The first meal I shared with Sohwi came to an end. Perhaps he truly was satisfied with merely eating together, because the moment the meal was over, he told me to rest comfortably and immediately left the room.
After that, a maid came and carried away the table, and only once I was finally alone in the room did I flop down right where I’d been sitting.
We’d only eaten one meal together, so why did I feel so exhausted?
Thank goodness he hadn’t suggested having refreshments or tea after the meal. After that “husband” comment, I’d been so mortified I could have died. I’m never calling him that again.
If I keep lying here like this, Hwaya will probably nag me that it’s bad for my health, but I’m completely drained from getting dressed up and eating. Until she comes back, I’m staying like this.
Still, it had been tiring, but I’d managed to postpone the wedding indefinitely. It was time well spent.
Though saying we should cancel the wedding had probably been the wrong choice of words.
“Let’s just postpone it. If we cancel it outright, many people will take it as a broken engagement.”
Even so, I was relieved he understood that getting married right now, when I had no memories, felt like too much. I felt sorry for Sohwi, but in a world where the atmosphere made it seem like once we married, we would have to go straight to the wedding night, I wanted to avoid the ceremony happening for any reason at all.
That didn’t mean I intended to make it as if it had never existed, either. I had only wanted to cancel the currently scheduled date. This wasn’t my life, but Ryu Sua’s life that I was temporarily occupying.
For the sake of the day I might return to my original world, preserving Ryu Sua’s life as intact as possible was probably the least apology I could offer her.
Maybe it was nothing more than an excuse. An excuse born from being afraid to change anything completely. After all, worrying about Ryu Sua’s life or anything like that might already be meaningless.
In most romance fantasy possession stories, once someone is possessed, they almost never return to their original world. And even when they do, the method of returning is usually clearly stated.
But I knew nothing about this place I had possessed, and there had been no being to tell me what I needed to do to return to my original world. Which meant I might have to go on living here as Ryu Sua.
Perhaps pushing them away now and making it clear that I was a different existence from Ryu Sua would be the right thing to do for the future.
Because I’m a man. I’m different from the protagonists of other possession stories. But I can’t do that.
Because the moment I do, it feels like I really won’t be able to go back. Even if my choice has no effect whatsoever, I’m scared.
I remain as Ryu Sua, who has lost her memories, receiving their affection, while never fully returning it. I refuse to take responsibility, yet I can’t give up the benefits. It’s selfish behavior.
I almost wish Ryu Sua’s soul would appear and condemn me as a thief who stole her place. I wish I could explain to her angry spirit that I didn’t know anything either, and have her decide what I should do.
… Stop!
Lying there blankly and staring up at the ceiling only makes useless thoughts multiply. I already decided to harden my heart for the sake of my own safe survival. Let’s not regret or hesitate for no reason now.
More importantly, right now—
“Madam. Did you enjoy your meal—Madam! It’s bad for your health to lie down right after eating! You need to change your clothes too! Honestly, you’ve only just begun to recover…”
“Ugh…”
I have to listen to Hwaya’s nagging first.
***
After that, I had dinner with Sohwi several more times. My body had almost fully recovered, and I no longer had any trouble going about daily life without being supported.
Thanks to that, Hwaya had shown me around the residence yesterday, and now that I could move around on my own, I no longer needed nursing. Ever since I started eating normal meals, how much I’d suffered because of bodily functions—
No, I have no such memories. I decided to forget them. Nothing happened.
In any case, my body was healthy now, and the life of being nursed was over.
“I’m bored.”
I still had nothing to do.
Only my body had recovered; my life of blankly staring at the ceiling or out the window hadn’t ended.
This is torture.
For a modern person who’d been surrounded by easy ways to fill up on dopamine, a forced dopamine detox? This absolutely counts as torture.
Should I learn the embroidery Hwaya recommended? Or should I barge into the kitchen and help with something? If I go and peel vegetables or prep ingredients, wouldn’t I be a little less bored? I’m good at that…
But I can’t do that.
If the chairman’s wife stormed into the kitchen and asked for work because she was bored while people were cooking, they might want to die instead. And I’m that chairman’s wife. I can’t interfere with people working hard just because I’m bored…
But doing nothing like this was a problem too, because my thoughts kept drifting in depressing directions. I needed to do something.
While I was sighing deeply and agonizing over it, Hwaya returned after going to fetch the refreshments.
Just as I was about to seriously tell the returning Hwaya that I was bored and wanted her to teach me embroidery, Hwaya spoke first.
“Madam, how about going for a walk?”
“A walk?”
Did she mean strolling through the garden outside the window?
I didn’t particularly want to go to the garden. I’d heard Sohwi often rested there in his true form.
I was about to shake my head and refuse because I didn’t want to go to the garden.
“I thought perhaps you could go out to the nearby village to get materials for learning embroidery, and also get some light exercise.”
“That sounds good. I want to go.”
At Hwaya’s suggestion that our walk be not in the garden but to a nearby village, I immediately nodded.
Maybe seeing someplace other than the residence would make something come to mind, and I was also curious what the village here looked like.
“And it would be good to stop by a book rental shop and look for novels you might enjoy reading. Hmm… stopping by the market to browse would be nice too.”
“The village must be quite large.”
“Yes. It’s fairly large, so there’s almost nothing it doesn’t have. We often go there on our days off as well.”
Why was I getting so excited just because she suggested going out to the village? My days must have been even more monotonous than I thought. I felt my heart fluttering like a child looking forward to a picnic, not acting my age at all.
“Then are we going right away?”
“No. First, we need to get permission from the physician and Master.”
So today would still be boring.
At Hwaya’s words that we couldn’t go right away, my swelling anticipation deflated. Still, I thought there would be no problem as long as we got permission.
“The physician said you need light exercise, so he’ll probably allow it. However…”
“However?”
“Master may not give his permission.”
“Why, why not?”
I was flustered by the unexpected response. I had assumed he’d naturally allow something like an outing.
This was Sohwi, who had easily postponed the marriage. I thought he would allow a mere outing. Was he actually, unlike his true form, the kind of male lead who was obsessively possessive of his woman, like, “I cannot show my woman to the outside world!”?
“Because Madam met with disaster while walking alone.”
“Ah. S-still… it should be fine if someone goes with me.”
If I hadn’t known, that would be one thing. But after suggesting an outing, she was saying I might not be able to go… I had already started looking forward to it, so giving up now was impossible.
“Madam, you’ve improved greatly, but you’re still a patient.”
“I’m healthy now…!”
“I’ll speak to Master today. I’m sure he’ll give permission.”
Hwaya said he would, but as a reader who had read no small number of romance fantasies, I thought there was a high chance he wouldn’t.
In classic cliché fashion, he would come up with all sorts of reasons to stop me from going out. He would be worried about Ryu Sua, who had gotten hurt while he didn’t know. If I didn’t step up actively here, I would spend the rest of my life staring at the grain of the ceiling beams in my room.
I’ll persuade him during dinner tonight.
No matter how worried he is, if I can get permission just once, it should be easier for him to allow it out of habit afterward.
Somehow, I just need to get permission once. I’ll have to be a little proactive.
***
Hwaya suggested that since Sua was very bored staying only in the residence, it might be good for her to go out to the nearby village.
Considering Sua’s personality, being nursed while doing nothing must certainly have been boring. If anything, one could say she had quietly focused on recovering until now. Except for the first day.
The village wasn’t far from the residence, and it was also a place she had often visited, so there was no reason not to allow it. So I had intended to tell Sua during our meal today to have a pleasant outing.
“Sohwi. I know you’ll be worried, but I’d like you to allow me to go out.”
“Ah. I was just—”
“Of course you must be worried. I’ll be careful and stay close to the people accompanying me.”
She seemed to be misunderstanding something. It appeared she thought I wouldn’t allow it.
“You may not feel inclined to, but if you grant my request… I’ll also grant one of yours, Sohwi. What do you think?”
An unexpected gift had suddenly appeared.
“Then I’d like you to call me husband.”
“What?”
“Do you dislike it? If it’s still too early for an outing…”
“No! I’ll do it. I’ll call you husband!”