—a patch of shade beneath the scorching sun.
“Cedric. I—”
She was not a person particularly perceptive in these matters, but Cedric had revealed his heart straightforwardly and without hesitation from the beginning to the extent that even she could tell. She had pushed him away because of an unfortunate first meeting, but that had not lasted long. To the man who steadily narrowed the distance with easy persistence, Rowena had given the seat beside her. But it was the same seat Lauren occupied. She could not give him the seat he wanted.
“Sister, is it because you feel sorry for Lauren?”
“……No.”
“Then. Do I not feel like a man to you?”
“That’s not it either.”
“Then.”
“You might well become a good father to Demian. You would become a good husband to me as well. I would be able to live comfortably in your shade.”
“Then you should just take my hand. Aren’t you shaken by me?”
At his blurred voice, Rowena smiled quietly. Yes. It would have been a lie to say she was not shaken. Not him as a man, but him as a husband. She was someone who had lost her parents since childhood and was raised in her uncle’s care. She had wanted to meet a kind husband and bear a cute child. She had wanted to build a home and enjoy a sense of belonging and stability within it. The man before her was precisely the embodiment of the dream she had drawn.
But—no, precisely because of that—Rowena could not take the hand Cedric extended.
“Then I feel too sorry for you.”
“……Why.”
“Do you know? They say there is a finite amount of emotion one can have and pour out to a single person in this world.”
“……”
“Whether that emotion is love or hatred.”
She had poured all that emotion into just one person. Before she even knew the name of that emotion, like tea that had already been spilled onto the carpet, she had poured out all her emotions and fervor without hesitation.
“I can no longer love anyone now. You must live loving and being loved for who you are.”
She was now an empty teapot itself. Because she could give nothing, she could not hold onto him. Because he was a good man who deserved to be loved. A heavy silence coiled between them. Rowena bit her lip, unable to meet his eyes, and was about to wake Demian when a large hand caught her.
“Then I’ll fill you again.”
A shock as fresh as a lightning strike awakened her. Cedric, wearing a faint smile, continued.
“If you’re empty, I’ll fill you. Because my emotions are like an infinite spring that never runs dry.”
“Cedric……”
“So think about it slowly. You’ll never find such a good man again.”
“But.”
“Sleep well. Tomorrow we have to go to Miss Violet’s wedding together from the morning.”
Without waiting for Rowena’s reaction, Cedric stood up and moved away. Rowena turned her head and stared blankly at the closed door.