109. As soon as the fairytale ended, Damian fell asleep as if he had promised to. Killian carefully carried his limp son up the stairs. As he laid the small body down in the cozy bedroom and covered him with a blanket, a frail hand grasped his.
“Dad…….”
“…….”
“What kind of dream did you have for so long?”
Had he woken when laid upon the bed? Round, bright blue eyes looked up at him. Damian, lifting his heavy eyelids, pressed for an answer.
“Huh?”
“Your dream.”
Killian looked down at his son with a strange gaze and whispered.
“A dream about you and your mom.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
It was the dream Rowina had once spoken of on the train. A dream of living an ordinary, happy life in a pretty house. In the dream, Damian attended school like any other child, and while her son was at school, Rowina wrote and cooked. On sunny days, the two of them went for walks and boat rides. Rowina fanning beside him as he rowed, and Damian lying with his head in her lap, taking a nap.
It was a dream that warmed the inside of his chest just by watching it.
A dream so achingly beautiful that he wanted to watch over it forever.
He had mocked the despicable, foolish man who had deliberately chosen death. Riding in the carriage with the assailant had not been out of despair. It was simply because he thought that if he died like that, even just a little, even the tiniest fragment, he would remain in their memory. He had wanted to make them unable to forget him forever, even by such means. He had wanted to remain forever.
But the dream was just a dream. His despicable wish had also come to naught.—We will do our best…… but I cannot guarantee the prognosis.
As he listened to the doctor’s diagnosis, he awoke completely from the dream.
He could not remain by their side in such an incomplete state. Even if he held them back by exploiting their guilt, it would only make everyone miserable.
“Don’t go anywhere…….”
Mumbling, Damian let go of the hand he had been holding and fell back asleep, breathing evenly. Killian traced his straight forehead, nose, and lips with one hand as if engraving them into memory, gazed down at his son’s face for a long while, then rose from his seat.
When he turned around, Rowina was leaning against the doorpost with her arms crossed, having come up at some point.
Rowina put away the scattered fairytale book and brought warm tea from the kitchen. Killian slowly fumbled to grip the teacup, as if he might drop it, and took a sip.
“It’s delicious. Thank you.”
“Thank me? This is my house, so I’m merely entertaining a guest.”
Ironically, it was a statement that thoroughly excluded him, despite having just spent time together having dinner like a family. His stomach churned, but Killian didn’t show it. As he placed the teacup back on the table, Rowina was the first to speak.
“You said you had something to say.”
“Yeah. It seems you have something to say as well.”
Killian closed his mouth, implying she should speak first. After a brief pause, Rowina honestly opened up.
“First of all, thank you.”
“…….”
“For protecting me and Damian.”
“You don’t need to thank me. It was only natural.”
Killian replied plainly and rubbed his dry eyes with one hand.
He did not desire gratitude or reward for his actions. Even if it had been a matter of risking his life, when it came to her and Damian, even that became trivial. He would have gladly done it even if he had to give his heart. Therefore, he had not a single shred of regret. Even if he went blind like this.
“Is that all you have to say?”
Rowina blinked at his indifferent reaction and let out a small, hollow laugh.
Seeing that brazen face after so long, rather than being annoyed, she was glad. As the awkward atmosphere loosened slightly, Rowina immediately got to the point.
“Let me ask just one thing.”
Should she just let it pass? Would it be better not to dig it up and leave it buried? It was a question she had agonized over tens, hundreds of times throughout the day. Her reason whispered to simply pretend not to know and move on, but her heart absolutely could not let it go.
Toward Killian, who quietly looked at her as if waiting for her next words, Rowina slowly continued.
“Why didn’t you properly search that man’s body? Why did you get into a carriage alone with him? Why not hand him over to the magistrate immediately?”
Silence stretched for a moment. Killian swept his hair back and replied.
“It was a whim.”
It was an unconvincing answer. Staring at Killian, who avoided her gaze, Rowina took an envelope from within her clothes.
“Why did you secretly put this in my robe?”
What she held out was none other than a certificate of inheritance.
“…….”
“Tell me.”
At her continued urging, Killian countered as if it were nothing.
“It was a final gift. Is that so strange?”
Instead of answering, Killian turned his head. Looking at his tightly clenched profile, Rowina took a deep breath.
“If you had really died like that, did you ever think about what would happen to me and Damian?”
“…….”
“Did you ever think about what kind of hearts we would live with, how much we would suffer?”
While he had been carried to the hospital emergency room covered in blood and a fourteen-hour surgery went on, she had not been able to breathe properly even once. Fortunately, the surgery ended safely, but what followed was an even longer wait. For the two weeks he remained unconscious, every day had been like hell for Rowina. It had reached the point where she wondered if God was toying with her mercilessly. No sooner had she finally confirmed Damian’s safety and begun to relax than this time it was Killian.
“…….”
“So you won’t say anything until the end.”
He was a man who, once he closed his mouth, would not open it no matter what was done. At the end of their standoff, Rowina sighed and raised the white flag.
“……All right. Now it’s my turn to listen.”
Before her words even finished, Killian held something out. Rowina looked down at his hand blankly, then raised her head.
“What is this?”
“Open it.”
Taking what he held out in a daze, Rowina opened her mouth. It was a blank checkbook.
“This is…….”
“You can use it anytime, for any amount. Spend it however you need.”
That wasn’t the end. Several envelopes came out one after another.
“And these are the land deeds and building deeds. You can return to your homeland and build a house to live in, or you can sell or lease them.”
“Wait.”
Her head was spinning. Unbearable things were surging and crashing down upon her. Without paying heed, Killian continued.
“In the case of the island and the ducal estate, they can only be transferred through inheritance after the owner dies, so those…….”
“Stop it!”
It sounded as if he was telling her to wait for him to die. Unable to bear it, Rowina cut him off.
“Do you even know what you’re saying right now?”
“Is this so strange?”
“What?”
“Damian is my child, and you are my child’s mother.”
“…….”
“So it’s only natural to pay child support and living expenses.”
It was an exceedingly calculating remark. The moment she heard it, a hollow laugh burst from Rowina’s lips. It was true she had been curious what he would say, but it had not been a conversation like this. She rose from her seat.
“I don’t need it. I have the financial means to raise Damian myself.”
“…….”
“So get to the point. What you’re ultimately trying to say.”
The tense air wrapped around the space as if a taut string would strangle their breath. Unable to endure it, Rowina raised her head and reached out toward Killian, who was not looking at her.
“Say it.”
Rowina lifted his smooth jaw, making him look at her, and commanded. Killian, who had been looking down, raised his eyelids as if complying. Their eyes met, but somehow the focus felt off. As she furrowed her brows at the strange sense of disconnect, unbelievable words struck like lightning.
“I contacted that man. I told him to come pick you up tomorrow.”
“……To whom, what did you say?”
It felt as if her breath was being cut off. Her brain stopped, and her lips wouldn’t open properly.
“To Cedric Godwell, to come pick you up…….”
Before he could even finish speaking, cold tea was poured over his head. Rowina, who had dumped the tea, defiantly ripped the certificate of inheritance and the things he had held out to shreds. Killian looked down indifferently at the pieces of paper falling to the floor.
The water droplets caught in his long eyelashes fell, trailing long tails like tears, as he raised his head.
“You were originally planning to leave with him anyway. Since there’s no longer any need to return to your homeland, shouldn’t you be rather pleased?”
“You are an evil man, arrogant and wicked to the bone.”
“……I know.”
“Then I was a fool to think you had changed even a little.”
“…….”
“I’m angry at myself for being a fool who wavered even slightly.”
Ironically, the moment he pushed her away, Rowina realized something along with the shock. She had expected him to cling to her. She had waited for him to beg, saying he couldn’t live without her, asking her to please stay together.
Though she had denied it, what she possessed was clearly lingering attachment. It was a love she had thought disappeared without a trace. She had believed it had all burned away long ago, leaving only ashes, but a small ember had survived. Because of that remaining ember, it felt as if her entire body was catching fire.
“Fine. I’ll do as you say. But this is my choice. I don’t need your money or your land.”
Rowina spun around and went up the stairs. As soon as the quiet sound of the bedroom door closing was heard, Killian exhaled a heavy, pent-up breath. His stiffly straightened back crumpled forward. It felt as if his eyes were being gouged out. The agony of being burned alive surged in. His heart, and his eyes.