Episode 82. Why a Chivalrous Hero Is Strong

“I’m not even hurting anywhere, yet I keep coming by and troubling you, Doctor.”

Strangely enough, every time I saw Murong Bai, it felt as though it had been a very long time. Even I had no idea why.

Murong Bai studied my expression and said,

“You may come whenever you like. Have you been waiting long?”

In truth, I had waited half a shichen, but I answered roughly.

“About half a gak.”

As though following a set procedure, Murong Bai took my pulse and continued speaking.

“……By the way, Sect Leader, you seem to grow stronger every time I see you.”

It was not praise one heard easily, so I smiled.

“I’m trying to live that way.”

Murong withdrew his hand and said,

“There are no particular problems. It was the same before, but I am more curious about your mind than your body, Sect Leader.”

Murong Bai gazed steadily at my expression and my eyes. I began rambling about the matter of flames among the things that had happened recently.

“When I’m fighting and I see the flames surrounding me, it feels as though my mind goes blank for a moment. I nearly burned to death because of it.”

Murong Bai replied with a faint smile.

“Why do you think that is? I am not a fortune-teller. I believe you know the cause to some extent yourself, Sect Leader.”

While searching for the cause, I babbled out whatever came to mind.

“I once had an inn under my name, and it burned to ashes. A hopeless feeling? I didn’t know it at the time, but the moment my home disappeared, I think I stopped expecting a smooth life.”

“Why?”

“Because even before it burned, I knew what my own personality was like.”

Murong Bai replied with a composed expression.

“Does that personality get in the way of learning martial arts?”

“No.”

After thinking for a moment, Murong Bai asked me a question.

“If you were to meet an opponent far stronger than you, Sect Leader, how would you feel? I do not know whether you have encountered one before.”

I knew very well what feeling Murong Bai was asking about.

“When I meet someone strong, I feel as if I’m going mad.”

“Why?”

I looked at Murong Bai with a serious expression.

“Because I have to go mad to win. If my skill is lacking compared to my opponent’s, I can only win by enduring with madness.”

“You said enduring. Please explain that part further.”

“When you fight, anyone is bound to suffer. To win, you have to endure that pain, and there are times when you feel as if you’ve crossed a line. You should faint, but you don’t. You should collapse, but you don’t. Somewhere around there, the thing called madness waits, then leaps out.”

“Are you not afraid? Of defeat or death.”

“I’m not afraid of defeat. I’ve lost plenty since I was young. Thanks to that, I kept growing stronger.”

“What about death?”

I recalled the time I was trapped in the Heavenly Net. I also remembered being beaten mercilessly by the Mad Monk. Even amid countless defeats and failures, there had been no fear of death. Perhaps I had already lived prepared for death ever since Zaha Inn burned down the first time.

“I don’t think about it when I’m fighting.”

Murong Bai replied with a troubled expression.

“Then it seems that occasionally losing yourself while staring at flames is not fear, but an awareness of, or concern over, madness.”

“Awareness?”

“Does it not mean that, by your way of thinking, Sect Leader, you must go mad to have a chance of defeating the strong people of the world?”

“It does.”

“If you regret the state of mind you had while watching the flames that engulfed the inn, then it is possible for your mind to go blank. Is it right to keep living like a madman, prepared for death as you are now? Or should you hold a different state of mind? In a way, could it not be that the central question of your life rises up every time you look at flames, Sect Leader?”

“And if I decide that?”

“Would such a decision be easy? I do not know how far you intend to grow stronger, Sect Leader.”

“I intend to become number one under heaven.”

Suddenly, Murong Bai struck the table.

“Just when, exactly, is that dream supposed to come true?”

“I don’t know.”

“Precisely. You know it well. If it is something that will happen ten years from now, then in truth, it would be better for you to do nothing starting now and spend nine years in wall-facing cultivation, accumulating inner energy. Are you actually going to live like that?”

“I have no intention of doing that.”

“Why not?”

“Wouldn’t that be too empty? I have to drink, sing songs, dance, and fight with other bastards. There’s a lot to do.”

“Then you have no choice but to live each day faithfully again. If one lives that way, someone may become number one under heaven. Even that is only if one survives. Everyone’s heart has a cunning side. To correct myself, Sect Leader, your dream is likely not to become number one under heaven.”

“Then?”

“Drinking, singing, and dancing, and then becoming number one under heaven—that would be a dream more suited to your heart, Sect Leader.”

I found Murong Bai’s words amusing and laughed out loud.

“Ah, is that how it is?”

I quietly looked into my own heart, then replied,

“It feels like something has been half resolved.”

Murong Bai said,

“This is only my personal thought. How about guiding that madness so it appears only when you meet a strong opponent? In ordinary times, it would not be bad to practice calming your mind instead. You separate fighting from your state of mind.”

Murong Bai knew a great deal about my mental state despite not having known me for long. Perhaps it was because, in his days as the Poison Demon, Murong Bai had also been a complete madman. If there were a god, and that god drew Murong Bai’s heart as a painting, then somewhere in a corner, the character for “madness” would be crouching.

I asked Murong Bai,

“Doctor, have you ever felt as though you were going mad?”

“How could I not?”

Murong Bai replied with a complicated expression.

“When I see someone I saved with great difficulty change their attitude once their illness is cured, my insides often turn over. Each time that happens, I come down with chills and body aches and must lie in bed for several days.”

I nodded.

“I understand.”

Murong Bai understood me, and I understood the Poison Demon Murong Bai.

This man had definitely gone mad because of that.

After revealing the weaknesses in each other’s hearts, we laughed together.

“Doctor Murong, there is something I want to ask. At first glance, it may sound like a light question, but I am asking with sincerity.”

“Yes. I will think carefully before answering.”

“What do you think of chivalrous heroes?”

Even in our days as the Mad Demon and the Poison Demon, we had never discussed chivalrous heroes. Therefore, what Murong Bai was about to say was an opinion I was hearing for the first time as well.

Murong Bai thought deeply, then replied,

“Are chivalrous heroes not fools?”

“Fools?”

“If someone who cannot claim his own share is called a fool, then in a broad sense, a chivalrous hero could also be called a fool.”

“I’ll keep listening.”

“Usually, a person who stakes his life on a righteous cause is called a chivalrous hero, but in this world, nothing is as precious as one’s own life. A person who throws away the most precious thing he has to uphold his convictions could be called the greatest fool among fools.”

“Then are they strong?”

It was a stupid question, but Murong Bai answered intelligently.

“If we judge not by martial arts, but by the person himself, could there be anyone stronger? Chivalrous heroes have always been rare, in the past and now. Those who beat down criminals are certainly admirable people, but a true chivalrous hero is not someone whose martial arts are strong, but someone whose very self is strong.”

To think this was the opinion of the Poison Demon from my previous life on chivalrous heroes—it was an impressive statement.

“A senior I know said a chivalrous hero is stronger than any expert, but I do not understand it.”

“If he was not talking about skill in a fight between individuals, but about a person’s influence, then naturally a chivalrous hero would be stronger than an expert of the jianghu. Sect Leader, are you suspecting that this might be some methodology for martial arts training?”

“That’s all that’s in my head.”

Murong Bai suddenly tossed out unexpected words.

“Try doing it yourself.”

“Doing what?”

“Becoming a chivalrous hero. Even if it is not necessarily a matter of staking one’s life, in truth, any man with power can do something worthy of being called chivalrous. Moreover, Sect Leader, you are the strongest person I know. What reason would there be that you could not?”

I replied with a self-mocking smile.

“A bastard like me, a chivalrous hero?”

“Would the chivalrous heroes of the past have weighed their circumstances, status, origins, or wealth before becoming chivalrous heroes? They were chivalrous heroes precisely because they were men who weighed none of that.”

“Could you become a chivalrous hero too, Doctor?”

“I have already chosen the path of a physician. Come to think of it, many famous founding patriarchs in the jianghu were once called chivalrous heroes in their youth. Is that not so? If you read biographies or life stories, there are many tales like this: in their youth, they were called chivalrous heroes somewhere, then in old age they secluded themselves in the mountains, raised successors, and later became founding patriarchs. Now that I have said it aloud, the words that chivalrous heroes are strong feel different again.”

I nodded, then felt something clear away inside me.

Murong Bai, who had been watching my expression, asked as if curious.

“Have you decided?”

“I have.”

“I am curious, so please tell me.”

I crossed my arms and said,

“I don’t intend to become a chivalrous hero. It doesn’t suit my nature.”

Murong Bai gave a hollow laugh, as though it was not the answer he had expected. I told Murong Bai my intention.

“However, if I find someone whose purpose is righteous and whose heart is upright, I will sponsor him. I can teach him martial arts, and I can fully support him materially as well.”

As for money, I was steadily beating down the black path and taking it from them, so it was entirely possible.

“If I support him in both material and moral ways, and that person can become a fine chivalrous hero, then someday my curiosity will be resolved as well.”

“You will not do it yourself?”

I grinned.

“I’m a much worse bastard than you think, Doctor, so the role of villain suits me. There are still far too many bastards who need to be beaten to death. I’ll have to kill off those monstrous great demons in advance so that later, a disciple with the qualities of a chivalrous hero won’t get beaten to death by someone. Then it will be a little easier for that foolish disciple to do the work of a chivalrous hero.”

Murong Bai burst into laughter.

“Hahahaha……”

I laughed together with Murong Bai. Murong Bai drew in a deep breath, then nodded and said,

“Somehow, I feel a bit relieved as well. Then I too will support you, Sect Leader, and your future disciple in my own way. If I do so, then in this harsh world, I will have added my small measure of help to bringing forth one foolish chivalrous hero.”

“Will you do that?”

“Gladly.”

I looked into Murong Bai’s eyes, then nodded.

“Let’s do it. I will always keep an eye out for an upright person. If I am to raise a chivalrous hero to be strong, I must first become strong myself, so I will prepare each day through martial arts, and you through medicine, Doctor. We will make one fool who is the strongest in the world.”

Murong Bai replied with a smile.

“Sect Leader, not a fool. A chivalrous hero.”

“Now that I think about it, it would be difficult for a clever fellow who weighs this and that to become a chivalrous hero.”

“So fools and chivalrous heroes are connected like that as well.”

Murong Bai asked cautiously,

“What has become of the flame you spoke of, Sect Leader? Is it still burning precariously in your heart?”

“It is burning, but it is not precarious. Because it will drive my enemies mad.”

I stood to return to the Black Cat Gang.

“Doctor, are you perhaps short on female medical attendants?”

“The skills of female medical attendants vary greatly, so there are times when I find them lacking in a different sense.”

“There are women staying at the Black Cat Gang called Black-and-White Soso, but all they learned was how to bewitch men, so even when they do nothing in particular, my subordinates are being bewitched. If you are willing to teach them the work of female medical attendants, I was thinking of arranging an interview. They have also learned a fair bit of martial arts, so they should be able to serve as guards too.”

Murong Bai replied frankly.

“If they work well, I will keep them. If even I cannot handle them, I will drive them back to the Black Cat Gang. If you will take them in again then, Sect Leader, I will meet them once.”

“Let’s do that.”

“Take care on your way, Sect Leader.”

After exchanging words of farewell, I left the Murong Medical House and headed for the Black Cat Gang. As I returned at a stroll, the conversation I had shared with Murong Bai, the Poison Demon of my previous life, gradually grew hazy, and my memory was being replaced by the conversation I had shared with Murong Bai, the Divine Physician.

What was this feeling?

As memories disappeared, other memories were piling up.

The curiosity I had about the theory of chivalrous heroes written in Giseongja’s booklet had been resolved in my own way of thinking.

I simply need to make a chivalrous hero become strong.

The man who makes his disciple the strongest chivalrous hero in the jianghu—that is Hao Sect Leader I Jaha.

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Me.