Episode 2: Begin Again (1)
The moment of death.
Bright light poured down over my tightly shut eyelids. Someone once said that death is when a blindingly bright light welcomes your soul at the end of a dark tunnel. Perhaps because I had heard such words, it didn't feel particularly strange. I was simply relieved at the fact that there was no pain.
Of course, regret remained. Even if only as a fleeting flash, I had wanted to see your face, but it seemed such fortune would not come my way.
After all, if everything in this world happened exactly as one wished, such a tragedy would never have occurred in the first place. Besides, for someone like me who had turned away from you, crushed by a sense of inferiority, fortune was nothing more than a luxury.
It's all over now.
Soaked in cheap regret, I quietly kept my eyes closed. I simply waited for the floating sensation of my soul rising, or for an angel, or perhaps a demon or something, to speak to me.
That's when it happened.
An unexpected voice reached my ears.
"Shortstop of Namil High School. No, I suppose I should call you Player Gang Hanseong of the Incheon Invaders now. Player Gang Hanseong! How are you feeling right now? Please share a few words with us."
When I reflexively opened my eyes, an utterly absurd scene unfolded before me.
People sitting in rows inside a vast auditorium. For some reason, I was standing on a podium, and beside me, an MC was gesturing, urging me for an answer.
"You seem very nervous since this is your first time at such an event. Player Gang Hanseong? Please feel free to say whatever is on your mind."
What is this.
There was no doubt the words were directed at me. Gang Hanseong—that was my name.
But to ask me out of nowhere to say whatever I wanted—was this some final argument that would decide heaven and hell? But for something like that, wasn't this scenery far too familiar? It was the very scene of the rookie draft where I had first been selected as a pro player.
Somehow, a memory from over ten years ago had become a vivid reality unfolding before my eyes. In the past, the moment I was selected, I had been so overcome with emotion that I nearly shed tears. Now, I merely felt bewildered.
While blankly scanning my surroundings.
I saw you.
Your face, far younger and more full of life than when I had last seen you five years ago.
"Uh..."
That was all that came out of my mouth. I practically flung the mic from my hand and immediately jumped down from the podium. The MC, suddenly left alone, was babbling something behind me, but who cared. I could meet you, whom I had ached for desperately in my dreams.
"What! Why are you coming down? You have to finish the interview first!"
The closer your flustered face drew, the more my surging emotions swelled. A mere few meters felt as distant as an island beyond the horizon. And finally, upon reaching you, I stretched out my trembling arms and tightly embraced you.
"Hey... why are you suddenly..."
Even while flustered, your eyes were reddening. Your face, which I had believed I would never see again. Loved more than anyone in this world, missed more than anything in this world.
My precious wife, Sin Huijin.
I shed tears and earnestly wished. If this was a dream, may I never wake; please, may this moment last forever.
"So it seems... Player Gang Hanseong is quite overcome with emotion. It's just like a scene from a drama. What a heartwarming sight."
A barrage of flashes erupted behind us, celebrating our reunion. I simply put more strength into the arms holding you. With a firm resolve to never let you go again.
***
I had returned to the past.
It was only after nearly a week since coming back that I was able to accept this fact.
At first, I thought it was a near-death flashback. Then, I believed it was a long dream. Afraid I might wake from it, I spent several nights with my eyes wide open.
But now, I could accept it. The warm sunlight and the gently blowing wind... Even when I pinched my cheek, rather than waking, a stinging pain assaulted my nerves. These startlingly vivid sensations must be proof that all of this was reality.
"A new life."
It was the opportunity I had so desperately wished for—how could I not welcome it? Until now, I had merely been bewildered because this was such an absurd event.
But even that feeling had faded over the past few days as I faced you, and my complicated thoughts had become somewhat organized as well.
I had truly returned to the past.
Though I didn't know how I had managed to come back.
"This time..."
When I had first realized I returned to the past.
Needless worries had taken precedence. Could I do well? Would I repeat the same mistakes? The reason I couldn't purely rejoice at this unexpected fortune was because regret had seeped so deeply into my bones.
"...I've really got to do this right."
After much deliberation, the conclusion I reached was rather obvious: I just had to do well from now on. Live confidently. Don't be trapped by the gazes of others. Once I made that promise, my heart felt surprisingly light.
"So that I never regret again."
A lunchbox sat on the bench in the distance. It was the lunchbox Huijin had packed for me, telling me to eat heartily since it was my first day.
An opportunity given like a miracle at the end of a life stained with regret. This time, I would absolutely not ruin it. A firm resolve was loaded into my swinging baseball bat.
Crack!
"Nice hit!"
Roberto, the minor league hitting coach, raised his thumb and shouted in admiration.
The Incheon Invaders' minor league stadium, Warriors Field. This was where I had come for a test before officially joining the team. My feelings upon facing old memories that had until recently felt faint were...
"Too easy."
The well-hit ball soared straight and cleared the fence. It was already my third home run. Roberto the hitting coach watched, clapping his hands together repeatedly and pouring out exclamations, but...
Crack!
"Perfect!"
I myself didn't feel much. Even though I had returned to the past, my experience hadn't disappeared.
Rather, what was truly admirable was my body's performance. Muscles flexible yet full of elasticity, senses sharp enough to cut steel. A body in its twenties was itself a marvel, and now my past life's experience was added on top of it.
Again, crack!
"Unbelievable!"
Even so.
"...This is too boring."
It was far too easy.
***
I suppose I had been thinking too lightly of it.
Beneath an autumn sky that had ripened to fullness, the swaying breeze made for an especially pleasant day. The faces of people strolling through the park each held their own happiness, and children running about everywhere added vitality to that joy. With even the clouds dyed red by the half-setting sun, wasn't this a perfect day to walk through the park with Huijin?
Even now, the old memory is vivid.
Before returning to the past, it was here that Huijin had confessed, her face flushed bright red, that she wanted to marry me.
"Han-seong, I have something important to tell you."
The same time and place, the same line from Huijin as before.
Did the impact lessen because this was the second time? Not at all. I was grateful that I could experience that overwhelming moment again. Soon, she would tell me she wanted to marry me. What would be a good answer?
While pondering a cool response, Huijin's lips parted and a pleasant voice flowed out.
"I think... we won't be able to see each other for a while."
"Yeah. Actually, I also... Huh? What?"
"I said I don't think we can meet for a while."
We can't meet all of a sudden?
Far from a proposal, it was a bolt from the blue. My entire body stiffened from shock. Why on earth? What had gone wrong?
I had once seen a movie about time travel. It was a film where machines were sent to the past to erase the existence of figures important to humanity. Recalling that movie, the theory that caught my attention was that if the past changes, the future changes as well.
To avoid this, I had been careful with every single action. I had struggled so much to barely grasp my fading memories and maintain the same expressions and behaviors. But what was this absurd situation?
"...What kind of nonsense is that. Are you saying we should break up?"
A stiff tone popped out of my mouth without my realizing it. Even if it sounded unpleasant, there was nothing I could do. How many people could maintain their composure after hearing something like that out of nowhere?
"No, that's not what I mean."
"Then say it so I can understand. Why are you saying we suddenly can't meet? Did I do something wrong?"
I fired back with all my pent-up emotions, but Huijin didn't even flinch. She simply put on a strange smile, shaking her head as if there were no stopping this.
"...What the hell?"
"Wow, Gang Hanseong. You really can't live without me, can you? Do you like me that much?"
"Of course. How would I survive without you?"
"...What's with you? Creepy. Anyone listening would think I'm leaving forever."
"Enough. Explain what you mean first."
I sighed, urging her for an answer. I was curious about Huijin's reply, yet at the same time, I was afraid. As long as it literally wasn't that we couldn't meet, anything would be fine.
"Do you remember the interview from a few days ago?"
"Interview? Of course."
"The video was uploaded online."
"A video. So what?"
"The problem is that Dad saw it. And you suddenly hugging me."
"...What?"
"He's absolutely insisting I go study abroad, I could go crazy."
Ah, what now.
I rubbed my face with a hollow feeling. Yes, as long as it wasn't breaking up, anything was fine. Although an event differing from my previous life did bother me...
...Wait, study abroad?
"Study abroad all of a sudden, what do you mean? When? Where? You're not leaving immediately, are you?"
"Don't worry, I told him I'm not going. Where would I go leaving you behind? For whose sake would I do that?"
Huijin said that and gave me a sidelong glance. As if threatening that she wouldn't let me off easy if I looked at another woman. Of course, I had no such intention whatsoever.
"Ha... was that all? I got scared for nothing. It wasn't that big a deal."
"You shouldn't say it like that. To calm Dad down, we have to be careful for a while."
"It's fine, I'll take care of it."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'll talk to him directly, of course."
If I could correct the mistakes of the past, I could do anything. I didn't want to have any more regrets. I intended to confront my father-in-law's opposition head-on.
Stay by Huijin's side.
That was the goal of this life.
But despite my confident answer, Huijin only looked at me with a bewildered gaze. Did she not like the answer? There was no reason for that.
Just as I tilted my head, Huijin opened her mouth in a timid voice.
"Well... talking to him directly is a bit..."
"Why? Are you worried about the burden?"
"No, that's not the problem..."
Why was she dragging this out?
"Just say it. You don't like not being able to see each other like this either, right? There's no other way."
"Um... how should I put it. My family is a bit well-off. No, not a bit, very much so."
"Huh?"
"Actually, my dad is the chairman of ST Group. He's also the owner of the Incheon Invaders."
Only then did I realize.
That at this point in time, I had been completely in the dark about Huijin's family background.
But there was no need to worry. My acting skills were better than one might think. I began to play the part of a composed boyfriend who knew nothing.
"...Ah, I didn't know that."
"I'm sorry for hiding it all this time. Are you upset?"
"What's there to be upset about? It's not like you as a person have changed."
"Han-seong..."
"Instead, promise me. Promise that from now on, you won't hide anything."
As soon as I finished speaking, Huijin leaned her body into me. With an expression that was truly moved, even teary-eyed. Somehow my conscience prickled... but I suppose all's well that ends well.
"I won't hide anything from now on."
"That's enough. Actually, it's even better this way. I'll get to meet him at the initiation ceremony."
"Are you really going to be okay?"
"For now, I'll take care of your father's issue. Just trust me."
I stretched out my firm arms, adding persuasiveness to my brazen act. Huijin simply nodded without a word.
Just then, a fierce jet of water burst from the fountain. And so, we held each other for a long time with the fountain as our backdrop. Beneath an autumn sky that had ripened to fullness. It was autumn. That was all.