EP.9 You Can't Break a Dog's Habits
No sunlight reaches the Abyss.
In the deepest land cursed by the Earth Mother Goddess, a space filled with nothing but pitch-black darkness, the only thing heralding the morning was the clamorous sound of an alarm clock. Instead of warm sunlight tickling my skin, a piercing ringing that threatened to tear my eardrums forced me to my feet.
The blue, high sky, clouds drifting like small boats, the warm sunlight and the refreshing breeze... Things one could naturally enjoy if up on the surface.
But here in the Abyss, there were only boxy buildings dreaming of squares, hard concrete, artificial noise, and lights mimicking the sun.
Things born of the sky bring peace of mind, but things born of humanity do nothing but grate on the nerves. Surely, every creation mankind produces is but waste.
The best of it they take into themselves, filtering out only the pleasant parts to spew out as waste.
That is precisely why, even while living among humans, we keep our distance from the artificial.
"...Damn it. Can't they make this alarm clock any quieter?"
I clutched my stiff shoulders and forced myself up. My body, exploited mercilessly by the King of Dogs for two days straight, screamed in protest, but leaving it be would only let that alarm clock gnaw away at whatever stamina I had left. That noise was of the variety that inflicted physical damage.
The alarm clocks manufactured by the Military Empire were unified into wall-mounted models. It meant that once awakened, one should not lie back down, but rise. Very fitting for a nation that tolerated no laziness. Staggering to my feet, I climbed onto a chair and spun the alarm clock's gears in the prescribed sequence.
One click to the left, four to the right, then two back to the left.
With a *zzzt*, the alarm clock died down like a dying cricket. Even so, with my head still ringing, I had no desire to go back to sleep, so I ran my hands through my hair and paced around the room.
Their performance is undeniable, those bastards.
The room was narrow, but it had everything. Phrased generously, it had an efficient furniture layout; phrased poorly, it meant a bunch of random things were crammed into a tiny space. If I gripped the cabinet with my left hand and reached out with my right, I could touch the washbasin across the room. The water from the tap could be used to wash or to drink, but the daily ration was too small to do both.
But the room next door was empty. The daily water ration for that room would still be sitting there untouched. I gulped down the tap water, fully intending to wash my hair in the next room.
A narrow room I could fully embrace by simply spreading my arms. Tantalus, originally home only to prisoners and forced laborers, was cramped and squalid. They hadn't even put up walls, claiming it was a prison, but that only made the stifling air feel all the more oppressive.
But what I had to remember was that, thanks to the massive prison break a few days ago, there were hardly any people left.
"Let's tear down the walls and merge the rooms next door."
What makes a place livable?
The answer is simple.
A place with abundant resources and few people.
Spacious houses are expensive because, relative to the space, the population is low.
Surprisingly, the current state of Tantalus... perfectly satisfied the conditions of a livable world.
"Hahahaha!"
I would tear down those wicked concrete walls, combine five rooms, and live like a king. The daily water ration would be five times as much. With that, I could even afford to shower every day.
No, why should I limit myself to the ration? I should just go straight to the water tank and take a bath. That would be a life no different from an emperor's!
Smiling viciously, I stepped out of the room. I was slamming the lockless door shut, mapping out my blissful upcoming convalescent life, when—
"Woof! Woof!"
Right then, I saw a familiar silhouette at the end of the hallway.
...Why is that thing here?
Azi came sprinting down the corridor, sniffing at me as if verifying my identity before circling around me. He truly looked no different from a slaughter dog. I shook my head in terror.
"N-No. Azi. Hold it. Really, no more, I can't take any more..."
"Woof! I'm hungry!"
Hearing Azi's words, I somehow felt a wave of relief.
"The Military Empire, those crazy bastards... This is supposed to be a food warehouse?"
To live, one must eat. Put food in your mouth, digest it in your stomach, burn the calories gained to move your body. It was the natural order of things, so obvious it needed no explanation.
And the Military Empire, which abused everything in the world, abused even this natural order.
The Mental Correctional Facility Tantalus was not a space meant to keep people alive. It was a space meant to kill them.
Those the Military Empire could not kill with their power, those they feared the backlash from, those who would consume too many resources, or those with heavy political burdens. Tantalus was the place where they swept such people away, like clearing leftover scraps.
And the method they chose to kill these isolated individuals was similar to what historical tacticians had done.
"Damn it. There are barely any cans left either..."
It wasn't that there was no food at all. There were prisoners like the Progenitor Tirkangjaka who wouldn't die from starvation, and if they didn't provide food, only those types of prisoners would comfortably survive. That wasn't what the Military Empire wanted.
"But even so, a prison of this scale only has a one-pyeong food warehouse? I can see right through their intentions."
They absolutely intended to prevent any 'stockpiling' of food. That intention was glaringly obvious. If the prisoners had to rely on supply drops moment by moment, they would naturally grow desperate and anxious. And then, they would hunt each other for resources.
"They probably rationed just enough food to barely stave off starvation. A 'kill each other if you want more' sort of deal."
But didn't I just say it? A livable place is one with abundant resources and few people.
Compared to this massive prison, the scale of the food warehouse was pitifully small, but right now, there were only four of us, including myself. Even the vampire didn't eat food. I just needed to make dog food for the dog. In practice, it was just me and the Regressor.
It was more than enough for two people to eat. Furthermore, this was the Abyss; there were no diligent workers of the Earth Mother Goddess like insects or mold, so there was no worry of the food spoiling.
"Tsk. Sorry, Azi. I'm going to have to cut down on the amount of meat you eat from now on."
"Wah-woof?! Woof! Woof!"
Stop barking. It can't be helped. Humans come before dogs.
Three cans of meat. Twenty-three cans of beans. Starch and flour... It was a bit bland, but I could somehow scrape by. And well, if they knew there were people here, wouldn't they send supply drops? Taking that into consideration, I could eat rather lavishly.
"I need to meet the vampire tonight, so let's eat something hearty."
On my first day here, I just barely scraped by with a makeshift meal, but since it looked like I'd be staying here for a while, I needed to take care of my diet. I should cook a proper meal for the first time in a while. I popped open a compressed can of beans and scooped its contents into a pot.
"Azi. Do you like beans?"
"Woof! Yes! Beans, yes!"
"Then again, is there anything you *don't* like?"
When I turned the faucet, water gushed out. It was a makeshift kitchen with nothing but a single stove, but at least the plumbing worked. I added water to the dried beans from the compressed can to soak them. The shriveled beans swelled up in an instant.
These were already cooked with vegetables before being canned. If I simmered them after a decent soak, they would yield edible baked beans, but the monotonous flavor would easily grow tiresome. It'd be a shame to settle for just that.
I made a dough with the hastily scooped flour and rolled it out flat. I tore off just enough for a pie crust, then bunched the rest together and covered it upside down with a tray.
"Woof! Woof! Woof!"
Meanwhile, the water-logged beans had swelled to their absolute maximum. Azi was getting excited, constantly prancing around the pot.
It was an absurd volume, making it hard to even imagine it all came out of that tiny tin can. I couldn't tell if I had soaked beans or planted seeds and harvested a crop.
"Woof! It's bigger! The food got bigger!"
"Yeah. Yeah. Good for you."
The Military Empire might suck at everything else, but they were absolute masters at making military rations. To pack several days' worth of beans into such a tiny can. As expected. A nation perpetually serious about war was on another level.
Spices were luxury items. There was no way such things existed in a prison. All that was available was salt and bone-dry cabbage. It wasn't quite to my liking, but I should count my blessings that cabbage was even here. The Military Empire was the kind of crowd that seriously debated whether to categorize vegetables—with their needlessly bulky volume and low calories—as luxury items.
I washed the vegetables and set them down. At that, Azi recoiled in disgust.
"I hate grass!"
"I'm not giving you any, so don't worry."
Alright. Let's get simmering. I added salt and vegetables to the pot with the dried beans and brought it to a boil. Meanwhile, I shoved the dough into the oven next to the stove. While it was boiling at a steady simmer, I adjusted the consistency with starch water. The lightly seasoned water gradually thickened, transforming into proper food.
Now, all that was left was to wait.
It was a tedious wait. I was staring at the simmering pot when a scrabbling sound came from beside me. Azi, whose patience was a tenth of mine, was chasing his own tail in circles.
Every time he spun, dust puffed up and fur flew everywhere. I scowled as hard as I could and chided him.
"Hey. Hey. You're shedding fur. Go spin outside."
"Hungry! Hungry!"
"Even if you're starving, you can't eat your own fur."
His form was human, so aside from his tail and head, he had no fur—so why was he shedding so much? Azi paused for a moment at my words, but it didn't last long. Getting restless, his body fidgeted. Unable to bear the aroma wafting from the pot, he looked ready to bury his face right into it.
"Wait!"
"Hungryhungryhungryhungry!"
This wasn't going to work. He was starting to get that look in his eyes—the one that said he wanted to eat *me*. I hastily grabbed a ladle and stirred the stew.
The remains of mashed beans and floating vegetables swirled together. The dregs that had been mixed in during the canning process gathered in one spot. I scooped them up together with the ladle. A single ladle of stew, full of debris, floating bits, and dregs like bean skins.
I dumped that ladleful into an empty tin can. Then, I pulled a chime bell from my pocket.
*Jingle, jingle—*
"Woof! Woof!"
Having now perfectly grasped the meaning of the bell, Azi's eyes sparkled as he dropped into a crouch. I could see his lips glistening with drool. I set the tin can of dog food down on the floor.
"Here. Eat up."
Azi immediately flopped onto the ground, chomping down the dog food with relish. I watched Azi eat with a warm, affectionate gaze.
Dogs really are wonderful animals. They can eat the leftovers of humans, after all.
Feeling pleased, I hummed a tune as I continued with the rest of the cooking.
The reduced broth gave off a subtly sweet flavor. The starch clinging to my tongue made me feel a sense of fullness just from swishing it around my mouth.
Alright. Time to eat.
I wiped the dusty table as best I could and set the pot on it. I also took out the baked flour dough from the oven, which hadn't quite become bread yet. All I had was canned baked beans and a lump of flour, but who cared? If I liked it, it was a royal feast.
Let's get in the mood. I sat up straight at the dining table and offered a prayer to the Earth Mother Goddess. Giving thanks for the daily bread, and praying that she watch over me even in this cursed land.
Now then. Let's eat.
"Woof."
I opened my eyes, only to find a dog sharing the table with me.
What the hell.
"Ahem. Azi. What are you doing sitting at the dining table?"
"Woof! Give me food!"
Seeing him stretch out a front paw, it seemed he was asking for a bowl of his own. Hadn't I clearly just given him a tin can full of dog food? I glanced down; he had already devoured it all. This shameless puppy had finished his share and was now coveting the human's dining table.
Hah. *Sigh*. They say you can't break a dog's habits. Now he's literally trying to sit on top of the human. I said strictly,
"Get down while I'm asking nicely. This is a table for humans."
"Woof."
*Bang!*
As his front paw struck the table, the iron table shot up three centimeters off the floor. Beyond my field of vision, I could see the cooked beans flying through the air. My bowl and cutlery were also suspended in midair.
*Clang, clang.*
The falling pot and bowl created a unique harmony. It was like a symphony played entirely on percussion. Beyond the clatter, the puppy was smacking his lips while glaring at me.
With trembling hands, I picked up the tin can from the floor. He had licked it so clean that it looked like it had just rolled off the factory floor. Using this as his dog bowl, I filled the ladle with the broth of the bean stew and—
"Beans."
I also heaped it with beans. Then, I gave the chime bell a single *jingle*, and smoothly pushed the dog bowl, now overflowing with beans, in front of Azi. Azi immediately shoved his face into the can, chomping away.
After chewing for a while, Azi raised his head, flashing a bright, sunny smile as he barked.
"Woof! Yummy! Beans are yummy!"
"Hmph. Just this once. Don't expect this next time."
Dogs truly are wretched animals. Devouring what humans eat—literally living off humans like filthy, stupid furballs.
Damn dog. He acts like he's the one sitting on top of the human.
Just you wait. Even if you're the King of Dogs, your essence is still a dog. Someday, definitely, once all these grueling times are over and I finally break you in. From that point on, I'll make you act like a proper dog.
I'll personally demonstrate what it means to be the Lord of All Creation!
The beans taste pretty average.