“I’m sorry. No matter how much I think about it, I don’t think I can do this with you anymore.”
“What…?”
“Yeonseo, let’s end this.”
A street where the cherry blossoms were in beautiful bloom.
In a place where couples might have passed by laughing, I was told we were breaking up.
It was the worst. I never thought it would happen on a day like this.
I didn’t ask why. No, there was no need to ask.
He probably didn’t have the confidence to take responsibility for someone like me, with no university and no job.
“To be honest, the songs you make just sound like noise to me now. How long are you going to sit in your room, banging on a keyboard? Does that make money? Does that put food on the table? I’m sick of your depressing piano music.”
Two years ago, he’d been the one who said my playing was the most beautiful thing in the world and asked me to write a song in his name.
The lips that had praised my clumsy first composition and called me a genius were now shredding my dream apart, treating it like garbage.
The promise that he would take responsibility vanished without a trace, like spring snow melting away.
Every time his lips moved, the beads of spit clinging to them caught the sunlight and glittered.
It had only been a few months ago that those lips told me he loved me, that we’d drawn a future together.
The words “let’s break up” turned into air far lighter than I’d expected and brushed past my ears.
The noise around me suddenly receded, and only a low, ringing hum filled my head.
The advertising model on the billboard across the street was smiling so brightly it looked grotesque, and the man in front of me was looking at me with an expression that held more relief than regret.
Instead of answering, I only stared down at the toes of my shoes.
The white pollen that had settled on the shoes I’d polished yesterday looked unbearably vivid today.
On the way home, I felt like I might cry, but I held it in.
I couldn’t let other people see a grown adult sobbing in public.
After forcing my expression into place, I barely managed to arrive at my studio apartment.
The sound of pressing the door lock seemed unusually loud.
“…Haa.”
The moment I stepped inside, the sigh I’d been holding back burst out.
It was definitely a room I’d been living in alone, so why did it look so wide today?
The emptiness I felt in the room with no one in it was no joke.
Was the shock so great that my brain had gone numb? If anything, I became unpleasantly calm.
In one corner of the desk, I saw the monitor, black and dead because it wasn’t turned on, and the master keyboard placed in front of it.
I didn’t even have the courage to lift the cover and press a single key.
The premonition that no matter how fine a harmony I tried to build, it would ultimately end in dissonance, weighed down on me.
This time, my eyes fell on a framed photo sitting in another corner.
It was a picture I’d taken with my ex-boyfriend last year at a photo zone after watching a movie.
A face I would never see again.
I should have thrown it into the trash right away, but strangely, my hand wouldn’t move.
I knew I had to throw it away, yet couldn’t. The sight of myself was ridiculous.
I sank onto the bed and turned on my phone.
At times like this, there was only one best friend who came to mind.
[Me: Hey, I broke up.]
The reply came quickly.
[Gaeul: What, you dumped him?]
[Me: I got dumped.]
[Gaeul: What? What are you talking about? Is he insane?]
[Me: Do you have time today? I want to meet and tell you properly.]
For a while, the number didn’t disappear, then a long message filled with apology popped up.
[Gaeul: Ah, what do I do… I already have plans with some kids I got close to at my part-time job. It’d be kind of hard to back out today.]
[Me: Then it can’t be helped. Let’s talk later.]
[Gaeul: Yeah, Yeonseo, I’m really sorry! I’ll buy you something good to eat. Cheer up!]
Cheer up. What a very kind thing to say.
A situation where even my only best friend couldn’t listen to me vent.
Even after scrolling up and down through my phone contacts, there was nowhere else I could send a message.
It felt as if every place I could lean on had disappeared all at once.
‘Should I call my parents?’
As soon as the thought went that far, I shook my head.
Tell my parents that their daughter, living alone, had been dumped by a man? I’d have to be crazy.
In the end, the only person in this room who could comfort me was myself.
Sleep was the best way to forget a foul mood.
Not wanting to think about anything, I threw myself onto the bed.
As if trying to escape reality, my body went limp.
“Mmm…”
How long had I slept? When my eyes snapped open, the room was pitch-black.
I fumbled around and checked my phone. It was 11 p.m.
Since I’d slept for six hours, my mind was extremely clear.
“…Ah, I want a drink.”
At times like this, the answer was alcohol after all.
The night air was quite chilly, so I roughly pulled on a black hoodie and went outside.
I didn’t want to run into couples or noisy drunks, so I deliberately looked for a bar tucked away in a corner.
The name written on the sign was “hanjing Bar.”
Jingle—
When I opened the door and went in, the atmosphere inside was completely different from the exterior—very quiet and neat.
Soft lighting and a pleasant scent of wood.
From the speakers flowed a low, bassy jazz melody.
Was it an occupational disease? Without realizing it, I was figuring out the chords of the melody in my head.
‘They’re not closed, are they…?’
I couldn’t see any customers around.
As I was glancing around the interior, someone spoke to me.
“Hello, miss. Please sit wherever you like.”
When I turned my head, a man who was so handsome he drew admiration at first glance was standing there.
Neatly arranged black hair and clear, glowing skin.
Without saying anything, I sat at the bar counter.
“Is this your first time here? Shall I bring you the menu?”
At the man’s kind voice, I simply shook my head.
“No. Just… give me the strongest thing you have. Anything.”
My voice was lower than I’d expected.
He swept his gaze over my expression and my hoodie, then gave a bitter smile as if he roughly understood.
“…Understood. I’ll prepare something a little strong, but with a clean finish.”
The man took hold of a cocktail shaker and began to shake it.
The sound of ice hitting the shaker filled the silence.
I blankly ran my fingers over the wood grain of the bar counter.
Before long, a drink in a clear glass was placed in front of me.
Seeing the liquid ripple inside, I suddenly grew scared.
Had I impulsively ordered something too strong for no reason?
Maybe I’d been bluffing when I couldn’t even drink properly. I couldn’t bring myself to reach for it.
As if he’d read my hesitation, the man stared straight at me.
His gaze seemed to say, “If you can’t drink it, say so now,” and somehow that wounded my pride.
With a what-the-hell feeling, I lifted the glass and gulped down several mouthfuls at once.
The sensation that touched my mouth was as cold as ice.
But the instant it passed down my throat, a burning heat rushed in.
My head rang with a sudden buzz, and I began to feel dizzy.
Just then, the man who had been quietly watching me spoke in a low voice.
“Miss, do you usually like talking?”
“…I don’t know. I’m not sure.”
I answered curtly, then put the glass to my lips again.
Once the alcohol started hitting me, I couldn’t stop.
One sip, then another.
How many minutes had passed? My mind was already half gone.
I looked up at the man with hazy eyes and gave a faint smile.
“Mmm… Actually… I reallyyy like talking, you know?”
My pronunciation had started to tangle.
“What was it that made you look like that earlier?”
The man asked quietly while wiping a glass.
“Look? What was wrong with my face…? I feel reaaally good right now, though?”
I laughed foolishly, but a few seconds later, something hot suddenly surged up inside me.
With all traces of laughter gone from my face, I slammed the bar counter with a bang.
“Nooo! I feel… like shiiit! I really feel like total shiiit!”
At my sudden shout, the man’s eyebrows twitched slightly.
Soaked in resentment, I even pointed my finger as I yelled.
“That son of a biiitch… dumped meee!”
“Was he your lover?”
At the man’s calm question, I nodded fiercely.
“Yeah… that bastard… said he’d take responsibilityyy… and now he says, he doesn’t think it’ll work with meee? Don’t make me laugh… hic!”
At my drunken rant, hiccups and all, the man silently refilled my glass without answering.
Every time I listed out my ex-boyfriend’s misdeeds, he nodded along here and there, keeping rhythm with me.
But there was something strange about it.
It wasn’t the usual sort of response bartenders gave.
He seemed even angrier than I was, and his eyes looked as if he sincerely understood my pain.
At that warm sympathy, the latch around my heart loosened before I realized it.
“…Excuse me.”
I looked up at him with blurry eyes and asked.
“…Why’re you being sho nice to meee? I’m, like, making a scene right now… What’s so pretty about me that you keep smilin’?”
At my question, he let out a short, amused laugh.
“Because you’re cute.”
“…Eh? Me?”
At the unexpected answer, I went blank.
Not wanting to lose, I asked again.
The alcohol had risen all the way to the top of my head, so I blurted out whatever came to mind.
“I’ve been thinking this since earlier… but why do you know women’s hearts so well? Huh? There’s nothing you don’t know!”
At my outburst, he stopped what he was doing and hesitated for a moment.
Then he leaned his upper body toward me and whispered very softly.
“…That’s because I’m a woman too.”
In that instant, all my senses stopped like a freeze-frame.
The intoxication washed away in an instant, as if I’d been hit by a waterfall.
I stared in disbelief at the “handsome man” in front of me.
“…Eh.”
No, at the “woman.”