Episode 119
Almost two months had passed since I joined King's Road.
We had gone through 3 rounds of competition, and now what remained was the 4th round and the final stage.
Beep-
With the sound of the door opening, the now-familiar temporary hotel room came into view.
I patted my stiff neck with my hand and let out a low voice.
"It's busy."
Since the King's Road competition stage was broadcast, we had been receiving unprecedented attention.
Our songs, which had disappeared from the charts, started reverse climbing again, racing toward the top ranks. And when we went out for schedules, the number of fans saying "I love you, Lini," in awkward Korean had noticeably increased.
Of course, it wasn't all good things.
With the increased popularity, the schedules had naturally increased explosively as well.
I was gradually piling up rare experiences... that I hadn't experienced in Korea, one by one.
The voice of Kang Ajin, who had suddenly looked out the airplane window with a wistful gaze and said that, came to mind.
'Lin hyung, the airplane feels like home now...'
How many more times had I boarded an airplane after hearing those words? I tried to count the times but soon gave up.
And after closing my eyes for a moment and opening them again, I took in the dark scenery outside the window once more.
"It's quiet."
If there was one good thing after digesting this crazy schedule, it was that the members finally stopped barging into my room.
Finally, upon entering my room, I could have some quiet time to myself.
Even Woo Jungwoo and Sim Sungha seemed helpless against the limits of their stamina, and the amount they talked finally started to decrease little by little.
'Still, it seems like it could decrease a bit more.'
If we were to turn the two's chattiness into a stat, they would easily receive an S-rank.
Having such thoughts, I looked again at the empty corner of my vision.
'It's not there.'
I had already checked, but the absence of the 'goal' that had existed in front of me for more than half of my life was still awkward.
I looked around the room once more and carefully opened my mouth.
"Status Window."
As expected, there was no response.
"Hmm... Sta-tus Win-dow. Status Window! Open... no, this isn't right. Mr. System? Hey! I know you're in there, come out! You're not coming out?? If you don't come out, I'll barge in..."
Ding-
"!!"
Startled by the sound coming from somewhere, I jumped and looked around.
And what I found... brightly shining on the bed!
"A text... message...? Ahem."
My phone.
Only then did I come to my senses and, pretending nothing happened for the perfect crime, I spoke.
"There's no one hiding here, right...?"
Even after saying that, I thoroughly checked under the bed and behind the curtains, and then finally checked the screen of the phone on the bed.
-Seonwoo Min: What are you doing? Are you busy?
The name of my younger sibling, whom I hadn't seen in a long time, appeared on the screen.
My first thought was 'Allowance?', but soon a small pang of guilt bloomed in my chest for having forgotten about my sibling all this time.
I hesitated for a moment before calling my sibling.
After a few rings, my sibling's voice was heard right away.
-What's the occasion, you're even calling me.
Pushing aside the slight pricking in my chest at my sibling's words popping out before even a hello, I answered.
"Well, are you short on allowance?"
-Do you think I only contact you for allowance?
"It wasn't?"
-No! I just contacted you because I was wondering how you were doing!!
At my sibling's loud, ringing voice, I momentarily pulled the phone away from my ear, only to hear an endless lament starting with 'How come you never contact me first...'
-No, the last time we talked, you read my text so why didn't you reply? Just tell me, did you see it or not?
"Well, it's not like that..."
-I know you're busy too. I know. But you contact Grandma so regularly, why can't you contact me even once!!!
The nagging of my 20-year-old sibling who had become a college student had become several times more powerful than before.
Is this what they learn in school?
I briefly recalled the cute childhood of my sibling, realizing the ruthlessness of time, and then carefully spoke.
"I'm... I'm sorry..."
-What? I can't hear you?
"I'm sorry!"
-Right... watch yourself.
Having barely calmed my sibling down, I hastily racked my brain to change the subject and said.
"How's school life? Is it doable?"
-The abrupt change of topic is so obvious, but I'll let it slide since I know you were busy. I'm going to school well.
"Well, when do you do things like student teaching? Do you have to be a sophomore?"
-Ooh! You even know about that?
"Do you think I'm an idiot...?"
Min had enrolled in a teachers' college.
Since her dream since childhood was to become an elementary school teacher, she had practically half-achieved it.
'Yeah, since childhood... it was her dream.'
Min had a clear dream of becoming an elementary school teacher.
Unlike me.
Since then, I quietly listened to Min's stories about her college life.
How she was forced to take on the role of group leader for a group project, how a certain professor always called her U-min student, or how there was a delicious pasta place in front of the school but the line was always too long so she couldn't go.
Those trivial stories.
Like that, Min's words, who had been chatting away alone with a smile, slowly decreased.
The window outside was pitch black, and the fatigue I had forgotten crept in little by little.
At that moment, Min's calm voice, quite different from before, was heard.
-Going to school makes me think this way.
"What way?"
-You know how the teacher I saw when I was young was only a few years older than I am now? They really looked like an adult back then.
"Yeah."
-They probably worked really hard. To look like an adult to the kids. Because that's how a teacher should be. Even if it's hard, you mustn't show it in front of the children. You have to be good at everything...
But suddenly I thought of you, oppa. You always looked like an adult to me.
"..."
-How much effort did you put in to look like that... How hard must it have been... I thought about that. Only now.
The outside of the window was still dark.
The unlit room was quiet and still.
The two of us were silent for a while.
Memories of childhood spread faintly like a picture on watercolor paper wet with water.
I was recalling those days, searching for the words to say to my sibling.
Yes, like that night in my childhood when I couldn't sleep.
"That's..."
-I'm so glad things are going well as much as you worked hard, oppa. You'll do even better and be more successful in the future.
I was afraid.
Of showing a weak appearance. Of having my true feelings discovered. Because of that, I constantly repeated it. I must succeed. I must succeed.
Because I was afraid I would weaken. Because it felt like all my effort would go down the drain.
-But for me, it's okay even if you don't succeed, oppa...
I had deceived myself and pretended to be strong.
Like that, maybe I could deceive at least myself.
But there was someone I couldn't deceive.
-Seonwoo Lin is just Seonwoo Lin no matter what you do.
With my sibling's last words like that, lights began to brighten one by one in the dark scenery outside the window.
***
"Can we finally hear it?"
"Eugene Kim's secret weapon."
"Stop spouting nonsense and everyone sit down."
"Yessir!"
At Eugene Kim's words, which looked like the three letters 'fatigue' were plastered on her face, the members quickly gauged the atmosphere and took their seats.
This place was the personal studio Eugene Kim was currently using temporarily.
The reason we, who were spending our busy time preparing for the 4th round, gathered in Eugene Kim's studio instead of the practice room was...
"The song work is almost finished."
"Ooh!"
"A new song!"
It was because of the new song to be revealed in the King's Road final round.
In the final round of King's Road, which was broadcast live, all participants had to reveal their respective prepared new songs.
And as always, Weirs's new song this time was composed by Eugene Kim.
From competition preparation to working on a new song. It was such an incredibly difficult schedule that I was worried whether Eugene Kim could handle it all, but...
'I have no choice but to trust and wait.'
We silently waited for Eugene Kim's song.
Because everyone knew well what meaning this competition held for Eugene Kim.
And today, the song we had been waiting for was finally completed.
While everyone was looking at Eugene Kim with trembling hearts, Eugene Kim opened her mouth again.
"First of all, the song is almost complete, but I haven't attached the lyrics yet."
"No lyrics?"
"Yes."
"Then what about the lyrics?"
"I'll explain that after I let you listen to the song."
Instead of answering our questions, Eugene Kim sat at her desk and played the prepared music source.
Then, the studio, which had somehow grown quiet.
We listened with full concentration to the final round song Eugene Kim had prepared.
Soon, a somewhat familiar-sounding melody flowed from the speakers.
'What does this mean?'
As soon as I heard the beginning of the song, I looked at Eugene Kim's back.
Was this familiarity exactly what Eugene Kim wanted to convey through this song?
But as the song progressed, a new melody gradually came through.
'Behind familiarity lies newness... and what comes after that?'
It was the first time I had felt so much emotion from a song without lyrics.
Unknowingly, listening to the song, I pictured Eugene Kim agonizing while composing this piece.
And while I was focusing on the increasingly flowing music.
'This is...'
The song, which had unknowingly reached its climax, brightly illuminated everything with its splendor and blazed, only to crash down quickly afterwards.
Behind the brilliant stage.
Or perhaps the back of someone who couldn't even stand on the stage.
Feeling those sorrowful emotions, I focused to the very end on the melody that poured out all its remaining feelings at the last moment.
Finally.
"This is it."
With Eugene Kim's words, we all returned to the real world.
"Wow..."
"I didn't know it would be... this kind of song."
"That's amazing!"
Everyone's reaction to the song was the same.
Surprise.
I thought I knew Eugene Kim well all this time, but I never expected her to play a song like this.
Seeing the other members still feeling the lingering emotions from the song, I asked Eugene Kim.
"But... what's the meaning of the song's atmosphere constantly changing?"
I wanted to hear it directly from the original creator whether what I felt was right.
At my words, Eugene Kim hesitated for a moment before looking at the members and speaking.
"The thought I had when I first made the song was change."
"Change...?"
"Yes, after finishing all the stages ahead of us. We will definitely be in a different state than we are now. I thought about what we would be like then."
"But what was that emotion at the end?"
I waited for Eugene Kim to say more about the sorrowful emotion I felt in the latter half of the song.
Like that, a silent time passed.
"But what came to my mind wasn't another path that would lie behind the change, but the end. Like how this song I made ends in 4 minutes..."
The end.
At Eugene Kim's words about 'the end', we had no choice but to fall silent.
"When I only thought about running forward, it wasn't visible, but in the end, wouldn't there be an end sometime... I had such a thought."
"Then the end you thought of..."
"I haven't decided that yet. Actually, I've never thought about the end until now. Because I only looked forward."
Eugene Kim's voice, as she continued her story like that, eventually turned towards us.
"And because everyone's idea of 'the end' will be completely different. So I want to ask everyone. No, I want to request. I want all of you to write it for me instead. The lyrics to this song."