56. The Count's Secret Maid (9)
"You could call it cold-hearted, but it's the truth. It may not have been the intention from the start, but Vincent confided in you because he thought he could simply kill you if you spilled the secret. The others likely felt the same way. Innocent Violet may not have thought much of it, but at least I did."
"……"
"Are you disappointed?"
"No."
It was sudden, but not particularly surprising. Perhaps I had already known on some level. I was sold to Gold Coin from the start. Having lived a life facing death at every moment, I never expected to be safe just because I was living in a luxurious mansion.
Secrets must remain buried.
Pretend not to see what you've seen, pretend not to hear what you've heard, and never breathe a word of anything.
Idle curiosity brings nothing but trouble.
I reaffirmed this countless times. Keeping my mouth shut was the only way to earn even one more day alive. I had seen many people disappear because they spoke too loosely. So I kept silent, and sometimes I had to gamble with my life to show my sincerity. Every word and action I directed at them was committed with my life on the line.
And that remained true even now.
"Are you going to kill me?"
"What do you think?"
"I think you will."
I offered a calm, honest answer. Ethan merely smiled at those words.
Silence lingered inside the carriage. Though our eyes met, neither he nor I could easily speak. Was it because of the situation, or because of the raw sincerity he had revealed? We both held our tongues, studying each other.
Then Ethan averted his gaze first. He tilted his head and let out a hum as if in deliberation.
"I debated whether to tell you or not, but since you said this is the end, I figured it would be best to let you know. It'd be pitiful if it never got delivered. He's a bit naive and lacks tact. Honestly, it frustrates me."
"Pardon?"
The abrupt remark broke the tense atmosphere. I looked at Ethan with a puzzled expression, and he shook his head with an amused smile.
"Lucas has been in poor health since childhood. He had seizures so often that going outside was merely a dream. He had to spend most of his time in his room, and feeling sorry for him, we wrote him letters frequently. Lucas wrote back to those letters to ease his boredom."
"……"
"Then one day, he started adding color to the ink and wrote his replies with it. Purple for Violet, red for me, and gold for Vincent."
As I listened to his words, I couldn't hide my trembling heart. The curiosity that had lingered in my mind for so long seemed to finally reveal its truth. As that truth spilled from Ethan's lips, my gaze gradually wavered. Watching my reaction, Ethan's smile turned mischievous.
"On the day I returned to the mansion after meeting Vincent, from whom we'd lost contact, Lucas asked about you. You remember asking me what kind of ink I used? I recalled that and asked just in case, and Lucas told me he'd been sending letters there. When I asked why he hadn't told me, he said someone else was writing back on his behalf."
"……"
"I immediately knew who that was."
Letters frequently arrived at the Bellunita estate. Among them, the letters written in gold ink that had caught my eye—the sender of those letters I had written replies to under Isabella's orders...
"I occasionally told Lucas about you. Even when it was nothing special, Lucas would listen with genuine enjoyment. Now... I think I understand how he felt. With even Vincent hiding away in the mansion, he must have been anxious being left alone. Those replies must have been a great comfort to him."
The golden letters had fascinated me. But the letters themselves held no great meaning. All I did was write formulaic replies matching what he had sent. I'm doing well, the weather is nice, thank you—those brief words he had read with such joy.
You knew me from the very beginning.
"Lucas liked you."
"I know."
"……"
"I know very well."
I buried both hands in my face. My tightly pressed lips trembled.
Now I understood everything. His attitude from the first moment I saw him, treating me with such warm kindness. His intention in following me around trying to start conversations, the reason he clung to me while trembling with anxiety, and the sincerity behind his words suggesting we leave everything behind—I truly understood it all now.
'Instead of that, shall we run away together?'
Only now did I grasp the courage contained in those words.
Tears streamed down endlessly. I couldn't contain my sorrow. I couldn't summon even a handful of memories. Recalling that day only made me tremble with fear. So I spat out to Ethan the words I could never bring myself to ask Vincent.
"L-Lord Lucas... Lord Lucas, what happened to..."
"They told me to prepare my heart."
I finally broke down in tears.
If I had run away with Lucas that day, would something have been different? If I had held his trembling hand and fled together, would the situation now be different? Could I have stayed instead of fleeing alone, leaving him bleeding? But in the end, I had never answered any of the words he said.
No further words followed. The silence was painful. Clutching his heart, unable to shed even a tear, I poured out the sorrow on Ethan's behalf.
A short while later, the carriage stopped. Ethan opened the door and patted my shoulder. I wiped away my tears, grabbed my bag, and stepped out of the carriage.
But.
"Where is this?"
It wasn't the mansion. We were still in the forest, but below, a village came into view. It wasn't the village beneath the Bellunita estate I had visited with Lucas before. It was an unfamiliar place.
I turned to look at Ethan.
"Weren't you going to kill me?"
I spoke fiercely with a face still flushed from crying. At my demeanor, Ethan let out a soft chuckle. His gently curved eyes revealed warmth.
"Of course not. I was truly on my way to meet Vincent."
"I am trying to run away."
"……"
"The master said that if the culprit learns I was at the scene, I'd be in danger, so he would send me to the Nobler villa. Just the day before yesterday, I was attacked by a stranger and nearly died. So today I was urgently heading to that villa, but I heard the butler sent people to dispose of me. He must have been worried that the master was acting for the sake of a mere maid. So I was fleeing. Because I want to live."
I calmly explained the current situation. I couldn't understand why Ethan, who had been threatening me until just moments ago, was suddenly showing such goodwill. Did he have other intentions? I watched him warily, but Ethan, who had been listening attentively, neither erased his smile nor hid his warmth.
"My lady. You merely appeared on a single page of this old tale. I don't think there's any reason for you to get involved in this matter. Nor any need for you to sacrifice yourself. Forget everything here and go your own way."
"……"
"Don't worry about this place. It was something we'd sensed coming for a long time. Vincent and I have prepared extensively, so now we just need to wrap things up."
Ethan spoke as if soothing me. Unlike the troubled face I'd seen days ago, he somehow looked lighter now. Even though this was far from a simple matter, his easy acceptance of it was just like him.
"Are you sure about this? I know a great deal."
"Hmm. Were you planning to tell someone?"
I shook my head immediately. Ethan smiled as if he'd expected that and approached me. Then he extended his hand.
"My lady, you saved my friend. You comforted my withdrawn brother, and you helped us be together again. I won't forget that debt. Ever."
When I hesitated, he pulled my hand and clasped it firmly.
"I never properly called you by your name. Even when I knew, I couldn't bring myself to say it."
"……"
"Paula."
Brown eyes gazed steadily at me.
"I wish you happiness."
I looked down at our clasped hands. Ethan shook them up and down firmly. When I looked up at him again, he gave me a warm smile. I knew how difficult what lay ahead would be for him—no, for all of them. Even I, who could not involve myself in their story, knew that well.
Yet he comforted me. He didn't hesitate to tell me to forget everything and live on.
"Lord Christopher."
"Could you call me Ethan now?"
At his mischievous smile, I desperately swallowed my tears and smiled brightly.
"Lord Ethan."
"Yes."
"I wish the same."
"……"
"May everyone find happiness."
At those words, Ethan smiled brightly as well. Our tightly held hands parted, and I turned away. I gripped my bag tightly with both hands. I steadied my breath and ran forward. Once again, I ran with all my might.
My world was not beautiful. Steeped in poverty, selling children for money, a life that had lost even the bare minimum of human conscience. The only thing that bloomed in those gaps was sorrow. There was nothing that wasn't bitter and cruel.
But coming here, I realized for the first time.
That life could be beautiful.
That moments shared with others could be joyful.
That there were people who wished happiness even for someone like me.
That I was allowed to live.
I felt that the end had truly arrived now. Once I escaped this place, I could never again belong to that world. I would never see them again.
I thought of the ending from the book I had loved.
The ending of the protagonist who lets go of everything and departs alone.
"Ah. This is the end."
At that moment, Vincent came to mind. The man who would believe I had left safely, the man who would remain alone waiting for the day we'd meet again.
'I'll bring you to my side. Without fail.'
My vision blurred. I didn't stop the tears flowing. We would never meet again. There would be no chance encounter on the road. Would he look for me? Would he come searching? I hadn't even said a final goodbye. But that was alright. Because I didn't want to say goodbye.
I wished everyone happiness. But above all, I wished for his happiness most earnestly. That Vincent's life might be filled with only happiness, that he who remained alone would not hide in his room again, that he would move forward, that he would not be put in danger, that he could love the world once more.
And that from afar, even in the distant future, I might see him just once more.
I prayed so earnestly.
The darkness swallowed my small body.
Leaving secrets as secrets.
And so the secret maid of the Count's household was swallowed by darkness and vanished forever.