EP.16 Humanity's Enemy is Not the Alarm Clock, but the Morning
There is a joke like this in the Military Nation.
The Military Nation Research Institute studies every field in the world. Ergonomists who study the human body and materials engineers who explore the properties of materials share the same building. Because of this, they sometimes accidentally enter each other's rooms, and reportedly don't realize they've entered the wrong room until it's time to leave work.
Truly, a not-very-funny joke.
Bzzzzzzzzt-.
A noise painful enough to strike my eardrums. Seeing that they remain intact despite being abused like this every morning, either my eardrums are doing their job better than expected, or the Military Nation's scientists made them properly.
Bend, but do not break. The motto of the Military Nation's materials engineers. How much effort went into producing that single sound? I don't even want to imagine.
"Ugh, I really hate this..."
Why? Why must I greet every morning with that alarm clock? Why must I start my day with suffering?
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I buried my face in the hard pillow and shouted.
"Please, someone turn off that damned alarm clock!"
"Woof!"
"Huh?"
I didn't say that expecting a response, but who?
As I foolishly let out that remark and raised my head, what I saw was Azi flying through the air. Azi leapt up in a single bound, kicked off the wall once and soared, then raised his front paw and struck the noisily crying alarm clock.
Crash!
When did I ever compare the alarm clock to a steel cicada?
The steel cicada that tormented me every morning with its noisy cry was crushed under the paws of a four-legged beast. Gear wheels resembling innards scattered in all directions, and the thin, flat iron plate that produced the sound let out a final death rattle as it crumpled.
The alarm clock was flattened to the point of being half-embedded in the wall. To dismantle it, I'd have to dig out the stone wall.
Gear wheels and iron plate debris scattered wildly through the air. Azi approached me as I stared blankly at the sight, wagging his tail as if wanting praise.
"...What, you want praise?"
"Woof! Woof woof!"
"Alright, good job. You did well. You finished off the evil alarm clock that tormented me every morning... Made it completely unrepairable..."
The main components were completely smashed. Unless there's a blacksmith inside Tantalus, it would be impossible to fix.
I ran my hand through my hair and grabbed Azi's shoulder.
"But you know what, Azi? What really torments me isn't the alarm clock ringing loudly every morning. The alarm clock is just the vanguard; the true mastermind is the morning itself that makes that alarm clock ring."
"Woof?"
"That's right. The true mastermind of everything is the morning. The damned morning that makes me repeat a day I barely finished. Your noble deed is appreciated, but nothing changes because of this!"
Looking at me after I delivered my grand speech, Azi's first words were.
"Idiot?"
"...?"
What did I just hear. I stood there with my mouth agape, and Azi looked at the ceiling and said.
"Sun, can't see. Here dark. Morning, not come!"
"No. Even if the sun doesn't rise, morning is still morning."
"Woof! Can't see, not morning!"
No sun means no morning. Should I call this an empiricist expression, or just dog babble.
"If sleepy, sleep! I, sleeping like!"
"Right. I want to do nothing but sleep endlessly too. But work is piled up, so I can't help it."
"Woof? Work?"
"I mean things like cooking and cleaning. If I don't wake up in the morning, there's no one to prepare your breakfast, is there?"
Then Azi perked up his ears, jumped onto the bed, grabbed my clothes in his mouth and pulled. My body was helplessly dragged out of the bed.
"No! Wake up! Food! Foo-ood!"
"Alright! I'll prepare it so let go! Wait!"
Leaving the busily running Azi behind, I got ready. I roughly swept the broken alarm clock to a corner with my foot and wiped my face with a wet towel.
"Sigh. The alarm clock is broken, so how am I going to wake up from tomorrow?"
There is one reason I didn't smash the alarm clock even while suffering so much from it. Because without it, I absolutely cannot wake up.
It's a bottomless abyss with no sunlight or roosters. A place isolated from the world where time has no meaning. Since morning doesn't come out to greet us, there's no way to notice the passage of time from this side. And the alarm clock I was at least relying on has been smashed by some dog.
"Is there nothing like an alarm..."
I was about to flick Azi's forehead, but gave up and sighed.
Phew. Still, he did it thinking of me. Honestly, it did feel satisfying when the alarm clock was smashed.
I changed the direction of the hand that was about to flick, and tickled his chin instead. Azi smiled broadly and leaned his weight on my hand.
How innocent... A face without a single worry. Only possible because he's a beast that knows nothing.
Though I suppose this is the advantage of having a pet.
I de-summoned the clothing packet I was wearing and took out a new one. The de-summoned packet can be washed in the laundry room, or soaked in water and wiped clean to be reused. The former makes it as clean as new clothes but has the disadvantage of requiring special equipment, while the latter takes some time to dry but can be done anywhere.
After changing into clean clothes, I removed my hand from Azi's chin. As if something sticky was attached, Azi's face briefly followed my hand before stopping.
Azi's eyes went round, asking with his eyes why I stopped. He's tilting his chin toward my hand as if telling me to keep going. He seems to think of me as a petting machine, a ball-throwing machine, or a food-making machine.
Ugh. Such is my fate. Why am I playing the role of a dog's maid.
But what can I do. He's a dog I'm raising. I have to feed him.
"Woof?"
"Let's go. To eat."
"Woof!"
If there is the most good dog in the world, it would be Azi going to eat. I headed to the dining hall with the dog who only becomes good three times a day.
I'll heat up the bean stew I made yesterday for breakfast, and make something else for the afternoon meal. Should I cook meat for the first time in a while. Last time I grilled meat to win his favor, but actually, meat is an ingredient that gives more satisfaction when eaten differently than grilled...
Oh.
Why is the pot empty? There was definitely leftover food from yesterday.
I turned my head. Disgustingly, Azi was just staring at me with eyes that said he knew nothing.
I correct myself. Azi has never been the most good dog, not even for a single moment. A mutt with only stupidly strong power is a disaster that must never be released into the world.
"Hey! You secretly ate the stew I made yesterday!"
"Woof woof?! Woof!"
"Don't play innocent! There's no one else who would eat it!"
"Woof!"
"Today's breakfast is confiscateeeed!"
"Awoooooo!"
The howl of a starving dog rang out long.
"Today's lecture is about how to handle ungrateful beasts!"
"Woof!"
Azi, who was lying down at the back of the training room, barked loudly as if rebelling against my words. When I glared at him with terrifying eyes, he snorted and turned his head away with a huff.
Hmph. As if that would make me blink even once.
"Originally, beasts know neither gratitude nor intelligence, so there's no need to do anything for them. It's a loss! Just tell them to live on their own!"
"Woof! Woof! Grrr!"
The Regressor, who had been languidly watching the war of nerves between me and Azi, asked as a matter of duty.
"What's going on?"
'It's probably something trivial again. I'm not even curious, but should I pretend to ask.'
The heard thought was beyond rude, but I couldn't stand it without venting my current sorrow. I thumped my chest and said.
"That mutt ate all the food left over from the previous day!"
"Arf! Grr, woof!"
Azi barked as if rebelling. He's wearing a human shell, but what comes out is a beast's howl, so this must truly be dog babble.
Ugh, really. If only his way of thinking weren't that of a dog, I'd read his thoughts and present irrefutable evidence. At times like this, it's frustrating that I can't properly read that guy's thoughts.
However, the Regressor didn't seem to realize the gravity of this matter.
"So what if a dog eats some food?"
"Some food? Some?"
I pressed my forehead and let out a deep sigh.
"It seems you don't know, Trainee Shei. The reason humans and dogs can coexist is because their meals can be covered with leftovers. Plus, the amount of food dogs demand isn't that much. But!"
I pointed at the glutton with my finger and shouted loudly.
"That thing not only eats the same food I eat, but eats twice as much! It even shares the dining table with me, I tell you!"
"Just feed it a bit more. Why so stingy about it."
"Stingy? Sti-i-ingy?"
It's because they monopolize all the fortuitous encounters and whatnot, so they have lots of wealth and tons of items, that such words come out! Would such words come out to someone like me who lives day to day?!
Especially when they have more business with Azi! They said Azi is also a fragment of the apocalypse! Then you as a Regressor should take responsibility and manage him! With great power like regression comes great responsibility!
I almost said that. But since I couldn't reveal the fact that I can read thoughts, what came out of my mouth was just a complaint.
"Then you feed him!"
"Ah, sorry. That's impossible."
'I tried offering the food from the Manhan Jeonseok... but he wouldn't eat it at all. There are many varieties, but the amount of each is small, so it's not enough for Azi to eat.'
What rose from the Regressor's memory was the Manhan Jeonseok. It was a table so full of food at every meal that the table legs would break.
Numerous dishes contained food that would disappear with a single use of chopsticks. It was designed for a single meal to taste as many different foods as possible in a limited stomach. The pinnacle of luxury that turns even hunger into a resource.
However, true to the Manhan Jeonseok's nature, it was full of spicy and salty food. If you cram expensive spices like that, of course Azi can't eat it. Since it's too precious for a dog to eat, it's definitely not dog food.
I pressed my forehead and sighed.
"Anyway. I don't like the fact that I'm sharing a table with a dog from the start. I'm washing my hands of this. I won't even acknowledge knowing Azi. Well then, class dismissed."
[Wait. Dismissed?]
"Yes. The reason I called everyone today was to have you listen to my grievance. Now, today's class is canceled. This isn't an opportunity that comes every day, so please enjoy this precious moment."
That thing students love the most is class cancellation. The surprising fact is that even the supplier, the teacher, loves class cancellations. Perhaps class cancellation is the only absolute good that exists in this world.
I exercised the absolute good and headed straight for the door.