Like a snake gliding over a wall.
The spring that had threatened winter’s position every chance it got had stealthily sent winter to the bench and seized the starting spot.
In the meantime, we faced Torino FC at home, and the following week, we played the round of 16 in the Coppa Italia against Udinese Calcio.
I played seventy-five minutes as a starter against Torino, scoring one goal, and seventy-seven minutes against Udinese, recording one assist.
To be honest, they weren’t performances I could be satisfied with.
Of course, we won both matches, and I was very happy that we advanced to the quarter-finals of the tournament, especially with the victory over Udinese, but…
Separate from that, my personal stats—the numbers put down on paper—had been lacking compared to previous matches.
Honestly, it might have been an arrogant thought.
To think I couldn’t be satisfied even after scoring one goal and recording one assist across two matches.
If anyone heard that, they might throw stones at me, telling me to stop talking with a full stomach.
Even me from just a few months ago would have reacted that way.
But many things had changed between who I am now and who I was before.
Whether it was myself, or the environment and situation I was placed in.
Almost everything was different from before, and could never be the same.
And because I knew that, I had to raise my standards for myself even higher.
It meant I couldn’t be satisfied and move on just from playing in matches like before.
That was my situation.
Somehow, our team had gone on a winning streak and climbed to the top of the league table, and I had become something akin to that team’s hero, and to top it off, I had even become a player seen as the hope of the league.
I wasn’t unaware of it.
That was the objective position of the player called I Jian right now.
No matter what I thought of myself, the person called “me” as seen from the outside was exactly that.
If it were the old me, I might have found this situation miserable.
No, I definitely would have found it miserable.
Why do I have to live under this kind of pressure? I would have cried without understanding, wishing that people would look out for my back as well, not just what lay ahead of me.
But now, it wasn’t like that.
To be clear, I am happy right now.
I don’t feel miserable.
I think I am receiving an unbelievable blessing.
Honestly, it couldn’t be otherwise.
Everything is so perfect that I feel like the heavens are helping me—how could I not be happy?
Everyone I’ve met in Florence treats me favorably, my best friend came to study abroad in our neighborhood from thousands of kilometers away, and lies that were merely my wishes are all becoming reality.
If this isn’t a blessing, I don’t have the confidence to find a more appropriate word for it.
However, it was precisely because of that that I had to keep my nerves a little more on edge.
Well.
It’s a bit difficult to explain exactly, but should I say that because everything is so perfect, I’m even more afraid of that perfection shattering?
For example, when drawing a picture.
If I feel it’s ruined from the very first line, I can actually draw much more comfortably.
On the contrary, if it starts turning out far more perfectly than I intended, wouldn’t I end up drawing each subsequent stroke with extreme care?
For fear that I might ruin this perfect picture with my own hands.
It’s a similar feeling.
At some point, there was only one thought that came to mind when I stepped onto the field.
Even if just a little, do better than last match.
Since I hadn’t been able to do that in the Torino and Udinese matches, there was no way I could be satisfied.
“How is it? Uncomfortable?”
“No. It’s fine.”
“What about this side?”
“I think that side is fine too.”
To the trainer’s questions as he kneaded my body this way and that, I answered with a thumbs-up.
After finishing training, I had stopped by the treatment room to receive a massage.
“Ugh…!”
“What? Does it hurt?”
“Ah, no. It just feels weird…”
“You have to tell me exactly. Does it hurt, or is it a ticklish feeling?”
“…It’s ticklish.”
As thick fingers dug into the back of my calf, I unknowingly let out a strange sound.
At that, the seniors receiving massages beside me burst into silly laughter, and I buried my face into the round opening and bit my molars.
“…”
Actually, it hurt a lot.
With fingers digging deep between the muscle fibers, there was no way it wouldn’t hurt.
Moreover, Trainer Pablo, who was currently working on my calf, was famous for having strong hands.
But I couldn’t scream unbecomingly. I was afraid that making a fuss about the pain would complicate things unnecessarily.
Just in case… this pain wasn’t simply the inevitable kind felt during a massage, but a signal that something was wrong somewhere in my body.
Then I might not be able to train, and I might not be able to play in matches.
That was unacceptable.
The me who would raise my hand to signal for a substitution whenever it was hard and the me now were very different.
The current me was a body that had to do better next week than last week.
So I didn’t want to create any unnecessary trouble.
In the end, I think it’s because I know all too well.
That the problems and worries I had disappeared solely thanks to my abilities.
If you think about it, isn’t that right?
Whether it’s the coach, the coaching staff, or my senior teammates.
The fact that everyone likes me is thanks to my abilities.
It must be the same for the fans cheering for our team.
Also, my father’s brightened face, and being able to meet Jiu with a comfortable heart—there was no difference.
All the problems were solved because I played soccer well.
I knew I wasn’t someone who could be loved just by staying still.
So it was simply that I wanted to do better.
These days, things were going so perfectly that I wished every day could flow by just like now.
I didn’t want to break that perfection with my own hands.
That was why I wanted to do even better going forward, and I was gritting my teeth to hold back the screams that tried to leak out.
Well… honestly, unlike me who twitched at every touch, the sight of the seniors receiving their massages calmly also looked pretty cool.
“Done. You’ll feel much better.”
“Phew… Thank you…”
The massage, which had felt like one hour for every minute, ended, and I let out a long sigh at the hand patting my back.
I pulled my buried face out and sat up, and the trainer looked at my face and chuckled.
“Your muscles are knotted up here and there. I think you need to talk with the coach about your playing time.”
“Ah, it’s okay. I think it’s all loosened up now.”
“It’s only temporary. If fatigue builds up, recovery slows too. For now, use a foam roller often at home. Pay more attention to your warm-up too. Be careful.”
“Yes. I will.”
I bowed respectfully to the trainer, who was dripping with sweat, and left the treatment room.
My much lighter legs felt good.
Foam roller.
Warm-up more thoroughly.
Recalling the trainer’s words, I headed toward the locker room to pack my things.
For someone to appear and disturb this perfect daily life was something I could not tolerate.
*
Even if it’s a face you see every day, seeing it in an unexpected place at an unexpected moment can be incredibly delightful.
For example, when you happen to run into a classmate at the neighborhood bookstore.
Even family members you live with can feel newly delightful when you meet them outside the house.
So when I spotted Jiu on my way back after training, I couldn’t help but open my eyes wide in pleasant surprise.
“Hey!”
At the sight of her walking merrily with a backpack on, I found myself smiling and calling out to Jiu from afar.
Then Jiu whipped her head around, and our eyes met…
“…!”
Jiu’s eyes widened to a size I’d never seen before, and suddenly she turned around and ran away.
“Uh, where are you going?”
I called out to Jiu once more at the completely unexpected reaction, but she just ran off as if she’d encountered some thug.
It was strange.
There had been more East Asian tourists around the neighborhood lately, but there was no way she hadn’t recognized me.
Why had she suddenly run away?
Feeling unnecessarily sulky, I trudged home, but what was more absurd was that Jiu came by our house shortly after.
And she said this.
“Hey! Who ambushes someone when they’re defenseless! You scared me!”
“…What are you talking about?”
“I was bare-faced earlier! Ah, I was really startled. What are the odds of running into you there?”
“…So that’s why you ran away like that?”
“Yeah! You perv.”
“Uh… what process exactly do I go through to become a pervert?”
“A woman’s bare face is no different from her naked body. You saw it, so you’re a pervert.”
“…”
It was so absurd that I was speechless.
Being called a pervert was absurd, and it was equally absurd that she had run away because she was bare-faced.
I let out a hollow laugh because it was so absurd, and Jiu pouted her lips.
“I normally go to school bare-faced, okay? And today, I didn’t even put on lip tint, so I was really, truly bare-faced.”
“…No, I don’t get it.”
“What.”
“Then are you saying you put something on now?”
When I asked that, Jiu rolled her eyes upward as if thinking.
“Just, like, base makeup?”
“Why?”
“…What do you mean, why?”
“I’m asking why you’d put on makeup to come to my house.”
“Wow, what are you thinking? Surely you’re not misunderstanding? You don’t know why I put on makeup?”
Of course I don’t.
“It’s self-satisfaction, self-satisfaction. I-I’m not doing it to look good for anyone, I do it according to my mood.”
“But you said you don’t when going to school.”
“Well, school is a place you go to study.”
“…Complicated.”
“Don’t try to understand it. Anyway, damn. I thought my heart was going to drop earlier. Hey, you couldn’t see my face well from far away, right? Right?”
I briefly searched my memory at Jiu’s question.
It was a bit far, but I saw it properly.
I have pretty good eyes.
But for some reason, I felt like I shouldn’t answer that I had clearly seen her eyes, nose, and mouth.
“…I didn’t see.”
“Really? Then it’s fine.”
Fortunately, that intuition seemed to have been right.
At my answer that I hadn’t seen, Jiu nodded, finally stopped huffing, and began to hum.
And as I watched Jiu like that, I shook my head.
I didn’t understand.
No matter how much she said it was self-satisfaction… earlier, that is, when she was bare-faced, she had seemed prettier than now.
I had no way of knowing why she was embarrassed about it.
She was more than enough just as she was.
⋆⋆⋆
Serie A, Round 30.
We brought Empoli FC to our home.
Currently, Empoli was a team sitting in 14th place in the league, and for us—whose goal was to maintain 2nd place or at least 3rd—they were a team we absolutely had to beat.
Perhaps because of that, the captain’s voice was more powerful than ever.
“The goal today is to win cleanly, without any lingering unease. I don’t want to be pointlessly solemn in matches like this anymore. Let’s take Empoli down lightly.”
“Okay!”
“Now, Forza—!”
“Viola—!!”
The other seniors also shouted “Viola” in refreshed voices and scattered to their positions.
I too shook out my legs and walked toward the center circle.
Though it was from my U-17 days, Empoli was a team with good memories for me.
Empoli had been the opponent in my first-ever starting appearance.
Moreover, in that match, I had recorded two goals and one assist.
Above all, it was right after that match that I received the contact to discuss a professional contract.
The reason I could be receiving four thousand euros every week now was all thanks to that Empoli.
As such, today, I felt good.
Tap, tap—
I kept shaking my legs and waited for the referee’s whistle.
Following the trainer’s instructions, I had warmed up much harder than usual today.
Thanks to that, my body was already heated up as if I’d been running for about ten minutes, so the time spent waiting for the whistle felt unusually long today.
Today was a match we absolutely had to win as a team, and it was also a good opportunity to resolve the personal dissatisfaction I’d felt in the last two matches.
As such…
Beeeeeeep—!
The referee’s whistle blew, and after passing the ball back, I sprinted forward more powerfully than ever.