EP.38 Supply is Another War
Jingle jingle.
"Here, Azi. Breakfast is canned boiled beans!"
"Woof!"
Jingle jingle.
"Here, Azi. Lunch is your usual bean stew!"
"Woof!"
Jingle jingle.
"Here! Azi. Dinner is a bean meat patty that I made! Except this time there was no meat so I made it only with beans!"
"Woof! ...Woof?"
Jingle jingle.
"Now, leftover bean residue from yesterday mushed together as dregs. I saved it for you to eat!"
"Woof...?"
Jingle jingle.
"Ta-da! Steamed beans! Wow, goodness. Beans can be steamed too, you know! This concentrates the flavor so it tastes a bit more intense!"
"Woof."
Jingle jingle.
"Noowww. Today is special! A special double-portion bean stew! Yeah, the amount is twice the usual, twice!"
"...."
Jingle jingle.
"We've almost completed one rotation now, right? Then today, in the meaning of returning to our forgotten original intentions, beans..."
"Woof! Woof woof!"
"Aaaagh!"
In some ways it was a foreseen event, and in some ways it was an ungrateful act. Even the lord of all creation, humanity, couldn't escape the hell of repetitive canned beans every day, so how dare a mere dog pick at its food!
...That said, even I was getting sick of canned beans, so I needed to find other ingredients. But over the past few days, various problems had piled up, and the only remaining food ingredients were enough canned beans to stack up and build a castle. If we ate all of this, my body and Azi's would turn into sundae stuffed with bean stew.
There was one way to solve this situation.
"Hey! Captain AV! Are you listening!"
When I opened the cafeteria cabinet, a stumpy golem was sitting with its limbs drooping between the standing metal pots. There was a hideous hole in its shoulder where the regressor's sword had pierced through, and its body was covered in scratches. Even the metal pot that had been suffering from fire and oil since the moment it was born looked clean compared to the golem.
It was a pitiful sight, like a doll abandoned due to lost interest, or a homeless person taking shelter under a bridge. Unimaginable for a magical golem that a military nation would boast of.
That said, there was no need to feel sympathy. That golem was, after all, a sync-type magical golem, and its operator was an elite among elites, an officer. The operator was probably in some comfortable and cozy place, drinking a glass of beer with ice clinking, monitoring this side.
The golem's body might be experiencing hardship, but it was merely a tragedy beyond the wall. Just as tragedies that would be ignored in reality sweep through the literary world, this golem too was probably satisfying through the golem a bleakness it couldn't feel in its actual life?
Come to think of it, it feels unfair. Should I flush this golem down the toilet? Since it's not even connected right now anyway, at least I could relieve this misery by feeling like I was committing pseudo-water torture...
『What business brings you here?』
"Argh, you startled me!"
I was so surprised by the suddenly moving golem that I almost dropped it but barely caught it. The golem, which had nearly fallen to the ground, looked up at me steadily.
『Please be careful. This unit is significantly damaged, and it is difficult to withstand further impact.』
"Oh my. I'm sorry."
When I carefully set it down on the dining table, the golem stood awkwardly with its creaking body. I scratched my head and sat in the dining chair.
"You were connected."
"Tantalos is a Level 5 security facility. Observing the interior of Tantalos is this officer's duty and obligation. It cannot be neglected for even a moment."
So you were working hard.
I felt unnecessarily sorry. It felt like witnessing civil servants working busily right after cursing them, so a little guilt crept in. Considering they were here even when it wasn't mealtime, it seemed they really checked frequently.
"That said, you're just in the cafeteria, aren't you? Why would you stay in the cafeteria constantly when there's nothing to monitor?"
『It cannot be helped. If I leave this place, other trainees would try to destroy this unit. However, since I am in the cafeteria, at least I can observe you and the dog eating every meal, which is fortunate.』
"Me and Azi? What are you going to do watching a person eating with a dog."
『At the very least, I can know that you are alive, can't I? Just knowing whether you are alive or not has sufficient value.』
"My life or death?"
『Affirmative. The military nation has great interest in your life or death.』
Hearing that made me a bit shy. I didn't know the military nation was paying such close attention to my well-being.
The military nation, which considers welfare and safety as luxuries, is watching me with interest... somehow a strange emotion wells up...
『Because you are a litmus test.』
Litmus. A test paper used to determine whether a solution is acidic or not, and also slang that the military nation occasionally uses.
What does that mean? It means that my existence is no different from litmus paper to the military nation. If it turns red when inserted, it means the inside is dangerous, so be careful.
In other words, it means I was a sacrificial lamb sent down first to check whether the Abyss is safe or not.
Now I understand. Why they ordered me to survive. Because that was all they expected from the beginning.
As I become an increasingly misanthropic citizen today, the golem added one more statement.
『In the event that you suffer a fatal wound from someone's attack, I request that you loudly shout the identity of the attacker as your dying words before death. Then, based on your testimony, our nation will render a more objective evaluation of the trainees.』
"Huh? This golem doesn't know how to watch its mouth. Should I finish you off first? Want to shout my name as your dying words while shutting down?"
『It is not a bad deal for you either. Because you can add a negative evaluation to the true culprit who killed you. You'll be able to close your eyes in peace even in death.』
"Is that something a person would say? I don't want to close my eyes peacefully! I want to live even if I never close my eyes for my whole life and get cataracts!"
Furious, I grabbed the golem's leg and held it upside down. The golem swayed helplessly, making rusty creaking sounds from its joints. When hung upside down, it seemed to come to its senses a bit, as a more urgent voice popped out from the golem's microphone.
『Stop immediately. I strongly request that you cease unjustified violence and release this unit.』
"The fact that you call this unjustified violence is exactly why it's you, you scrap metal heap!"
I considered slapping it with my hand, but then I saw its hard-looking body. If I hit that, my fingers would hurt, wouldn't they?
What I needed at times like this was a tool. I took out the Diamond 1 card and used alchemy to transform the card into a skewer. Then I pressed the sharp skewer against the golem's torso.
The golem, with a blade pointed at it, urgently shouted.
『Stop immediately. I warn you sternly. If you damage this unit, there could be great disadvantage to your evaluation...』
"You haven't disconnected yet? Then."
I should hit it before the connection is cut, while pain sharing is still active.
The thin and slender iron skewer could also serve as a whip. I swung the skewer and struck the golem's buttocks. Clang, went the metallic sound.
『Ow!』
"What dramatics. You won't feel pain once you cut the sensory sharing anyway."
『Aff...irmative. This unit is a golem. Such actions are meaningless. I strongly request that you stop immediately, ow!』
I hit it once more in the gap while it was speaking. A small groan leaked out, perhaps because the pain sharing hadn't been cut off yet.
I raised the whip and muttered solemnly.
"But punishment has meaning in the act of inflicting it rather than the pain itself. Even though it's a golem, I feel like my heart is being torn out as I strike its buttocks."
How unfair is this? I'm hitting the golem's buttocks as punishment, but the person inside can just disconnect for a moment and come back. In reality, they might be drinking a beverage poured into a cold glass while cursing me. Ugh, thinking about it makes my frustration build up.
Fine. Let me release all this hatred with whip strikes.
I struck the upside-down golem's buttocks thoroughly. Clang, clang, the sound of metal striking metal rang out. About ten hits or so. I stopped, afraid it might actually break, and set it back down on the desk.
The golem was on all fours with its rear end raised as if it were truly in pain. A halting voice leaked from the microphone.
『...Reflected in, evaluation...』
"No, please stop with the dramatics. You already cut the sensory sharing. Anyone seeing this would think you were perfectly synced with the golem."
The golem glared at me. From the inorganic body, an emotion that seemed to blame me could somehow be felt. The answer to the question of whether a tin man can hold emotions was right here.
No, wait. Was I wrong? They wouldn't have been receiving all those hits. They're not a masochist.
『...This unit is one of the few remaining communication-type magical golems. For the stability of communications alone, this unit must never be damaged. Already, a defect in the shoulder has caused a malfunction in the sync function, and further impact could deal an irreversible blow to this unit.』
"That's why I hit the side instead of stabbing it."
『That stimulates the pain sync even more...』
With an "ugh," the golem, which had stopped speaking, stood in an even more awkward posture than before and spoke.
『...So. The fact that you, who only came to the cafeteria for meals for the past few days, sought me out suggests you have some request. What is it?』
"Ah. Right. Please resupply us. We're short on fresh food."
『Resupply, you say?』
The golem asked again as if dumbfounded.
『You came to request resupply from me, and yet you attacked this unit?』
"Come on. Attacked? Between us. Let's just call it light physical contact.』
『I suppose striking someone with an iron rod is called light physical contact.』
"Still, I only hit a golem. The military nation hits humans. Honestly, if you compare me and the military nation, the military nation has no room to talk."
『...I ask again. You came to request resupply from me, and yet you attacked this unit and criticized the nation?』
The golem stared at me piercingly and spoke.
『Request denied.』
"No, why?"
『I believe your earlier remarks alone would be sufficient reason.』
"Are you really going to be this petty? You're abusing your power to get personal retaliation, right?"
『Personal retaliation is only part of it. There is also just cause to refuse the resupply request.』
So there is personal retaliation then. Can a military nation soldier say that so openly?
It was ridiculous, but right now I was the one in need of resupply, so I was the disadvantaged party. Let me swallow my pride for now.
"Well, let's hear the reason. What is it?"
『Two days ago, supplies were airdropped into Tantalos. Surely you must have received the supplies. There is plenty of food remaining, so requesting additional resupply is a waste of resources and neglect of duty. The supply department will not process it, and I cannot understand the reason why resupply is necessary.』
"To put it simply, you're saying 'you just got supplied the day before yesterday, why are you asking for more, you pigs,' right?"
『If you understood, there's no need to repeat it aloud. In conclusion, additional resupply is impossible.』
The golem stated flatly. It had a cold and hard attitude as if it had truly become a steel doll.
Frustrated, I protested.
"There was nothing but canned beans in the supply box! We've been living on only canned beans for the past few days, and you're saying we have to keep doing that? Are you trying to turn us into living meju?"
『Denied. The supply items should have included bread and milk as well. You are making a false statement.』
"What are you talking about? The Resistance that snuck in ate all of that. Why are you asking me for what's in their stomachs."
When I said irritably, the golem snapped its head up as if struck by a surprise blow.
『...I didn't hear that well. Could you say that again?』
"I mean, the Resistance that snuck into the supply box survived by eating all the food that wasn't canned goods. So there's nothing for us to eat except the sickening canned beans. You saw it too. Us eating only beans for the past few days. It's hard for me and Azi to survive on just beans, so please give us other food."
『The Resistance, snuck into Tantalos?』
The golem remained silent for a long time and then suddenly began pressing me.
『Why are you only telling me this now?』
"Why? I need to receive supplies, don't I."
『Didn't you think it was more important to report the intrusion than the supplies?』
"Is that important?"
『Affirmative. Naturally. So, what happened? What became of the intruders?』
"They tried to detonate a bomb so a battle broke out, and after the battle, the vampire deliciously ate the intruders."
The golem touched its forehead with its moving right hand. The posture was so realistic that I could confidently say the main body controlling the golem was in the exact same posture.
『This isn't a false report, is it?』
"Would I eat only canned beans for days just to get more supplies? If you need other evidence, look up the name Carnisen Riverwood. It should definitely be on the wanted list."
『Please wait a moment.』
The light disappeared from the golem's eyes for a moment. It seemed to have temporarily disconnected to verify. Not long after, the golem moved again.
『...Confirmed. I judge that your statement has sufficient credibility. Since you would have no way to check the recently updated wanted list. It would be reasonable to assume you met them directly.』
"Alright. Then you'll give me the supplies, right?"
『Is that important right now?』
"Of course it's important. Azi, who is sick of beans, is slowly trying to eat me. Azi, who growls even if I just open a canned bean lid, is much scarier than the Resistance who died and became vampire health food."
Once again, the golem touched its head and groaned. A deep sigh leaked from the microphone.
『...I will request additional resupply. However, this matter requires hearing the circumstances and the judgment of superiors, so please cooperate.』
"If you give me supplies, I'll let you hear the circumstances as much as you want. How should I tell you? Fairy tale style? Or play style?"
『I would prefer a statement style.』
"Alright. Once upon a time, in a beautiful village where a waterwheel spun around and around drawing up water, and a rainbow formed like a zelkova tree trailing down, there was a boy named Carnisen Riverwood..."
『Statement.』
"Tch. No romance. Statements are boring."
The reason the hand is separate from the mouth is probably so that the mouth doesn't interfere with what the hand is doing. While explaining the circumstances to the golem, my hands were free, and my hands naturally found work.
The work I found was opening canned beans. I've performed every trick possible with these detestable canned beans, so now it's time to clear them out.
I opened the mountain of canned beans one by one while telling the golem what had happened.
"So. Those guys tried to blow up Tantalos with a bomb. So I used the Heaven and Earth technique, the divine art of the Shukuchi method to close in on their backs. With a stealthy and sudden approach, they rushed in startled like frightened rabbits. When I threw the canned beans in my hand at that moment, the canned beans exploded like a grenade and swept away the enemies... oh, sorry. Where did I leave off?"
『They planned to bring down Tantalos with a bomb, up to that point I have confirmed.』
"Ah, yes. So then..."
It was while I was explaining and pouring the opened canned beans into a large pot.
Tadadada. I heard a loud noise of someone running in the corridor. The identity of this noisy and thumping footsteps that so vividly revealed its presence could easily be guessed even without reading thoughts.
"Woof, no!"
Azi, who burst through the cafeteria door, came straight to me and clung to me. Grabbing my waist with both arms, he bit down hard on my shirt sleeve with his teeth and shook his head. It was a rather desperate attitude. It was as if he thought I was performing some kind of witch's terrible alchemy.
"No! Beans, no! Woof! Stop!"
"Azi. Before the clothes tear, it feels like my body will tear, so could you let go?"
"Woof! Woof woof!"
How much must he hate beans to come running in fear upon hearing the sound of a can being opened.
Meanwhile, the military nation instructor uniform was unnecessarily sturdy and wouldn't tear easily. As such, my hands swayed left and right following Azi's head-shaking. Just that alone put my wrist at risk of dislocation.
Having barely calmed Azi down, I poured the last can into the pot and spoke.
"We're not going to eat these canned beans."
"Woof? Really?"
"Yeah. How could we eat all this amount? This will be used as fertilizer."
I poured water into the pot of canned beans and completed something similar to bean porridge. Azi stood his tail stiffly upright and glared at the pot full of beans as if facing a mortal enemy. After soothing the excited Azi, I grunted as I lifted the heavy pot containing the beans of twenty cans' worth and headed toward the inner storage.
There lay something that looked like a large corpse with all its limbs fallen off. I set the pot down noisily near the head with its eyes rolled back.
Then the immortal's right arm leaped down and began scooping the mushy bean porridge and carrying it to the mouth. No matter how I looked at it, it wasn't something a human could eat, but as long as it was nutrition, the right arm didn't seem to care about form or taste.
Well, would the right arm without a tongue know taste anyway.
"It was a bit grotesque at first, but it's fine if I treat it like growing plants."
It would probably take a day to consume it all. I came out after closing the storage door. Meanwhile, Azi had been crouching with his tail stiffly upright in front of the door, and when he confirmed that I didn't have the pot in my hand, he barked happily.
I approached the golem with Azi and said.
"You saw that, right? You can't feed Azi any more beans."
『I understand the circumstances, but the hearing of the situation is not yet finished. Please finish the explanation first.』
"Ah, right. Where did I leave off?"
『Up to the part where the Resistance remnants were planning a bombing terror.』
"What. That's everything. That's the end. We joined forces to stop them, and we gave the corpses to the vampire. The end."
The golem suddenly stood up and raised its fist. What? I was slow to react because I couldn't read its thoughts. Was it trying to fight me? Unfortunately, no matter how weak I am, it couldn't harm me with this stumpy model.
I smoothly moved my left hand's fingers to steal its attention. Meanwhile, my right hand, which had quietly turned around, went behind the golem.
"Yap."
When I tapped the back of its knee, the golem collapsed easily. I quickly moved my left hand and bent its raised arm backward to subdue it. The golem struggled, but with its right arm not moving properly, it couldn't escape.
I stroked the golem's back with my fingers and muttered leisurely.
"Calm down, calm down. Please calm down, calm. Even if you have complaints, suppress them for a moment. Getting excited won't help at all."
『...If you are deliberately mocking me, I will tell you that you have succeeded.』
"Mocking? Not at all. You must have some misunderstanding."
On my face as I said that, a happy smile was spread so widely that even I could notice it.
Ah. I'm so happy that there's a being I can win against with strength. If only there were just a little more of these kinds of beings.
"Woof! What about my food?"
Please. Just one more would be nice.