# 92. That Still Strange Guest (6)
“Then why did you run away? You could have just lived well here. It might be demanding to work for a prestigious count's family, but life here would still be better than laboring outside. The pay is much more generous, too. You might be in a probationary status, but with your skills, Paula, you'll be officially hired smoothly.”
“Lord Ethan. I...”
“Aren't you actually hoping Vincent would recognize you?”
That couldn't be right. That would be truly meaningless. What would he do even if he recognized me? I had endured all of his nasty temper back then, so was I going to ask him to look favorably upon me this time? Or would I pour out my resentment that his butler tried to kill me?
I shook my head again.
“Lord Ethan. I'm scared of this place. You know why I ran away.”
“Don't worry about that.”
I asked what he meant by that, but he only smiled this time as well.
“What do you think? Will Vincent remember?”
“...He will probably remember. He often called me insolent, so I wouldn't be easily forgotten in many ways.”
“Haha. I can imagine.”
“…….”
“Then, do you think he missed you?”
That... I'm not sure. Occasionally, while living a harsh life for five years, wouldn't he have thought of me once in a while? Thinking I was like this back then, or like that. Wouldn't he have immersed himself in the past, recalling good memories on some days and bad memories on others? But I don't know if he missed me.
No, I don't think he missed me. Longing refers to the moments one wants to return to. He wouldn't want to return to the time when he couldn't see. Simply recalling the maid who endured all his temper was no reason for longing to arise.
“I think he wouldn't have.”
“Want to make a bet?”
I recoiled in disgust and shook my head vigorously. I didn't even want to mention a bet with him. My whole body still remembered the suffering I went through after being threatened into a bet in the past.
“I refuse.”
“How insolent. To immediately say no to a superior's offer.”
“…….”
Ethan suddenly hardened his expression. Cowardly.
“Lord Ethan!”
“Even raising your voice like that.”
“Please, please... Don't do this...”
“Why?”
“Because...”
“Are you afraid Vincent will be disappointed?”
I nodded immediately.
“Is it so wrong for him to be disappointed?”
“What?”
“He can be disappointed for all it matters. You said he knew you with a different appearance. Then, since you aren't the person he knew, he must have thought of someone else whenever he revisited his memories, so he could feel let down, couldn't he?”
“Lord Ethan. Such a thing...”
“It's okay even if he is.”
“…….”
“It's okay for him to be disappointed. As you said, he could be disappointed because your appearance differs from his imagination. But so what? Is that so important? I think what's more important is that the maid survived like this and is by his side.”
“…….”
“What if Vincent says it's fine even after seeing Paula's face? What if he's okay with an appearance that disappoints everyone? Did you ask Vincent? Ah, you said you were scared he'd be disappointed. Then, do you hate the idea of Vincent being disappointed in Paula?”
...That couldn't be right. I deceived him, and he was simply deceived by me. It's terrifying that he, who believed my lies without a doubt, would find out it was a lie and be disappointed, but that didn't mean I hated or disliked Vincent. Rather, I felt I would understand. Even I dislike myself, so how much more would he?
Ethan knew my heart well.
“Paula. It's wrong to arbitrarily judge the other person's heart out of your own selfishness. Do you know what Vincent wants to say such things? Do you want to condemn Vincent as a bad guy?”
“No.”
“Then what if Vincent truly misses Paula?”
“That's impossible.”
“That's just Paula's assumption. Not Vincent's heart.”
His firm words butchered my heart. I couldn't hide my uncomfortable feelings. Looking at me with a still-affectionate gaze despite my sullenness, Ethan continued speaking.
“Because everyone has an invisible longing.”
The sudden words sounded familiar.
“Because what is visible isn't everything. Just because you don't say it out loud, just because you don't reveal it on the outside, doesn't mean you don't miss it. And there are times when even you yourself don't know its depth. It's something Vincent used to say often.”
“…….”
“Paula, I think Vincent missed you. Have you never thought about how worried he must have been when the person who left after hearing his words suddenly disappeared?”
I had thought about it. But I had concluded that such feelings would also be quickly forgotten. He was mean. A truly mean person. Once again, he dug up what I had tried to hide.
“I respect Paula's feelings, but I also want to respect Vincent's feelings. You understand my heart, right?”
“...Yes. I know, I know, but.”
But just because I understood didn't mean it wasn't upsetting. Barely spitting out an answer, I turned away. I walked away with quick steps, my lips pressed tightly together. I didn't want to face Ethan anymore. The joy I had felt cooled down in an instant. It wasn't that I hated him. But I felt uncomfortable with him poking around inside me, so I didn't want to be with him anymore.
“Paula, are you angry?”
“Don't call me Paula.”
Even though I snapped back, he kept following closely behind me. Paula? Paula? Paula! Even though I told him not to call me that, he kept calling my name. It was a relief there was no one around.
“Let's go see Lucas together later.”
He suddenly said. I hesitated before giving a small nod. I heard laughter from behind. The sound, innocent like a child's, softened my uncomfortable heart a little. A smiling face suited Ethan better than a stiffly hardened one.
As Ethan kept following closely behind me, the passing maids looked at us strangely. So when I told him not to follow me, Ethan retorted, asking if it was that strange for someone to follow the person attending to him. He was impossible to reason with. In the past, I used to be utterly exasperated by Vincent's stubbornness, but seeing him now, Ethan was just as stubborn.
In the end, I ran away to avoid him. When I suddenly started running, I could hear Ethan's startled breathing from behind. Since he had to maintain his stoic Count persona, he probably couldn't bring himself to run after a servant.
After shaking him off, I trudged back to my room. I was tired. It felt like I had suddenly gotten caught up in something incredibly annoying. Letting out a deep sigh, I murmured curses directed at Ethan.
But then, someone suddenly grabbed my arm. Startled, I turned around, and Vincent was standing there.
What? Why is this man here? Don't tell me he came to see me? As if to render that question useless, he asked me,
“Ethan, are you acquainted with Count Christopher?”
“Pardon? Ah...”
Flustered by the sudden question, I briefly glanced down. He followed my gaze downward and slowly removed the hand that was gripping my arm. I took two steps back, clasped my hands together, and bowed my head.
“Yes. That's correct.”
It was too late to deny it now. But did he come all the way here just to ask that?
Lately, Vincent had treated me as if I didn't exist. He didn't need to pay attention to every servant, but his attitude was so blatant that even the nanny checked my mood. Just a moment ago, he had turned his head as soon as our eyes met. This was our first conversation in a long time, since the night of the thunderstorm.
Vincent, who had been silent for a moment as if thinking about something, asked me another question just as the silence started to feel prolonged.
“Did you find out about the ink?”
“Ah, that is... I'm sorry. I couldn't find it.”
“You couldn't find it?”
Vincent's gaze turned murderous. I secretly swallowed a breath, nodded, and immediately bowed my waist, saying I was truly sorry. As his gaze grew even sharper, I fumbled around my pocket. I think I had put a candy inside.
“Then.”
Just as he was about to speak in an ominous voice, someone wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Startled, I turned to look, and it was Ethan.
“Is something wrong?”
Ethan asked casually. I briefly frowned before quickly suppressing my expression. I twisted my shoulder to try and shake off Ethan's hand, but he was holding on tightly, making it difficult.
Vincent's gaze fell on my shoulder before shifting back toward Ethan. His face seemed to ask, 'Why are you butting in?'
“I had something to ask.”
“Something to ask? What?”
“You don't need to know.”
“I'm curious. Tell me too.”
'Why is this bastard acting like this?' I read that thought in his emerald eyes.
“What is it? What is it?”
Unable to get an answer from Vincent, he asked me this time. Flustered, I looked back and forth between Ethan and Vincent.
“She knew about the colored ink.”
“Ink?”
“Yeah. Robert wrote a letter last time, and the ink wasn't black. I've only seen that kind of ink from your household. Colored ink. You know what I'm talking about.”
Ethan looked down at me. I mumbled with a sullen expression, 'I thought you sold it.' I wasn't sure if he understood, but after pondering for a moment, Ethan continued speaking.
“I lent it to her.”
“What?”
“I said I lent it. Right?”
While I was rolling my eyes in panic at the unexpected answer, the question came from Vincent.
“You lent it?”
“Yeah. You said you were acquaintances. She used to work at our mansion.”
“What?”
“Pardon?”
This time, Vincent and I voiced our questions at the same time. As Vincent looked at me in disbelief, I quickly masked my expression.
“I said I borrowed it from another servant.”
“You must have scared her by interrogating her so much. I did lend it to her. She begged to borrow it just for a moment, so I told her to go ahead.”
“…….”
“And that ink, my father bought it from a foreign country a long time ago. Since it's been quite a while, it might be in circulation here by now. So there's no guarantee that only our household has it.”
Even with Ethan's explanation, Vincent didn't withdraw his suspicious gaze. He seemed to be asking if it was true. I felt like I could suffocate under that gaze. I didn't know what kind of situation this was, but I decided to play along with Ethan for now. I tightly clasped my sweat-soaked hands together in tension, trying not to show my panic.
“Yes, that's correct. I asked for his favor, and he lent it to me.”
“Why did you lie?”
“I was scared it might be something incredibly valuable, and I was afraid I had made a terrible mistake, so I was too frightened to tell you. I am sorry. He went out of his way to grant my request, and I didn't want to cause any trouble... My thinking was short-sighted.”
I apologized again and bowed deeply. My head was spinning. Worried whether I had said the right thing, I chewed over the excuse I had hastily made up. My heart grew heavy, feeling like I was creating an even bigger lie just to hide a secret.
“Is your curiosity satisfied now? Then loosen that expression. Even I'm getting scared.”
Ethan smoothly intervened again.
“I'm in a dilemma. Whether to believe your words or not.”
“Why?”
“Because you're good at lying.”
Was it just my imagination? There was a thorn in Vincent's words.
I slowly raised my head. Vincent was now looking at Ethan, not me. His slightly furrowed emerald eyes somehow looked ominous.