“All right, it’s time for Nureongi’s review, where we chew up web novels, tear them apart, and savor them. The web novel we’ll be reviewing today is none other than…”
The same opening line as always, the viewers and chat window rising up beyond the monitor.
After finishing my familiar intro, the usual format was for me to review and recommend a web novel I’d personally read, but the review subject sitting before me was a monstrosity I couldn’t recommend even as empty flattery—no, it was garbage.
“…Haa. My dear mutts, I hate to say this, but I think you’ll need to brace yourselves today. The novel we’ll be reviewing today is a work requested by a viewer named ‘Danakka-kun,’ and its title is, ahem, ‘I’m Just an Ordinary High School Student, but I Transform and Awaken to Go Unrivaled?!’”
Ah, damn it. I only said the title, so why am I the one feeling embarrassed?
What kind of title is this, like some Japanese light novel that would’ve come out in the 2000s?!
[What the hell, this novel is cringe just from the title.]
[Ah, I filtered that one out just from the title, but the host actually read the whole thing.]
[Lololol why does it already feel obvious without even reading it lololol]
And sure enough, it wasn’t just me. The mutts—meaning the viewers—seemed to feel the same, because the chat was already noisy before I’d even started the review.
Yeah, honestly, I wanted to filter it out just from the title too.
But this was a subscriber who had donated a whopping 50,000 won to a tiny channel like mine, so I read it while swallowing my tears.
But no matter how tiny my channel is, and no matter how precious each and every subscriber is because of that, I still should have filtered out this garbage!
Aaargh! I never should’ve taken that 50,000 won! What was 50,000 won worth, for me to read this crap?!
The web novel subscriber Danakka-kun had requested a review for was truly a lump of garbage.
I can let it slide that the title is like a common Japanese light novel.
Fine, let’s say I can accept that, from the prologue, the Republic of Korea was destroyed by some villain called Absolute Evil or whatever.
Let’s even say I can overlook the fact that the stage of the story is Japan, since everyone has their own tastes.
Even the protagonist saying shit like, “Aah, I just wanted to live an ordinary life~,” “Haa~ shoganai na~,” and “Women should be protected by men~” is a matter of taste—ah, damn it, I really can’t take this!
Even the protagonist is a 2000s light novel reject?!
On top of that, the plot of this novel was basically some so-called Japan-wank story going, Sugoi Nippon! Even sugoi, Nippon! Amazing, Nippon! and I seriously thought my hands and feet were going to curl up the whole time I was reading it.
Even if this had been Korea-wank instead of Japan-wank, it still would’ve been ripped to shreds!
The only reason I forced myself to read it to the end anyway was because of the bare minimum sense of responsibility that came from having been paid. If not for that, I would’ve dropped it midway.
But more than anything, the reason I called this novel garbage was that, while the title, protagonist, and plot all mattered, there was hatred underpinning this novel.
Starting with its perception of the refugees created when the Republic of Korea was destroyed by Absolute Evil—it was a complete mess.
Even if I wasn’t expecting a warm word or love for thy neighbor, shouldn’t it at least not mock or look down on them?
Even the Korean-born villain who appears early on—forget depicting the sorrow of losing his country as pathetic and ugly, the way the story condemns him by saying his country fell because it was weak honestly made my stomach turn.
And the heroines praised the protagonist, who was spouting those fucking racist lines, saying he was cool and cathartic, and I honestly wondered how something like this could exist.
I don’t know why those platform bastards take money from every possible source and then just leave novels like this alone.
Anyway, malice was dripping from it so thickly that I could feel the author was a full-blown honmono, steeped in some bizarre ideology to the bone.
[Lolololol what kind of novel is that]
[As expected of a pro mutt lololol]
[Was the 50,000 won psychiatric treatment money lololol]
Maybe none of the viewers had read it like I had, because they all burst out laughing at my reaction, but at least everyone seemed to agree that the novel was crap.
No, there was exactly one person. One person who didn’t agree.
[Danakka-kun has donated 1,000 won!]
[How dare you insult my novel!]
[Danakka-kun has donated 1,000 won!]
[As if the likes of you could understand my god-tier work?]
The chat, which had been mocking and tearing the novel apart from every angle, suddenly turned its arrows of ridicule toward Danakka-kun after he barged in.
Good grief. Seeing him act like that not only in the novel but even in chat, this guy was the real deal honmono.
Since dealing with him for no reason would only tire me out, instead of getting angry, I very calmly moved my mouse cursor.
“Ah, our dear Danakka-kun. You must be working so hard sending me those little thousand-won coins. But what should I do? By my standards, the novel you wrote is garbage.”
I clicked Danakka-kun’s ID on the screen and placed my cursor over the [Permanent Ban] button.
“If you wanted to hear nice things, you should’ve requested it from that community of yours instead of me. Anyway, well, I’ll consider the 50,000 won compensation for emotional damages, and you’re now forever out of this channel. Please get lost~ Bye-bye.”
Click.
Seriously, what was he thinking, asking me to review something like this?
If he wanted a review, he should’ve gone to that community of his. What a joke.
With a strong sense of civic duty that told me I couldn’t leave a novel like this alone, I sent an inquiry to the platform, then began reviewing the next work.
“All right, now that the trash is cleaned up, let’s look at the next one. Let’s see, the next novel is ‘The Princess Wants to Do Yarikiri?’ Oof, this title is something else in a different sense…”
In any case, at that point, I thought that day would pass no differently from any other.
@
“Customer. Customer. Customer!”
“U-uh, uwaaagh?!”
“Hiiik!!”
My eyes snapped open at the urgent voice striking my ears.
My whole body was trembling and cold sweat was running down me, as if I had just woken from sleep paralysis.
What is this? I was definitely broadcasting in my room, so where the hell is this?
The messy desk and monitor in my room were gone, and instead I was greeted by the interior of a stylish café bathed in warm sunlight.
Just then, someone beside me spoke in a trembling voice.
“U-ummmm, customer? Y-your order…”
“Yes?”
When I turned my head, a woman who appeared to be a café employee was trembling, her face deathly pale.
Bewildered, I looked around, and the people sitting at the other tables were all watching me with extremely tense expressions. One person was even gathering their bag and slowly backing away.
“Ah, uh, then… please give me one tall Americano…”
Ugh, seriously, this damn face of mine has never once been helpful.
I had no idea why I was here, but I felt bad for scaring the employee for no reason, so I ordered something at least.
Fortunately, I had my phone and wallet on me, so after finishing the payment, I calmly sat down and tried to recall the situation.
‘Phew. What the hell is going on? I don’t remember going outside, so why am I in a café?’
Could this be that sleepwalking thing I’d only ever heard about? Or memory loss? Or could it be early-onset dementia?!
Crack, I had been staying up all night a lot lately, but did that really make this happen? Please, anything but dementia!
I racked my brains, trying to recall something, but there were no notable results.
‘Good grief. First, let’s check where this is.’
The moment I turned on my phone to check my location, a breaking news article floating in the top bar caught my eye.
[Breaking News] A New S-Rank Hero, Flare, Is Born in the Republic of Korea!
“Huh? What’s this now?”
I wondered if I’d turned my phone off while looking at some web novel or webtoon, so I checked the site address, but the article was clearly on the main news page of a portal site.
[Interview] “I will end the villains’ threats.” Flare’s Ambition.
Hero Association Releases This Quarter’s Villain Crime Statistics.
New OOPArt Discovered in Japan, Details to Be Revealed Later.
“Is today April Fools’ or something? Or have all the reporters gone insane as a group?”
While I sat there dumbfounded, the voice of a news anchor flowed from the large TV hanging on the café wall.
『Yes, the Hero Association has just announced, through an official briefing, the rise of a new S-rank hero. Let’s take a look at the footage.』
“Wow, look. It really is a new S-rank hero.”
“Whoa, she’s seriously pretty. Her skills are one thing, but her visuals are no joke.”
“Mm, I knew Flare would be chosen. I could tell ever since she caught that villain last time.”
The customers inside the café began murmuring as they watched the news screen.
The articles, the news, and even the conversations of the people around me were all about heroes, heroes, heroes.
Even someone like me, who paid no attention to outside news, knew that these were not lines that should be happening in reality.
So why the hell is everyone shouting about heroes?! Could it be that it’s not just early-onset dementia, but there’s something wrong with my ears too?!
Just as I was wondering whether the whole world was filming a hidden camera prank on me—
A streak of ominous foreboding flashed through my mind and covered my whole body.
“No way…”
As a mutt who had chewed up, torn apart, and tasted countless web novels, my instincts were sending me an ominous signal.
With trembling hands, I typed the names I could remember of characters from that garbage novel I had just reviewed into the portal search bar.
And as a result—
“—Danakka, you son of a bitch!!”
Before long, I realized that I had transmigrated into the novel Danakka-kun had written.
To a time before the Republic of Korea was destroyed by Absolute Evil.