230_Hmm... -3
A serene darkness settles over the night.
The streetlights here and there glow dimly, and a refreshing breeze brushes past my face.
Chirp chirp chirp chirp
—I suppose autumn comes quite early in England.
At least, judging by how my ears are filled with nothing but the sound of crickets chirping.
A pleasantly cool air.
Crickets singing beautifully.
A moderately full stomach.
And company, rather than solitude.
With perfect temperature and humidity, I daresay this is, in many ways, the best environment for a leisurely stroll.
“...”
“...”
By the way, Jiu has been quiet since earlier.
Does she want to quietly enjoy the crickets’ chorus too?
The girl who can’t keep her mouth shut for even a moment is, today, walking without a word, simply keeping quiet. ...I steal a glance, peeking at Jiu’s expression out of the corner of my eye; she looks deep in thought.
Well.
Even Jiu can’t voice every thought she has.
She must have things she doesn’t want to show, things she wants to keep to herself.
But it’s strange.
With Jiu this quiet, now my mouth starts to itch to talk.
I think I heard about this in science class.
What was it. The law of conservation of mass?
“...Why so quiet?”
I break the awkward silence and speak up, but perhaps it was a bit sudden.
I saw Jiu’s shoulders flinch.
Was she always this jumpy?
She’s not usually the type to get startled by trivial things.
“...What?”
At Jiu’s question, I scratch my head and answer.
“No, it’s just. You’ve been unusually quiet today.”
“...”
“Don’t tell me you’re sulking...?”
“Sulking? Why would I?”
“Because I didn’t pick yours earlier.”
Jiu bursts out laughing, as if it’s absurd.
She shakes her head as if to say “as if that’s the reason,” and even though it’s an absurd laugh, seeing Jiu smile makes me burst into a hearty laugh too.
Jiu looks beyond the fence and speaks.
“I just thought you might be tired. You just finished a match, and Mom nagged you so you couldn’t even rest. If I chattered away on top of that, how much more tiring would that be?”
“...Really?”
“What do you mean, ‘really’?”
“No, it’s just. It doesn’t really seem like you.”
“What do you mean, doesn’t seem like me?”
“You were never the considerate type.”
“...”
“No matter how I look at it, I think you’re definitely sulking...”
“...You wanna die? You’ve gotten big, haven’t you?”
As expected, it’s nice when people stay the same.
Seeing Jiu’s combat power rise again so quickly puts my mind at ease.
After urgently blocking Jiu’s hand as she tries to take something out of her pocket.
I snicker, then let out a deep sigh and look around.
“Hss, haa...”
I breathe in deeply, and breathe out deeply.
Repeating this several times, I let the fresh night air clear my lungs.
Strangely, right now, more than during the match, my lungs seem to crave fresh air.
How should I put it.
Should I say my heart feels a bit restless?
“...”
Silence falls again, and as we walk quietly.
The conversation I overheard earlier starts swirling in my head once more.
The things I’d eavesdropped on, back pressed against the hallway wall as if I were some kind of thief.
First, let me make an excuse: I simply got off work as usual and came home as usual.
I had no other ulterior motives or intentions.
I was simply entering my own home.
But if you ask if it was wrong to eavesdrop... honestly, I couldn’t even hear everything.
When I first toured the house, the agent said the soundproofing was perfect, and it really was.
With just one wall between us, I could barely hear a thing.
So if you ask if that’s why I strained my ears... I have nothing to say, but anyway.
I definitely heard it.
It was Mother speaking. “If you like someone, you have to say it, say it. Huh? You have to express it for the other person to know. Are you just going to wait, hoping they’ll figure it out on their own?”
At first, I thought she was talking to me and was so startled I covered my mouth.
But thinking about it, there was no reason for her to be talking to me, so I was briefly confused.
The person Mother was talking to was Jiu. “What...” “If you keep this up, you’ll regret it later... No... why are you just staying still? How long are you going to keep doing that?” “What...” “I’m telling you, if you like them, say you like them...”
Faintly, hearing those words, it felt like my heart dropped with a thud.
Even now, thinking back on it, my heart sinks again with a thud.
I didn’t hear everything from beginning to end, but I’m not an idiot.
No, I might be an idiot, but I’m not that much of an idiot.
No matter who heard this... it was about Jiu having someone she likes.
Unintentional as it was, hearing that made my heart feel strange for a moment.
Was it because it was something I’d never imagined before?
It felt really strange and awkward.
The thought that Jiu likes someone—even just thinking about it made my stomach feel weird.
Of course, it’s not a strange thing.
Liking someone, I mean.
Naturally, Jiu can like someone too.
But maybe because she’s a friend I’ve known since we were young.
That obvious thing somehow felt like I was seeing something I shouldn’t.
This might sound a bit strange, but... what should I call it.
Should I say it feels like seeing Mom and Dad holding hands on a date?
It’s natural, yet somehow awkward and strange.
But the funny thing is, the moment I heard that, one thought led to another.
Eventually, before I knew it, my mood had soured.
On top of that, at some point, I was even nodding my head, thinking that somehow I’ve been spending a lot of time alone lately. ...Thinking about it again, I feel that way even now.
I don’t know why, but I feel bad.
Should I call this... being angry?
I can’t explain the reason, I just do.
Thinking about Jiu liking someone... it’s not very pleasant.
“...”
“...”
The temperature, the humidity, even the brightness—all perfect for losing oneself in thought.
I delve a little deeper and sink into contemplation.
So, why was I in a bad mood?
Because it feels strange and awkward that my childhood friend has grown up enough to date?
Hmm.
It might feel strange, but it’s not something to be upset about.
Then is it because it’s hard to accept that Jiu, who was more manly than most guys, is still a woman after all?
Hmmm.
Though that impression still remains strong, it’s been quite a while since Jiu stopped feeling like an older brother.
Rather, it’s been quite some time since she started feeling more like an older sister.
So there’s no reason for me to feel uncomfortable. ...Then what is it.
Why did I feel uncomfortable at the thought of Jiu liking someone?
“...”
Unable to answer myself, I try to find the closest similar emotion.
When have I felt like this before?
I search the past, looking for when I felt an emotion similar to a moment ago. ...Yes.
Come to think of it, I think my mood was similar to that time back then.
When I was very young, probably before I even started school.
There was a time I raised a puppy.
His name was Charles.
Charles was a really naughty rascal, but I still cherished and took care of him dearly.
Even when he peed on my blanket or chewed up my shoes, I adored him.
Because Charles was my one and only friend and little brother.
But one day, Charles had to leave our house.
As Charles grew bigger, the accidents he caused grew too, and they said he seemed stifled indoors, so he was sent to my grandmother’s house.
That day, I bawled my eyes out.
I couldn’t sleep because the spot next to me felt empty.
Because I couldn’t feel Charles’s warmth that should have been there.
Even though he used to disturb my sleep, the lack of that disturbance kept me awake.
Then, some time later, I went to my grandmother’s house.
When I got there, Charles was running around excitedly in the yard.
Grandma cared for him wholeheartedly; he looked incredibly healthy and happy.
Thinking about it now, playing in a wide yard instead of a cramped house must have been good for Charles.
But I was young and couldn’t think that way; honestly, I just felt betrayed.
Charles was mine.
It was sad that Charles seemed happier with someone else, and I resented him for no reason.
So even when Charles came and rubbed against me, I sulked and didn’t play with him.
Eventually, I ended up playing with him again and even sleeping together, but.
“...” ...Anyway.
If I had to compare, the feeling I had earlier seems similar to the feeling I had back then.
A feeling like something of mine was stolen.
But it’s funny.
Saying “mine.”
I could say that about Charles, but Jiu... I can’t say that, can I?
But if I think about why I feel that way... well.
“Ha...”
“...Why are you sighing like that?”
“...Ah.”
“The ground is going to cave in.” ...I let out a sigh without realizing it.
It came out on its own because my heart was complicated.
Hmm... this won’t do.
Since the temperature, the humidity, even the air is perfect.
I should just ask.
If I don’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.
Gulp.
After swallowing, I try my best to make it sound like passing conversation.
With the intention of asking as if I have no interest whatsoever, I speak up.
“Hey.”
“Huh?”
“Um... well...”
“...? What. Spit it out.”
“No, I mean... are you doing okay here?”
Jiu tilts her head.
“‘Am I doing okay here,’ what do you mean?”
“I mean, is it bearable living here? Like... aren’t you bored or... lonely without friends?”
“...Suddenly?”
“No, it’s just. I saw you during dinner earlier. You looked like you wanted to chat so much, but you can’t usually. So I was just curious.”
Jiu tilts her head, and even I think my words are coming out broken.
I force myself to look ahead and act nonchalant, and Jiu answers.
“Well, I do get a bit bored sometimes?”
“...Really?”
“And lonely sometimes too. But it’s fine. It can’t be helped, I guess.”
“Hm... what about friends?”
“Friends?”
“Wouldn’t it be better to make some friends? Someone you could go to a café with...”
When I brought up friends, Jiu let out a long “phew”—
—and sighed.
“There’s nowhere really to make them. I’m not attending university or working outside. There’s nowhere to meet people.”
“Really? Then...”
My heart drops again.
I force the corners of my mouth up and say playfully.
“Why don’t you try getting a boyfriend?”
“...What?”
“I mean, well. People here are tall, dress well, and are handsome. Isn’t it about time you stopped being a forever-alone?”
Maybe because even I think it’s nonsense, Jiu bursts into a hollow laugh, as if dumbfounded.
“I don’t think that’s something I’d hear from you?”
“...That’s true, but anyway.”
Ahem.
After a fake cough, I bring out what I really want to ask.
“...So, is there anyone you like?”
We usually share all sorts of pointless stories.
But because this is the first time we’re talking about something like this, my face grows hot just from asking.
It’s nighttime, thank goodness.
If it were bright daylight, I would’ve been caught completely red-faced. ...Anyway.
No answer comes.
Not wanting to be caught with a flushed face, I can’t look at Jiu to check, but for some reason, there’s no answer at all.
Wait a minute.
It’s not just that I can’t hear an answer—I can’t even sense any presence... “...Hm?”
Feeling something strange, I turn my head, but I don’t see Jiu.
I stop walking and suddenly look back.
Jiu is standing there blankly.
As if turned to stone.
Jiu stood rooted to the spot, just staring at me. ...What?
The moment I try to call out to Jiu, unable to understand why.
Slowly.
Jiu’s stiffly frozen head begins to slowly lower.
Slowly, very slowly, Jiu’s gaze reaches... Jiu’s leg.
On Jiu’s left leg, revealed by her shorts... something black is stuck.
That black something makes a sound.
Chirp chirp chirp chirp
—it was the sound of a cricket.
“Kyaaaah-!”
Uwah, that surprised me.
My knees buckle at the sudden shriek.
I was more surprised by Jiu, who got scared by the cricket.
But the next moment, I was even more surprised.
I was so startled that I froze just like Jiu had moments ago.
“Kyaaaah!”
Jiu, running over as if having a fit, dove straight into my arms.