Early the very next morning, Heiner came to the room, bringing along a newly hired attending physician. The doctor, who appeared to be in his late forties, wore a very kind smile.
“Good morning, my lady. I am Mila Loren. I majored in family medicine at Verden University and worked for twelve years as a specialist at Ronchester Cross Hospital. I promise to do my utmost.”
“Ah, yes. I am Anette….”
Attaching Heiner’s surname after her own somehow felt unfamiliar. Anette hesitated for just a moment before adding,
“…Valdemar. I look forward to working with you.”
In that fleeting pause, Heiner’s peculiar gaze briefly touched her before falling away. Anette deliberately avoided his eyes.
Mila Loren, failing to notice this, simply continued with a gentle smile.
“I have been briefed on your previous situation. I will take extra care to prevent drug abuse or overdose. By the way, my lady, I heard that you received separate psychological counseling during your hospitalization….”
“Yes, just a few times.”
“I am not well-versed in that field, so might I suggest calling in a separate counselor?”
“If you wish, I shall call the same counselor from Luther Hospital.”
Heiner interjected abruptly. Anette furrowed her brows slightly, displeased.
She did not want to be treated as if she had a mental problem. Even if it was just simple counseling, it was the same.
Socially, receiving psychological counseling was never viewed favorably. Awareness had improved compared to the past, but among the closed-off nobility, it remained unchanged.
If one had a history of mental illness, one’s own or one’s family’s path to marriage could be blocked. Since the nobility mostly entered into political marriages, this was a very significant matter.
Anette was a rare case who had married for love, but the privileged class’s way of thinking was internalized in her all the same. Even now that the nobility had fallen, the mindset embedded to the bone did not fade easily.
“I don’t need counseling.”
“Ah, my lady. You needn’t feel so reluctant at all.”
Mila Loren, who had once served as an attending physician for a noble family, noticed Anette’s reluctance.
“These days, even simple psychological counseling is almost mandatory in children’s schools.”
“No, I really don’t need it.”
In truth, it was laughable to care about reputation now. With her reputation already at rock bottom, adding one more rumor about a mental illness would change nothing.
But even so, Anette hated it. She hated seeing people pretend to worry about her miscarriage, and she hated the very fact that the matter was mentioned further at all.
She wanted to live as if nothing had happened. As if she had never had a child from the very beginning.
And more than anything….
“If you keep going against my will like this, I may lock you away in a mental institution for the rest of your life.”
Lately, Anette sometimes wondered.
Perhaps she really had gone mad.
At some point, she had begun to feel her mind floating adrift. It was as though she stood on the boundary between reality and dream.
When she felt pressure or stress, that feeling intensified.
If she were to receive counseling, she felt they would discover this state of hers. Because of that, Anette had not been particularly cooperative with psychological counseling even at Luther Hospital, and had sometimes replied with lies.
“I understand your wishes for now, my lady. Still, please think it over slowly. I shall leave this counseling questionnaire here, so please fill it out when you have time.”
Mila Loren placed several sheets of paper on the table, but Anette did not so much as glance at them.
While Heiner watched, Mila Loren briefly checked her condition. Since she had already undergone examinations at Luther Hospital, it was close to a formality.
“Then, my lady, should anything trouble you, please call for me anytime. As I said, you must take your medication exactly as prescribed.”
“Yes.”
Mila Loren smiled slightly, bowed, and left the room. Anette stared blankly at the back of her head, streaked with gray.
She was a gentle person. With a degree from a prestigious university and twelve years as a specialist, her skill must have been considerable. She was a doctor too good to waste on someone like herself.
“Anette.”
At the quiet call, Anette lifted her eyelids.
“Why are you refusing counseling?”
It was the question she had expected. An obvious one. In the past, she might have been grateful for even a handful of his attention, but now it was all merely tiresome.
“I told you. Because I don’t need it.”
“I know the nobility’s perception of psychological counseling, but how long will you live trapped in that obsolete notion? It is not as though I am suggesting counseling because you currently have a problem. Even if there is a problem.”
His words trailed off for a moment. Heiner’s face flickered very faintly.
“…Even if there is a problem, you are simply ill.”
“….”
“Like a cold, or a headache… something of that sort. You are simply someone who is a little unwell.”
The end of his voice cracked slightly. Without noticing, Anette sneered.
“Perhaps.”
To her ears, it was simply a ridiculous thing to say.
“It doesn’t seem like something the man who threatened to lock me in a mental institution should say.”
Heiner’s brow twitched. He moved his lips once, then spoke like a sigh.
“I didn’t know you… were still holding onto those words.”
“Weren’t you the one who told me to hold onto them?”
“I only said that because you kept resisting.”
“…Resisting?”
Anette cut him off and repeated. A hollow laugh escaped her.
“Did suggesting a divorce look like resistance to you?”
“I meant that it was not sincere.”
“I am not beneath you.”
“I have never treated you as an inferior.”
“Liar.”
“You are the one who thinks so of me.”
“…What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
Heiner immediately clamped his mouth shut. An unnatural silence circled between them. Anette asked again.
“When did I ever think of you as an inferior?”
“You always… thought that way.”
“I never did.”
“You did.”
“I never did. What on earth are you talking about?”
With a weary face, Heiner traced his mouth. When his large hand swept down past his lips, his face returned in an instant to its habitual impassive expression. It was an astonishingly swift change.
“Let us stop here. I did not come to fight with you.”
Countless conversations had been cut off like this until now. But Anette neither refuted nor added anything more.
Conversation was something one attempted only with someone with whom there existed the possibility of mending the relationship. In that respect, Heiner was not someone worth attempting constructive conversation with.
Moreover, Anette was not thinking much about the future.
“…Fill this out and have it delivered to the doctor.”
Heiner briefly rested his finger on the counseling questionnaire before lifting it. Anette did not look at the paper until the very end.
***
The midday sun shone through the window with curtains half drawn. Anette sat by the window, slowly tapping the window frame with her fingertips. A slow, regular sound echoed dully.
Inside the mansion, Anette was waiting for Kathrin Groth.
Kathrin did not visit the estate the following day, or the day after that. Today marked nearly a week already. But Anette waited for her.
Time continued to pass. She did not reach out again, nor did any contact come, but Anette waited for her.
She did not know how long she would have to wait. It was simply that the feeling of waiting for someone was not unpleasant, so Anette thought it would be all right even if she came very late.
“Ah….”
Anette, gazing out the window, let out an inadvertent murmur.
On the first floor, Anneli Engels was walking with heavy steps, carrying a box of documents that looked quite weighty. She appeared extremely busy.
Anette looked down at her intently. She held no particular ill will toward Anneli Engels. Her gaze had simply fallen upon her.
She also wondered what could make her so busy.
Suddenly, Anneli stopped. Anette turned her eyes toward where her head was facing.
In the distance, Heiner was walking with heavy steps, accompanied by an aide. His frame was so large that he stood out clearly even from afar.
As expected, Heiner and Anneli greeted each other. The two exchanged a few words before Heiner changed direction and began walking alongside her.
Heiner reached out his hand as if to take the box of documents from Anneli. Anneli hesitated, declining at first, but soon reluctantly handed it over.
Whatever amusing story they were sharing, Anneli laughed aloud. Heiner, too, wore a faint smile. Birds perched on the fence fluttered into the air.
A dry, silent gaze watched the two.
Anette did not know the emotion of jealousy well. She had never once assumed that Heiner would look at another woman besides herself.
She found it a bit ridiculous herself, but even after her circumstances had come to this, it remained the same.
“I had no intention of accepting from the start, so I tried to quietly refuse, but an article came out… in any case, there is no changing my decision.”
She did not think those words were a lie. Heiner was not someone to lie about such matters—no, she believed he was not someone to have an affair, at least.
A hollow laugh suddenly escaped her.
*So thoroughly deceived, and yet I still believe.*
Was the Heiner she knew really Heiner at all? Among everything she had thought she knew about him, was there even one thing she could be certain of?
Her bare hand, missing its ring, suddenly came into view. The ring finger, which had worn a ring for so long, was slightly slender at its base.
She did not feel particularly empty.
At a strange feeling, Anette turned her eyes out the window again. Her peripheral vision sharpened. Time flowed slowly, as if it had nearly stopped.
Heiner had raised his head and was looking this way.
Anette was neither surprised nor did she avoid his gaze. It was too far to be certain whether he was truly looking at her.
A moment later, Heiner turned his head again. The halted time began to flow rapidly once more. Tree branches swayed gently.
Through the gap of the slightly open window, a faint breeze and Anneli’s laughter seeped in. The two moved on. The road continued to stretch out before them.
Anette quietly closed the window.