# 110
110. Even Coincidence Seems to Be Fate in the End (7)
A flower of laughter bloomed on the small face. The head bobbed from side to side, expressing pure delight.
The nanny, holding the child's small hand tightly, let out an awkward smile while glancing somewhere. Ethan also stared blankly into the air, seemingly chewing over what kind of situation this was. And so was I.
We decided to start hide-and-seek in the late afternoon. Running around from morning would be too much, and Vincent also said he had matters to attend to in the morning and needed to return to the main building. So we set the time for after lunch. Around that time, the servants would also be on their break, making the hallways quiet.
When the appointed time came, we gathered in the central hall like before.
It was funny that we were playing hide-and-seek again even after that incident, but even more unbelievable was that Vincent was here with us now. Vincent, who readily expressed his intention to participate at Ethan's suggestion, even showed enthusiasm by throwing off his jacket. Joely couldn't attend because her condition suddenly worsened.
"S-shall we begin?"
The nanny, who rarely seemed flustered, awkwardly opened the conversation. Even so, the three of us kept glancing at Vincent. Vincent himself, receiving all the attention, didn't seem bothered at all.
The first seeker was Robert. Robert kept his eyes tightly shut while holding the nanny's hand firmly.
"One, twoo..."
Hearing the counting, Ethan and I moved. Then Vincent followed us. The presence sticking behind us was unbearably burdensome. I wasn't the only one who felt that way; Ethan walking beside me also had a face clearly showing his discomfort.
Ethan slipped away to the left corner of the hall, and I went up the stairs at the back, heading straight to the upper floor. Looking around the hallway, I searched for a suitable place to hide.
At first, I looked for a hard-to-find spot, but changed my mind halfway. Robert might get overly excited and run around, so it seemed better to choose an easy-to-find place instead.
Just then, a four-legged side table sitting in the middle of the hallway caught my eye. Gauging the empty space between the legs, it seemed like I could fit if I curled up. If I hide here, wouldn't I be found quickly?
"Do you even have any intention of hiding?"
Suddenly, a meddling voice came from behind. I narrowed my eyes and glanced back. Vincent was standing behind me, looking down at the side table I had been eyeing. When our eyes met, I immediately turned my head forward.
"I'm not trying to hide here."
Ignore him. Just ignore him.
I started walking again. Let me find a better place to hide. Looking around for a suitable spot, Vincent followed behind me.
It could simply be that we were going the same direction, but for some reason, he kept following me closely. When I stopped, he stopped; when I walked again, he started walking again.
Why does he keep following me? It's so burdensome I could die.
"Do you even have any intention of hiding?"
When I entered a room and glanced behind the door, he asked again. I let out a heavy breath. Setting aside the following, I didn't understand why he kept meddling like that.
Moreover, when I wondered where I'd heard those words before, they were exactly what I had said to Ethan during the last hide-and-seek. It felt unfair to be treated the same as Ethan. Both then and now, I was trying pretty hard to play along. Unlike someone who made a promise and then irresponsibly played along.
"I'm hiding very diligently."
"Doesn't seem like it."
"Easy-looking places are actually harder to find."
"It looks very easy. I think they'll find you right away."
He firmly countered my words. But since that was actually my intention, I couldn't coldly refute it.
When I fell silent, he gazed at me with a steady look. As if he had no intention of moving, he didn't even stir. This time, I wanted to ask. Do you have any intention of hiding?
"Then where are you going to hide, Master?"
"Well."
What, he doesn't have any thoughts either. When I slightly scrunched my face, Vincent let out a soft laugh.
"Want me to help?"
"Pardon?"
"Actually, I know a good hiding spot."
"...Really?"
That offer was somewhat tempting. I wondered why he kept acting so leisurely without any intention of hiding; there must have been a reason.
When I showed interest, Vincent nodded and walked ahead as if telling me to follow. I hesitated for a moment before following him.
"Where is it?"
"You'll know if you follow."
"Can't you tell me in advance?"
"No."
How petty. No, if there was such a place, wouldn't it be nice to tell me earlier? Even knowing I was looking for a place to hide, it was absurd that he kept his mouth shut and just watched.
I fiercely glared at the golden back of his head. Whether he didn't feel my gaze or not, Vincent's gait ahead somehow looked cheerful.
I followed him while looking out the window. The branches that had started sprouting were now in full bloom. The scorching sunlight now felt a bit overwhelming.
Already, that much time had passed. It wasn't that long ago, but it felt like a lot of time had flowed by. The time when I knew the truth of the mansion and trembled in fear felt distant. Normally, I should have left this place by now, but here I was, still staying in this mansion perfectly fine.
This current peace felt unreal. Silence breeds useless thoughts. For example, wondering if all of this might be a dream.
That I'm in this mansion right now, that I'm staying with Alicia, that my father died... no, even before that, that I became a servant of the count's household... what if all of it is a dream. Perhaps I'm already dead. Maybe I'm dead and dreaming. Because I wanted to die so badly, maybe I was already trampled to death by my father.
It's funny to think of dreaming after death, but don't they say that in the final moment of life, you dream of your past life flashing before you? But I didn't want to recall my past life. Recalling it would only be miserable. In that time, I would imagine a different life instead.
Me living a different life.
A child born in an ordinary family, receiving abundant love from parents. When a sibling is born, helping the mother care for them together, loving them, sometimes fighting, and growing up together. Then coming of age, falling in love with the most diligent man in the village, marrying, having children, and living happily ever after.
I wanted to live such a life. But it was a life I could never have.
'I'll live like this for my whole life.'
Unable to even dream of an ordinary life, I would grow old alone, despised for my ugly face. Even if I'm having a fleeting dream right now, beautiful Alicia would be loved wherever she goes.
The happiness I dream of is something like this—walking down a quiet hallway without any incident, receiving no one's contempt or insult. If this moment right now is a dream, it might be God's final mercy upon me.
White flower petals fluttered in through the open window. I chased the white petal with my eyes and reached out my hand. However, the petal didn't land in my hand and fluttered down to the floor. Following the trace of the petal with my gaze, I looked up.
My heart dropped. Vincent was looking at me. The vividly shining emerald eyes pierced into my own.
I immediately lowered my head deeply. The resistance I had momentarily forgotten rose up heavily. I fiddled with my bangs out of habit. The gaze that reached me was stinging. That gaze again. A gaze that seemed to be watching, trying to uncover what I had hidden away. Even feeling that gaze, I couldn't bring myself to lift my face and fixed my eyes on the floor.
At that moment, a shoe tip suddenly came into my view. At the same time, something soft bumped against my forehead. As I stepped back two paces and grabbed my forehead, my face was roughly pulled up. Spinning around, the vivid emerald eyes were right before me.
"It bothered me every time."
Vincent cupped my cheeks with both hands.
Dazed by the warm body temperature seeping into both cheeks for a moment, I twisted my head when I realized how close Vincent was, but my firmly held face couldn't easily break free.
"Am I scary?"
"...Pardon?"
"You always lower your head and avoid me."
"Pardon? What? Huh? Eh?"
What is he talking about now. Startled by the sudden topic, I asked back blankly. I was so flustered that I couldn't even spit out what do you mean.
His face tilted slightly. The emerald eyes looking down stretched to the sides. He furrowed his brow, expressing dissatisfaction.
"You always act like a threatened animal."
"U-um, that's not it. I was told not to carelessly make eye contact."
"Still, you avoid me too overtly."
The emerald eyes pointed at the floor. My eyes followed his gaze down and back up. Then they rolled and dropped down again.
"Like someone trying to hide their face."
In that moment, my mind went completely blank. The words pierced me like a blade.
If I show him my face, would he perhaps recognize me? There was no way, but a sense of anxiety had settled in one corner of my heart.
I didn't want to see him disappointed upon seeing my face. So from the day I faced Vincent again, I tried not to show my face when I met him. I lowered my head in case our eyes met, and when they did, I subtly averted my gaze. I thought I was acting naturally, but he must have noticed that I was avoiding him.
Or maybe Vincent was also watching me...
N-no way.
"Have I ever acted threateningly? Ah, did I say something before?"
"N-no. That's..."
I tried to deny it but paused. Come to think of it, his attitude toward me was threatening. When was it again, was it from when I accidentally kicked his thigh while trying to get off the carriage? Or from when he said something about me asking for a favor afterwards. His attitude was always so cold that I couldn't even tell what 'before' he was referring to.
"It really must be because of that."
At those words, my neck shrank back even more. I didn't know what was what, but his mood seemed displeased. I wanted to lower my head, but even if my head tilted just a little, he would immediately pull my face back up. Thanks to that, my cheeks were pressed, making my lips stick out in a comical face. Even so, Vincent didn't laugh, and I still couldn't meet his gaze, only rolling my eyes around.
"You."
Suddenly, his face drew closer. The emerald eyes filling my vision, and when I clearly saw my startled face reflected in them, I shoved him away hard. The warmth that had been cupping my cheeks fell away, and I frantically pulled at both sides of my hair as if to tear it out, hiding my face.