Chapter 181: Uncomfortable -3
"Ah... That's a shame. We should have scored there earlier."
"Yeah, seriously. The game got weird because that didn't go in."
"Think they'll play more aggressively in the second half?"
"Probably. I mean, they have to."
"Think they'll switch to a 4-3-3? They need to increase their numbers up front, don't they?"
"Maybe they will."
Watching the first half from the stands, it flew by incredibly fast—maybe it was just my imagination.
Before I knew it, it was already the 45th minute. The first half had passed in an instant.
If I had to be honest, it wasn't a match so entertaining that I lost track of time.
With most of our starters out, we focused entirely on defense, and the opponent hadn't been able to effectively break us down either.
It was a match that dragged on a bit boringly, you could say.
But even so, the reason I hadn't noticed time passing... well, it's my team's match, so that might be why I felt that way.
More than anything, time seemed to fly by because I was watching while talking about soccer with Jiwoo.
Since we were on the same wavelength to some extent, I guess I ended up opening up without realizing it.
"No matter how I look at it, a 4-3-3 is the right call for the second half. That's my gut feeling."
Seeing Jiwoo with her finger on her lips, muttering seriously like that, a snicker slips out.
Honestly, I was a bit surprised.
I wondered if she had always been this serious about soccer.
Well, she'd been coming to watch my games, so it was natural she'd developed an interest.
Normally, she didn't really seem to find soccer itself fun or worth following.
But today, she was cheering hard, analyzing things her own way, and even asking all sorts of questions.
Seeing her like that, um...
She felt a bit admirable, yet cute, you could say.
And when I say cute, it's not like that. You know, like how babies are cute when they ask about things they don't know.
It made me want to teach her even just one more thing for no reason.
Well, I guess that's why I ended up answering her as sincerely as I could.
"..."
Yeah, maybe that's why I feel a little sorry toward Kiena.
I'd been talking so much with Jiwoo that I think I ended up excluding her unintentionally.
It's not like I meant to.
The girl who had been so talkative before the match had suddenly gone quiet at some point.
Earlier, she'd even been yawning constantly.
Didn't she say she became a fan after watching the last match?
But she really looked bored.
Well, it was that kind of match, but... she didn't seem to like soccer itself much.
Why did she come, then?
"Hey, there are 45 minutes left now, right?"
"Ah, yeah."
"It's so long. Weird. Last time I watched, it felt like it went by super fast. Is it because you're not playing today?"
Now that it's halftime, Kiena's mouth finally opens again.
I guess she really did just come because she was bored.
"Hey, by the way."
"Yeah?"
"How many years have you two known each other? Were you friends from Korea?"
At Kiena's question, I glance at Jiwoo, do a quick calculation in my head, and answer.
"We've known each other since first grade of elementary school... so it's already been 10 years."
It really has been a long time when I think about it.
Ten years.
We're seventeen now, so I've known her longer than I haven't.
Plus, we first met when we were eight, so essentially, for as long as I can remember, we've been friends.
It feels like I've known her since I was born.
"Wow, really? Ten years? That's incredibly long."
Kiena too, perhaps surprised, widens her eyes and nods.
"Then you guys must have a true friendship."
"...A true friendship?"
"Yeah. Honestly, I don't think there's any such thing as male and female friends in this world."
What kind of talk is this now?
I tilt my head and look at her, and Kiena continues.
"But seeing you two, I think it might be possible. If you've been close friends for 10 years, it means you don't see each other as a man and a woman at all, right?"
"...How does that happen?"
"No, think about it. Why do people say there's no such thing as friends between men and women? Even if you look like friends on the outside, because it's a man and a woman, feelings are bound to happen."
"..."
"Then one confesses. And if they get rejected, well, they can't remain friends anymore. No matter how much they insist they're just friends, one side is definitely hiding feelings."
"...Hmm."
It's not entirely unreasonable.
"But you two have been friends for 10 years, right? Nothing happened during that time, so that's why you're still friends?"
Well... nothing happened, yeah.
Obviously. We're friends.
When I nod, Kiena smiles as if confirming she's right and nods too.
"Well, if you've known each other since you were eight, that makes sense. You might not see each other as a man and a woman. Yeah."
Having reached that conclusion all on her own,
she soon asked me.
"Don't you want a girlfriend?"
...I don't know if I should think this on a first meeting, but.
She really only talks about useless things.
Times like this, I envy a friend like Romero.
Romero ignores even his seniors when he thinks they're talking nonsense. I'm sure if he were here now, he'd have told her to stop the useless chatter and talk about soccer instead.
I want to be that kind of manly man too, but reality won't let me.
If it were a reporter's question, I would have responded strongly.
But since she's Jiwoo's classmate, I can't do that.
"Well......"
"Hey, it's not like you're..."
"...Like I'm what?"
"You know, that you like men more than women."
Hmm.
This, I can answer firmly.
"That's not it."
"Really? Hmm, okay. Then that's fine. Hehe."
What exactly is "fine"?
Kiena laughed hehe to herself, and I couldn't understand it, so I shook my head.
Anyway, while talking about useless things, the players were already coming onto the pitch for the second half.
Now I can focus on the match again.
"..."
...Hmm.
By the way... I don't really know why, but.
Most useless conversations tend to be interesting.
Maybe that's why.
Even as the second half was about to start, Kiena's useless words kept circling in my head.
There's no such thing as friends between men and women.
Even if they insist they're friends on the outside, one of them definitely likes the other on the inside...
Hmm, I don't know about that.
I don't think so.
Can't men and women be friends just fine?
Why not?
They can absolutely be friends.
One side is destined to like the other? That they're just hiding it?
Aren't there many cases where that's not... true?
No, there definitely are many.
"..."
Well, at least I don't really know.
*
"It's okay. It's actually a good thing. Huh? Now we can focus only on the league, right? Am I wrong?"
"...Well, I guess I have to think that way."
"Yeah, yeah. Making it to the quarterfinals is still good. It's a shame, though."
I nod weakly at Jiwoo's words as she pats my back in comfort.
Unfortunately, we lost the match.
We fought well until the end, but luck wasn't on our side.
We could have definitely won.
Around the middle of the second half, someone got sent off, making it a tough fight, and we couldn't hold out for the remaining time.
Thanks to that, we're eliminated from this year's Coppa Italia in the quarterfinals.
We were eliminated in the Round of 16 in the Champions League too, so now the league is all that's left.
Well, I should think positively that we've been given an environment to focus solely on the league, just like Jiwoo said.
"Hmm. What are you going to do now?"
Trudge, trudge.
Walking out of the stadium with steps that aren't exactly light, Kiena speaks.
"I'm hungry. Do you like steak, by any chance? I know a restaurant that does steak well."
...You never asked me.
It is dinner time, of course, but is she thinking of eating with us too?
Come to think of it, she's pretty incredible.
They say she's not even that close with Jiwoo, and it's my first time seeing her.
Doesn't she feel uncomfortable wedged between us?
If it were me, I'd have run away even if someone grabbed me.
"Want to go together?"
So naturally, I have no intention of going with her.
I should refuse as nicely as possible.
"No, uh. I have to get home early."
"Huh? You have to go already?"
"Yeah. I have school tomorrow, and training too."
"Aww... really? That's a shame. Then you should head home, I gue..."
Fortunately, she doesn't cling and insist.
Phew.
Honestly, I felt a bit uncomfortable the whole 90 minutes. Now I can finally breathe a little.
"Then we'll be going."
Before she has a chance to change her mind for no reason.
I wave my hand to leave quickly.
And as I'm about to turn around, I feel a hand grab my sleeve and turn my head.
What now.
Did she change her mind already?
Kiena, who grabbed my sleeve, said.
"You should at least give me your phone number before you go."
"...My phone number?"
"Whose else would it be? We can keep in touch sometimes, and hang out like today. It'd be nice, right?"
As if it's obvious that I'd give it to her just because she asks.
Kiena extends her hand.
But in that moment, somehow, I feel a prickling sensation at the back of my head.
At that inexplicable prickling, I shake my head without realizing it.
Only then do I rack my brain to come up with an excuse and manage to say with difficulty,
"...I don't have a phone."
"...You don't have a phone?"
"Uh, sorry."
"Ah, no..."
I should leave quickly before she clings and pesters me again for no reason.
Leaving behind Kiena, who wore a dumbfounded expression, I turn my body and walk away quickly.
Shortly after, Jiwoo seems to say goodbye to Kiena and then comes trotting up to walk beside me.
We walk like that for a while.
Sensing that the surroundings have quieted down a bit, I ask Jiwoo.
"Where do you want to eat?"
"Huh?"
"We need to eat dinner."
"What? You're saying we'll eat out before going home?"
"I told Dad I'd eat before going home."
"But earlier you said you were going home?"
Seeing Jiwoo tilt her head and look at me, I scratch my head and answer.
"I just said that."
"Wow, look at you. You're quite the liar."
...Busted.
"We can just eat together. Why lie?"
"Hmm."
I shrug my shoulders.
"I held out for about 90 minutes, didn't I?"
"Held out? From what?"
"...It was uncomfortable. Being with someone I just met."
"Tsk. Tsk, tsk."
Confessing my discomfort late, Jiwoo shakes her head and snickers.
"How does your personality never change? So how are you going to make new friends in the future? How long are you going to keep bothering only me?"
"...Are you bothered?"
"...Ugh, you idiot. I'm just saying. Don't take everything so seriously."
Thud.
At the cotton-like punch to my shoulder... I end up snickering too.
Well, I'm frustrated too, but what can I do? I was born this way.
I'm just comfortable being with Jiwoo.
"...Hey. By the way."
"Yeah?"
"Why did you lie about not having a phone? Ah, it's so absurd I almost burst out laughing standing next to you."
"...I know. I was looking for an excuse to refuse and ended up saying something absurd."
Answering while scratching my head, Jiwoo pouts.
"Why refuse? The boys at school pull all sorts of stunts just to get her number."
"...Why?"
"Why do you think? Because she's pretty. I'd say half the boys in our school like her."
"...Hmm, is she that pretty?"
I shrug as if I didn't really know, and Jiwoo suddenly looks straight at me and says.
"Don't pretend you're not interested. Honestly, she's pretty. Like, you'd turn your head if she walked past you on the street."
...Was she?
I try to recall Kiena's face again.
Maybe because I'd never looked closely, but it's already a bit hazy.
She definitely seemed pretty, I think.
"She was, wasn't she?"
"Yeah? Wow. I guess you're just like everyone else after all."
When I nod, Jiwoo clicks her tongue as if dumbfounded.
"What."
Why that reaction when I agreed with you?
Jiwoo pouts and speaks gruffly.
"But why did you do that? She even asked you first. Exchanging numbers and keeping in touch would have been nice, right?"
"...What's nice about it?"
"Who knows? You might hit it off talking to each other. That pretty girl could become your girlfriend."
"...I'm not interested."
A girlfriend? Ugh.
What kind of absurd talk is that.
Just sitting next to her for a while drained all my energy.
As I shake my head, Jiwoo eyes me with deep suspicion and asks.
"You were lying about that earlier too, weren't you?"
"About what?"
"That you don't like men."
"What are you talking about?"
"If that's not it, there's no explanation. How can you not be interested in such a pretty girl?"
...Did she get dyed by Kiena in that short time?
Why is she pestering me like this too?
No.
Jiwoo was never easygoing when it comes to being persistent either.
I sigh and answer.
"...I don't need it. That kind of thing."
"You don't need it?"
"Yeah. I don't need a girlfriend or anything like that."
"...Why? Why don't you need one?"
Hmm.
Well...
"It's not time for that yet."
"...Hmm. I see."
I answer with a shrug, and Jiwoo nods slightly too.
"Well, soccer is unconditionally your top priority, right?"
She asks that, but for some reason, her voice sounds a bit dejected.
"That's not true."
Anyway, I shake my head in answer to the question.
Then Jiwoo opens her eyes wide.
"Soccer isn't your top priority?"
"I don't think it's my top priority."
"Then what is?"
"My top priority... is just being happy, I guess."
"What kind of answer is that?"
Jiwoo makes a deflated expression at my answer, but I just shrug.
"It's true. I play soccer to be happy too. I don't live just to play soccer."
"You're happy when you play soccer, aren't you?"
"There are times when I am."
"Then soccer and happiness are the same thing in the end."
"They're a bit different."
"How?"
Geez, she really...
She's more persistent than usual today.
So, what's different is... hmm.
Even though I said soccer isn't my top priority, maybe it's because soccer is the only thing I know how to do.
I can only think of metaphors in that direction.
"Soccer is a goal."
"Yeah."
"Happiness is victory."
"Hmm..."
"So, in the end, you score goals to win, don't you?"
"Isn't... it?"
"I play soccer to be happy too. For me, happiness is above soccer."
You could say it's the same thing, but to me, it's definitely different.
Jiwoo nods ambiguously, as if she kind of understands.
Then after thinking something over, she said.
"Then, what is happiness to you? When are you happiest?"
"...I wonder."
I feel like I've been taking a philosophy class since earlier.
Why are they making this so exhausting?
I'm in the arts and physical education track. I told you I don't know about this stuff well.
...Just then, a decent restaurant comes into view.
"Should we eat there?"
"Oh, nice. Let's go."
When I point to the restaurant, as if her curiosity vanishes instantly,
Jiwoo nods vigorously and takes the lead.
...Hmm.
Well, I don't really know anything grand.
But I think happiness might just be... right now.