Chapter1 IAMGROOT123
Squeak. Squeak-squeak. Squeak.
A toddler tricycle rolled into the dark dungeon.
What made its energetic entrance, pedaling away, was an ugly, oversized teddy bear doll the size of a young child. It was the 'Barely-Made Bear' series trending among kids these days.
A crudely made bear doll with sparkling eyes and drooping frown lines turned its head with a creak.
Soon after, a modulated mechanical voice flowed out from inside the doll.
— C-rank Hunter Jang Yeongung. You're facing a crisis.
Fuck. Surely I'm not dreaming on my deathbed. Jang Yeongung lay on the dungeon floor, rolling only his eyes as he stared at the bear doll.
He knew all too well what that thing was.
It had already been ten years since the Awakened appeared alongside the System.
The number of Awakened had gradually increased, and it was now an era where concept-crazed lunatics were running rampant.
The ultimate attention whores among attention whores.
There were harmful trolls who insisted on close combat despite being mages, and there were also those whose attention-seeking tendencies manifested elegantly, revered as somewhat useful concept freaks—and this guy was one of them.
The name he was called among Hunters was the so-called 'Fake Saw.'
It was a moniker born from appearing in the same manner as the serial killer 'Jigsaw' from the movie, who sent dolls as his proxy.
Fake Saw was a peddler who intruded upon dungeons with that ugly bear doll to sell his self-made items through direct transactions.
He would have drawn plenty of negative attention due to his bizarre concept, yet thanks to his cheap prices and the good quality proportional to that madness, he was received quite favorably among Hunters.
When no answer came from the other party, Fake Saw tilted his head.
— Are you already dead?
"Is this fun?! Huh?!"
Fuming, Jang Yeongung lay there, flapping only his mouth.
It was true that Jang Yeongung was facing a crisis.
His mistake had been thinking that a mere D-rank dungeon was something he could handle alone.
He had taken down the boss monster easily, but the poison was the problem.
The poison shot by the boss monster in its final thrashing had invaded through his wound, and as a result, even after clearing the dungeon, he was left lying there, unable to move an inch.
Thus, while he lay paralyzed without a thing to do, waiting for the Management Bureau to find him, Fake Saw had appeared.
Regardless of such circumstances, the teddy bear doll, having confirmed the other party was alive, delivered its familiar sales pitch.
— C-rank Hunter Jang Yeongung. Will you choose death? Or will you purchase this ultimate item, the one and only miracle drug that will restore vitality to your weary life?
The moment it finished speaking, the doll's squishy hand unzipped its belly. Then it rummaged through the white stuffing and pulled out two syrup bottles that looked like something children would drink.
— Instant antidote.
"......!"
Instant antidotes could only be crafted by B-rank Hunters or higher.
As expected, was this the skill proportional to the madness, just like the rumors? How was such a thing possible?
To a Hunter—no, to a Hunter in a life-or-death situation from poison—this was truly insane performance incarnate!
He couldn't help but open his wallet.
"How much......!"
When he asked through gritted teeth, Fake Saw answered as if it had been waiting.
— The Yucky Yucky Bitter flavor is 1,189,900 won. The Sweet Sweet Strawberry Syrup flavor is 1,999,900 won. That's the first-time customer discount price.
At the absurd price gap, Jang Yeongung's face contorted.
"What's the difference?!"
The Barely-Made Bear tilted its head as if wondering why he didn't know.
Those drooping, pitiful eyebrows pissed Jang Yeongung off even more.
— Yucky Yucky Bitter tastes bitter. Sweet Sweet Strawberry Syrup tastes sweet.
For a moment, Jang Yeongung recalled how pathetic his life was.
No, no. Even with that bullshit, it was still cheaper than the alternatives.
If he received help from the Management Bureau now, it was clear he'd be shaken down for more than double that price.
"Give me your account!"
— Payment is only possible through Onion Pay.
Onion Pay was the currency used in Onion Market, a secondhand marketplace where anonymous transactions were possible.
Due to its nature of being free from taxes, it was often used like an underground market, with tax evasion and crimes taking place regularly.
"If I report you for tax evasion—"
— I shall take my leave if you do not need it.
The tricycle spun around.
"Ah, I got it!! Bitter! Give me the bitter one!"
— Very well.
Fake Saw presented a contract. Jang Yeongung popped the pen cap off with his mouth, spat it out, then bit the end of the pen and scrawled his signature.
Fake Saw took the contract and stuffed it back into its belly.
— By the way, if you leave a five-star photo review on Onion Market, I shall send you a globe candy as a service item that raises your Strength stat by 1 for five minutes. Then, I wish you good fortune.
With those parting words, the toddler tricycle headed back out of the dungeon.
Squeak. Squeak-squeak. Squeak.
*
Hunter Net Anonymous Board
[Title: Update on 'Fake Saw,' Consumed by Concept.jpg]
Working hard at business.
Bought the Yucky Yucky Bitter flavor.
[Comments]
- Yucky Yucky Bitter fucking lolololol
- What's Yucky Yucky Bitter?
? Very bitter
Very bitter, agreed lolololol
What rank do you think Fake Saw is?
At least B-rank production-class
Fuck, B-rank? That's insane
If he's B-rank, he should be balling even after taxes; is he an unregistered Hunter?
Dunno, seems like he spun three hundred fifty degrees from that concept
- What's that?
Instant antidote
How much?
Yucky Yucky was around 1.1 million won with a 5% discount
He sells that for around a million? I'm gonna go get poisoned to meet God Saw too
Yeah~ you won't meet him~~
Yeah, if you do, you'll just die~~~
Buy the strawberry one, that other shit is fucking bitter
- What's the Awakened Special Investigation Unit doing? Aren't they cracking down on illegal trade properly?
The King-Awakened God-Investigation sirs are too busy drinking on tax money to crack down, no?
- Do you think Fake Saw is a girl?
Please be a girl please be a girl please be a girl please be a girl please be a girl
So what if it's a girl, what can you even do?
Fake Saw's true identity is a hairy middle-aged man, and that's that
Judging by the madness index, I'd guess it's a thirty-something virgin hunter loser who wasted his youth online
- Honestly, I'm fucking curious... What kind of human is he, really?
*
[Review Window]
- HunterEunjaeMom: Our guild members love it~~~^^ Thumbs up! Giving 5 stars~~~
When she firmly pressed 'Like' on the review left on Onion Market, a popup appeared saying Onion Pay had been accumulated.
[50 OP Accumulated!]
I'd saved up quite a bit. Just as Han Geuru smiled in satisfaction while checking her Onion Pay—
"Our Geuru, didn't the teacher say you shouldn't look at your phone during class, or didn't she?"
The homeroom teacher of the Chick Class looked down at the child.
"I did......"
Geuru put her kids phone into her small character bag.
She'd have to send the globe candy review service later.
"Now, now, everyone look here. Let's sing along again~ All together~"
The children became one and began singing a children's song.
Geuru also sat upright in her seat and sang along.
Handsome Tomato was Geuru's favorite song.
"I'm gonna~ become ketchup~ I'm gonna~ dance~ Handsome Tomato~"
Even though everyone was curious about Fake Saw, the reason he couldn't be found was obvious.
Fake Saw, the production-class Hunter drenched in madness.
He was none other than a kindergartener.
Four years old this year. Han Geuru, who attended the Chick Class at Saebom Kindergarten, was an S-rank production-class ability user.