145. Shoulder Power, Bang -5
“Hah··· look at that. Ridiculous.”
“What’s so ridiculous?”
“···Huh? Ah, nothing.”
“What’s with her? Jian just scored, so why is she so pissed?”
In one corner of the stands, a sea of red.
Squinting at the jumbotron, Gim Jiu shook her head.
Her lips were pouted in clear displeasure.
The jumbotron was showing fans armed with all sorts of cheering paraphernalia.
True to the national team’s nickname, the Red Devils, there were fans wearing horned headbands and some holding cute tridents.
What stood out the most, though, were fans holding handmade placards.
They had messages of support written on them for the players, but those messages made it look more like an idol concert.
For example···
“OMG. ‘Milky-White Yi Jian.’ What’s that even supposed to be? ‘I love you, Yi Jian?’ Ugh. These people are hilarious. Acting like they love him when they’ve barely seen him.”
‘Milky-White Yi Jian’ this, ‘I love you, Yi Jian’ that.
From a true friend’s perspective, most of it was pretty nauseating, so Gim Jiu’s face scrunched up in disgust.
Seeing Gim Jiu’s expression, the beautiful middle-aged woman sitting next to her let out a soft, “Pfft.”
“Are you jealous right now?”
“···What?”
“Unknown girls are telling your boyfriend they love him, so you’re jealous. Am I wrong?”
“Wh-what are you talking about. Good grief···”
Gim Jiu clicked her tongue in disbelief at her mother nudging her in the side.
J-jealous? As if.
“It’s just funny. Acting like they’ve been fans forever when they probably just jumped on the bandwagon. Right?”
“Well, maybe they’ve watched him for a long time. They can watch all of Jian’s matches in Korea too.”
“Even if they have, do you think anyone here has known him longer than me? Tch.”
At Gim Jiu’s display of strange possessiveness, Mom burst into laughter again.
“That’s called jealousy. What you’re doing right now is jealousy.”
“···It’s not.”
“It is.”
“Ah, Mom!”
“Alright, alright. I get it.”
Seeing her daughter’s face flushed bright red with anger, Mom giggled and relented, while Gim Jiu vented her irritation with a stream of sharp complaints.
Anyone could see—and she knew deep down—that it really was jealousy.
But she could never admit it.
So she lashed out even more.
“I mean, since when is a soccer stadium a concert hall? If you came to watch soccer, focus on the soccer.”
“Everyone’s cheering harder than you are, though.”
“If you’re going to cheer, at least know what you’re cheering for. There’s a timing to everything, even shouting. You’re supposed to cheer for a great play, not just shriek whenever his face shows up on screen. They probably don’t even know what a 4-3-3 or a 4-2-3-1 is. No, I’d be grateful if they even knew what position Jian plays.”
“Whatever the reason, it’s nice that they like him.”
“Ugh, whatever. I just don’t like it.”
“My goodness. You’re something else.”
Mom shook her head, but Gim Jiu just crossed her arms and clicked her tongue.
In truth, she didn’t know much about soccer either, and there wasn’t much difference between her and them—she got excited only when Jian had the ball too.
But that wasn’t the point right now.
The point was that she just didn’t like any of this.
Kyaaaaaah—!
Already in a foul mood, cheers erupted from all around again.
The jumbotron was showing a close-up of Jian’s face once more.
As if she’d been waiting for that, Gim Jiu clicked her tongue.
“See? Do those look like people who came to watch soccer?”
But no one was listening to her complaints.
Even Gim Jiu’s mom was shrieking like a high school girl.
“···Ha.”
Gim Jiu shook her head at her mom in disbelief, then turned back to the jumbotron.
···Damn.
She hated to admit it, but she could kind of understand why the girls screamed every time the camera caught his face.
“Ah, Mom! Stop it! It’s embarrassing!”
“Kyaaa!”
···Though technically, it wasn’t just high school girls—it was women in general, but anyway.
She made a mental note to tell him after the match.
Not to draw hearts at the camera so casually. The kids can’t even focus on the match as it is; how are they supposed to concentrate if he’s up there acting cute?
She had been nothing but happy when she heard he was coming to Korea, but she hadn’t expected this.
“···.”
Lost in those thoughts, Gim Jiu suddenly felt a prick of conscience and quietly scratched her head.
Even she had to laugh at herself for insisting it wasn’t jealousy.
*
“Hoo, hoo—”
Taking advantage of a brief break in play, I quickly stopped and exhaled deeply.
Judging by how long the added time would be, there were no more than five minutes left.
The match was already approaching its final stages.
But I had only been subbed in around the 30-minute mark of the second half, so I’d been running for only about fifteen minutes. My breathing shouldn’t be this ragged.
Yet it felt like I’d played a full eighty minutes.
I tried to steady my increasingly labored breathing, but it wouldn’t calm down easily.
My body felt as heavy as waterlogged cotton.
It’s true that coming on as a substitute is harder than people think.
No matter how hard you warm up, there are limits, and trying to match the match tempo before your breathing has fully ramped up easily leads to overpacing.
But even taking that into account, should it really be this hard? It stands to reason that it shouldn’t be as tough as playing the full ninety minutes.
Right now, it felt like I was standing in the middle of a desert under a scorching sun—I could barely breathe, and I felt my energy draining away in real time.
“Hoo—”
Well, the reason was obvious.
My physical condition had been poor to begin with.
First of all, I hadn’t been able to sleep properly. Because of jet lag, I’d get drowsy even before evening, but since I couldn’t sleep, I’d force myself to stay awake in a hazy state—only to find I couldn’t fall asleep when night actually came.
Maybe it was the pressure, too.
Sitting alone in my room, all sorts of thoughts would swarm my head until it spun.
Needless to say, most of them were useless thoughts, but the more useless they were, the harder they were to shake.
Unable to sleep like that, I stayed hazy throughout the day, so I didn’t think I’d had a clear-headed moment since arriving in Korea.
Maybe that was why time seemed to have flown by so quickly.
Though of course, it might have just been me.
Flying for thirteen hours, training for a few days, and then jumping straight into a match... that was quite a grueling task.
“···”
Maybe that was why I suddenly felt a surge of respect for the senior players in my field of vision.
I wasn’t the only one who had flown in from Europe to play.
Most of the seniors playing in Europe had even started the match, unlike me.
And yet they all seemed fine··· or at least, I thought so.
In any case, they were playing well.
Which made it awkward for me to complain about dying out there.
The seniors were in even tougher situations than me, yet they silently fulfilled their roles without complaint. Making a show of my struggles in front of people like that would be nothing but childish whining.
I was here as a member of the national team, not on a field trip.
Rather than making excuses, I needed to learn from the seniors who silently carried out their responsibilities······
“Ah, dammit, I’m dying. I think I’m gonna croak, seriously.”
“Hey, hey. You’re young. You gonna act weak in front of me? I feel like I’m actually dying.”
“How about you just retire right after the World Cup? At this rate, I won’t live to see my natural lifespan, I swear.”
······Hmm.
Well, the seniors were only talking like that—they were actually running harder than anyone.
It definitely seemed strange not to be struggling, so I decided there was no need to blame myself too much.
I was just a little worried.
This was a situation where even giving 200 percent of my ability might not be enough, yet I felt like I’d failed to do so for one reason or another.
Of course, I had scored a goal, but that wasn’t what mattered.
What mattered was that I wasn’t satisfied with myself.
If only I’d managed my condition better, I’m sure I would have done better.
I was worried that expectations might turn into disappointment.
Yet, seeing that I wanted the match to end quickly more than I wanted a chance to redeem myself... it made me wonder what mental fortitude even was.
They say a healthy mind dwells in a healthy body. That didn’t seem to be wrong.
For now··· I had to survive first, didn’t I?
“Hoo.”
The sound coming out of my mouth was like a puppy who’d just finished a long walk. I felt like I’d become a dog.
*
If there was an unexpectedly important skill for a soccer player, it was probably the ability to talk.
When I was younger, I never imagined I’d end up worrying about my poor way with words while playing soccer.
Life never flows the way you expect.
“You’re the player who carried the hopes of so many fans on your shoulders today! We’ll be interviewing Yi Jian, who made his national team debut! Hello!”
“Hello···”
It seems there’s no difference between Italy and Korea when it comes to not giving you time to rest after a match.
Dragged in front of an advertising board the moment the match ended, I offered a greeting to who-knows-who under blinding lights that made it hard to even keep my eyes open.
If there was a difference from Italy, it was that the interviewer’s voice was remarkably bright and kind.
Even so, the fact that my answers came out so weakly might itself be a kind of excuse.
If I at least looked exhausted, maybe I could earn a little understanding for falling short of expectations.
However, rendering all my nervousness meaningless, the interviewer’s first words bewildered me.
“It was a historic national team debut! You scored immediately after being subbed in! It was truly an eye-catching performance; how was it? Your thoughts on your debut?”
···Hmm.
Was she being sincere, or was she just reading from a script in her hand?
No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t agree that it was historic, but she was asking with such an innocent face that disagreeing felt strange too.
···I was at a complete loss.
“Well··· my mind was a bit blank. Since it was my first time, I don’t really remember much.”
“Ah, but it was an incredible performance! Especially during the goal scene, I thought the stadium was going to lift off! If you were to give yourself a rating today, what score would you give?”
···And so I was betrayed yet again.
Just moments ago, I had thought she seemed kind, unlike the interviewers in Italy, based on her tone and her beaming smile.
I wondered how someone could ask such a cruel question with a smiling face.
That was exactly why··· it felt even more cruel.
“···I think I’d give myself around a 6.”
“What!? A 6? That seems quite far from what I think. If I were giving the score, I’d give you a 10. Is there a reason you think it’s a 6?”
At this point, it was almost frightening.
Was she asking me to write and recite a letter of self-reflection right here, in front of everyone?
One thing was certain: someone who hits you while smiling is far scarier than someone who hits you in anger.
“There were a lot of areas where I fell short in many ways. I feel like I could have done better, but I couldn’t··· so by my standards, even a 6 feels generous.”
I recited a verbal self-reflection exactly as she seemed to want.
But··· hmm.
The mood was getting a little strange. Maybe this wasn’t what I was supposed to say.
Too out of it to know what mistake I’d made, I watched as the interviewer’s eyes darted about before she spoke.
“That’s amazing! Seeing that you’re not satisfied with such a performance, it seems your greatness from a young age was no fluke! Then, may we expect an even greater performance in the next match?”
Hmm.
I didn’t know how we got from there to here, but whether people expected things of me or not was their freedom, so it wasn’t my place to say anything.
Even as someone in my head screamed that I shouldn’t, I found myself nodding.
“Then we’ll look forward to it! Thank you for your hard work today!”
It was clear.
A soccer player needed to be able to talk well.
In that regard··· my mouth was my greatest weakness.