S# 114.
The highlight of
Cha Seo-ah, having found Han Ye-hwa hiding in the convenience store, approaches holding a hammer and knife covered in blood.
Eyes looking at Han Ye-hwa, trembling with fear.
'With what kind of eyes should I look?'
Seo Yeon hesitated about how to act this scene when reading the script.
Cha Seo-ah was a human who had already gone to a point of no return.
Because of the illness.
To make that excuse, she had killed too many people, and was trying to kill more.
'On top of that, before meeting Han Ye-hwa.'
Cha Seo-ah kills one more person.
The convenience store auntie.
From the audience's perspective, she was just an innocent person who said something wrong, but to Cha Seo-ah, she was not.
Cha Seo-ah is not a psychopath or sociopath.
She is not a being who cannot empathize with or feel human emotions.
She simply cannot feel those emotions correctly.
She is just a human who cannot express them.
Therefore, in a way, she would be an even more terrifying existence to humans.
If one laughs in a situation where they should cry.
If one sheds tears in a situation where they should laugh, how would humans perceive it?
Seo Yeon could still vividly recall that from her past life memories.
'Not being able to forget isn't always a good thing.'
For some reason, when Seo Yeon tried to recall memories of her past life, she could recall anything vividly. That hadn't changed since she was young.
She mainly used it for reference when recalling knowledge about movies and dramas.
However, that wasn't the only thing that remained unfaded.
Memories related to movies and dramas, leaving only those memories behind, Seo Yeon's past life gradually became hazy.
But those faces still remained unerased.
It was different from recalling memories related to the entertainment industry.
She hadn't known the reason until now, but while reading the script for
Ah, I was deeply wounded back then.
That's why I can't forget it.
Alexithymia.
It is not the inability to feel emotions.
It is merely feeling them in a completely different way.
Overseas, alexithymia is called alexithymia.
From the Greek word lexi meaning 'word'
Adding 'a', which carries a negative meaning, to thym meaning 'soul', it means 'no words to describe the soul.'
'I've even thought, do I really have no soul.'
Amusingly, that was negated by reincarnation.
I did have a soul, and now I feel emotions normally.
A simple physical disorder.
Simple, yet a shackle humans cannot escape for their entire lives.
'Therefore.'
Even in this moment, Cha Seo-ah is not feeling no emotions.
When killing the convenience store auntie who treated her kindly.
And when killing people including Han Ye-hwa.
She definitely felt emotions.
She simply doesn't know what kind of emotion it is.
「…….」
Cha Seo-ah brings down the hammer, killing the convenience store auntie.
The script had the phrase 'expressionlessly and coldly' written on it.
No.
Seo Yeon shook her head.
Certainly, alexithymia involves sparse facial expressions.
But that's only because one doesn't know what expression to make.
Therefore, at this moment, Cha Seo-ah definitely should have made an expression.
However, it shouldn't be an expression accompanied by sadness or pain.
Because that would be the correct emotional expression.
Fresh blood splattered.
No, it felt like that.
An illusion of blood splashing.
With the motion of swinging the hammer, the convenience store auntie who had been crying for help collapsed.
Cha Seo-ah looked down at the convenience store auntie like that.
She places a finger under her nose, checking if she's breathing.
Then brings the hammer down two more times.
Of course, the hammer didn't touch the actor.
However, the staff filming instinctively flinched at the intensity.
'This is acting, right?'
It felt like that before, but now it was stronger than usual.
Above all.
'The expression.'
Kim Dae-heon, the actor playing Detective Im Seung-cheol who was waiting to film the next scene, swallowed dryly.
It was to the point where he momentarily forgot they were in the middle of filming.
'Is she smiling? Or is she crying?'
She was smiling, but it looked like she was crying.
Kim Dae-heon had seen an actor perform like that once before.
It was the smile Park Seon-woong, one of Korea's representative actors, wore at the end of the movie when he took revenge on the murderer who killed his son.
But now, it felt different from even that.
More, complex.
A face containing many emotions.
Park Seon-woong's acting was more distinct.
It was acting that showed the ecstasy of revenge and the sadness that his dead son wouldn't come back alive no matter what.
That's why he simply watched in admiration.
'But.'
Seo Yeon was fundamentally different.
Crying while smiling.
It was like a lost expression of someone not knowing what emotion to express.
Like a non-human existence imitating a human.
「…….」
Her opened mouth moved wordlessly.
Dropping the tool she held, Seo Yeon.
No, Cha Seo-ah stroked her face with both hands.
As if wanting to know what kind of expression she was making.
That appearance was bizarre.
And it evoked an indescribable sense of discomfort.
To the point where those watching it unconsciously wrinkled their faces.
'That wasn't in the script.'
Anyone who had read the script would have thought that.
Was it acting Director Bae Jin-hwan specifically instructed?
But seeing Bae Jin-hwan's slightly widened eyes, that didn't seem to be the case.
Thump!
Slowly.
Cha Seo-ah, removing both hands from her face, raises her right hand and strikes her chest with a fist.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
As if trying to make her own heart beat.
Or as if trying to relieve a choked chest.
Until now, there were parts of Cha Seo-ah's actions that were difficult to understand the meaning of.
Because her emotions and actions didn't match from the start.
But this time, she could understand what emotion it was.
Action and emotion matched.
Frustration.
And pain.
It means Cha Seo-ah is feeling that.
Cha Seo-ah slowly picks up the dropped tool.
There was no hesitation, but the moment she gripped it, her hand was visibly trembling.
Cha Seo-ah looked at her own hand like that, then tightly gripped the blood-soaked hammer once more.
Haa, haa, haa.
Taking deep breaths.
She heads to the convenience store storage where Han Ye-hwa is.
Amusingly.
Cha Seo-ah's back, where her face couldn't be seen, actually made her emotions easier to understand.
Her pain could be felt.
And so S# 114 came to an end.
***
"Seo Yeon, here's some green tea."
"Ah, thank you."
Seo Yeon accepted the paper cup Kim Dae-heon offered.
He always brought green tea to drink on set.
"You worked hard today."
Filming was completely finished around the time the red sunset fell.
S# 114 got an okay in one take, but S# 115 had several NGs.
The final bloody fight scene with Detective Im Seung-cheol that she practiced with Professor Kim Hong-baek.
It's a scene where Cha Seo-ah's emotions explode, and Detective Im Seung-cheol also fights with desperate resolve.
"……Is your body okay?"
"Haha, I'm fine, of course I'm fine."
Kim Dae-heon laughed loudly.
But honestly, he wasn't fine.
Did Seo Yeon fail to match the rhythm of the action acting?
No, that wasn't it.
Rather, Seo Yeon was very clean.
Honestly, he was worried about the action acting without using a stunt double, but the problem was actually himself.
"I struggled because of me. I didn't want to lose to a young actor."
"……I don't think there's winning or losing in acting."
"Come on, it's just an expression."
At his joking words, Seo Yeon gave a faint smile.
Kim Dae-heon, who had momentarily lost himself at the rare sight of Seo Yeon's smile, coughed awkwardly.
"More importantly, your acting was really good today. It was like……."
Kim Dae-heon swallowed his next words.
Because he couldn't say it was like Cha Seo-ah herself.
But the staff who saw today's acting, a hundred out of a hundred, would have sympathized with Kim Dae-heon.
Honestly, there were even people murmuring whether they should take her to the hospital.
Of course, it wasn't because they doubted Seo Yeon's mental state.
It was because they were worried that excessive method acting might cause problems.
'Method…… isn't it.'
He is an actor.
So he could distinguish whether Seo Yeon's acting was method or not.
Actor Ju Seo-yeon is an actor who specializes in method acting.
Because it was known that way, everyone seemed to consider this acting as method.
But Kim Dae-heon could be certain today.
Cha Seo-ah's acting was not simply method.
It was acting that revealed the inner side of the actor named Ju Seo-yeon.
'Could she be suffering from a similar illness…… no, that can't be.'
Kim Dae-heon smiled bitterly at his own delusion.
He had researched the disease called alexithymia for this filming.
It goes without saying, but for someone with such a disease to act.
Let alone do method acting, it's impossible.
Method acting itself requires understanding the character better than anyone and being able to empathize with those emotions.
It's the exact opposite of alexithymia.
'But the fact that she understood Cha Seo-ah more intensely than anyone else…….'
He thought it was a truly puzzling character.
And Seo Yeon, who portrayed it so excellently, was that amazing.
The reason Kim Dae-heon had to reshoot the scene several times today was also because of Seo Yeon.
Because he was lacking, the scene shouldn't die with Seo Yeon's acting.
And the final S# 115 shot like that was truly satisfying.
'Seo Yeon must feel the same, right?'
With that thought, he looked at Seo Yeon, but Seo Yeon was just sipping the green tea Kim Dae-heon gave her.
Of course, Seo Yeon was thinking something a little different from Kim Dae-heon and the other staff.
'The convenience store, they'll pay for this, right?'
The fierce battle scene between Im Seung-cheol and Cha Seo-ah filmed over several hours.
The completely destroyed convenience store caught her eye, having been utterly wrecked from going all out.
For Seo Yeon, who visits various convenience stores every day, seeing a convenience store shattered to pieces was truly heartbreaking.
"Seo Yeon."
At that moment, Director Bae Jin-hwan, who had checked all the filmed footage, approached Seo Yeon.
"You worked hard today."
"Thank you."
"Today's scene will likely be included in the PV. It came out really well."
It wasn't bad to think that the highlight shot in advance, which she hadn't been happy about, would be put in the promotional PV.
"And by any chance, are you thinking of doing another movie after this one?"
"A movie? Well……."
There are plans.
First, the one she had in mind was the movie with auditions at the end of this year.
It was an image-improvement movie she had considered to raise the 400 million.
"Ah, not immediately, so it's fine. Next year, it'll be next year, probably."
"Probably."
"Yes, that's right. From what I heard…… GH Group has another ambitious movie in preparation. But……."
Director Bae Jin-hwan hesitated for a moment.
Seeing today's acting, he realized.
Seo Yeon is a rising actor.
Once this movie opens, her name value will probably double.
So he hesitated.
It was truly a good position, but the director of that movie weighed on his mind.
"Seo Yeon, by any chance…… do you know Director Jo Bang-woo?"
Director Jo Bang-woo.
The father of Director Jo Min-tae, who had helped Seo Yeon a lot when she was young.
At that name, Seo Yeon's eyes narrowed.
'Right, the time is gradually approaching.'
The man once called the 'Invincible Director.'
But now, having failed at the box office consecutively, he has reached a dead end.
His posthumous work opens at the end of next year.
That time was gradually approaching.