Episode 187: Secret -2
“Having a hard time?”
Mateo asked with a faint smile.
It was less of a question, more like a tone that said he already knew everything.
To that question, I wanted to nod my head vigorously with all my heart, but.
“···.”
I couldn’t answer easily and ended up freezing.
Because I didn’t have the courage to bring myself to nod.
Would it be okay to say I was having a hard time?
Others wouldn’t understand.
It would obviously sound like nothing but excuses, weakness, or the complaints of someone who already had it too good.
Was it even okay to say I was struggling in front of someone lying in a hospital room?
After worrying over this and that because of these thoughts, eventually.
I steeled my resolve to shake my head instead of nodding.
But this time too, Mateo beat me to the punch.
“Well, of course it’s tough, right? Training every day, matches every week. And there were so many games this season. The league, the Champions League… ah, and the World Cup too.”
“···”
“You’re busy enough as it is, yet you had to make time to come all the way to a place like this. So I’m happy about it, but if I think about it from your perspective… if I were you, I’d be dead tired. Haha.”
···What kind of emotion was this?
It was hard to express in words.
However, if I had to express it vaguely… would it be like the feeling when a teacher checks a diary entry that even I think I wrote well?
I know it doesn’t make much sense, but it just felt like that.
The feeling of that contradictory emotion being resolved—the kind you don’t intend to show others, yet somehow wish someone would see.
“···”
I never dreamed, not even in my wildest dreams, that a friend I’d met just over ten minutes ago would do that for me.
Today of all days, my words wouldn’t come out easily, just like when I had first come to Italy.
Had all my Italian studies until now been for nothing?
Why couldn’t the words come out like this?
Thankful and sorry as it was, Mateo even took on the role of erasing the awkward silence, as if he understood even that.
“Jealous of me? I get to lie in bed all day. Haha.”
Suddenly, I wondered if nodding here would make me a strange person, but.
Thinking that treating him normally would be more appropriate instead, I nodded.
Then Mateo smiled brightly.
“I hope you stay strong anyway. It must be hard, but looking back later, the hard times might turn out to be the happiest moments. Do you know that?”
“···What?”
“My favorite time is when I’m in unbearable pain. Because that’s the only time I can get the strongest painkiller. Once I get that shot, I feel truly comfortable. They won’t give it to me normally. They say the medicine is too strong. Isn’t it ironic? So when it hurts the most, I actually feel happy too.”
“···”
“Haha. You think I’m forcing it right now, don’t you? Well, I am. But because of my situation, I’ve developed that habit. Thinking positively about everything? Whether it’s forced or not, just thinking that way makes things a bit better. So I’m not sure if it will help, but try thinking like that sometime. Then maybe it’ll be a little more bearable?”
···It was strange.
The club staff had clearly said I was going to give strength to a fan.
Wasn’t I the one actually receiving strength?
“···”
I answered with a nod instead of words.
Rather than moving my lips clumsily, I chewed over Mateo’s words carefully in my heart.
The more I did, the more embarrassment washed over me.
Why couldn’t I think like that?
Why was I always so negative?
Simply by flipping it around.
Someone feels happiness, while someone feels pain.
···No matter how much I thought about it, it seemed our positions had switched.
To think a friend like this was my fan.
I felt like I should be Mateo’s fan instead.
Wasn’t I the one being comforted?
“···Thanks for the kind words. I think I feel stronger.”
“Yeah? That’s a relief. Sorry to say this, but I only gain strength when you gain strength. I get strength from watching you play.”
I raised my bowed head, looked at Mateo, and tried to smile.
Then Mateo responded with a bright smile as well.
Suddenly, those cameras that had already felt bothersome now felt even more hateful.
Because I felt that if it were in front of this friend, I might somehow be able to voice the words I’d kept buried inside without feeling ashamed.
If only those prying eyes weren’t there, I could have received more comfort.
“Um, if we just do the jersey signing and the photo now…”
While I was feeling that regret.
A club staff member who had been looking at the clock handed me a marker he had brought from somewhere.
He had said there were about 20 minutes left; it seemed that time was already up.
“Should I sign here?”
“Yes! Please.”
In addition to the new jersey he had prepared in advance, I carefully signed the jersey Mateo was wearing too.
…As carefully as possible.
“Now, look here.”
Then, a photo together.
A bit awkward, but I pulled the corners of my mouth toward my ears, trying my best to smile brightly.
I wasn’t sure if it came out well.
Seeing Mateo smile brightly as he took his phone, it seemed it hadn’t come out weird.
If only I knew how to smile as innocently as that.
“Thank you so much. For coming.”
“Um, I’m the one who should be thankful. For cheering me on…”
“Take care. I’ll keep cheering for you. Stay strong.”
“···Yeah. I’ll be cheering for you too.”
Anyway.
Even when it was time to part, I felt like our positions were reversed.
I was the one who wanted to stay longer.
As Mateo held out his hand saying goodbye, I took it and awkwardly rose from my seat.
“Then let’s meet again.”
“···Yeah.”
Still, I gave one more formal greeting.
Turning away with reluctant steps, I distanced myself from the bed.
He must be having a hard time even now; taking up more of his time would be rude.
“···”
As I was leaving the hospital room like that.
A thought suddenly crossed my mind, and I turned back toward Mateo and spoke.
“Hey, us.”
“Huh?”
“Want to make a secret together?”
At the somewhat random words, Mateo tilted his head.
“Um, if I score in a match. Is there a celebration you want to see?”
“···A celebration?”
“Yeah. If there is, I’ll do it. Only we’ll know. That it’s a celebration for you.”
Mateo fell into thought for a moment.
And after a moment, Mateo put on his characteristic smile and raised both arms to the sides.
“How about this? Meaning let’s keep fighting together.”
Could you call it a flexing pose?
I nodded too and tried copying Mateo’s pose.
“I’ll do this. Next time.”
“Then I’ll take a picture of me doing the same thing and post it!”
Okay.
Don’t forget.
If I score next time, I’m doing this celebration.
“Now, I think you can head straight to the interview.”
“Yes.”
Now it was really time to go.
I followed the club staff and left the warm hospital room.
And I thought.
That I had to score as soon as possible.
Earlier, when signing Mateo’s back, my hand had trembled.
It felt like his back would shatter if I pressed even a little hard.
I thought that next time I came, I should ask Jiu to pack something delicious to bring along.
···
April 23, 2023.
Artemio Franchi.
Today was the day of the league’s 31st round match between co-leaders ACF Fiorentina and 11th-place AC Monza.
As always on a home game day.
The stadium was filled with the Viola, clad in purple jerseys.
The stadium swayed with the chants of the Viola, but for some reason today.
Those chants didn’t sound quite as forceful as usual.
It was truly joyous to have beaten Napoli and risen to the top of the league in the last round, but the toll taken by that match was no trivial matter.
[“The players of both teams are entering. First, let’s take a look at the starting lineup for the home team, Fiorentina. In goal, Pietro Terracciano, in the back line, from the left, Cristiano Biraghi······”]
[“······and up front as the striker, Jian Lee will play. Now, having looked at Fiorentina’s starting list, it’s clear that not all the main starters are able to feature.”]
[“Yes, that’s right. First, the starting center-back duo of Milenković and Nastasić have both been excluded from the squad. Bonaventura and Torreira, who form the axis of the midfield, are also excluded from the squad.”]
[“The reserve players are filling those empty spots, but it’s inevitable that they fall a bit short in terms of weight. Today’s Fiorentina even has youth team players sitting on the bench.”]
The commentators’ analysis of today’s starting lineup clearly revealed what that toll was.
Fiorentina’s starting lineup had been almost fixed ever since Vincenzo Italiano’s football philosophy took full root, but.
Today, not only were the usual faces absent from the best eleven, but they couldn’t even make the substitutes’ bench.
First, the center-back duo of Nikola Milenković and Matija Nastasić were out.
Sofyan Amrabat and Lucas Torreira, who took on all the dirty work in midfield, were also excluded from the squad.
Whether their conditions were minor or somewhat more severe.
Injuries and accumulated fatigue were the cause.
However, that being said.
If you asked whether the other players who kept their places today were perfectly fine, they were not.
They were simply out there because they were still able to run.
Just because they weren’t officially injured didn’t mean they were in clean condition.
[“Now, we’ve also looked at the away team AC Monza’s squad. Monza is also unbeaten in their last five matches, with two wins and three draws.”]
[“They may not be on Fiorentina’s level of momentum, but they’re not a team to be taken lightly. Napoli also secured a victory and reclaimed three points in yesterday’s match, so Fiorentina can’t afford to let up either.”]
Moreover, the opponent was no pushover.
Monza, led by head coach Raffaele Palladino, had been unbeaten in their last five matches, and one of those draws had come against Inter.
The fact that it was Fiorentina’s home and the ten-spot difference in the table were not reasons to feel at ease.
Today was a day where the joy of reaching first place could vanish like a bubble within a week if things went wrong.
Thanks to that, the Viola were feeling just how difficult winning the title was.
Of course, winning was never easy, so there was no one who didn’t know that difficulty, but.
Until just two years ago, the title had been nothing more than a distant story for Fiorentina.
You could say the title race was treated as someone else’s business.
There had never been anything they truly felt in their bones.
But this time, because they were running at the front of the pack, experiencing the resistance of all kinds of winds with their entire bodies for the first time.
They came to feel in their very skin just how difficult winning the title was.
Winning the title was truly something you might only achieve by grinding everything down and pouring it all in.
[“Now, Fiorentina with many difficulties and Monza looking to extend their unbeaten run. Napoli will be hoping Monza takes this match. However, it’s not as if Fiorentina only has negative factors.”]
[“What would that be?”]
[“The confidence that Lee showed in the pre-match interview before the game.”]
That’s how people are.
When times are hard, they seek someone to lean on even more.
This time was no different.
Every time news of key players’ injuries was updated, they let out sighs and sought out a certain boy.
He was a young boy, but to the Viola, he was always someone to rely on.
And that boy said this to the anxious fans in an interview held before today’s match.
He said that while it was true that the team was going through a difficult moment, the current hardship only meant that the goal they sought to grasp was now within reach.
That was why he felt joy rather than hardship.
He said that they would definitely win this match too, making everyone forget their hardship with the painkiller that was the joy of victory.
Thanks to this, the fans could have faith.
The difficult situation remained unchanged, but they firmly gained the belief that they could overcome it.
As always, without a single complaint even in this situation.
To a boy who poured everything he had into doing his best, how could they not believe?
Waaaaaaaah—!
Just before the match began.
The murmuring of the stands gathered into a single roar.
Because the boy standing at the center circle in the middle of the pitch was waving his hand toward the crowd.
As if asking for even louder cheers.
In response, the fans sent up a roar of support as the boy wanted.
Thanks to that, the atmosphere at the Artemio Franchi reached its peak.
Beeeeeeep—!
The whistle blew, and the players scattered to their positions as the match began.