I Want to Become an Adult -1
“Mmm…”
I wake to the sunlight streaming through the window.
Rubbing my eyes that refuse to open fully, I sit up and pick up the phone lying on my nightstand.
And I turn off the alarm set to ring in ten minutes.
“…”
Mmm.
My body feels especially heavy today, so I remain sitting on the bed for a moment.
The urge to lie back down and bury myself under the blankets surges up wildly.
But I can’t lose here.
If I can’t even overcome this, I can’t win at anything.
Smack—!
After slapping my cheek to clear my head, I get out of bed, fold the blankets, draw the curtains, open the window, and air out the room.
And I habitually step onto the scale.
It’s a digital scale I bought after working up my courage.
67.6kg
“…Is it broken?”
I bought it after mustering up my courage; it shouldn’t be acting up already.
Unable to believe the weight displayed on the screen, I get off and get back on.
But the number is exactly the same.
Wondering if it’s not level, I shift around and step back on, but the number still doesn’t change.
…That’s strange.
I ate a whopping five meals yesterday; how could I have only gained 0.1 kilograms?
I definitely felt my body was heavy when I woke up just now.
Right. It doesn’t make sense.
The scale must be the problem.
Even it’s groggy in the morning.
“I should’ve bought a Korean one.”
A sigh escapes me since it’s already acting up even though I bought it after working up my courage. I should’ve gone with Dad. I clearly got fooled by the shopkeeper’s smooth talking for no reason.
Tch.
Letting out a sigh, I grab a change of underwear and head to the bathroom.
“…”
Stripping down completely, I stand before the mirror for a moment.
And I examine my body this way and that.
I try broadening my shoulders, flexing my arms. I don’t forget to turn around and check the state of my back’s growth.
Mmm…
Why does the body change so slowly?
Let’s stop. Squeezing won’t make muscles appear out of nowhere.
I’m just wasting my strength for nothing.
Whoosh—
I turn on the shower.
Now the greatest hurdle before work awaits me. Freezing cold water that looks like it could turn me to ice pours down in a steady stream from the shower.
Since I spent quite a while clowning around in front of the mirror today, I probably don’t need to warm up separately.
“Hoo, ha!”
Taking a deep breath and steeling myself, I leap into the cold water.
“Nngh…!”
Biting my molars tight, I tackle the shower like I’m going into battle.
Come to think of it, the seniors are truly amazing.
After training, they shower in cold water like I do now, but some seniors even submerge themselves in ice water.
Not water cold as ice, but a bathtub packed with real ice—that’s what they immerse themselves in.
And yet the seniors looked completely unfazed, as if it were nothing. Meanwhile, I’m thrashing around like crazy from just a cold shower like this.
When will I become that kind of adult?
“Hoo, hoo.”
I finish the shower in nearly five minutes and hurriedly wipe the water off. When I dry myself off thoroughly like that, strangely enough, the chill vanishes completely.
Instead, heat rises from my body, and I even feel a bit hot.
Confidence overflows too, so I straighten my shoulders and stand before the mirror again.
But still, all I see in the mirror is a beanpole, so I humble myself again and hurriedly get dressed.
Nothing is easy.
From waking up in the morning to leaving my room, I have to pass through several hurdles like this and muster courage.
If even just leaving my room is like this, maybe it’s only natural that the world is full of difficult things.
In many ways, I’ve been thinking a lot lately that I want to become an adult.
To do that, I need to eat well first.
That’s the only way I’ll grow quickly. One of the reasons I want to become an adult quickly is that I hate being someone the seniors have to “protect.”
In the last match, I was someone who received a lot of help from the seniors. They fought in my place, since I was still weak, and even got angry on my behalf.
Because of me, the seniors had to play a harder match.
I was truly grateful for that… but I was also sorry, precisely because I was so grateful.
If I could protect myself, the seniors wouldn’t have had to go that far for me.
It’s all because I’m still a child.
That’s why I have to eat.
A lot, at that.
These days, I barely ever feel hunger. It’s natural since I eat five meals a day.
The manager and coaches told me not to rush, but lately my heart is impatient.
So I increased my meals from four a day to five.
I toss my bag roughly by the front door and head to the kitchen.
When I open the refrigerator, the lunch containers are lined up in perfect formation. Much cleaner than most teams’ defensive lines.
They’re all Jiu’s handiwork. I asked her to just teach me how since I’d prepare the lunch boxes myself, but she refused. She said she’d rather do it herself than teach me.
Anyway, I take one of them out, heat it in the microwave, and sit down at the table to start eating, when…
“Hmm?”
Huh. The lunch box contents have changed a bit.
It used to be just white rice with a piece of fish steak, broccoli, and a boiled egg… but some kind of fried thing has been added. When did she even prepare this?
“…Oh.”
I take a bite and taste potato and egg.
It seems to be something like a croquette, and it’s really delicious.
I don’t know why the side dishes suddenly increased, but thanks to the new dish anyway, the breakfast that had been nothing more than chewing and swallowing became somewhat enjoyable.
After finishing breakfast like that, I pack the lunch box in my bag and leave the house.
As always, the cityscape hasn’t changed today, but my commute has changed a lot lately.
If there’s one thing that changed the most between a month ago and now, it’s that more people recognize me.
The commute that was always quiet and my own time is gone now.
Now my commute is a continuous bustle.
“Yo, good morning!”
“Hello.”
“Heading to training. Work hard!”
“Thank you.”
Even the next-door uncle who used to look like part of the scenery rather than a real person greets me, and people sitting in the square drinking coffee wave their hands at me.
Sometimes there are people who stop me to chat.
“Our soccer prodigy, good morning! Here, take this.”
“Thank you.”
“How’s your condition?”
“Not bad.”
“That’s good. This weekend, I’d like to see our soccer prodigy run for 90 minutes. Did the manager give you any hints? Ah, this is confidential, right?”
I smile awkwardly at the fruit shop owner I always stop by on my commute.
The aftermath of that last interview was far greater than I thought. It wasn’t simply that Jiu had caught me in a weak moment. More than that, the problem was the nonsense I spouted—“I really am a genius, so please look forward to my future.”
Honestly, I was half out of my mind, and I also thought Jiu was watching, so that’s why I said it…
Thanks to that, I ended up raising useless expectations.
“Take care! Looking forward to this weekend!”
Come to think of it, it’s all my mouth’s fault.
There’s probably a reason for the proverb that one word can pay off a debt of a thousand nyang.
Hearing every person I meet say they have expectations, I feel like I’ve incurred a debt of a thousand nyang with a single word.
Just as I did with Jiu, now I’ve ended up in a position where I have to live up to the expectations of all the soccer fans in this city.
Honestly, the feelings aren’t the same.
Between when I receive expectations from Jiu and when I receive them from the people here.
For the former, I strongly want to show an appearance worthy of that expectation; for the latter, the pressure that I must live up to that expectation comes first.
Just like it was in Korea.
I don’t really know why that is.
Maybe it’s because of the memory of the spectators who hurled curses and boos at our team players.
The fans’ attitude ultimately depends on what we do.
If we do well, they cheer; if we don’t, they boo.
In other words, while everyone is favorable to me now… if I start showing disappointing performances, they can turn their backs on me at any time.
I’m afraid of that.
I can brush off curses from someone who hated me from the beginning without much care.
But if someone who liked me suddenly changes and curses at me, just imagining it is really hurtful.
I don’t yet have the broad heart to brush that off lightly.
Like the seniors who smiled and went home even when receiving boos from the home fans.
So maybe that’s why I’ve been thinking so much lately that I want to become an adult like the seniors.
“Yo, is the youngest here?”
“Hey, youngest! Get over here, quick!”
“We’re having a really important conversation right now, you know? Tell us what you think.”
“Hey, youngest. These idiots are saying a hippo is stronger than a rhino. Does that make any sense?”
…I truly envy them.
Their grown-up composure—the way they prepare for tomorrow with such joy despite being under pressure every single day.
*
“Hoo, hoo…”
It’s a truly sly thought, but when I’m preparing for the next match like now, I sometimes think this.
The thought that maybe it would’ve been okay if I hadn’t played quite so well last week.
Of course, even I think it’s a ridiculous thought.
To think I’m having such thoughts instead of being grateful for the luck I had.
But… from my position where I have to do even better in the next match than the last, the last match feels like a hurdle.
A hurdle I have to overcome.
The better I played in the last match, the higher the hurdle I have to overcome becomes.
Can I really clear that hurdle next time too?
It feels like that was already my peak. It even feels like it was beyond what I had.
But people expect me to show an even better performance than that.
What am I supposed to do about this?
Will such luck follow me in the next match too? If it doesn’t, what will happen?
…It’s endless.
I’ve had experiences over the past few months that I couldn’t have imagined, and I’ve learned a lot, so I thought I’d changed somewhat.
Yet these thoughts still remain in my head and torment me.
I know that worrying like this won’t do any good. But it’s not that I’m worrying. The worry just comes on its own.
“Hoo, hoo!”
In the end, I just focus more on training.
At least when my body is crazy with exhaustion, I don’t have these worries.
And my anxiety lessens considerably.
Because I’ve learned that I grow as much as I struggle. Back when I trained with Coach Luca.
The harder I prepare for the next match, the higher the probability that luck will follow me.
So I push my body until my whole body screams in pain.
Having a hard body is much better than having a hard heart.
Come to think of it, I felt this while training with Coach Luca too.
After this week’s match, I should go see Coach Luca.
“Huff, huff…”
I collapse onto the grass as if falling.
My heart pounds so violently that no thoughts come to mind. Blankly staring at the sky, I see stars twinkling brightly in the pitch-black night sky.
…Wow. That star is especially bright.
How must that brightest star among all those many stars feel?
Is it good?
“Hoo.”
Our next opponent is a team called AS Roma.
Roma is currently 7th in the league, one step above us in 8th.
And I’m scheduled to start in the match against that Roma. The manager told me in advance after last week’s match.
That I’d be starting next week.
That’s the reason I’m here doing this right now.
It’s so late that all I can see are stars, but to erase the anxiety, I had to push my body even at this hour.
I wanted so badly to do well against AS Roma.
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