By the time filming ended and I got home, it was 1 a.m.
Everyone should have been asleep.
I carefully opened the front door.
Even though I hadn’t made much noise, Mom opened the bedroom door and came out into the living room.
" You weren’t sleeping? "
Mom hugged me.
" Of course not. My daughter was coming home today. How could I sleep? "
She was the kind of mom who made me tear up for no reason all over again.
Mom stroked my back and said,
" Was it hard on you, sweetheart? "
" Honestly, it was a little hard, but I’m okay. "
" You did well. Let’s eat first. You’re hungry, aren’t you? "
" It’s one in the morning. I should hurry up, wash, and sleep. "
" Then wash up first. Give Mom your luggage. "
" Mhm~ "
I went into the bathroom to wash.
The scent of our bathroom was already calming my body and mind.
As expected, nothing beat the bathroom at home.
I took off my clothes, stepped into the tub, and let the hot water from the shower hit me. My mental state started healing.
After finishing that healing session disguised as a shower, I came out to the living room and saw tteokbokki set out on the dining table.
After eating nothing but cafeteria food at the training center, I’d been missing outside food.
" Ah, I need to sleep, though~ "
When I pretended to dislike it for no reason, Mom said,
" You like it, so stop acting. "
Mom knew me too well.
I sat at the table and started eating tteokbokki. Mom sat across from me, stared at me intently, and said,
" So, how was it? Tell me. I’m curious. "
How was it...?
" Why, was it not that good? It’s okay. That can happen. You can do better next time. "
My expression must have soured because of a certain memory, and Mom seemed to misunderstand.
" No, it’s not like that. Haa... This is something you have to watch on broadcast. "
" What is it? "
" If I spoil one big thing, I’m the center for the title track. I completely turned the stage upside down. "
Of course, my outfit got turned upside down too.
" Really? "
" Yeah. The stage will be revealed on June 2nd. "
" As expected of my daughter. If you take after your mom, there’s no way you can’t do it. "
I couldn’t agree with that.
As I ate my late-night snack and told Mom stories, it was already 2 a.m.
I washed up the rest of the way, then got into my bed to sleep.
When I slipped under the blanket in my thin pajamas, I felt the soft yet crisp texture of the bedding.
Home really is the best...
All my worries disappeared, and my heart felt at ease.
Haa... You really worked hard for two weeks, Dohee.
It was worth it.
Kim Seoyun’s voice circled in my head.
I kicked at the blanket for a while before falling asleep.
***
After spending three days resting at home and healing, I had to go to school now to fill my attendance requirement.
But if I was going to take the qualification exam anyway, didn’t attendance not matter?
Haa... I want to take the GED so bad.
Even as I put on my uniform and slung my bag over my shoulder, I looked at Mom with a pitiful, sorrowful expression and said,
" Mom... can’t I... just take the GED? Hm? "
" What GED? You haven’t even debuted yet. "
Every time I expressed my desire to take the GED, Mom only told me to do it after I debuted.
I needed to hurry up and debut or something.
When I left home and arrived at school, the classroom was as noisy as ever, even in the morning.
Sohee, who had ended up in the same class as me again in our second year, was chatting cozily with her friends.
I’d been worried about Sohee, wondering if she might be left out without me there, but her timid personality had improved a lot, so that was a relief.
Sohee was so busy talking to the others that she didn’t even notice I’d arrived.
I went up to Sohee and hugged her tightly.
" Having fun? "
" Doheeyaa! "
Sohee must have been extremely happy to see me, because she circled around me like a puppy greeting its owner.
But that only lasted for a moment before Sohee was swept away by the crowd that gathered around me.
" Dohee! I heard you filmed Jeodol? "
" What place did you get? "
" They haven’t even voted yet, so what place? "
" There are tiers, though. Tiers. "
" But are three of the four major agencies really all appearing? What are the trainees there like? Are they pretty? "
" So who did you see!? "
" Who are the judges? "
" Can’t you spoil a little for us? "
" Dohee, sign this again for me! I lost it! "
I’d gone to all that trouble to heal at home, and now I was tired again...
***
After school ended, I went to the company to start practicing again today.
The company had told me to rest, but it felt weird to not do something I usually did.
Out of habit, I went up to the third floor to sign the attendance sheet.
Only after I arrived in front of the attendance sheet did I realize it.
Ah, I don’t need to sign today.
Seeing attendance signatures next to Wooa unnie’s and Chiyo unnie’s names on the sheet, it seemed like both of them were still practicing as always.
For some reason, I suddenly felt sorry.
" Dohee! "
A familiar voice came from behind me.
I set down the attendance sheet and turned around.
Manager Soyeong unnie was smiling warmly.
" Hello~ "
" Why did you come to the company instead of resting at home? "
" I felt weird just resting at home, and I wanted to learn some vocals from Teacher Kwon, so I made an appointment with him in advance before coming. "
" Really? You should still rest a little... You’ll only ruin your body for nothing, you know? "
" Yes. I’ll only do a little. "
" Okay, take it easy. More importantly, I heard. Dohee, you’re the center for the title track this time? "
It seemed everyone at the company knew too.
Well, it had already been over a week since the center selection match.
" Ah~ Yes. I just got a little lucky, so it ended up that way. "
" No, I heard about the center selection match. "
Huh...? She knew about the center selection match too?
" I heard you wore twin tails and were super cute. Seoyun told me all about it in vivid detail. "
That damn Kim Seoyun.
After greeting Manager Soyeong unnie and the other manager staff, I headed down to the choreography practice room in the basement.
Through the transparent door, I could see Wooa unnie and Chiyo unnie dancing inside the practice room again today.
For some reason, I felt both sorry and moved.
If I went in looking apologetic, the unnies would probably feel even more apologetic.
I put on an exaggeratedly playful act for no reason and burst through the practice room door.
" The drop-dead gorgeous Lee Dohee has arrived~ "
Thankfully, Chiyo unnie and Wooa unnie seemed nothing but happy to see me.
The two of them ran over and hugged me.
" Dohee~ " " Dohee-chan~ "
It had only been about two weeks since we’d last seen each other, but especially with Wooa unnie, who had been like family after spending every day together for four years, it felt like it had been much longer.
" What have you all been doing? "
" Us? Same as always, I guess? Going to school in the morning, coming to the company, practicing all day, then going home. "
The two of them were in the same grade, at the same school, and in the same company.
Since they spent their days together, they seemed to be leaning on each other.
" More than anything, we promised to debut together the year after next. "
" Correct. We will do! Debut! Together. "
Chiyo unnie’s Korean seemed to have regressed in the meantime.
" Chiyo unnie, are you sure you practiced Korean? "
" Speaking like this. Actually helps. Everyone. "
She had learned only a bunch of weird things in the meantime.
" Oh, right! I heard, Dohee. You’re the center? Congratulations~ "
Wooa unnie congratulated me with an unadorned, beaming smile.
Even though she had every right to feel upset that she couldn’t participate in Jeodol.
" Right. Dohee performed very cute. aka maknae Dohee. "
It was obvious even without asking.
Kim Seoyun must have told them.
" Kim Seoyun told you, right? "
" Hm? No, Naeun unnie told me. "
Huh...?
" Yes, Naeun unnie told us. Maknae Dohee-san was super kawaii. "
" Ah... "
Fine, let’s think positively.
Everything is created by the mind.
Everything depends on how you think about it...
Is it strange for a pretty girl like me to act cute?
I only acted in a way that matched my appearance.
There’s no problem at all...
I have no problem at all...
But if I debut again with these exact members the year after next, am I the maknae again?
Fuck?
After chatting for a long while and catching up, I went up to the vocal room on the second floor in time for the appointment I’d made with Teacher Kwon.
When I entered the vocal room, Teacher Kwon Hyeok was already there.
" Teacher Kwon~ I’m here~ "
" Oh, who is this? Isn’t this center Lee Dohee? "
Finally, someone was calling me center...
" Ah, center Lee Dohee? That’s disappointing. Please call me Teacher Kwon’s beloved disciple, Lee Dohee. "
After exchanging empty praise and greeting each other happily, Teacher Kwon and I began proper vocal training.
When I told him about what had happened at Jeodol and the worries I had, he closed his eyes and thought carefully. After a long deliberation, he finally opened his mouth.
" But Dohee. Honestly, if vocal tone changed that easily, then it wouldn’t really be vocal tone, you know? "
" Right... "
" For it to change that easily, it wouldn’t be your vocal tone changing, but your vocal production changing. Let’s think about this... Dohee, didn’t I say your vocal tone was good up until about two years ago? "
" Yes, I did get some compliments back then...? "
" Right. Back then, it actually had a unique feel to it, you know? It wasn’t rough, but you could produce low notes? It was really pretty. "
It was true that up until about two years ago, there hadn’t been any problem with my vocal tone.
If anything, I’d received compliments.
" Haa... But since this changed little by little... If I had to think of a cause, there’s really only one thing that could be a true cause. Puberty? "
" But ironically, for girls, voice change during puberty usually only lowers the voice by three keys at most, so it’s normal not to feel much of a change in vocal tone... "
" Is there anything else that changes during puberty? Let me think about it again for a bit. "
" Okay... "
The teacher sank into thought like that, and only after a long while did he speak again.
" I don’t know if this is right, but when it comes to puberty, there’s really only one thing that comes to mind. "
" Huh? What is it? "
" But this is also a difference between men and women, so I don’t know if it has anything to do with you... since you’re a girl. "
The teacher shook his head, unsure.
" Hmm... Dohee, do you know what changes happen when women and men go through puberty? "
" Uh... changes to the vocal cords? "
" Right. Men’s vocal cords become thicker and longer, while women’s become thinner and shorter. On top of that, the vertical surface area of the vocal cords, which controls vocal range, changes too. That’s how men end up producing lower, rougher, heavier voices, while women produce more delicate, higher, cleaner voices, right? "
" Yes. "
" But Dohee, have you ever heard of yangseongnyu? "
" No? "
" Yangseongnyu refers to people who can produce both male and female vocal ranges regardless of their own gender. You know men who are good at making women’s voices? Those kinds of people are yangseongnyu. "
" Ah... "
" But the thing you need to know here is that most of these yangseongnyu are men. "
" For men, even if puberty comes and their vocal cords change, they can still produce a woman’s voice with training. "
" Then does that mean women can’t produce men’s voices? No. With even less training, they can do it easily. "
" But only until right before puberty. Once puberty hits, it becomes really difficult for women to produce a man’s voice. To the point where you can practically say they can’t. Their vocal cords are thin and short, so their voices are centered on high pitches. "
Ah.
For some reason, this felt like it might be right.