Chapter 115
The cause of the commotion was none other than a fish. After Damian confirmed that Killian was in the cabin, he had gone to the lake to catch one.
“Who goes into a lake to catch fish?”
“I didn’t have a fishing rod, so…… I thought maybe I could catch one with my hands, like a bear. But then the current kept carrying me away…….”
“How absurd. I thought you were all grown up, but you’re still a baby.”
Perhaps trying to ease the stiff atmosphere, Cedric lightly cut in and dried Damian’s wet hair with a towel.
“What would we have done if something terrible had happened? You little rascal.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to show Dad…….”
Dad. At that single word, the air that had barely loosened went rigid again.
“You’ve washed up for now, so sleep well today. As punishment, no snacks today. Understood?”
“Yeah…….”
Cedric lifted Damian into his arms. Damian nodded weakly and wrapped his arms around his neck. Then, perhaps exhausted, he soon fell fast asleep.
“Then…… let’s talk.”
Cedric’s gaze went toward the bathroom. Instead of answering, Rowena nodded.
It was about twenty minutes later that Killian came out of the bathroom in a shower robe. By then, Rowena, who had asked the butler to prepare wine, was emptying her third glass. After drying the water from his feet on the carpet in front of the bathroom, Killian snatched the glass from her hand.
“Let go. That’s mine.”
“Stop drinking. You can’t even hold your liquor.”
Before she could protest, the wine had gone down his throat. Giving up, Rowena waited for him to sit across from her. Soon, Killian set the wine on the table and sat down on the couch opposite her.
At the sight of him making himself comfortable as if this were his own home, Rowena let out a silent, incredulous laugh. She felt as though all her strength had been drained by the commotion at dawn. On top of that, the alcohol was making her even more dazed.
“Why did you come here?”
“You must have already heard from Cedric Godwell.”
“I want to hear it directly from you.”
“……
I leave today.”
“So?”
“Before that, I wanted to see you and Damian.”
She had thought he would evade the question or deny it, but the answer that came back was unexpectedly calm. Silence fell, and Rowena raised the head she had lowered.
“Are your eyes all right?”
As if surprised, Killian was silent for a moment.
“I heard your eyesight has deteriorated a lot. Last time, you didn’t even recognize me.”
“……
It was because it was dark. In a bright place, I’m still all right.”
“Are you receiving treatment?”
“I intend to.”
He answered as if it were nothing, but somehow it did not seem like it would be an easy matter. Swallowing dryly, Rowena slowly parted her lips.
“Don’t tell me that’s why you pushed us away…….”
“The train time is approaching. I should get going now.”
Before she could finish speaking, the grandfather clock in the entrance hall chimed, announcing noon. Cutting her off, Killian rose from his seat. Startled, Rowena stood as well.
“Wasn’t your train tonight?”
“I moved the time up a little.”
Killian answered plainly and headed for the door. Just as he put on the coat that had been hanging on the coat rack, someone knocked outside the door. When he told them to enter, a maid in uniform politely announced that the carriage had arrived.
“Lord Cedric said all the luggage from the cabin has been loaded into the carriage, so you need not worry.”
“Tell him thank you.”
“Yes. Then I shall escort you to the entrance.”
The maid bowed her head and took the lead.
“Rowena.”
After putting on his hat last, Killian turned back toward Rowena.
“Then take care of yourself and stay well.”
“Thank you.”
“…….”
Rowena let out the words that had risen all the way to her throat.
“For saving Damian. I truly am grateful.”
Instead of answering, Killian smiled faintly and followed the maid out of the room.
When the sound of his footsteps faded, Rowena, who had been standing blankly, walked to the window. The coachman, who had opened the carriage door and was waiting, bowed to Killian as he approached. Before getting into the carriage, Killian looked up. Their eyes met at the same time.
A strange sense of déjà vu wrapped around Rowena. It was the exact opposite of that day. The final moment when she had attempted to escape from the island. Killian looking down at her from the room, and herself looking up just before getting into the carriage.
She was the one who had left him, and yet somehow she felt as though she had been left behind. He was the man she had wanted so desperately to escape from, the man she had hated and resented so much. And yet, strangely, her heart was pounding wildly, and pain surged through her as if someone had seized it in a fist.
As she wondered what this feeling was, Killian was the first to look away and climb into the carriage. Kicking up dust, the carriage swiftly grew distant. When it became a single dot and disappeared completely from sight, Rowena sank down by the window.
Countless emotions were tangled together in a hopeless knot, like a skein of thread that could not be unraveled. She was sitting alone in the empty room with a complicated heart when she realized Lauren was standing a few steps away, though she had no idea when she had come in.
“Rowena.”
“……
Lauren.”
“It seems he just left.”
“Yes. He left.”
“Come here.”
Seeing Rowena’s confused expression, Lauren opened her arms. Rowena stepped into her embrace and buried her face in her shoulder. Lauren gently stroked Rowena’s back, then made her lift her head.
“My poor friend. Why do you look so gloomy?”
“I don’t know…… I should feel relieved. I should feel refreshed…… But…….”
“But?”
“It feels like my throat is choked up, and like something heavy is pressing on my chest. Why do I feel so…….”
“Rowena. At times like that, you have to look deeply into your own heart.”
“My heart?”
“Tell me everything. I’ll keep it a secret.”
Smiling softly, Lauren led her to the couch. Rowena obediently followed her and sat down, resting her head on Lauren’s shoulder as if leaning on her mother.
“I hate him.”
“I see. Why?”
“Because he toyed with me. Because he abandoned me and married another woman…… Because he turned away from my love.”
That wound was not something that could be erased. Even now, when she thought it had healed, it pricked at her like a thorn lodged beneath her fingernail.
“And?”
“…….”
“Is that all?”
At the question that followed, Rowena bit her lip and answered slowly.
“I’m grateful.”
“For what?”
“For giving me Damian, and for being good to Damian. At first, he was truly heartless…… but even with his eyes in that state, he jumped into the lake without hesitation.”
His back as he held Damian after the boy regained consciousness flickered before her eyes. A back that had looked desperate and earnest. His trembling hands. It was the first time she had ever seen such silent relief.
“And?”
“And…….”
She slowly closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry to him.”
When she learned that Damian had been in an accident, she had been half out of her mind. At night, she had wandered barefoot through the mansion like a sleepwalker, and while unconscious, she had gone into Killian’s bedroom, resenting him and strangling him. Yet Killian had not pushed her away; he had silently accepted that resentment and hatred. And he had obediently placed his throat in her hands.
“Then go and tell him.”
Lauren, who had been stroking her hair, suddenly suggested it.
“What?”
“If you let him leave like this, you may never see him again. That is what it means to be the duke of a nation. You cannot easily run into him, nor can you easily create a point of contact.”
“But…….”
“Will you not regret this? This very moment?”
Lauren asked firmly as Rowena hesitated. Her green eyes, as fresh as deep summer foliage, wavered aimlessly.
“Tell me, Rowena. Ten years from now, twenty years from now, are you certain you won’t look back on this moment?”
It was a question she had not expected. Rowena slowly pictured herself growing old in this place. It would be a peaceful, tranquil life. Perhaps she might even accept Cedric as her husband, and she would feel pleased and proud as she watched Damian grow. But…….
“No…….”
The hole in one corner of her heart would never be filled. As if bewitched, she shook her head, and Lauren sprang to her feet.
“Then it’s decided. Let’s go.”
“Now?”
“The first train hasn’t left yet. If you ride like mad, you can just barely meet him. Come on. Hurry.”
“Lauren…….”
Lauren took Rowena by the arm, pulled her to her feet, and led her toward the entrance.
“What about Cedric…….”
“Don’t worry. My younger brother is strong. Stronger than His Grace the Duke. Even without you, he’ll live happily in the end.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
As if Lauren had prepared it in advance, a horse was standing at the entrance. Rowena put her foot in the stirrup and climbed into the saddle, and Lauren held out an envelope to her.
“If you decide you truly can’t forgive him, then at least throw this in his face before you come back.”
“This is…….”
“Cedric received it from him.”
She could guess what it was. Taking the envelope, Rowena gave a slight bow in thanks. Then she immediately swung the whip.
“Hyah!”
With a neigh and a snort, the horse set its hooves in motion. On the horse galloping at full speed, Rowena bent her body as low as she could so as not to fall and raced after the road the carriage had taken.
Before the train left the station, she had to tell him. All the emotions and feelings she had hidden deep in her heart over the past ten-odd years. Then, without regret and without lingering attachment. Whether she would follow him or let him go could be decided after she saw his face.
At the very least, it was far better than sitting still and being left behind all alone.