Episode 179
- Flutter!
"Hmm."
Frey, who had been lying face down on his desk while clutching his head, raises his head upon hearing the noisy sound.
"Coo! Coo!"
Perloche's pigeon, sitting on the windowsill of his room, pecks at the windowsill with a foolish expression and looks at him.
"So... where's the letter?"
"Coo!"
Frey quickly opens the window and checks the note tied to the pigeon's extended leg, then...
"Huu..."
He lets out a deep sigh as if the ground would collapse beneath him and rises from his seat.
- Thud, thud.
Before long, Frey, with a distorted expression, leaves his room and heads toward...
"L-Lord Frey?"
"......"
None other than Lulu's room.
"Um, uh... over there..."
Lulu, who had been shakily unpacking her belongings back into the room, begins to look at Frey with a frightened expression.
"So..."
Frey, looking at her like that, asks with his head tilted.
"...Why did you come back?"
"There shouldn't have been any reason to return."
"L-Lord Frey told me."
Lulu, who hesitated for a moment upon hearing those words, answers while staring directly at Frey.
"...That I am your pet."
""........""
And silence flowed.
.
"Is that the only reason?"
Lord Frey, having heard my words, asks with a frown.
"Y-Yes."
When I answered him with a trembling voice, Lord Frey begins to tilt his head with a puzzled expression.
"...Gulp."
Watching him like that, I swallow dry saliva and quietly fall into thought.
'Why... am I being like this.'
It's strange.
Ever since light shone from my shoulder earlier, the brand has been deactivated. The brand that I thought would torment me for my entire life, that was so cursed.
If that's the case, then I should just leave now, so why am I still here like this?
When I first approached him, I only thought of using him.
Since he was the Empire's greatest scoundrel, I thought I wouldn't feel guilty if he became unhappy because of my brand. In exchange, I thought I could at least become his plaything.
And even when he proposed the deformed relationship of 'pet' to me, I only thought of eliminating the brand as quickly as possible and leaving to find freedom.
But, why on earth?
Even when offered a position that would go down in history as a member of the Hero's party, even when promised wealth and honor, even after meeting someone who gives me normal affection.
Why am I still here like this?
"Until just a while ago, weren't you thinking of leaving this mansion?"
While I was thinking such thoughts and spacing out, Lord Frey, who had been looking at me coldly, asks in a frigid voice.
".....!"
Then, my heart that had calmed down sinks again.
'...Why?'
As I hold my heart that has started beating rapidly, Lord Frey continues speaking in a cold voice.
"Why should I accept back a pet who had already changed their mind once?"
That was true.
Until just a while ago, I was thinking of joining the Hero's party and leaving the mansion.
In truth, any normal person would have gone to the Hero's party.
Even though it's a ducal house, the Starlight family's honor has been completely ruined, they're being attacked from all sides.
And Lord Frey, the temporary head of the house, is in such danger that he could collapse at any moment.
There's no merit anywhere in staying here.
But...
"I-I want to be loved."
"What?"
"I want to be loved... by Lord Frey."
For some reason, I was saying that to the man in front of me.
"......."
Watching Lord Frey fall into silence again upon hearing those words, I quietly began to stroke the traces of the brand remaining on my shoulder.
'I don't really know either... but that one thing is certain.'
When I exchanged various things with a girl named 'Ruby' who came to me a few weeks ago, I certainly recognized with my head that it was an enjoyable situation.
But, why was it?
My heart wasn't happy at all.
Even though I ate delicious food and desserts as tasty as what Lord Frey bought for me, even though I saw plays and festivals that Lord Frey never showed me, even though I received freedom that Lord Frey never gave me.
And even though I received normal affection from a horizontal relationship, I felt no emotion at all.
Even though I freely enjoyed the life I had so wanted when the brand disappeared, I wasn't happy at all.
No, it wasn't just about being happy—I couldn't feel any emotions at all.
Thanks to that, I sank into an inexplicable depression.
"Hmm..."
But when I see Lord Frey in front of me right now, various emotions are felt.
Looking at Lord Frey who seems like he might collapse at any moment, I feel heartache.
Looking at Lord Frey with his cold expression, I feel anxiety and fear.
And...
"Lord Frey. E-Excuse me, but... may I ask one question?"
"What is it."
"By any chance... are you lonely?"
From him, who had been blankly staring at his family photo, I felt a sense of kinship.
"Hmm."
Lord Frey, hearing my bold question, frowns.
"They say... pets are a cure for loneliness."
When I said that to him with a blushing face and trembling voice...
"...Ha."
Though it was with an incredulous tone, Lord Frey laughed for the first time.
"S-So..."
Looking at him like that, I held onto hope.
"...Please don't abandon me."
Before I knew it, I was pleading to him with an earnest expression.
'Please.'
I don't even know what this emotion is.
Is this a deformed manifestation of the paranoia and obsession I've been suffering from? No, if that were the case, I would have noticed it long ago.
Then is it loyalty? But it's too foreign to be called loyalty.
Reverence? But an emotion made only of surprise and fear is absolutely not reverence.
Then, what exactly is the identity of this emotion I'm feeling right now?
Like mixing all emotions together, but this emotion that is completely different from all the emotions I've known until now is...
"...Ah."
Continuing to think and think, I suddenly reached one conclusion.
"Get out of my house, Lulu."
And the words that came out of Lord Frey's mouth at that very moment.
"Ah.....!"
Had no choice but to throw me, who had already reached a conclusion, into panic.
"No!!!"
So I desperately grabbed his leg.
"P-Please! Please! I'll do anything!"
And began to plead with a pale face.
"Please don't abandon me!!"
Without him, I can no longer feel any emotion or excitement.
No matter how delicious food I eat, no matter how beautiful jewels I'm given as gifts, no matter how much great love I receive.
That's why I want to.
I want to feel fullness while eating with him.
I want to feel stability while being petted by him.
I want to feel his affection while holding the gifts he gave me.
Also, just as always, I want to fall asleep after being held in his arms every night, receiving a kiss, and hearing a 'good night' whispered in my ear.
I want to be loved by him. I want to be scolded by him. I want to be dominated by him. I want to be controlled by him. I want to be bound by him.
Even if I'm treated like a worthless pet, I just want to be held in his arms.
"P-Please..."
So, why exactly am I like this?
The reason was actually quite simple and obvious, it just took me a while to realize it.
"Please..."
The new emotion I felt for the first time in my life toward him who gave me 'true love' for the first time in my life.
Felt toward him who completely removed the horrible brand that had been eating away at me since I was young.
Felt toward him whose body, already on a time limit, became even worse due to the influence of my brand.
This emotion I eventually developed toward him, who is the Empire's greatest scoundrel and a villain about whom all sorts of terrible rumors circulate, but who for some reason treated only me warmly.
It was none other than love.
Love, which I had only thought of as simply an element that could remove the 'brand,' which I didn't know how to do and never thought I would do.
"...Master."
"......"
"I, I am..."
Like that, tears now flowing from my eyes, I tried to confess the truth I had unknowingly realized to him, but.
"Don't ever say it again."
Lord Frey just.
"...Get out of my house right now."
Just whispered coldly while bending at the waist.
"Ah......"
I blankly stared at Lord Frey who left those words and stepped out of the room.
Without being able to say anything.
"........"
I just lowered my head with dead eyes.
I feel like my shoulder, which shouldn't hurt anymore, is starting to hurt again.
Now, what should I do?
What exactly should I...
I...
"...Lulu."
"Heuk!?"
From somewhere, Lord Frey's voice was heard. What? Where did it come from?
Lord Frey definitely left the room...
"L-Lord Frey?"
Lord Frey, who had definitely left the room earlier, for some reason is standing in front of me.
With a quite bewildered expression, swallowing dry saliva.
But that doesn't matter. Lord Frey is in front of me, isn't he?
"M-My words...!"
"Shh."
So I desperately tried to speak my sincerity, but Lord Frey put his finger to my lips and stopped my words.
"...It was a joke."
Then came the soft voice that he used when feeding me, when whispering good night.
"I needed to test your sincerity due to this incident, so I did it..."
"Ah."
"...You passed. Congratulations."
Lord Frey, speaking in that soft voice, began to slowly stroke my head.
"Ah....."
At the same time, only one thought came to my mind.
That I'm truly glad I can be this man's pet again.
That kind of emotion.
"...Cough."
".....!"
But that thought was shattered the moment Lord Frey coughed.
"Ugh, uuu..."
Then embarrassment, guilt, and fear pushed into my emotions.
The man I've come to love has a terminal condition with not much life left.
And that time has been shortened because of me.
"Uuuu..."
Thanks to that, Lord Frey, who was quietly watching me becoming pale again.
"Lulu."
Asked in a quiet voice.
"Are you really going to stay here?"
"Yes, yes! I will stay here..."
"...I might not be able to give you delicious food anymore."
Lord Frey's expression as he said that looked somehow earnest.
"All the cooks have left. There's no one to manage the food ingredients filling the warehouse either."
"I, I'll cook!"
"...I might not be able to give you gifts anymore. Soon the imperial family will seize the finances and superficially... no, anyway, I might become a beggar."
"I don't need such things!"
When I answered immediately to Lord Frey's words, his expression slightly hardened.
"If you stay here, you might be in danger..."
He tried to say something but suddenly stopped speaking and let out a deep sigh.
"You could be deeply involved in the dangerous, terrible, disgusting, and cruel things I do."
And the cold statement continued.
"You might suffer unwanted humiliation just for being my confidant, and you might bear false accusations. Perhaps I might directly order you to do such things. As you know, the situation has become such that manpower is quite lacking."
When I didn't answer those words, Lord Frey raised the corner of his mouth and asked the final question.
"Are you prepared to get dirty? Lulu?"
""........""
And a small silence continued for a while.
"...Yes."
Looking at Lord Frey like that, I answered.
"Please dirty me."
Now I didn't care what happened.
As long as I could be the pet of the man in front of me, I didn't care what happened.
"Haa..."
Watching Lord Frey while swallowing saliva like that, he let out a sigh.
"For now, just sleep today."
"Huh? But..."
He suddenly took me toward the bed.
"Ah, it's still evening..."
"Just sleep well, and think about it again tomorrow."
"...Eek."
And Lord Frey, forcing me to lie on the bed.
"Then, I'll take my leave."
Started to leave the room with a stiff expression.
"L-Lord Frey."
"...Yes?"
I, who was staring at Lord Frey like that.
"The thing... you used to do every day... won't you do it?"
"...Ah."
I asked with a trembling voice.
"......"
Then, Lord Frey, who had been watching me for a while.
"I see..."
Even with a quite tired expression, just as he always did, he came into my arms.
"Good night, Lulu."
He held me and kissed me.
His embrace was warm as it always had been.
- Chu...
"......!?"
And something I just found out, the warmth of his tongue was the same.
'...It's warm.'
Feeling the insomnia that had been tormenting me for the past few days wash away, I closed my eyes and quietly murmured to myself.
'I want to feel this warmth... for longer.'
Even though the world pushes him as a villain, and he is also a villain with no room for excuse.
I'll have to find a way to save him, or at least a way to extend his life.
Because I am.
A villain's pet.