2. Lady Christopher's Daily Life (3)
I returned to my room almost running.
"Oh my. You're back already?"
Perhaps thinking I would be with Ethan for a long time, the maid who was cleaning approached me in surprise. I waved my hand saying it was fine and crawled into bed. Suddenly everything felt exhausting. I heard another maid approaching after seeing me like that.
"Miss?"
"Leave me alone."
Without even realizing I was using honorific speech out of habit, I closed my eyes.
The next day, I stayed cooped up in my room all day. Isabella came, but I skipped training using the excuse of not feeling well. Fortunately, she gave me a day's rest without saying much.
After the man left yesterday, Ethan came to find me and asked if I had heard anything strange. I shook my head, then asked if the man had said something strange. Ethan laughed saying it was nothing, but that felt even more frightening. I was worried and scared about what kind of evaluation the man might have given me, or whether I had made a mistake.
I lost my confidence. No matter how well I dressed up, I couldn't change my appearance. This ugly face was blocking my path again. I was scared. Scared that no matter how hard I tried, people would realize I wasn't a noble. Furthermore, that I would become a burden to Ethan and Vincent.
'What if everything gets found out?'
The bad thought that had sprouted once grew uncontrollably. My mood became endlessly depressed, and I lay in bed all day seeking the sleep I had postponed. It was almost no different from forcing myself to sleep. While spending time emptily in a half-awake state, suddenly I heard a knock.
"Florence."
It seemed Ethan, who had gone out in the morning, had returned. I didn't answer at all. After a few knocks, the sound stopped, and then the door clicked open. I heard footsteps coming in, followed by the creak of the door closing.
Not long after, one side of the bed heavily sank down. I stayed still with the sheet pulled over my face. It seemed Ethan had come in, but he said nothing. In the room where silence flowed, even breathing felt cautious.
After a while, Ethan's voice was heard.
"Paula."
Perhaps because no one was around, he called my real name. I shifted my body.
"I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about."
"Just, I think I might have made a mistake."
I had tried my best, but it might have been awkward as a noble, and while I tried to hide my expressions, signs of displeasure might have shown. Or maybe I panicked without realizing when asked if I was truly from the Christopher family. There were many things that bothered me. So I offered my apology first.
"Well. It doesn't seem like Paula made any mistakes."
"Then that's a relief, but..."
"I want to see your face."
A gentle voice seemed to come from above my head. I shrank my body to avoid that voice.
"You truly didn't make any mistakes, and there was nothing strange. He'll think he met Florence Christopher here. So don't worry."
"Ethan-nim."
I cut off his words that were trying to comfort me. After a moment of silence, an answer came from Ethan.
"Yes. Go ahead and speak."
"What if we get caught?"
I voiced the anxiety that had been floating in my head all day since meeting the unfamiliar guest. I was so worried about that. I was wearing pretty clothes, receiving noble education, and preparing for my future life, but after meeting someone else, the anxiety I had pushed aside rushed in all at once. It didn't seem like a problem that could be solved with effort, and the thought that there was nothing I could do was frightening.
"Then we'll just find another way."
However, Ethan answered my question as if it were nothing.
"Paula, have confidence. I think you're putting in enough effort. Just because you wear nice clothes and eat delicious food doesn't mean that life is only happy. Coming to an unfamiliar place and experiencing things for the first time must be very difficult, yet you silently try to do your part without any complaints—that's truly admirable. Things like today can happen many times in the future. So I think it's a problem you need to overcome."
"I know. But even though I know..."
Should I say this? But I couldn't stop the feelings that had already burst out.
"I really hate the way I look."
Ethan probably noticed how the man had acted toward me. Even without saying it directly, judging by the man's attitude, he must have shown it to some extent. Is such an ugly woman really from the Christopher family? Is she really Ethan's sister?
Because of this appearance, I had lived my whole life being criticized. There were many wounds from that. I thought I had become accustomed to the glares directed at me, but at this moment, I couldn't hate this appearance more. If only I had been even a little pretty, no, if only I had been born even looking average...
"People will whisper when they see my appearance. They might even insult you, Ethan-nim."
"It's fine. As time passes, people will definitely recognize your good qualities."
"How can you be so confident?"
"Because I was like that too."
At his words, I raised my body. Pushing aside the sheet, I saw Ethan right in front of me. He must have come looking for me as soon as he returned to the mansion, as he was still in his outing clothes. He didn't show any reaction despite seeing my utterly depressed face.
"You know you're lacking and you're making efforts to improve. How could anyone hate someone who tries? Someday, everyone will recognize your efforts."
"......"
"Trust me. You're doing really well, Paula."
Ethan smiled warmly with a tender face. It was a claim without any basis. And hearing such words didn't lessen my anxiety. But the assurance that the effort I was making wasn't wrong... gave me a little comfort.
Ethan spread his arms. His gentle face was full of affection.
"Come here. I want to hug my little sister tight and comfort her."
At his words, I moved my body hesitantly. Ethan grabbed my arm as I approached him and carefully pulled me in. He embraced my deflated self and gently patted my back.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act spoiled, I just... lost some confidence."
"You're allowed to act spoiled."
Ethan laughed softly. I leaned my face against his chest and felt the low rumble. He said he would present me to people when I was fully prepared.
So he told me not to worry too much and to let him know whenever I was ready. But what if I'm still not confident no matter how much I prepare? I know I'm living an utterly undeserved life that I'll never have again, but sometimes I doubt if this is the right path. Even such feelings of inferiority, he understood.
"Don't worry. I won't let anyone hurt my precious little sister. I won't let that happen."
Is this what family is?
For the first time, I felt that I wasn't alone when things were difficult.
While being tightly embraced by him, I could feel a little bit of the happiness of being with someone.
After letting out all my frustrations to Ethan, my heart felt a bit lighter. When dawn broke, the maids who came to attend to my morning routine as always chattered about last night's events.
"You two must really get along well. I've never seen the young master look so affectionate."
"Me too. He's been smiling more lately and showing playful sides, but I was really surprised to see him hugging and comforting the young lady so tightly last night."
D-did they see that? I ended up showing the sight of me pouring out my depressed words and Ethan comforting me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that my head dropped, but they kept chattering about their impressions of last night.
"In the past, the atmosphere of the mansion was cold and scary, but since the young lady came, it seems to have gained vitality."
"That's right. It's so nice."
Even though these were embarrassing words I always heard, they giggled as if they were so happy about something. I looked at them in the mirror and felt a bit dazed. I didn't know I would be thinking this, but hearing their stories, I finally realized that Ethan and this mansion were also changing little by little.
"Is that a good thing?"
I suddenly asked out of curiosity. At my question, the maids' eyes widened, and then they soon smiled brightly.
"Of course. It's a very good thing."
"As servants, we're just happy."
I didn't know what connection the mansion becoming more lively had with being happy as a servant, but they truly looked happy answering that way. Still, thinking it was better than them disliking my arrival, I smiled along. I learned that the wind of change could bring joy to others as well.
After finishing breakfast, I met Isabella. She didn't ask about yesterday's events. Instead, she just threw one remark at me.
"Just hold on tenaciously. The one who endures the longest ultimately wins, they say."
That incident became a catalyst for me to work even harder. If I made even a single mistake, that anger would fall upon Ethan. And I wanted to become someone worthy of Vincent. Because I absolutely didn't want to cause them harm, I ground my teeth even harder and learned.
Just as Isabella said, I decided to hold on tenaciously.
At the very least, it was fortunate that Florence had a weak constitution and her face wasn't well-known. At least there was no one who could definitively prove that I wasn't Florence. Knowing that the day's events had left me with bad memories, Ethan rarely invited guests after that, and when he did, he only entertained them in the first-floor reception room and sent them away.
***
I fell off a horse while riding. I thought I might actually die like this. Fortunately, the horse had been slowing down, and I fell onto a softly grassed area, so there was no major injury. Just some scraped skin from the fall, and one wrist slightly sprained?
Upon hearing the news, Ethan immediately ordered to stop the training. He said recovering my body came first. I said it was fine since it wasn't my dominant arm and nothing was seriously wrong with my body, but Ethan was firm, saying problems could arise later.
Ethan, who had been dissatisfied with me not taking proper rest after resting for just one day previously, took this opportunity to order me to rest. In the end, after talking with Isabella, we agreed to focus only on less physically demanding activities until my body healed.
However, staying only in my room made my body stiff. Even when I tried to read, the letters wouldn't enter my eyes, making it hard to turn even a single page. Unable to bear it anymore, I ran out of the room. The maids waiting naturally followed me. I ran away from them. I just wanted to be alone right now.
As I shook them off, I found myself in a sparsely populated area on the first floor. I confirmed no one was around and finally let out a sigh of relief as I plopped down on the floor. The expensive skirt got dirty. Isabella might scold me if she saw, but I didn't want to think about such things right now.
I released all the tension in my body and exhaled sharply. The corset tightening my waist was suffocating, and the fatigue from receiving training every day without proper rest came rushing in like a tide. Knowing it wasn't the time to act spoiled, I hadn't shown any signs of difficulty, but that didn't mean it wasn't hard. I think I ran without resting because I feared that if I stopped, it would be hard to start again.
'I'm tired.'
It would be nice to just stretch out and take a nap like this.
As I blinked my heavy eyelids, I suddenly heard footsteps. At first, I thought I misheard, but the sound gradually grew closer. I opened my eyes wide and turned my body. The moment I realized the footsteps had come right up to me, something suddenly popped out from the left corner.
"Huh?"
A familiar but completely unexpected opponent appeared before my eyes, with leaves stuck all over their head. After blinking once in surprise, the other person also discovered me and let out a light laugh.
"Found you."
With those words, the person who quickly approached lifted me up. In the blink of an eye, the man who threw me over his shoulder started running outside.
"Wh-what are you doing!"
As I struggled in panic, he held me firmly and replied casually.
"Kidnapping."