EP.72 Another's Heart
If one achieves something, there must be a fitting reward.
This proposition does not apply only to large systems like schools, societies, or nations. Rather, in narrower concepts like relationships between individuals, rewards hold even greater meaning.
After exercising, one must get sufficient rest, and an exhausted body must be supplied with nutrients. When one feels fatigued from long labor, one craves sugar. If one side has helped another, they must be given satisfaction through a positive reaction.
Such a reward system is what makes the body, the mind, and human relationships stronger.
Therefore, I had to give Aji a reward.
*Jingle jingle.*
"Alright. It's a barbecue party."
"Woof!"
Aji's eyes sparkled as he wagged his tail. The tail was so powerful that the wind it generated blew the sparks and smoke entirely towards me. If he wagged it any faster, he might just fly into the sky.
I pierced the meat deeply with a skewer. Seeing it go in without resistance, it seemed cooked all the way through. Because it was soaked in water for a long time to increase its volume, it ended up half-boiled, but I didn't care since I wasn't going to eat it anyway.
I picked up the flat piece of meat with the skewer and spun it around above my head. Aji lowered his stance with eyes full of anticipation. A stream of drool was flowing from his wide-open mouth.
I pulled my arm back with all my might, then swung it wide, sending the flat piece of meat flying far away.
"Catch it! Special meat disc!"
"Woof! Wof-woof! Woof!"
The meat disc flew through the air, showing off its overwhelming savory aroma and appetizing appearance. Aji, whose eyes had rolled back in excitement, hastily chased after the meat. Catching the flying chunk of meat mid-air, Aji laughed happily and tore into it.
This is a play-meal, combining play and eating simultaneously. For Aji, it must have been a better reward than ever.
I don't usually put in this much effort, but a dog that fought a vampire for my sake deserves to eat meat.
As I placed the next chunk of meat on the grill, I shouted.
"You better keep listening well from now on!"
"Woof woof! Yeah!"
Aji's happy laughter, having received a simple but sufficient reward, spread all the way here. Dogs really are such good friends. To be happy with just a few chunks of meat even after fighting a life-and-death battle with the Blood Demon.
Smirking, I suddenly realized something was wrong.
"Strange. I also worked hard and produced good results. Why is there no reward for me?"
Huh?
I clearly know that achievements require rewards, so why am I the only one not receiving any? The person who knows the need for rewards better than anyone else is actually the one taking care of others' rewards?
This is somewhat unfair. Something, something is...
"Woof woof woof! Delicious! Woof woof woof!"
Aji, who had already devoured the meat, approached me with a swish of his tail. While the meat was grilling, I stroked Aji and muttered.
"Aji. Praise me a little."
"You, good! Give meat!"
"Don't think about making a living off praise; I mean praise that comes from the bottom of your heart. Where sincerity is visible."
Then Aji put his arms on his waist, puffed out his chest, and shouted.
"You, good!"
"Right. It was my mistake to expect metaphors, idioms, or something metaphysical from you. Thanks, boy."
"Give meat!"
"Your intention to make a living off it is still going strong."
When I skewered the meat again and threw it, Aji immediately ran after it, leaving me behind. Yeah, since he's a beast who knows nothing, he just needs to take care of his own share, right?
It was when I was about to get annoyed by Aji's carefree appearance all over again.
"Is there some problem?"
The need for compensation applies in the negative direction as well, and we call that punishment.
The vampire, who caused such a ruckus simply from being dominated by the likes of Pinley, faced my stern fury, and as a punishment, was first given the penalty of cleaning up the destruction she had caused.
Because of that, the vampire tamped down the ruined concrete ground and retrieved the tragically destroyed flesh pieces of the Immortal's right arm. Since the vampire's authority must not touch the Immortal, she had to move her own hands for the first time in a while, picking them up one by one.
The vampire lifted a box filled with the flesh pieces that made up the arm—strictly speaking, the Immortal's arm—and said.
"But didn't you actually destroy Toin's arm?"
"Ahem! It takes two hands clapping to make a sound. Moreover, if it weren't for the Tirkanjaka trainee's Black Knights, would the Immortal's arm have been damaged that badly? Therefore, the responsibility lies on both sides, and especially the Tirkanjaka trainee who acted recklessly bears the greater responsibility!"
How dare she try to shift the blame onto me. Not a chance. I glared at the vampire and pressed her.
When I said that, the vampire lowered her gaze and mumbled softly.
"I wasn't trying to avoid responsibility. However, if even this gruesome sight of someone scraping off flesh with a skewer and scattering it everywhere is considered my doing, that is a little unfair."
There were parts that pricked my conscience a little, but there are many people in the world who should feel more pricked than me. In front of them, I became infinitely confident.
"You're making a fuss over being a little unfair? Do you know how unfair I feel right now? I worked my ass off, and all that's left is aftermath duty! I cooked, but I couldn't even eat the food, and now I'm stuck with doing the dishes too!"
"Does that make you so angry?"
"Of course! What did I do wrong in this situation? I only worked without doing anything wrong, yet I get no reward! Not even a single person praises me for doing a good job!"
"You did well."
Huh? What?
While I stood with my mouth agape at the sudden words, the vampire stared at me and continued speaking.
"Thank you. You all truly did well. Thanks to you, I was able to avoid making an even bigger mistake. It's all thanks to you."
I had received sudden praise, but if people's hearts could be made happy by such words, the proverb 'receiving a bow while lying down' wouldn't have been coined.
I scowled deeply and said.
"The dog praised me to beg for food, so what is the Tirkanjaka trainee trying to wring out of me by doing this?"
"Do you see me as such a philistine? It is praise from the bottom of my heart. I said I was thankful, so what is your dissatisfaction?"
"Of course you should be thankful. I saved you from almost being controlled by some unheard-of idiot. That's a given."
"I gave you praise because you seemed starved for it, yet I only hear complaints. Then what do you want me to do?"
"Show it with your actions. If it's truly from the bottom of your heart as you say, trainee, then you won't need an electric massage, right? Right?"
When I tried to turn around, the vampire urgently grabbed my arm. Hesitating for a moment, the vampire slightly avoided my cold gaze and spoke.
"...I didn't say I didn't need it."
"Wow. You're seriously addicted."
"Addicted, you say. No poison works on my body. I merely wish for a beating heart, even for a moment. So just a little."
"Continuing to want something even as it ruins your body is called addiction, you know? You don't realize you're addicted, so you end up being controlled by your vassal in embarrassment. Why is someone living so well so desperate to make their heart beat?"
As I kept retorting with a blunt attitude, the vampire, whose body was in desperation, looked up at me with resentful eyes.
"It's because of you."
"Pardon?"
What is this now? It was so absurd that I was speechless. This is an outdated April Fools' joke, right?
I had lamented that it was my fault for playfully teaching an old person such a stimulating game, but I can say that because I was the one who actually suffered the damage! If you say that, it's sheer ingratitude!
As if she still had more to say, the vampire held my arm tightly and spoke.
"My heart does not beat. No matter what emotion I feel, it fades away quickly. Because of that, my desires, emotions, and memories are as faint as if painted over in achromatic colors. Even now, in this moment I spend with you."
Aji, with his mouth full of meat, walked over swaying, but upon seeing the vampire, simply sat down in his spot and started tearing into the remaining meat.
The vampire looked at Aji wistfully, as if reminiscing about a distant memory.
"I don't starve, so I don't need food, and therefore, even if I smell and taste it, I am not happy. Even with a feast of delicacies before my eyes, I cannot rejoice like the King of Dogs."
"But you taste blood."
"Do you think that is truly tasting? Taste is merely a metaphor; I am simply seeking and consuming the blood closest to me. The more similar the blood's nature is to mine, the more it satisfies me."
Lightly scolding me, the vampire looked off into the distance again and spoke.
"Therefore, there is no warmth in my emotions. They merely twinkle like starlight in my mind. The starlight in the dark night sky is faintly beautiful, but it cannot warm the cold earth; my emotions, without warmth, merely flicker for a moment before vanishing."
The reason the infamous vampire was benevolent, unlike the rumors of the world, was definitely partly due to her personality, but another reason cannot be ignored either.
Originally, humans become generous toward things that cannot harm them.
To be precise, they become desensitized.
The vampire receives neither physical wounds nor wounds of the heart. Even if someone thrusts swords and spears at her, even if they curse and resent her as they die, she can brush it off as something similar to the chirping of a bird last night.
Cruel? No, humanity should be thankful for that fact.
If the Progenitor Tirkanjaka had not possessed the sensibility to find beauty even in the same daily routine, if she had not been a girl who could become sentimental looking at the quietly flowing starlight.
Humanity would have had to face a vampire queen several times more cold and cruel than now.
"I didn't care even when Pinley resented me. Even while killing him, my mind was similar to organizing an old dresser. It was the same in the past, and it will be the same in the future. I quite like you, but even if you were to die suddenly, I wouldn't bat an eye. I would simply think, 'There was a guy like this,' feel a brief regret, and turn my steps away."
Wait, hold on.
Even if it's a metaphor, why do you have to kill me, that's scary. Isn't it fine if you don't bat an eye, but could you spare my life?
Unaware that I had been frightened by her careless metaphor, the vampire demurely gathered the hand holding the parasol to her chest.
"However, only in that brief moment when a finger touches my heart. I can feel the emotions flowing through my body. At that time, my body is mine yet not mine. My heart leaps of its own accord, and my lungs arbitrarily inhale air even without the need to do so. The chest that was cold my entire life becomes warm."
Even now, holding her chest with both hands, all she felt was a chilling coldness. The vampire looked down as she sorrowfully spread her hand.
"It would be different if I had never known, but having known, I cannot turn back. It has been a long night. The dawn broke and a faint warmth shone upon me, yet to turn back the clock and return to a pitch-dark, freezing night. Isn't that too cruel?"
And then her eyes met mine again. Her blood-red eyes pierced me diagonally from below.
Calmly unraveling her long-held thoughts, from the bottom of her heart and out of her mouth, the vampire told me her one wish.
"I beg of you, become my heart."
In the darkness where the sky is unseen, from the bottomless abyss that even abandoned the earth, an ancient wish flowed out.
I was terrified.
The words were truly romantic. The emotion contained within them was so earnest that it was hard to believe it came from a vampire with a stopped heart, and even I almost fell for it for a moment.
But I have mind-reading.
Reading the true meaning of those words with my mind-reading, I clicked my tongue at that cruel inner thought.
Become her heart?
That literally means she wants me to become an externally-attached heart that sticks fingers into her chest and runs electricity through it whenever she wants!
"Come to think of it, I still don't even know your name..."
"That's enough."
I swiftly cut off her words before anything else appeared. The words broke off as if stabbed by a knife. In an instant, the gaze looking at me was filled with resentment.
"Even after being burned like that, you still haven't come to your senses? If you keep carelessly handing your heart out to others, you're going to get into big trouble again."
"Then you can just do it."
"No, well. How can I trust you? What if I just up and control you?"
I was making a polite refusal while threatening her as much as possible, but the vampire's reaction was quite different from my expectations.
"If it's you, I don't mind."
Delivered calmly, those words were so baffling that even I, with mind-reading, lost my wits for a moment and had to read her thoughts again.
Wondering if the vampire had somehow learned to joke, I read her thoughts straight again, but.
'If I have to trust someone anyway, if I must put myself on the scales, I would rather entrust myself to the side that pleases me.'
No. Is she out of her mind. I never expected such a pushover mindset even for a pushover.
There is a limit in the world. Just as heartless gamblers wouldn't bother taking pocket money from a toddler, a pushover to this extent makes one feel sorry to fleece.
Therefore, I firmly rejected the vampire's plea.
"I do mind. I don't want to become someone's heart. Even if it's a trainee."
At the rejection that left no room for compromise, the vampire was greatly disappointed.
However, even such a miserable feeling was fleeting.
The disappointment vanished quickly as well, followed by resignation. Not giving up, but a flow that simply sent everything away like a river brushed past her.
At times like this, mind-reading is really not good.
I should brush it off, I should just let it go.
Because if I keep staring at it, I end up with lingering regrets too.
"But, even so, you won't give up on having a heart, will you?"
At my words, the vampire closed her mouth. Silence does not necessarily guarantee affirmation, but if placed on a scale, it would definitely tip toward yes.
She wouldn't do the foolish act of entrusting her heart to the likes of Pinley. But it's safe to assume she'll go around committing foolish acts just slightly short of that.
Phew. Seriously.
I pushed my hair back and sighed.
"Then it would be better for me to do it instead."
"Did you say, you will do it? Those words."
Her face suddenly brightened with joy, as if a flower had bloomed.
I was sure. Being this easy to read, she might get her liver and gallbladder scooped out by some other scammer... physically speaking, that is.
It can't be helped. I reached out and grabbed the vampire's hand.
"The reason hope keeps slipping through the gaps of your grasp isn't because the Tirkanjaka trainee's hands are unreasonably large, nor because hope is so small and precious."
Now she doesn't scold me even when I blatantly try to hold her hand. What crisis. Just because she's gotten a little fond of me, she ignores simple rudeness.
I held her small, cold fingers one by one, putting them closely together.
The pinky and ring finger, the ring and middle finger, the middle and index finger, and finally the index and thumb.
"It's just that you didn't put enough strength between your fingers."
What is needed is a desperate wish.
Squeeze. After pressing her five fingers tightly together, I pushed them toward the vampire's chest. The vampire, now with both her hands gathered at her chest, looked at me with eyes full of anticipation.
Phew. I really, really didn't want to do this.
"I am not the trainee's heart. Nor do I want to be. Because I don't want to beat hard every moment, if I don't feel like it I won't beat, and for most of the time I'll be away from the trainee."
When you take someone's wish so closely, I can't help it either.
Just as those who see the future are bound to it and perish.
Those who see into hearts, too, cannot be free from the hearts of others.
"Instead, I'll teach you how to make that heart beat again."