I Must Be a Genius -1
Lately, I've realized one thing.
It's about lies.
What is it? Lies are like snowballs.
Why? Because when you roll a snowball in a snowy field, what starts as only fist-sized grows as big as a person before you know it.
That's what I mean. Lies are the same.
Even if it starts as a trivial lie, trying to hide it leads you to tell bigger lies.
And before you know it, a meaningless lie grows beyond what you can handle.
Why did I come to realize this?
Sigh... I didn't want to realize it either.
It started with a really trivial lie.
-"How is it over there? Is it livable?"
-"Yeah. It's great."
-"Have you made some friends?"
-"Friends? I have a lot."
-"Tsk, sounds like a lie. Really? You're not eating alone, right?"
-"Why would I lie? Anyway, I'm doing just fine."
I have a childhood friend.
She's a girl named Gim Jiu.
She was my only friend.
When I came abroad for soccer at thirteen, I lost touch with everyone else, but since she'd been a friend for so long, we kept in touch even after I came here.
Well, it's not like I liked her or anything like that.
We'd just stuck together since we were young, so we kept in touch. That's all.
Anyway, she was a bit of a strange kid.
She acted like she was my noona.
Always asking if I'd eaten, telling me not to hang out with weird kids, and if I fought with a friend, she'd come fight in my place.
What did she say again?
That if it weren't for her, I'd never survive this harsh world, or something like that.
Anyway, Jiu is that kind of weird girl.
Even after I came abroad, she really acted like a noona.
Asking if life abroad was hard, if I was studying Italian well, if I'd made a lot of friends...
I don't know why she had so many worries.
Since she asked every time we called, I was always busy reassuring her—that I was doing fine, that the kids here treated me well, that I was popular.
But... there was one problem.
-"What's with your voice?"
-"What do you mean?"
-"Why do you sound so weak?"
-"I'm just tired."
-"Are you really doing okay?"
-"I said I'm doing fine. Do you think I can't live without you?"
-"Ha, damn. Something's off."
The thing is, all those words about doing well were lies I told Jiu.
The truth is, I hadn't been doing well since coming to Italy.
Adapting wasn't easy.
When I first came here, I realized for the first time that unfamiliarity and fear are similar emotions.
The street signs, the people, the food, even the air.
Everything was unfamiliar, and that scared me.
I was already withdrawn as it was.
Having become so intimidated, there was no way I could adapt to an unfamiliar environment.
Popular? Made a lot of friends? My ass.
I was an outcast.
You could say they were days when I should just be grateful not to be bullied.
But I couldn't reveal the truth to Jiu.
-"Are you playing soccer well? How is it?"
-"I'm doing well."
-"Really? I heard Italian soccer is really good."
-"They're all worse than me. Everyone calls me a soccer genius."
The soccer talk was the same.
Like hell anyone called me a soccer genius.
How could I play soccer well in an environment where everything frightened me?
Actually, when I was in Korea, I was pretty good at soccer.
I even heard... that I was a genius sometimes.
Of course, it wasn't that I was truly a genius. It meant I'd worked hard enough to occasionally hear such things.
But after coming here, it was hard to focus properly on soccer.
Naturally, I lost interest and didn't work hard.
Working harder than others was my only strong point, yet instead I had practically given up.
So how could I hear anyone call me a genius?
Getting criticized and scolded every day became routine, and I even ended up switching teams.
But strangely, it was difficult to be honest with Jiu.
Part of it was fearing I'd get bombarded with nagging... but more than anything, my pride was hurt.
-"How is it lately? Have you scored?"
-"Huh? Of course."
-"How many goals?"
-"I stopped counting. I scored too many."
So I always bluffed.
That I heard I was a genius every day, that scoring goals was getting boring now, that I might be on TV soon.
I bluffed about things that weren't true at all.
I don't know what I was thinking when I told those lies.
And I didn't even have any pride to brag about.
It's just... how do I put it.
I just didn't want Jiu to see me like this.
Again, it's not like I like her. I don't know why I felt that way.
Really.
Well... anyway.
That was the situation.
Unable to adapt, unable to play soccer.
And in the midst of it all, I had this strange pride, putting on an act as a fake soccer genius.
But up until here, it was fine.
Because I thought there was no way my lies would be found out.
But then, a few days ago.
-"Hey! I'm going to Italy!"
I received a message that made my heart sink.
It was the news that Jiu was coming to Italy.
-"...What?"
-"I'm going to Italy!"
-"W-why would you?"
-"Can't I go? To see you... no, that's not it. I got selected as an exchange student!"
No way... since when was our country's education system so well-developed?
I'd heard she entered a specialized high school, but to think she got selected as an exchange student from there.
And why did it have to be Italy of all places?
It really felt like a prank of fate.
-"Hey! Why are you reacting like that? Aren't you happy your noona is coming?"
-"No, it's just..."
Honestly, it was something to be happy about.
After all, Jiu is my only friend.
With Jiu coming, of course I should be happy, and part of me genuinely was.
But...
-"I'll come watch your match!"
-"W-what are you coming to see? You don't have to come."
-"Hey, of course your noona has to come watch. What are you talking about?"
-"No..."
-"Wow, I'm already looking forward to it. Let's see how good our soccer genius is?"
All the lies I'd told were the problem.
The lies that had swelled like snowballs were already beyond a size I could handle.
Jiu's arrival date was just two weeks away.
To keep my lies from being exposed, I had to train like crazy within those two weeks, catch the coaches' eyes first,
then play even better to make the weekend match roster,
and then luckily play in that match and score a goal like a miracle.
Does that even make sense?
Is it possible for all of that to happen without a single mistake?
In short, I was done for.
"Agh!"
I tore at my hair and sat up in bed.
See, this is what happens when you tell such lies.
No, honestly, I could just tell her it was all a lie even now and end it...
Ah, I don't know.
I just don't want to show her such a pathetic side of me.
"Sigh."
I let out a sigh and headed to the bathroom.
It was time to go to work.
* * *
Click!
I lock the door with a key, pull it once to make sure it's locked, then turn around.
You might wonder if there are still houses without electronic locks these days, but this neighborhood is all like this.
A neighborhood that loves its damn traditions.
"Whew."
I walk out of the alley completely filled with orange bricks. These brick houses might have been built hundreds of years ago.
When I exit the alley, a small plaza appears.
Today too, the weather is unnecessarily good.
People sit leisurely, each drinking coffee and basking in the sunlight.
Regardless, I stride quickly across the plaza.
As I walk, the sound of a church bell rings from afar.
Just how many churches does this damn neighborhood have?
Wherever my gaze lands, there's inevitably a church, and the funny thing is, even churches that look completely unremarkable are over a hundred years old.
It really is a fascinating neighborhood.
Anyway, after passing countless churches and plazas, before I know it I begin to smell dirt.
A cool wind blows, and mixed in that wind is the fragrant scent of grapes.
I crouch down and tighten my shoelaces.
From here, I run.
It's approximately 2km to my destination.
The road is a bit winding, but it's a decent course to run.
Habitually, I take out my phone, start a timer, put it back in my pocket, then begin to run.
From now on, without a single thought.
I just keep running.
Focusing solely on my breathing, I keep running.
Along with the cool wind, vast vineyards brush past me.
Running on this empty road is when I feel the most free. Like I've finally become my true self.
"Hoo, hoo."
Running like that, my destination soon comes into view.
Over there, far in the distance.
A place indistinguishable from the surrounding vineyards at a glance.
That place is the end of my commute and my workplace.
ACF Fiorentina.
This is my workplace's name, and this place is Florence, the city of art located in central Italy.
*
-"Domenico?"
-"Yep."
-"Gino?"
-"Yes."
-"Enzo?"
-"Yes."
-"Okay. Everyone's here."
The training for the U17 team that I, at age sixteen, belong to always begins with roll call.
I too was standing among the kids, ready to answer...
No, wait.
"Excuse me, Coach?"
"Huh?"
"You didn't call my name."
"Huh...? Oh, right. Sorry. Jian Ri."
"...Yes."
Only after I raised my hand and spoke did the coach finally notice me and check my name.
...Even if I'm practically always late, still.
This is my current position on the team.
You could say I'm close to being invisible.
Not just the kids, but the coaches too have little interest in me.
Honestly, I rather liked this treatment.
It was better to be treated like I didn't exist, for attention to be drawn away from me.
Until last year, I played for a team in Torino, and the kids there had an enormous amount of interest in me.
Way too much—they'd throw trash in my locker, hide my shoes...
But here, the kids at Fiorentina had absolutely no interest in me.
It felt like everyone was too busy with their own stuff.
There might be more kids who don't know my name than those who do.
No one paid me any mind, and I didn't approach the kids first either.
That was comfortable.
But... it was a different story for even the coaches to have no interest in me.
Now, that is.
Right now, I'm in a position where I have to play in the match the week after next no matter what.
To do that, I have to catch the coach's eye first...
"Alright, let's get ready for training."
Can I do it?
I don't know.
I'll just have to try.
If I don't want to make a complete fool of myself in front of Jiu, that is.
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