Episode 037
"Him."
I pointed at the captain staring at me with eyes wide in shock and opened my mouth indifferently.
"He's a heretic."
"H-heretic?! You insolent bastard! How dare you speak such reckless nonsense to...!"
The paladin captain's face contorted viciously.
He stared at the brilliant halo flickering before his eyes as if he couldn't believe it.
"T-that's magic! Some cowardly mage has definitely joined hands with the heretic to pull off this deception!"
"Huh?"
"Don't be fooled! That Incompetent Hero bastard is a heinous criminal!!"
The captain screamed like a madman and drew his sword.
"……."
"……."
But no one breathed a word in response to his cry.
The paladins who had come with him were already trembling, hands holding their weapons shaking, taking steps back one by one.
Paladins weren't just anyone.
They were elites who had undergone bone-grinding training in the Order.
They couldn't possibly fail to distinguish whether the light before their eyes was a mage's crude Light spell, or the soul-piercing divinity of the Goddess.
Realizing the situation was turning strange, he roared.
"What are you all doing! Subdue him at once! His arms and legs are fair game!"
"B-but that's clearly Lady Aseria's..."
"Shut up! Are you trying to side with a heretic? Defying my orders?"
"T-that's..."
"Wait, you were only appointed captain for this mission. You're not a commander or vice-commander. I have no intention of following such orders from you."
"What...?"
"...I'd rather go back and receive punishment."
"You bastard!"
In this unforeseen situation, the paladins fell into internal strife instead.
In the end, the bastard lost his reason and charged at me directly.
"Fine, you cowards. I'll deal with him myself. I don't know what trick you used... Incompetent Hero bastard... you've got guts."
His confidence wasn't unfounded.
If one recalled the old days,
The Tanas he had seen was a retarded bastard who was harassed by his party members every day.
Just a pretty-faced male prostitute.
It was truly questionable how such a guy was chosen as the Hero.
I would have suited the role of Hero much better instead...
If so, Lady Seria would surely have... me.
Thinking such thoughts, he bit his lips hard.
"If you come quietly even now, I'll let you off with just cutting off one arm."
"……."
The claim that he caught the monster of Invium must have been some mistake as well.
Whether it was the pretty blonde girl he was holding,
or the unusual atmosphere of the old man standing behind the Incompetent Hero...,
Surely that old man had handled it. No, certainly.
'What a lucky bastard with women.'
The paladin smacked his lips looking at the unconscious blonde girl.
"Die!!"
The killing intent enveloping his sword viciously slashed toward the Incompetent Hero's neck.
No, tried to slash.
But before the blade could touch Tanas's body,
*Crack!*
the captain's neck bent greatly and he was flung backward.
"...Kuhk!"
The paladin rolled pathetically on the ground.
His helmet was knocked off, and his shining plate armor was covered in dust.
"W-what trick did you use...? There's no way an incompetent bastard like you could defeat me... That's right, an artifact, it's an artifact!"
"……."
I looked down at the fallen paladin with a dumb expression.
'So Aseria's blessing is quite useful, huh?'
I turned my head and looked around,
and saw some adventurers praying with their eyes closed like the priestess from before.
Since it's come to this, let's go all out shamelessly.
I looked down at him with cold eyes and opened my mouth.
"The sin of swinging a sword at the Apostle of God, and the sin of denying Goddess Aseria's divinity while spewing venom."
"……!!"
In the silence, my voice sank low.
"Is there a more certain heretic than this?"
"Y-you... Ugh! A heretic! This, this is absurd!"
The captain bastard struggled to get up again, but when I stomped on his chest, he couldn't even straighten his knees under the pressure.
"W-we have no intention of defying the Apostle!"
"It's all that bastard's unilateral decision! There must have been some mistake in the Order!"
The surrounding paladins had already discarded their swords and were prostrated on the ground begging for mercy.
The halo of Aseria,
I had thought it might be useful somewhere after seeing the priestess's reaction, but
to think it would be this effective?
The moment they faced Aseria's divinity as members of the Order, the captain's orders became nothing but bullshit.
"Prove your innocence."
"It is the Apostle's command! Bind that heretic!"
The paladins quickly rose and rushed at the captain.
The mana restraints they had tried to use on me until just moments ago now filled his entire body without omission.
"Y-you bastards, are you out of your minds? Something is... something is wrong here!!"
"Shut up! You heretic bastard!"
"Still spewing such nonsense...."
With a miserable scream, the paladin bastard was dragged away.
For someone who had driven a torture carriage from the capital so triumphantly, it was a far too hollow downfall.
"……."
Watching the paladin being dragged away, I muttered leisurely.
"Who sent you?"
"T-that is, an order came down from the Order."
"So who?"
"...Lady Seria gave the direct order."
"Seria? That Saint candidate, pink hair?"
"...Yes, it is the one the Apostle knows as well."
"Oh."
I had expected it, but
the fact that they mobilized even the paladins directly to try and catch me
was proof that the situation in the capital was turning out much more interesting than I thought.
'So they're desperate enough that they need to catch me quickly.'
It was then.
When the paladin captain being dragged away like luggage met my gaze, he spat on the ground in contempt with venomous eyes.
"Wait."
I stopped the paladins briefly.
And slowly approached the captain.
"Apostle...?"
Instead of answering, I forcefully extended my foot toward the space between his legs.
The physical abilities somewhat recovered through Aseria's grace struck between the bastard's groin.
*Thud─!*
*Crunch!*
A sickening sound of something being crushed and shattered echoed among the people.
...It was a type of rupture sound one would rather not know about.
"Gwaaaaaaaah─!!! Gw-urk..."
Unable to even scream properly, the captain foamed at the mouth and passed out on the spot.
"……."
"……."
The male adventurers and paladins watching from the surroundings instinctively clutched their own groins and trembled.
He could've gotten away with half his life if he'd just stayed quiet. Why did he have to go and do that.
"Th-that... Apostle, why this...."
When the paladin asked with frightened eyes, I answered indifferently while shaking off my shoe.
"Isn't his fighting spirit too strong? If excessive, it becomes poison. I merely corrected him as a faithful servant of God. Do you think I was wrong?"
"Ah...! N-no! Certainly... he was uncharacteristically steeped in hostility toward the Apostle. Yes."
"You have made a wise judgment!"
"Hahaha! L-long live! Long live the Apostle!"
The paladins nodded desperately.
"That is a relief, then."
I glossed over it like that, but the real reason was different.
Because this captain bastard's eyes scanning the unconscious Prisia earlier had been unusual.
I had merely performed an emergency castration that was physically impossible.
And with this, he won't be able to think of anything else and will focus all his resentment on me.
'It would be easier to just cut him down...'
Unfortunately, I was still falsely accused as a princess murderer and a collaborator with the demon race, so
if I executed him on the spot as an Apostle of the Aseria Order with doctrines of mercy and light, it would make me perfectly suspicious.
I had no intention of proving that eunuch bastard's words myself anyway.
My innocence would be known within a week anyway, so it wouldn't be too late to deal with him then.
"Apostle, what should we do now?"
The remaining paladins stood before me and bowed their heads.
Trained by the Order, they were quite useful in terms of combat power. Above all, weren't they human tanks with tenacious lifelines if nothing else?
I couldn't just send them back either.
'Ah.'
In the blink of an eye,
the calculations in my head were finished.
'Seria, I'll make good use of the troops you sent to capture me.'
I slowly raised my head and looked at them.
"Light."
A halo far more brilliant and sacred than before erupted from behind my back as if exploding.
Before that blinding radiance, the paladins knelt again and trembled violently.
I opened my mouth with the most benevolent and holy voice.
"The Goddess has delivered an oracle to me. A terrible calamity threatening the continent is raising its head in the east."
"An, an oracle!!"
"As expected, he truly is the Apostle!"
The paladins' eyes widened.
"Although you committed the folly of being deceived by a heretic and pointing your swords at the Apostle, the Goddess is merciful. She wishes to grant you 'glory' to wash away your sins and share in the trial together... What say you?"
It was a proposal written as 'glory' but read as 'dog's suffering,' yet to the paladins gripped by fear and reverence, it was the only lifeline of salvation.
"Ooh... merciful Lady Aseria!"
"Apostle, please grant us that opportunity!"
"We shall obey the Goddess's will! We shall serve the Apostle with all our lives!!"
The paladins buried their heads against the ground, overcome with emotion.
The direct paladins who were no different from Seria's own limbs were now reborn as sturdy meat shields who would fight for me.
"Ho, really... youngster... you're something else."
Gareth clicked his tongue as if bewildered, but I didn't care.
Only the Pope or a Saint would be able to tell
whether I was truly an Apostle or not.
The title of Apostle,
I shall use it until the very last drop runs dry.
"Good. Regroup briefly and head east immediately."
I smirked and readjusted my hold on Prisia in my arms.
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