Episode 66
“Ah, Diana. There you are.”
Sedric, his arm wrapped around Rowina’s shoulder, cut in with a bright voice. Rowina, who had gone pale, raised her head, and he smiled softly as he asked gently.
“Shall we get going now?”
“Ah. Yes.”
The female students had been fired up over tales of some distant foreign duke, but their attention immediately shifted to the handsome man right before their eyes, and the two of them slipped past the girls and out of the bookstore.
Despite everything that had happened at the bookstore, Sedric said nothing. Instead of pressing her about what was wrong, he brought Rowina—who looked as though she might faint at any moment—back to the mansion.
The instant the carriage door opened, Rowina practically leaped down to the ground. The first person she sought out was none other than her son.
“Demian!”
“Diana?”
“Where is Demian?”
Loren replied, puzzled by Rowina’s anxious face.
“He went out to ride the foal with the coachman. He should be back by now. Ah, there he is.”
No sooner had she spoken than Rowina spotted Demian approaching from afar. She strode quickly over and took his hand.
“Huh, Mom?”
“We need to pack, Demian. Right now.”
“Mom?”
Demian’s eyes went wide at the sudden words, and he shook his head.
“No. Why? Why again?”
“Demian.”
Rowina stopped in her tracks, surprised by her son’s response when she had expected him to obey meekly.
“I don’t want to go! This is the third time!”
Demian’s face contorted, and he roughly shook off Rowina’s hand.
“Always hiding! Always running away! I don’t want to do that anymore!”
“Demian!”
Terrified, Rowina glanced around at their surroundings and gripped Demian’s shoulders. Demian, who had been struggling, burst into tears.
“I like it here. I want to stay here. Mom……”
“Demian…… we can come back.”
Rowina suppressed the agitation that had surged to her head at his fierce resistance and crouched down.
“First, let’s get out of here……”
“No!”
Sniffling, Demian wiped his tears with the back of his hand.
“I miss Auntie Harriet so much, and I miss the twins too, but I didn’t even get to see them! Are you going to do that again?”
The resentment he had been stacking up layer by layer exploded. Stunned by the fierce defiance she had never anticipated, Rowina loosened her grip on his small shoulders. Demian glanced at her hand, which had fallen limply, and pressed on with red-rimmed eyes.
“Why does Mom only know Mom? Am I Mom’s puppy? Do I have to go when you say go and come when you say come?”
“No. That’s not true. I’m……”
It was a heart-rending remark. A scream rose to her throat at confronting her son’s true feelings for the first time. Rowina shook her head, her face drained of color.
“Demian…… I love you more than anyone in the world……”
He was a child she wanted to protect even at the cost of her one and only life. A son more precious than herself.
“Love? No! Mom’s love is a lie. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t treat me like a toy.”
“Demian!”
While Demian spat out words full of resentment, Sedric, who could listen no more, approached them.
“Apologize right now.”
“Brother.”
Demian lifted his head with teary eyes. His face, which had always been gentle if slightly mischievous, was more resolute and stern than ever.
“There are things you can say to Mom and things you can’t.”
“……
I hate you!”
In the end, Demian burst into tears, turned, and ran off. Sedric grabbed Rowina firmly as she tried to go after him.
“Let him be.”
“But——”
As Rowina was about to protest, Loren approached.
“Diana, I’ll go after him instead. Your complexion looks terrible right now.”
“Loren……”
“I’ll bring him back once he’s calmed down. So don’t worry. Okay?”
Loren patted Rowina’s shoulder with a pitiful expression and walked away. * * *
It was Sedric who supported the drained Rowina to her bedroom. He had a maid prepare a calming tea and slowly seated her on the couch. Rowina sat down with his help and quietly lowered her eyes. She had expected him to ask what on earth was going on, but the room remained silent until the maid brought the tea.
Only after the maid set the teapot and teacups on the table and left the room did Rowina, who could endure the silence no longer, finally speak.
“Why…… aren’t you asking anything?”
“Asking what?”
Sedric, who had been tilting his teacup, asked in return. Rowina clutched and then released her skirt hem, hesitating before she opened her mouth again.
“From the bookstore until now. I was acting strangely.”
“You must have had your reasons.”
“……
What?”
“I think you acted that way because you had reasons to do so.”
Sedric set his teacup down on its saucer and smiled faintly. At that smile, Rowina relaxed her tense shoulders.
He was a man who sometimes seemed like a mischievous boy, yet who felt as though a hundred-year-old elder resided within him. Perhaps it was because he had traveled here and there and seen so many things. Indeed, she felt comfortable with this man. The rigid atmosphere seemed to soften.
“Normally…… people don’t think that way. Wasn’t it strange? You could say I’m a madwoman and I’d have no excuse.”
“Do you want to talk? Then you may.”
His voice was calm and low. That reassuring voice made her slightly stiffened heart feel as though it were unfurling. Rowina, who had suddenly envisioned Demian’s appearance from just moments ago, buried her face in her hands.
“I’m…… the worst mother.”
“……”
“I always said it was for Demian, but now that I think about it, it was always for myself. I never asked for his opinion, and I thought being with Mom was what was best for him. But the truth is…… I’m the one who can’t be without Demian.”
Her voice gradually grew wet with tears. How anxious and distressed must it have been for a young heart to have his environment change so suddenly, and how hard must it have been to get here. She had put him through perilous events even during their escape.
“In the end, I was the priority……”
She had tried to be good to him out of guilt, but she had never seriously thought about it or tried to listen to the child’s story.
For her own wounds had run too deep, and the blood she had shed had been too great. She had been so preoccupied with her own injuries that she hadn’t even had the courage to look at her son’s.
Watching Rowina’s shoulders quiver, Sedric quietly opened his mouth.
“I don’t know what happened, but if you want to blame yourself, feel free to do so as much as you like.”
At a glance, his tone was gentle, but the meaning it held was as cold as it was firm.
“Because wallowing in self-blame, guilt, and remorse is the easiest thing to do.”
At his following words, Rowina raised her wet face. Unlike usual, he offered advice with a serious expression.
“Be honest and apologize.”
“……
Will he understand?”
Just imagining telling him everything made her dizzy. That the castle where he had lived was actually his biological father’s castle, and the reason they had fled was to get away from that man.
“I don’t know how he’ll take it. Won’t he think I’m an even more selfish and terrible mother?”
“Diana.”
Sedric smiled faintly and asked a question like a bolt from the blue.
“Did you intend to harm Demian?”
“No! How could I, I……”
It was truly an absurd thing to say. Rowina vehemently denied it and shook her head. She may have been inconsiderate, but she had never once harbored even the slightest intention to harm Demian.
“Then talk to him. Demian is a child, but not so young that you can’t reason with him.”
“But he’s still too young.”
“I don’t mean tell him everything. And I’m not saying to lie, either. I’m asking if it wouldn’t be better to tell him as much as he can handle right now.”
“As much as he can handle……”
“From Demian’s perspective, it’s far better than being dragged around here and there without knowing anything at all.”
At Sedric’s following words, Rowina’s tearful eyes sparkled. Her mind cleared, and she felt as though tangled threads were coming undone. Watching Rowina, who seemed to have found some kind of answer, Sedric quietly opened up about himself.
“You may have heard from my sister, but I was quite a late child. Thanks to that, my parents poured tremendous love into me, but on the other hand, that love went too far, and they tried to control my life and values. My future career, and even my wife, all of it.”
“……
Is that why you went abroad to get away from your parents?”
At her cautious question, Sedric shrugged.
“Because I couldn’t breathe. But it was never because I hated them. I wanted to run away anywhere, and a good opportunity happened to present itself. It was only later that I understood my parents’ hearts. I often think how nice it would have been if they had listened to me and talked with me even a little when I was young.”
It was sincere advice born from experience. Rowina, having found a solution, smiled faintly.
“Thank you. Loren too, and you. I won’t forget this.”
“You speak as though you’ll be leaving soon. Just like before.”
At his pointed remark, Rowina lowered her eyes.
“I can’t stay here any longer.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s someone looking for me. I can’t say who……”
“Someone who would harm you?”
Sedric asked blandly, narrowing his eyes. Rowina, who had been looking down at her own hands, pursed her lips without noticing.