Episode 42 “Ah….”
Starting with that, the owner and the staff brought in bright-eyed puppies one by one.
Whimpering puppies filled the lap of Rowina, seated in her chair, by ones and twos. At a loss, she sent Killian a pleading look, but he merely watched on as if encouraging them rather than stopping them, leaving her speechless.
Only after the puppies had occupied not merely her lap but her feet as well did Killian take action. What followed, however, was not a declaration that he would choose one of them, but an announcement that he would step out onto the balcony for a smoke.
“Excuse me? In this situation?”
Dumbfounded, Rowina glanced toward the governess and Demian, standing some distance away as though they were a separate party. Without so much as snorting at her questioning gaze, Killian brushed his fingers through her blonde hair.
“Choose before I get back. Unless you’re planning to raise every last one of these puppies.”
“Where in the world does it say that! Your Grace!”
So absurd was it that her face flushed red, but she couldn’t get up for fear of hurting the puppies. Her outstretched hand grasped at empty air as Killian turned away, not even his hem within reach, and moved off with Jenok, who had been waiting.
“Miss Philone?”
The owner, grinning with anticipation, bent his knees to meet her eye level. Rowina subtly turned her head from the burdensome gaze and was looking toward Demian again when—
“Young master!”
“Hahaha! That tickles!”
Bright laughter rang out, followed by the yipping of a puppy. A fluffy white dog leaped at Demian, knocking him down and licking his cheek. Startled, Rowina ran to him forgetting the situation, but Demian instead stopped the adults who were trying to pull the puppy away.
“Just leave it! It’s doing this because it’s happy to see me!”
“We are truly sorry!”
The owner, mistaking Demian for the young master of a noble house and the governess for his mother, bowed his head repeatedly.
“Is the child hurt?”
“Ah… He’s fine.”
Rowina, carefully examining Demian, answered on his behalf. Not giving them a moment to find it odd, the owner heaved a sigh of relief and launched into a long-winded, groveling explanation.
“Thank goodness. Honestly, it wasn’t selling at all, so it was scheduled to be euthanized today, yet it went and caused a commotion like this.”
“Euthanized? What’s that, Mo—… I mean, ma’am?”
Demian, correcting his slip of the tongue, looked up at Rowina with innocent eyes.
Rowina fumbled for words, but Killian—who had approached unnoticed from behind—cut in.
“We’ll take that one.”
“Excuse me?”
All four turned around in surprise. The most flustered among them was the owner.
“No, Your Grace. This dog has no pedigree and is a bit dim-witted, so it never sold. Speaking in good conscience, please, choose one of the dogs gathered over there instead….”
“Jenok.”
“Yes.”
Killian silently commanded Jenok, who stood beside him as if the owner’s answer weren’t worth responding to, and took Rowina’s hand. In that instant, the onlookers watching the spectacle with interest held their breath.
No matter how openly they attended events together, a mistress was still a mistress. Even in a society where openly flaunting inappropriate relationships had become the norm, a mistress—unlike a wife sworn before God—could never hold her head high. Therefore, while attending together was acceptable, physical contact beyond necessity in front of others had always been taboo. Five years ago, too, he had been a man who strictly maintained a certain distance in public. Likely not because he was bound by convention, but because he found gossip bothersome.
“Let go, please let go….”
While Jenok had a servant pay for the dog and purchased the necessary supplies, Killian led her out of the shop and toward another. Because he held her hand the entire time, heated gazes from passing pedestrians followed them. Her face bright red, Rowina tried to shake him off several times but stood no chance. Dazedly pulled along, it was only after entering some shop that her hand was finally released.
Her face deeply flushed, Rowina opened her mouth without raising her head.
“I knew it; you must be ill somewhere. Just as I suspected after last night.”
“What is there to be so embarrassed about? We’ve done far worse.”
“That’s—!”
It wasn’t something to be said outside. Though she had spoken in a small voice, she was horrified that someone might have overheard. The moment she lifted her head to retort, she felt eyes upon her once more.
“Customer……?”
Fortunately, the surroundings were quiet, but it was none other than a dressmaker’s shop for custom gowns. * * * Hurriedly dragged into the dressmaker’s, Rowina had her measurements taken and was fitted for a dress without understanding why. As if they had been waiting in advance, the staff deftly measured her while Killian selected a dress from a pamphlet.
It was a day filled with one staggering event after another. Killian was the type interested in making money, but not in how to spend it.
Then and now, he had gifted her all manner of luxuries without stint, but they had rarely shopped together. And to top it off, he was even personally selecting the gifts.
“What in the world has gotten into you today?”
Until they left the department store and boarded the carriage that had come to fetch them in advance, Rowina kept her mouth firmly shut. The moment they were alone, she unleashed her questions.
“You suddenly said we were going to buy a dog, then you bought a random dog, held my hand, and suddenly had a dress fitted at a dressmaker’s.”
“Do you need a long-winded reason?”
Despite having shocked and toyed with her to his heart’s content, Killian’s expression was calmer than ever. Seeing his face look as though he had just finished a long-standing assignment, frustration welled up in Rowina.
“I really do. I’m so curious I could die if I don’t know.”
Somehow, his indulgent attitude made her speak more freely as well. Since it would likely be just a whim anyway, she decided to go along with him.
“You’re going to remarry soon. But if you act like this, won’t it become difficult for you later….”
The words that had burst out like a breached dam were mercilessly cut off. The relaxed atmosphere instantly grew taut. Killian, who had been resting his elbow on the window frame and looking outside regardless of her chatter, snapped his head around.
“What do you mean by that?”
“….”
“Remarriage, and whatnot. What are you talking about.”
Under the cold interrogation, Rowina bit her lips together. From his eyes, which looked ready to devour her at any moment, it seemed he didn’t know yet. Then his absence these past few days had truly been because of work. With a strange sense of relief, she confessed honestly.
“I heard the news. That the Queen has chosen your remarriage partner.”
“Is that so?”
It was a gentle voice, yet it contained something so pitch-black and scorching that it was impossible to fathom. Intuitively sensing this, Rowina turned her head away from him.
“That’s news to me. Tell me more. I’m curious about my new wife, too.”
“I-I don’t know who she is either. I only heard it through the grapevine.”
Her instincts whispered that she shouldn’t speak. She felt that the moment she did, something irreversible would happen.
Killian was a man who had spoken of revenge with composure before a bound Carol. He was someone who possessed a different perspective, different senses, and made different judgments from others. A person she could neither understand nor try to understand.
“Rowina.”
The moment her lips parted, Killian reached out and seized her head. Powerlessly shifting her gaze, Rowina met ice-colored eyes staring intently at her. Killian, who had somehow drawn close enough for their breaths to mingle, whispered.
“Answer honestly. Seeing you speak as if you’ve been waiting, are you waiting for my remarriage, too?”
“….”
“Do you want another woman to stand beside me, to wed her, have children with her, and live?”
She could answer neither yes nor no.
The moment she faced those pale blue eyes, so light in pigment they seemed capable of freezing her heart, one clear fact pierced through Rowina’s heart.
Rowina wanted to escape this man. But she did not want to see another woman standing beside him. He was a man who still longed for his dead fiancée—betrothed to him before birth—obsessing over Rowina as her replacement. Yet for him to marry a woman who looked nothing like that fiancée, fall truly in love, have children, and live happily ever after….
That would be too unfair. Too cruel to her. Perhaps Jeremy had read this heart of hers. That such a petty, narrow heart lurked deep within her chest.
She knew it wasn’t merely that, but Rowina did not think deeply on it.
“I have no family and low standing.”
To soften his guard, she had to put him completely at ease. That wasn’t it. She was jealous. She wanted him to look only at her. Had she said that and shed a single tear, everything would have been fine.
But she didn’t want to. Just as he had overturned her inside, she wanted to shake him up in equal measure. Rowina lowered his hand with both of hers and calmly continued.
“I have one wish.”
“What is it?”
Acting out shallow love would be seen through quickly. Falsehood mixed with truth was sometimes more real than the truth itself.
If softening his guard had been her goal, now she desperately wanted—more than anything—to see his heart torn apart. To achieve that, she had to act by mixing hatred and love.
“Take me to the fox hunt, Killian.”
“……
Rowina.”
“Put me at ease as you did today. In front of your future fiancée.”
Killian Devonshire should not remarry. Even after she, the last replacement, disappeared.