“He was incompetent.”
—Yeah!
“He was truly, horrifically incompetent!”
—Yeah! Fuck yeah!
“Even at this very moment, the many countries called our allies are plundering America’s interests! They free-ride on our security, impose enormous tariffs on American companies, and violate our interests! And what has the White House done until now? All American citizens are suffering under soaring inflation—has President Baidon done a single thing properly?!”
—Fuck Baidon! Son of a bitch Baidon!
Texas, America’s Bu-Ul-Gyeong.
This quiet rural town had begun to teem with people as if a superstar’s world tour were being held there. With the primaries five months away, the Republican candidates’ fierce battle for their home turf had begun.
Among the many Republican contenders, the one considered the strongest was, of course, the former president, Donald.
When he sharply criticized President Baidon’s failure on prices, cries of MAGA erupted from all across Texas.
Riding that momentum, he also lambasted the Baidon administration’s foreign policy.
“How weak do we have to be for even Russia to ignore us now?!”
—This government is insane!
“I say this with certainty. If I had succeeded in winning reelection, a war like Russia’s reinvasion would never have happened! The sight of American troops fleeing Afghanistan like they were running for their lives led to Russia’s miscalculation! Is this powerless image the country American citizens wanted?”
—No! Fuck Baidon! Reagan again!
“I promise you all. If I return to power, I will end that damn war within three days, just like Reagan brought down the Soviet Union! I’ll also deal with our allies’ free-riding on security! As everyone knows, not only Europe, but countries like Korea and Japan too ride for free on our defense capabilities without spending a dime. But they are no longer poor countries. If they want to follow the world order led by America, they must pay a fair price.”
—Fuck yeah!
“Every national indicator says it. It tells us how much in tariffs these people called allies are dumping onto American companies! I will solve America’s inflation through that method!”
When his magnificent speech ended, his supporters were reduced to tears.
He was God.
His concise, easy message was simpler to understand than the Bible, and the sight of him being oppressed by the Democratic administration over minor scandals(?) called to mind Jesus carrying the cross up Golgotha.
“From now on, America’s official genders will be only two. Male and female!”
—Oh my God!
“What do you think? Don’t I look a little greater than Washington or Lincoln?”
—Donald! Donald!
His criticism of Baidon soon turned into attacks on the moderate Republican candidates, and he emphasized once again that he was the right man to defend conservative values.
With my arms folded, I focused on the presidential fever currently unfolding on the other side of the globe.
In roughly a year, the owner of the White House would change. An election held once every four years might not seem like such a big deal… but this time was a little different.
The neoliberal order that had dominated for nearly fifty years was waning, and protectionism was rising again. Back then, too, America used our food sovereignty as a weakness and dumped enormous tariffs on us.
Of course, Donald’s protectionism would fail completely, just as most experts predicted. He underestimated American engineers far too much. When the government forcibly increased manufacturing jobs, American engineers hurriedly created machines cheaper than human workers.
In a way, he had contributed to the innovation of humanoids.
“A fair price from our allies! Protection for our industries!”
—Fucking yeah! Make America great again!
Coincidentally, his Texas speech was being delivered beneath a portrait of Reagan.
Politics was truly strange.
Neoliberalism had clearly been something the Democratic Party opposed with glaring eyes, so why had things now reversed again?
Then again, Lincoln, a Republican, had emancipated the slaves, yet Black Americans today supported the Democratic Party more. It seemed nothing was impossible in politics.
“Watching the news?”
“Ah, Chief Oh.”
As I was resting my chin in my hand and watching CNN, Chief Oh visited my room.
He glanced over the TV once and shook his head.
“Judging by the atmosphere, the Republican primary is as good as over. Barring an upset, it looks like it’ll be Donald, doesn’t it?”
“I suppose so. If the mood is already like this five months out, then yeah.”
“The problem is the general election. Who do you think will win? The overseas team staff still think Baidon will get reelected.”
“I’m not sure. Heh heh…”
“Right, well, whoever it is, America’s basic stance won’t change much, will it? By the way, that Donald fellow was completely exposed as an all-talk president during his first term, but he’s still full of bluster. From where I’m standing, barring an upset, Baidon will be reelected.”
Unfortunately, an upset did happen.
Donald dodged a bullet with astonishing agility, and Baidon, overwhelmed by his presence, began showing signs of dementia before suddenly withdrawing from the candidacy.
Not that anyone would believe me if I told them.
“Anyway, I’ve got bad news and good news. Which do you want to hear first?”
“…That kind of news always seems to come at the same time. I wish there were only good news.”
“Then I’ll tell you the good news first. We recovered our principal.”
“Pardon?”
“We recovered all of last year’s seven percent loss. You really ought to set up a fortune-telling mat somewhere. The NASDAQ index at 11,000 really was the bottom. Thanks to the additional purchases, we recovered our principal early, and from today on, any rise is entirely our profit.”
Chief Oh shrugged his shoulders and showed me the overseas team’s portfolio.
Just as I had predicted, as the Russo-Ukrainian War became “certain” to turn into a war of attrition, global “uncertainty was resolved.” Tech stocks, especially big tech, had begun spreading their wings on the NASDAQ again, and the upward trend was almost terrifying.
Those delightful indicators were dancing right before my eyes, but my palms were only breaking out in a cold sweat.
“…Chief Oh. We’re still far from done. We need to buy more. Considering the core technologies held by big tech, even NASDAQ 14,000 is cheap. We have to buy more.”
“Sorry, but that’s the bad news.”
“…Pardon?”
Chief Oh shook his head.
“The risk management team put the brakes on it. At present, fifty-five percent of the pension fund’s assets are in the U.S. Of course, you might ask what else we should buy when only U.S. stocks are rising and U.S. bonds pay the highest interest too… but that’s not how it works.”
“…”
“No matter how promising it is, we can’t dump sixty percent of our assets into one market. In fact, there are already concerns that even the current figure is too concentrated. I don’t think additional purchases will be possible.”
It was so frustrating my mouth filled with saliva, but this time, I had no choice but to yield.
The money we handled was the public’s retirement assets. Even if something was ninety-nine percent certain to rise, we could not sweep every egg into one basket.
“They’re gradually starting to talk about hedging. The contractors selected this time will probably include many fund companies that handle futures and options.”
“I see… Then how much do we currently have in cash-equivalent assets?”
“I don’t know the overall figure, but the overseas team has about thirty trillion. It’s a shame. I got permission from the division head to buy fifty trillion, but after buying half, it rose like this. Damn it, I guess dollar-cost averaging can be wrong sometimes too.”
“Then…”
“No additional defense stock purchases. No gold either.”
“…”
“The problem with our current holdings isn’t only that they’re concentrated in a specific country, but also that they’re concentrated in specific sectors. It seems the risk team wants us to distribute more into safe assets like bonds rather than stocks. Or into emerging markets.”
Chief Oh gave a bitter smile.
Of course, risk distribution was a very important issue, but in market conditions like these, emerging-market bonds were not performing properly.
The biggest reason was America’s absurd interest rates.
As if the Fed intended to suck in every last scrap of dollar hidden in wardrobes, rates were still high. As a result, emerging-market bonds, which had always paid more than twice as much as U.S. bonds, had lost their appeal. Their economic strength could not support paying even more than U.S. bonds.
“Do you have any place in mind, Chief Oh?”
“Me? Well… I’ll have to start looking now.”
“What about the other seniors on the overseas team?”
“They’re in just as much trouble. Yesterday, Team Leader Choi even brought up commodities to me.”
That said it all.
If commodities had come out of Team Leader Choi’s mouth, it meant there really were no bonds worth buying.
“Anyway, let’s look into it a little more and respond to the market. Honestly, it’s not exactly depressing news, is it? Among sovereign wealth funds, we’re the first to recover from negative returns. It’s just that we’re a bit concentrated, so let’s look into other markets. Take it easy.”
“Yes, understood.”
“Okay. Good work.”
When Chief Oh left, by coincidence, CNN moved from the U.S. presidential election news to news about the Argentine presidential election.
It seemed that in global elections these days, performance was also reflected in vote scores.
The man who appeared on the screen was holding a chainsaw, and he looked so chilling it reminded one of a horror film.
—Milei! Milei!
—Eva Perón ha muerto! (Eva Perón is dead!)
—MAGA! MAGA! Make Argentina Great Again!
Unlike America, which had only just begun counting down to the primaries, Argentina was facing its runoff vote.
“Hmm…”
I sank into thought.
They wouldn’t believe me anyway, so should I even bring this up again?
From what I had seen today, Chief Oh’s trust in me seemed to have grown stronger. Would I be able to persuade him a bit more easily this time?
—Tat-tat-tat-tat…
I typed up a report. I would only know if I tried.
*
Buenos Aires, Libertarian Party headquarters.
Today, very distinguished guests had come to this place, which was burning hot with presidential election fever. Members of the IMF Western Hemisphere Department had personally come to meet the presidential candidate.
—Long live freedom! Fucking long live freedom!
But outside, the person who was supposed to be a presidential candidate was inciting the masses with vulgar language. The citizens supporting him were nothing but beggars in ragged clothes.
“Tsk, tsk…”
Looking out the window, the Director of the Western Hemisphere Department shook his head.
There was no hope. This country had no prospects whatsoever.
He felt he understood perfectly why Kuznets, the 1971 Nobel laureate, had mocked Argentina as the only country in the world that had gone from developed to underdeveloped.
“That building looked half-built thirty years ago, and they still haven’t finished it… Are you telling me South America’s largest bank was really here? That it was crawling with workers who came from Europe to make money?”
The Director of the Western Hemisphere Department shook his head with a sullen expression.
In the history of the IMF, these were the bastards who had borrowed the most money. And not once had they repaid it on time.
When the IMF demanded high-intensity restructuring or social reform in exchange for lending them money, the citizens instead rose up and cursed the IMF.
The politicians always redirected this internal discontent outward, and when things truly seemed hopeless, they would suddenly occupy the Falklands and wage an out-of-nowhere war against Britain. It was also one of the most absurd wars in twentieth-century history, second only to the Football War.
It showed just how much Argentina’s political structure was “power for the sake of power.”
“Oh dear, my apologies. I’m a little late. My supporters suddenly swarmed in.”
Just then, a man who looked incapable not only of managing a country but even of managing himself, his body bloated with fat, appeared holding a chainsaw.