Chapter 63
──────
Sleepwalker Ⅰ
Shin Noah
1
In my regression life, I consider rounds 1 through 100 to be the 'early phase.' Another way to put it would be the 'childhood period.'
It was a time when I harbored romantic fantasies that peace would somehow come to the world if I just dealt with all the strange entities.
And during this early phase, there existed three boss monster brothers who claimed the Korean Peninsula as their turf.
Stage 1 Boss: Crawling Octopus Head. No matter how much you stab it, unless you pierce both hearts simultaneously, it demonstrates infinite regeneration and absolutely won't die! Named the 'Ten-Legged of Immortality'!
Stage 2 Boss: If you don't know, you'll fall for it! Thinking it was a virus promising free immortality during the apocalypse, people accepted it joyfully, but it was actually nothing more than fertilizer to grow one absolutely massive World Tree! Both a New Buddha and a Divine Buddha, the 'Udumbara of Eternal Life'!
Stage 3 Boss: Even knowing about this one, you still have to face it! Without fail, starting from the 7th year of regression, the Armageddon that descends from the night sky—the 'Unavoidable Meteor Shower'!
Is this for real about Korea's situation? My chest truly swells with grandeur.
However, among those, the Ten-Legged can be safely ignored now. By around the 100th round, something like the Ten-Legged is merely trash mob that can be one-turn-killed.
- Kyu҉u҉?
Yeah. Acting cute won't make me go easy on you. Octopus tentacle head, chop that Cthulhu knockoff.
The Udumbara, which possessed various aliases such as 'Divine Buddha Virus,' 'Red Caterpillar Fungus,' and 'World Tree,' and had a reputation twice as vicious, was no different in circumstance.
- Hu҉ng҈҉ry҉?
It might feel unfair from its perspective, but ultimately, the Udumbara had the worst compatibility with a regressor.
From the moment I identified that the Udumbara's origin point existed in room 202 on the second floor of a closed-down inn in Onyang, the Udumbara was perfectly countered.
So now, the final chapter of childhood.
"Oh my? Hey, look at the sky."
Let's talk about the Meteor Shower.
"Gasp! Shooting stars! Goodness, there are so many!"
"The ground might be fucked, but the sky is beautiful……."
Actually, to be extremely precise, among the early phase boss trio, the only one that truly operated exclusively on the Korean Peninsula was the Ten-Legged.
As is well known, the Udumbara corrupted all of East Asia with a pseudo-religious group called Divine Buddha.
The Meteor Shower was the same. The falling 'shooting stars' were not limited to the Korean Peninsula.
It was the entire world.
"Huh? Why do those keep getting closer……."
"What are you doing! Dodge! Run!"
"What do you mean run……? Where to? They're falling from the entire sky, Guild Master."
"……."
Have you ever encountered a battle royale genre game?
In such games, the radius of the map where players can operate gradually decreases as time passes. For instance, a 'force field' narrows and the safe zone shrinks.
It was a technique to drive players into a narrow ring as the game entered its latter stages.
This world had chosen only the bad parts of games to imitate. Because our lives were a shit-fucked game.
"Half of the Eurasian continent is gone!"
"What kind of bullshit is that?"
"Literally just deleted. You know, the meteor shower fell last week. Apparently, half the continent just blew away after getting hit by that?"
"Holy fuck."
Once South America, once Australia, once Eurasia, and once the Pacific Ocean.
The continents that faced the bombardment of stars invariably transformed into barren lands where people could no longer live.
Truly an Armageddon.
Humanity, which had gazed up at the shooting stars raining down like a shower in the night sky and momentarily immersed themselves in apocalyptic romantic sentiments, trembled with terror.
"Again, again! They're falling again!"
"Fuck, where this time? Where are they falling……?"
Meteor Shower. An expression frequently used by Western awakeners was 'Armageddon,' and Japanese awakeners named it 'Meteor.' According to the classification of the Library Society, which considered naming strange entities their mission, the danger level was Continental, identification name 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.'
"……."
The identity of the shooting star that Lee Ha-yool reached out for in the previous episode was none other than this.
It was another way our world faced destruction.
2
My first encounter with the Meteor Shower was in the 23rd round.
The number 23 held profound significance for me. In a slightly bad sense, to put it more bluntly——since I now believe we've become close enough to use such expressions, please understand generously——it was significant in a quite fucked direction.
Perhaps some of you with extraordinary memory like mine might quickly recall the events of the 23rd round, or more precisely, the events that occurred 'from' the 23rd round onward.
"Huh? Old man? Old man, are you not here?"
Ta-da—
Congratulations! You have discovered the corpse of Elder Show!
"Fuck."
That's right.
It was precisely the 23rd round when Elder Show first went on vacation. It was also the moment when the BGM named '(Calamity) Fucked (Congratulations)' was selected as the character theme song for me, the Funeral Director.
I at that time was……. Hmm.
To be honest, I was pathetic.
Should I call it a sort of dark history? Because the person I had thought of as a comrade to fight alongside all my life had suddenly vanished.
"My, such a great magic with only two incantations……. I really am a genius! And Funeral Director! You seem a bit like a genius too!"
Though I didn't say it, there was a reason I helped Dang Seo-rin complete her Equivalent Exchange Magic. In those days, I was emotionally dependent on Dang Seo-rin.
Because, well…….
While I have some hesitation about whether I really need to reveal this much, I suppose by now you and I can freely discuss such matters.
I'll be honest. Because Dang Seo-rin was the only one in my regression life I believed could share the same timeline as me.
"Though we cannot live together in life, in death we are companions."
"Please take care of me from now on. Companion of my time."
Of course, Dang Seo-rin didn't remember the time she spent with me. However, at the very least, her magic that tore open songs by burning her lifespan continued to accumulate her lifespan even through regression.
So, this is a truly embarrassing admission, but I had come to view Dang Seo-rin as a replacement for Elder Show.
No, the expression 'replacement' was too weak. I was clearly dependent on Dang Seo-rin.
With my mental state thus collapsed, I nevertheless didn't forget my final role as a regressor.
Somehow, even without Elder Show, I built up an organization alone, then established Dang Seo-rin as the alliance leader and subjugated the Ten-Legged.
And in the 7th year.
"Wow. Funeral Director, look over there."
"Hmm? Shooting stars?"
"Yeah. There are a lot of them."
Dang Seo-rin, walking barefoot on the sandy beach with shoes in one hand, pointed at the night sky.
That was the moment of first observing the Meteor Shower.
Naturally, at that time, I couldn't even imagine that the identity of the twinkling meteor shower in the night sky would be a strange entity.
I finished my night walk, returned, and comfortably fell into sweet sleep——.
I blinked, opened my eyes, and found myself back at the origin where my regression began.
I had returned to Busan Station.
"…Huh?"
I was so dumbfounded I blankly looked around. What on earth was this?
If someone suddenly experienced regression just after going to bed, anyone would become mentally dazed.
At first, I thought it was a dream. But no matter how much I pinched my cheek, I didn't wake up. In other words—goodness gracious. I had truly regressed 'while sleeping.'
"You fucking bastard!"
The expletive that could be called SG Man's trademark (I didn't know Seo Gyu's real name at this point) rang out vigorously, like an alarm app that considers ruining an office worker's morning its life's duty.
And I was seized by emotions exactly like those of morning office workers. Specifically, 30% bewilderment and 70% fucked-up-ness.
'No, really, wait. Why on earth?'
But regardless of my confusion, the world's physical time flowed on majestically.
Kyaahhh- A scream tore through the Busan Station waiting room. A fairy had neatly severed Seo Gyu's neck quite beautifully.
While people fled in droves creating chaos, I alone stood there blankly having lost my mental faculties.
There are materialists who, when their spirit goes wandering, move their bodies along with it to create mayhem, and there are idealists who replace the empty seat with reason. I generally belonged to the latter.
'Did someone perhaps feed me poison?'
This was essentially the most rational conjecture.
'Or assassination? No matter what, though. They assassinated me, the Funeral Director, as easily as twisting a chicken's neck, even while I was asleep?'
Ah.
I groaned.
'How could this be! I was too complacent!'
That's right.
Ultimately, humanity's enemy was not monsters but humanity itself, other people. Wasn't the reason our ancestors first decided to write history books because they wanted to leave behind the words [I lived and found humanity to be fucked up] for future generations eternally?
"From now on…… I will live for myself."
As I was making a solemn declaration with a grave expression, the fairy who was playing alone next to me, rolling Seo Gyu's head around, tilted her head.
"Hoeh. What is this human saying, not even running away and spouting bullshit?"
"Shut up, tutorial-exclusive mob."
I responded to Fairy #264's objection with a flick to the forehead ("Hoeek!") and then farmed silver bells from the waiting room's souvenir shop as usual.
And I immediately proceeded to establish countermeasures.
Never sleep alone under any circumstances. Create a guild, recruit comrades, and build an impregnable hideout fortress to conduct group training there……
It was around this time that I began putting effort into guild hideouts.
Later, I would be hit with brainwashing-hypnosis beams by an unidentified entity named Goyori and suffer internal collapse, but until then, my guild hideout was a fortress that had never once fallen. It was Gong Son-chan's adversity and Kang Yu's sword angle (let's momentarily ignore the fact that both eventually fell).
Of course, even though I declared I would live for myself, a protagonist of a Korean web novel who desperately struggles to survive alone was simply not compatible with my personality to begin with.
Shouldn't people live together?
Naturally, I actively shared my fortress construction know-how with those around me.
"Um, Funeral Director. I'm grateful you're paying attention to my personal safety, and I'm not sure if I should say this but……. Well. Aren't you being a bit too oversensitive?"
Hmm. Perhaps 'persuasion' might be a more appropriate expression than 'sharing.'
"Gah! That's what happens when you live so carelessly and get assassinated without anyone knowing, Guild Master Dang Seo-rin!"
"Eh. Huh? Ah, uhhm……?"
"People praise you as Korea's greatest awakener, but your vanity pierces the sky! No matter how powerful you are, that's only after singing at least three verses of the main incantation! Until then, you're merely a mage before a swordmaster! Do you think those vile assassins will wait for you to leisurely hold a concert!"
"No, hey. That's……. First of all, this is my guild headquarters? I've set up the night watch and patrol system really well. Unless you're an awakener at your level, it's impossible to break through to the train car where I sleep, so there's no need……."
"Gah! Assassins have naturally already bribed all your loyal guild members! What if the opponent has abilities like hypnosis or brainwashing!"
"Uh……."
Surprisingly, I at this time had made a 120% accurate prophecy of the distant future where I would be thoroughly destroyed by Goyori. This is what a regressor's experience means.
A fucking bullshit experience.
Dang Seo-rin also seemed to reach a similar conclusion.
"If they're an awakener with such a bullshit ability, doesn't security become meaningless from the start……?"
"Gah! From now on, before sleeping, you must sing at least four layers of songs—[Repeat], [Auto-play], [Silence], [Barrier]—before going to bed. Naturally, do the same for Ha-yool and cover the entire train car with doll threads."
"Eek, that's like spider webs, so it's a bit……."
"Gaaaaah! If you die by any chance, the Korean Peninsula is finished. Are you aware of your own position?"
"Umm, hey there……. Fine. Okay. I'm sorry for everything……."
"If you're sorry, that's enough. No, thinking about it, singing the main incantation before bed isn't realistic."
"Ah! Right, that's exactly what I was……."
"Therefore, we must build an absolutely impenetrable fortress. Don't worry, Dang Seo-rin. I have no intention of demanding you leave the train you cherish. I will simply transform this train into the world's strongest fortress."
"……."
Dang Seo-rin looked at me with eyes that said 'Why did this kid suddenly become so annoying?' but I cleanly ignored it.
In the end, not just my hideout but the Three Thousand Worlds train was also remodeled into 'Ultimate Weapon - Train Fortress - Galaxy Express 999.' Now, even if assassin grandfathers came in droves, they wouldn't be able to do anything.
It was the 7th year.
"Wow. Funeral Director, look over there."
"Hmm? Ah, shooting stars. It's probably the meteor group that appears around this time originally."
"Really? There are a lot. Nice. If only someone who lives somewhere hadn't plastered iron bars and spider webs all over my super-luxury train car window, it would have been much prettier than now."
"……."
After having drinks with Dang Seo-rin, I returned to the hideout and comfortably fell into sweet sleep——.
"Ahh, hello everyone! Oh my? The numbers are a bit small……. Anyway, you must all be very surprised to be suddenly summoned to a place like this, right? But there's no need to worry! I'm your guide who will kindly show you around from the beginning!"
Naturally, I regressed again.
The familiar ceiling of Busan Station's waiting room greeted my eyes. Of course, the tutorial Fairy #264 was flying around cutely.
"……."
My vision went blurry.
Into my ears rang SG Man's incredibly kind alarm sound.
"You fucking bastard!"