A Particularly Bright Day -1
“You think you can get home alone? Should Nuna walk you back?”
“What are you talking about? Go on in, hurry.”
“Tch, you’ve really grown, our Jian. You even know how to get home by yourself.”
“Whatever.”
“Anyway, get home safe. See you on Sunday!”
“Yeah. I’m off.”
Before she knew it, evening had grown pitch dark.
Kim Jiu smiled brightly as she waved at Lee Jian, watching his retreating figure turn around.
Kim Jiu stood there watching Lee Jian for the longest time, only turning her body after he had completely disappeared.
“You’ve really grown.”
A smile lingered on Kim Jiu’s lips.
Oh my.
To think the day would come when she’d have to look up at Lee Jian, who used to be such a tiny brat.
Now he even put on quite the grown-up act.
He had always been like a younger brother she wanted to look after.
What should I call it.
Why did he keep making her worry so strangely?
Because he had always been so quiet and seemed so timid.
If she didn’t take care of him, she half felt like he’d be unable to feed himself out in the world.
So she had always stuck by his side.
It started when she approached him first on the first day of elementary school, finding him alone in a corner of the classroom. She always ate meals with him, and even fought in his place whenever mean kids picked on him.
Like that, from age seven to thirteen.
For six years they had been attached at the hip, and she had practically raised him on her back.
Wow, even if he were her blood-related little brother, she probably wouldn’t have doted on him that much.
But today.
Lee Jian, whom she had met for the first time in three years, felt like a completely different person.
He was still shy, but what should I call it…
‘He got so much taller, and his face too…’
Kim Jiu let out a short laugh.
Right.
He had become very much a man.
His height, his face, and even his mannerisms.
If before he had been like a cute dongsaeng she wanted to protect, now what should I call it…
Hmm… Hmm!
Anyway, the atmosphere was completely different.
But if she asked whether she hated that change, she didn’t.
“You grew up well. You grew up well.”
With an inexplicably proud smile, Kim Jiu stretched to her heart’s content and took in the streets of Florence.
A nearby streetlamp bathed her face in red.
“…The streets are really beautiful.”
Honestly, getting here had been really difficult.
There was so much to worry about, and the flight had been almost twenty hours.
Her whole body was exhausted.
But she felt good.
She didn’t know why, but she had a feeling she would make a lot of good memories here going forward.
Florence had felt good from the very first day.
···
After parting with Jiu.
The night air having grown quite cool, I hummed a tune as I walked home.
Then…
“….”
After glancing around briefly to confirm no one was there.
I clenched my fist and let out a small cheer.
“Yes…!”
I made it, I made it…!
To think I made the call-up list.
For now, the urgent fire has been put out…!
“Whew….”
In an instant, all the strength drained from my body and a long sigh escaped on its own.
It was truly a sigh of relief.
If I hadn’t made the match squad, everything would have been exposed, but since I had made it for now.
Thank goodness. Really, thank goodness.
Well, of course, I knew this wasn’t a stage where I could rest easy yet.
Just because I made the call-up list didn’t change the fact that whether I could actually play in the match was still an unknown.
Strictly speaking, the odds of not being able to play were much higher.
Still, it was undeniably much better than not making the call-up list.
Since she said she was already so excited to come watch the match.
It was much better to at least be sitting on the bench than not being at the stadium at all.
Even if I ended up warming the bench the whole match, I should be able to come up with some excuse.
Right.
For now, it really was a relief.
It was a relief, but…
“…What on earth was I thinking, bluffing like that again?”
I muttered to myself, kicking a stone rolling along the ground.
Making the list was a relief, but the bluff I had ended up making was another problem.
Good grief.
To promise I’d score a goal.
I even bluffed that scoring wasn’t even all that difficult.
What was I thinking?
Honestly, the words had jumped out before my brain could catch up.
I didn’t want to show a lack of confidence for no reason.
…No.
Rather than not wanting to show such a side, I was afraid that if I seemed unconfident, the lie would be found out.
Anyway.
At this point, I felt like it might actually be better to just sit on the bench.
Because if I went out and failed to score, things would get weird.
Ugh, I don’t know.
Lies really are like a snowball, and also like a boomerang.
Lies beget lies, and before you know it they become impossible to handle, and this always comes right back to me.
I headed home with worry weighing on me like a mountain.
“….”
But, what should I call it.
I felt a bit strange.
Normally, on days like this before a match, I would always tremble with anxiety and unease.
The pressure of “what if I can’t do it” would make my stomach hurt from the day before.
But now it was a little different.
Of course, I was still nervous, and it was true I was worried about what if I couldn’t do it, or what if I couldn’t even play in the match.
What should I call it.
Rather than thinking “what if I can’t,” the thought “I definitely want to do well” came first.
I didn’t really know what the difference between these two was, but anyway, that was how it felt.
Why was that?
For a moment, Jiu’s face floated before my eyes.
Jiu, whom I had met for the first time in three years… still acted like she was my nuna.
But strangely, it didn’t feel the same as before.
“….”
Suddenly, I thought that even if I couldn’t score, I wanted to play in the match.
···
Flash!
When I opened my eyes, it was a bluish dawn.
I pressed the phone beside my pillow to check the time.
Sunday, 6 AM.
It was nine hours before the match began.
I sat up in bed.
And stared blankly at the dark blue void.
“….”
I stayed like that blankly for about ten minutes.
The moment I opened my eyes, sleep had already fled, so it wasn’t to wake myself up.
I simply felt the static stillness unique to dawn.
Honestly, I hated this feeling.
This strange feeling right before the sun rises.
I had been like this since I was very young.
Because I knew that when this darkness lifted, the sun would rise, and eventually today would repeat just like yesterday.
I hated the feeling of another day beginning.
Especially on days when there was a match.
I just wished the darkness would last a little longer.
I hated the time when I had to leave my room.
But… today was a little different.
I was still incredibly nervous, and it wasn’t that I had any confidence I could do well.
Even though today might be the day my lie was exposed… I found myself wishing the day would start quickly.
“Let’s wash up.”
I could have laid down a bit longer, but I quickly washed up and came out.
I put on socks and clothes, then went out to the living room.
In the kitchen next to the living room, there was breakfast Dad had simply prepared.
Fortunately, it was sandwiches.
Sandwiches with the kind of cheese people here ate a lot were hard to make taste bad no matter who made them, so this sandwich ranked in Dad’s top three dishes.
I took orange juice out of the fridge, poured it into a cup, sat at the table, and ate it with the sandwich.
Dad was always busy on weekends.
He worked dealing with tourists, so he left for work especially early in the morning.
I knew that, but since I’d been waking up late on weekends until now, I hadn’t realized Dad left this early.
If I earned more money later, would Dad be able to sleep in too?
I ate two of the four sandwiches and put the rest in a lunch box in my bag.
When I checked the time, it was still quite early… but I’d just go a bit early, I guess.
Since it would be nice to walk leisurely.
Though the truth was it was because I was too nervous to stay still.
“I’ve got everything.”
Since it had been a while since my last match, I checked several times to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything, then shouldered my bag and put on my shoes.
Opening the door, the cool morning air welcomed me.
Maybe because I had woken up while it was still dark.
Today, the sun felt unusually bright.
*
When I thought back to when I last played in a match, surprisingly, it had been last year.
Even though this year was already well into August.
It really had been a long time.
It made sense… since after coming to Fiorentina, I hadn’t played a single match.
“…Hoo.”
Thanks to that, just before the match began, my heart was pounding excessively as I sat in the locker room.
Honestly, it wasn’t just that I was nervous because it had been a while. Even during the days when I was playing frequently, I had been quite prone to nerves.
Nerves? To be exact, it was a feeling closer to anxiousness.
On match days, I would always frequent the bathroom.
It was practically my routine.
Because I would get so nervous my stomach felt uncomfortable.
It was because the thought that I had to pull it off was so strong.
I was filled with the thought that I couldn’t show a disappointing side.
People were strict with me.
When I thought about when that started, it was from when I was told I had talent.
From then on, everyone looked at me strictly.
I always had to show a side that matched those strict standards, so matches had always been burdensome.
It was the same now.
My heart was pounding partly because the match was after a long time, but more so because the thought that I had to pull it off was so strong.
Jiu: I’m here!
Jiu: You have to keep your promise, right?
Jiu: If you score, find me first!
After checking the messages, I laughed briefly and let out a sigh.
Come to think of it, it had been a while since I played a match, but it had been even longer since someone came to cheer me on like this.
Not scouts or people like that.
But someone who came with the sincere wish for me to do well.
The difference between having someone come to see me like this and not having one was truly palpable.
It felt like the pressure increased a hundredfold.
I used to hate this feeling so much.
Jiu: Nuna is watching!
But now, what should I call it…
The pressure was the same, but should I say the desire to do well was greater?
Yeah.
I just wanted to do well.
…First I had to get into the match to do well or not, though.
“Alright, let’s head out soon.”
“Let’s go, let’s go.”
At the coach’s signal, children in uniform rose from their seats and exited the locker room.
I put my phone in the locker too, exhaled deeply once, and left the locker room.
I trailed along behind the children walking in a line.
Passing through the corridor and turning a few corners like that, a canopy-covered tunnel appeared.
Passing through that tunnel…
“Let’s go, let’s go!”
“Let’s win!”
“Forza—!”
Along with the shouts of young lads, the surroundings suddenly opened up, and intense sunlight and a lush green pitch welcomed us.
The children in the starting lineup ran toward that pitch, and I watched their backs as I headed toward the bench.
Thinking that Jiu was watching from somewhere in the stands, I deliberately straightened my shoulders and walked leisurely.
If possible, today.
I hoped that an opportunity to step onto that blue-green pitch would come to me too.
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