Chapter 27
It was a clear, cool day without a single cloud in the sky. The waves were calm, and the breeze was refreshing. On the vast lake, there was only one boat.
Inside the broad ferryboat, Rowena was alone with Killian. Between them lay a light spread of sandwiches and fruit, along with bright fresh flowers.
To anyone looking, they would have seemed like lovers enjoying an intimate date. It was also a scene she had only ever imagined in her dreams during the three years she had spent as his mistress.
Just as she had when they reunited in that crumbling old villa, Rowena suddenly wanted to peer inside the head of the man who was calmly rowing before her.
It had been a month since she came to the castle. The nights she had spent tossing and turning, holding her breath as she wondered whether the adjoining door would open, now seemed laughable. He had not only never taken her in his arms, he had never once crossed into her bedroom. That was not all. Every day, he had lunch with her and asked about her daily life.
She simply could not understand him. Five years ago, he had abandoned her so brutally, and now, after forcibly bringing her to the castle, he acted like a tender lover.
“Rowena.”
She picked up a scone, took a bite, and set it down when Killian reached out his hand.
At the sudden movement, she squeezed her eyes shut. Killian brushed a crumb from the corner of her mouth, then licked it off just like that. At the brief glimpse of his red tongue, Rowena turned her head aside. Killian looked at her with narrowed eyes as she refused to face him, then abruptly said,
“When we return, there will be a gift for you.”
“A gift? I already have more than enough……”
It was not merely enough; it was overflowing. Thinking of all the lavish things she had never asked for, Rowena shook her head.
“I truly don’t need anything more.”
“……”
“Instead, please let me see Damian more often.”
Damian, Damian, Damian.
The name he had painstakingly shoved aside burrowed into his ears. Killian slowly closed his eyes and opened them again, then answered gently.
“I think I’ve already given you enough freedom.”
“I can only see my child at set times.”
“And? Are you saying you want to cling to him all day? In my castle?”
At the quiet sarcasm, the atmosphere that had seemed gentle on the surface froze cold in an instant. Facing Killian, who had revealed his true colors for the first time in a while, Rowena spoke earnestly. Before she knew it, pleading had seeped into the words that had seemed so confident.
“I’m grateful that you’ve increased the time I can see him. But Your Grace, Damian is still young. He needs his mother’s care.”
“He has two nannies. There are maids on standby at all times as well.”
“No one thinks of a child more than his mother does. And it’s the same for the child.”
“I disagree.”
At his answer, which seemed as if it would not allow even a needle through, Rowena felt as though she were talking to a wall.
Though they sat facing each other, the two of them stood on horizons that would never meet. No. If she had to be precise, she was normal. The one who was not normal was the man before her.
This man, who had thrown her away so mercilessly five years ago, then appeared as if nothing had happened and suggested she become his mistress again; who had hurled every kind of insult at her, then suddenly became kind; who, the moment she brought up their son, behaved like a viper whose tail had been stepped on.
In frustration, Rowena drew a deep breath.
“He is everything to me.”
The hardest time, the time she could least endure.
He was the gift that had allowed her to withstand the days when she wanted to die. She had carried him in her womb for ten months and then raised him for five years.
She remembered the moment he let out his first cry, the moment he took his first steps, the moment he first called her Mama.
Everything had been wondrous, and every moment had made her so happy it was almost impossible to believe.
“He is my……”
As she spoke, emotion surged up and choked her. Rowena lowered her head and rubbed her face with both hands. She tried to calm herself, but something lodged in her chest kept rising in waves.
Her vision went black, and her breathing grew shallow.
“Rowena.”
“……”
“Rowena.”
Killian reached out to Rowena, whose shoulders had begun to tremble violently.
Unlike her, swept up in guilt, sorrow, and rage, his voice was calm.
She tried to push him away, but he stroked the rim of her ear with his thumb. It was a habit he had had when he would come up behind her and startle her back when she had first become his mistress and fallen into self-loathing.
He was a man who gave her anything she wanted, yet never once told her he loved her. And yet, at times like this, she would fall into the illusion that she was loved.
Like a rabbit caught in a snare, Rowena went rigid. She wrapped both hands around her neck and bent forward. She froze as a hand, having crossed over at some point, encircled her waist.
“Calm down.”
Speaking gently as if soothing a child, Killian made her bury her face against his chest. Then he stroked her blond hair until her breathing settled.
Only after a long while did her trembling stop. Rowena faced reality. Killian Devonshire was a man who thoroughly destroyed those who opposed him head-on.
And for Damian, she could throw away something like pride as much as necessary. No, from the beginning, she had neither dignity nor pride left to preserve. So she, too, had to be cunning.
“If I behave, will you let me… see my child more?”
“……”
At the hand that lifted her chin, Rowena let the strength leave her body and slowly raised her head. Her lashes, beaded with tears, trembled pitifully like the wings of a butterfly. Beneath the appearance of a fragile woman, the venom of a mother protecting her young flashed. Killian wiped away those tears with his fingertips, then withdrew the arm that had been holding her.
“Let us return to the castle now. Your gift will be waiting.”
It was a roundabout refusal, and an evasion. Instead of answering, Rowena bit her lower lip.
* * *
The gift he had spoken of was none other than a “person.” And someone she knew well.
“My lady……”
“…
Melissa?”
The moment Rowena saw Melissa standing in the entrance hall, her eyes widened. Killian had helped her off the boat and gone straight to his study, so the only person she could ask was the one before her.
“What is going on? How did you……?”
“I’ve been… hired again. I’ll be attending you together with Joanne.”
Unlike Rowena, whose eyes were wide with surprise, delight, and puzzlement, Melissa lowered her gaze and replied slowly.
“Ah, I look forward to serving……”
“Melissa!”
It was a face she had not seen in five years. Before Melissa could even finish speaking, Rowena strode over and pulled her into an embrace.
“My goodness. I’m so happy to see you. I heard from Joanne that you were doing well, but… to think you’ve been hired again.”
It was a face she had sometimes thought of even while busy working and raising a child. A warm, talkative, kind friend.
Their last day had been the worst, but she clearly remembered how Melissa had tried to continue comforting her even after learning her identity.
“I’m truly glad to see you again. I told Joanne I missed you… You weren’t dragged here against your will, were you?”
After chattering for a long while while hugging her friend, reunited after so long, Rowena sensed something strange in the air and let go.
“Melissa?”
“……”
“Why is your face so pale?”
Unlike Rowena, whose complexion had brightened with joy, Melissa’s freckled face was as blue as a sheet of paper.
“Are you ill?”
With a worried expression, Rowena placed a hand on Melissa’s forehead. Melissa could only open and close her mouth, guilt pressing down on her chest.
—Yes…
My lady… No, Miss Philone has… committed an act of infidelity. To avoid the eyes of those around her, she even d-dressed as a man.
Even after leaving her work at the ducal household and returning home, it was a nightmare that came to her whenever she was about to forget.
When she woke drenched in sweat, self-loathing would surge over her like a tide.
She had not done it because she wanted to. It had been because of the threats from Baron Sussex, the duke’s right-hand man. It had been an unavoidable situation. Her family had been at stake.
Whenever guilt rose to the very top of her throat, she made excuses as if chanting a spell to herself.
My lady was still the duke’s mistress. So she must be living very comfortably.
But what she heard through Joanne’s letters was completely different.
She was so thin and haggard. To the point that one would never think she was the woman who had been so famous for her beauty five years ago.
She did not know the details, but it was certain that Rowena had endured a difficult time. Melissa had not realized that sometimes, a single word could have enough influence to sway a person’s entire life.
“My lady……”
“Melissa. Are you truly all right?”
Swallowing a groan, Melissa clenched her fists. Seeing how Miss Rowena welcomed her just as before, it seemed she still knew nothing.
Moreover, Melissa had heard she even had a child. Miss Rowena had never had any man but Killian Devonshire. So the child was surely the duke’s.
For Miss Rowena’s sake, and for the sake of her son, there was only one thing Melissa had to do. She had to reveal the truth she had kept silent back then. What had happened five years ago, and why Rowena had to be cast aside so miserably.
So she had to say it. She had to reveal everything honestly and beg for forgiveness. Having made up her mind, Melissa was just about to slowly open her mouth.
“So this is where you were. Miss Philone.”
A voice that was not unfamiliar rang through the spacious hall.
At the same time, Melissa’s entire body went cold, as though someone had poured cold water over the crown of her head. A man approached with an easy gait and stopped behind her.