# 161
161. Epilogue (1)
I realized that confessing one's honest feelings is a more embarrassing ordeal than one might expect.
Ever since the night I confessed my feelings to Vincent, I had been consumed by an overwhelming sense of mortification. I was still unaccustomed to being honest. Especially when it came to confessing my love to someone—this was a first for me. It was a rather refreshing and relieving experience, yet simultaneously accompanied by a deep sense of embarrassment; that was one of the revelations I had recently come to terms with.
"What if we put some distance between us for a while?"
"What are you talking about all of a sudden?"
Vincent sat tilted in his chair with his arms crossed. I covered my face with both hands.
Ever since my embarrassing confession, Vincent visited me like clockwork once a day, as if he had never stayed away. I needed time to calm my heart and accept these unfamiliar emotions I was feeling, but he possessed no such patience. I felt like I wouldn't need to see him for a few days, yet after receiving my confession, he came to see me even more actively.
If it were up to my heart, I would have hidden myself away somewhere tightly. But I was still confined to my bed, and there was nowhere to hide in this room. In the end, turning away or pulling the sheets over my face to avoid his gaze was the maximum resistance I could offer. But even that wasn't easy since Vincent would turn my body toward him or snatch the sheets away.
Unlike me, floundering in embarrassment, he had a completely nonchalant expression. Where had the man who held me while crying gone?
"Why are you covering your face?"
"Just because."
Could you leave for a moment? I need to be embarrassed right now. As I lay with both hands covering my face, I felt his dissatisfied gaze piercing the back of my hands. But I desperately wanted some time alone.
"Lower your hands. I have something to say."
"Just say it."
"Is this revenge?"
What nonsense was he talking about? When I slightly parted my fingers, I saw Vincent tilting his head through the gap.
"You complained before that you wanted to see my face but I wouldn't show it to you."
"When did I do that?"
"The night you told me you loved me."
Argh! Aaack! Stop it! I screamed inwardly, begging him to stop, but outwardly I maintained my composure and answered calmly.
"It's not like that."
"Then lower your hands. I want to talk while looking at your face."
His hand gently grasped one of my fingers. With a slight downward pressure, I had no choice but to remove my hands from my face. Vincent's eyes widened as he saw my revealed face.
"Your face is..."
"I know. It's just a bit hot."
I turned my head away unnecessarily, pretending to check outside the door. A gentle breeze drifted in through the wide-open window, so the room wasn't actually hot. But my face was burning up. To be precise, it wasn't because of the heat, but because I realized just how embarrassing a thing I had done.
"Do you have a fever?"
He placed his hand on my forehead to check my temperature. I had caused unnecessary worry. I shook my head to say that wasn't it.
"Tell me if it hurts. I'll call the doctor again."
"I will. More importantly, what did you want to say?"
Before my embarrassment could be discovered, I changed the subject, and Vincent leaned back against the chair.
"I think we need to discuss what we're going to do from now on."
"From now on?"
"Are you planning to continue living here as a servant?"
That was... the plan, right? If not a servant, I had no justification to stay here. It wasn't like I had any other skills. I rolled my eyes and looked at him again. Vincent let out a deep sigh as if he had read my thoughts.
"I told you before, I have no intention of leaving things like this with you."
"Then? What should I do?"
"For starters, it would be best to stop working as a servant."
Wait, then wouldn't I not be able to stay here? Was he telling me to remain as a guest instead? That would also be a bit strange, wouldn't it?
"Since you need to recover your body for now, it would be best to quit once your wounds are fully healed."
"Then under what qualification should I remain here?"
"That's what we need to figure out from now on."
Vincent's expression turned cautious. In that fleeting moment, I could read his complex thoughts. Couldn't I just continue as a servant? Then I could keep staying here, and I'd have a justification.
"As I said before, I want to become your lover."
"Ah, I see."
If that was the case, then continuing as a servant would indeed be a bit strange. But was there any other way? I had been true to my emotions in the moment, but in reality, there were many problems between him and me. The biggest issue was the difference in our social status. He was an upper-class noble and I was a poor lower-class citizen. Anyone else would find it strange enough. It didn't matter to me, but I was cautious because I worried it might have a negative impact on him.
"Actually... I'm fine with things as they are. Do we really need to make it public?"
"I don't like that."
His rejection came swiftly. Moreover, it was so firm that I couldn't add anything else. As I hesitated, observing his mood, a sudden knock came at the door. Soon the door opened and Ethan entered.
"Oh? Vincent's here too."
"Welcome."
Ethan naturally approached the two of us. I greeted him familiarly. I had been worried since he hadn't shown his face for two days, but seeing him looking fine, it seemed like it wasn't anything serious.
Ethan pulled up a chair next to Vincent and sat down side by side. Vincent looked at Ethan sideways with a disgruntled expression.
"Are you still mad? I'm sorry."
"Are you really sorry?"
Vincent believed that Ethan was half to blame for my injuries. Looking at the overall situation, that was true, but from my perspective, it wasn't necessarily the case. Ultimately, it was my fault for recklessly jumping into that dangerous situation.
"Of course. I've already apologized sufficiently to Pola. Right, Pola?"
"Yes."
I nodded in response to Ethan's question. But Vincent didn't erase his suspicion.
"Did you apologize sincerely and formally?"
"I apologized very sincerely and formally."
"How sincerely and formally?"
"Do I have to say that much? And are you going to believe me even if I do?"
When Ethan subtly retorted, Vincent frowned. He seemed to think that Ethan hadn't given me a proper apology. Or perhaps that he had apologized in a joking manner. I didn't know why he thought that, but maybe he misunderstood that I was being treated that way by people.
I looked back and forth between them and calmly offered a remark.
"He even shed tears. Crying bitterly."
I left out the part about it being because of Lucas.
At my words, Ethan and Vincent whipped their heads toward me. Ethan shot me a resentful glare as if asking why I said that, but his face started to turn slightly red, while Vincent wore an expression of disbelief. I pretended not to notice and turned my gaze back to the window.
After a brief silence, Ethan's voice followed.
"More importantly, what were you talking about?"
"What's there to be curious about?"
"Pola. What were you talking about?"
When Vincent responded curtly, Ethan immediately turned to me. I withdrew my gaze from the window and looked at Ethan.
"We were discussing what to do from now on."
"What to do from now on? About what?"
"Ah, well."
I quickly sat up. Vincent swiftly grabbed a pillow and placed it behind my back. I sat leaning against the headboard and faced Ethan. Vincent also let out a small sigh, seemingly realizing what I was about to say, and looked at Ethan.
Sensing the unusual atmosphere, Ethan blinked.
"Actually, I... to Master..."
"Vincent."
"Ah, yes. I, to Lord Vincent, lo... l-lo... lo-ove..."
As I tried to put the word love back into my mouth, the embarrassment I had momentarily forgotten came rushing back. I trailed off and secretly trembled. Immediately, Vincent's disapproving gaze pierced through me. Ethan couldn't understand my words and showed confusion.
"S-so, what I'm trying to say is... I, um... because I lo-lo-lo... did that to Lord Vincent. So..."
"What did you do?"
"That... lo-lo-lo... ve..."
"Lo-lo-lo... ve?"
When Ethan repeated my words back to me, my face felt like it was on fire. This was so embarrassing! Mortifying! As I stammered, unable to finish my sentence, with an almost crying expression, the words suddenly continued from beside me.
"Pola said she loves me, so we were discussing what to do from now on."
"..."
"..."
Silence descended at the abrupt conclusion. I buried my head deeply.
Ethan had vaguely sensed Vincent's feelings for me, and he also knew that I intended to stay here. He had told me I could stay if I wanted, but the fact that I was staying because I loved him was a different matter. Realistically, it was an absurd notion. Unable to bear looking at Ethan's face, I kept my head down and fidgeted with my clasped hands.
"What about your feelings?"
Suddenly, Ethan asked Vincent. Vincent gave a heavy answer befitting the weight of the question.
"I feel the same way. I want to share my future with Pola."
"Are you serious?"
"I'm serious."
"You know you're talking nonsense, right?"
"I do."
"And that it won't be easy?"
"Yes. I know that well."
At that answer, Ethan's voice cut off. Was it because he realized there was no hesitation in Vincent? Until then, I had kept my head down and couldn't see their faces, but they must have had serious expressions. I observed the situation carefully, sensing the heavy atmosphere emanating from their entire bodies.
A while later, a very deep sigh escaped.
"I should have known this would happen..."
Ethan trailed off as if a troublesome matter had exploded. I slowly raised my head. Ethan, who had been cradling his face with one hand, felt my gaze and glared.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Aren't you going to say anything?"
"Like what?"
"Pardon? Oh, well... like 'why are you doing this' or 'have you gone crazy'?"
"Then. Do you have any intention of changing your mind?"
At his question, I thought about it for a moment. If he tried to stop me, would I want to reverse the decision I made? Take back my confession to Vincent? I thought about it carefully, but the answer was one. Since confessing my honest feelings, I felt mortified and embarrassed, wanting to hide somewhere, but I had no desire to take it back.
Because I didn't regret my decision.
I gently shook my head. Suddenly, laughter burst out from beside me. When I turned my head, Vincent had turned away, covering his mouth with his hand, laughing. It didn't seem like a situation to laugh in, so he seemed to be trying to hold it in, but he couldn't hide his shaking body. Seeing that, Ethan let out another deep sigh.
"What is love that it blinds people so?"
It was a very uncharacteristic thing for him to say. But Ethan looked serious.
"So, what are you planning to do from now on?"
"I'm thinking about it. What to do."
Vincent answered with a serious face, as if he had finished laughing. But was it my imagination that it looked like flowers were floating around him? He seemed to be in an extremely good mood, ill-suited for this serious situation. Ethan must have felt it too, as he continued speaking with a very reluctant expression.
"What about keeping things as they are? It's safer than making it public."
"I don't like it."
"Why don't you like it?"
"Because I don't want to meet my lover in secret."
No, I felt like I needed to hide right now. I wanted to crawl into a mouse hole if one existed. My face grew hotter and hotter, so I secretly fanned myself with my hand.
"So do you have a plan?"
"I have to look for one."
"Look for one. What will people say about you? They'll gossip that you're the one who hooked up with a servant and disgraced a noble's honor. People might even spread rumors that you've truly gone crazy this time."
"They probably will."
Vincent smiled thinly. It seemed similar things had happened before. Hearing Ethan's words, I became increasingly dispirited. No matter how I thought about it, this was truly an absurd situation.
"I'm fine with things as they are too."
So when I tentatively offered my opinion again, Vincent glared at me fiercely.
"I told you earlier, I don't like it."
"But..."
"Didn't you stay by my side to be happy together with me? Does your loving me mean you're willing to sacrifice yourself? Do you want to keep yourself hidden here and meet me in secret? If so, I politely refuse. I'm not confident I can completely hide my lover and meet them."
Vincent sharply retorted in a calm, deliberate tone. I was at a loss for words. It wasn't that I couldn't understand his feelings, but even reconsidering, it was a difficult problem. I loved him, but I couldn't let him bear the brunt of people's criticism and a heavy burden. I couldn't sacrifice his happiness for my own, could I? He said it was fine, but even someone like me knew it was never an easy path. Still, I felt grateful, sorry, and thought he was foolish for being so stubborn.
"Then how about this."
At that moment, Ethan, who had been deep in thought, suddenly spoke up. Both my and Vincent's gazes turned to Ethan. He opened his mouth with a very serious expression.
"Pola. Will you become family with me?"