A middle school classroom in August, with the summer heat still lingering.
On the blackboard was written, “Congratulations! Lee Dohee Fan Signing.”
A middle school girl handed a sheet of paper to a pretty-looking girl and said,
“Dohee! Sign one for me too!”
The girl who took the paper signed it, then smiled like a bank teller and said to the student,
“Yes~ I’m Lee Dohee, the pride of Suan Middle School. Please show me lots of support~”
Haa... Yeah.
Honestly, after filming the Ion Sweat commercial, I’d wondered what I’d do if I suddenly became a star.
So I’d stayed up all night agonizing over it and prepared a signature with great care, for the people who might recognize me on the street.
But in reality, even when I walked down the street, nothing was different from usual.
I thought maybe it was because the street didn’t have much foot traffic, so I moved to a nearby hot place.
“Excuse me!”
Sure enough, a male student called out to me.
I turned my head, put on a kind expression, and said with a smile,
“Ah~ You recognized me~”
“Huh? Ah, yes. That’s right. You’re exactly my type, so...”
Ah...
Fuck.
Well, if I could become that popular from this alone, why would anyone debut?
I’d just film music videos and commercials.
After realizing reality and searching around on the internet,
I found out that even currently popular idols from the four major agencies often appeared in music videos or commercials during their trainee days.
So there was no way I’d become a star overnight.
Sigh, what a letdown.
Still, it was an Ion Sweat commercial. Shouldn’t it have been a little different?
It was a sensational commercial that once defined an era, wasn’t it?
Maybe it was because TV viewers were getting older, or maybe there was some other reason, but it seemed like the commercial hadn’t been exposed enough to the younger age group that would actually be interested in idols.
Even the posts mentioning me only amounted to a few dozen at most.
In the end, the only place my carefully made signature had any use was at school.
Well, at least I’m using it at school...
The kids like it, so I like it too...
Kids... It’s a precious pre-debut edition signature, so please treasure it...
***
After school, when I went to the company, Vita sunbae from Pastel Love was there.
Lately, she’d been busy performing overseas, so it felt like it had been a really long time since she came to the company.
“Hello, sunbae!”
“Oh, Dohee! I told you to call me unni~ Have you been well?”
“Yes, sunbae. I’ve been well.”
Vita sunbae hugged me and said,
“Unni.”
“Yes, unni.”
“That’s right~ Ah, our Dohee has grown so much since I last saw her! At first, you fit right into my arms...”
I said with a smile,
“Of course~ I’m in my growth period.”
“Haha, that’s right. Dohee, you’ll become someone big later.”
“Thank you~”
“Then unni is busy now, so I’ll get going. Let’s see each other again next time?”
“Yep!”
After saying goodbye to Vita sunbae, I headed to the practice room.
When I entered the practice room, everyone was, unusually, sitting around together and talking.
“I’m here~”
“Dohee’s here?”
“Yeap~ But what are you all talking about so happily?”
Naeun unni said,
“Dohee, the Pastel Love sunbaes came by today. Did you see them?”
“Ah, yeah. Just Vita sunbae, a moment ago.”
“It looked like the Pastel Love sunbaes came to talk about renewing their contracts this time?”
Ah... That’s right.
There isn’t much time left until the Pastel Love sunbaes’ contract period expires.
So that must be why everyone was excited.
It meant the launch of a new girl group wasn’t far off.
Of course, if they renewed, it might be delayed a little.
Still, it’s only natural to feel more motivated when a goal is in sight rather than waiting endlessly.
I said while stretching,
“Then let’s hurry up and practice. If we keep playing around like this, Yerim-teacher will scold us.”
“Wow, Lee Dohee, you came the latest and now you’re acting all self-important.”
“What does self-important mean?”
“Hmm... Hey, Lee Dohee, you explain it to Azusa.”
Anyway, everyone practiced hard.
***
The October monthly evaluation.
The CEO’s expression didn’t look good after watching my stage.
Sitting at the judges’ table, the CEO said,
“Dohee.”
“Yes.”
“Do you think you’ll get a good evaluation by copying a whole bunch of girl group choreographies?”
“...”
“Do you think you did as well as the original singers?”
“...I think I did it similarly.”
Because I’d repeated and copied them countless times.
“One thing is certain. Your dancing has improved a lot.”
“Before, you only danced in one genre, but now it feels like you’ve danced every kind of dance a girl can dance.”
“But there’s nothing of your own. Even your expressions looked like expressions that came out of intense practice.”
“I know that you always do your best and work hard and practice at everything, but as you know, dancing and singing aren’t studying.”
“Yes.”
“Imagine yourself sitting in the audience, and think from the audience’s perspective about what kind of hand gestures and what kind of expressions would look charming. You’re not a dancer.”
“I understand...”
***
Not long after, the rankings for the end-of-October monthly evaluation were announced.
1st place, Kim Naeun
2nd place, Kim Seoyun
3rd place, Chiyo
4th place, Ji U-a
5th place, An Chae-eun
6th place, Kim Jiyeon
7th place, Lee Dohee
8th place, Azusa
9th place, Han Sia
10th place, Yeon Dasom
Haa...
7th place.
U-a unni said to me as I stared at the ranking chart,
“It’s okay. You can do well next time.”
“Yeah. I have to.”
This was the first time I’d been ranked in the lower tier.
Usually, when my ranking was low, it was for sexy songs that emphasized feminine charm.
Before I got taller, my body itself lacked sexiness, so the evaluations had been somewhat lenient.
But now that I’d grown enough,
I ended up receiving harsh criticism.
Honestly, objectively speaking, I lacked sexiness.
I still don’t really know how I should practice something like that.
It feels like this kind of thing can’t be solved through practice.
Seoyun unni made a teasing face beside me and said,
“What should I do? Should this unni teach you a little sexiness?”
Ugh, what an annoying expression.
I decided to hit her where it hurt.
“What are you saying? Go stand over there, flat-chest.”
“Do you wanna die?”
***
Not long after the monthly evaluation rankings were announced, the team leader gathered all the female trainees.
Seoyun unni said to me,
“It’s probably that, right?”
“Yeah.”
Selection for the debut team.
The Pastel Love sunbaes renewed their contracts, but it seemed they were going to select the debut team as scheduled after all.
Of all times, the most recent October monthly evaluation results I’d gotten were the worst in my history.
They should’ve picked us when I was 1st in September, damn it.
Honestly, I’d been a little arrogant.
If I didn’t make it, who would debut?
I’m pretty, good at studying, good at piano, diligent in everything, and I even have a bit of recognition.
And I have a good personality too,
probably?
Anyway, I’d been confident in myself, but since the selection came after I’d received harsh criticism, I wasn’t sure anymore.
They say there are trainees who even filmed commercials and music videos but still failed to debut.
Sigh, all kinds of useless thoughts are coming to me.
Once all the trainees had gathered, the team leader entered the practice room with the CEO.
The CEO stood in front and said,
“Everyone’s working hard, right?”
""" Yes. """
“I’ll get straight to the point. You’ve probably all heard it indirectly and already know, but we’ll be making a girl group soon.”
“The target launch is the second half of next year.”
“You’ll practice as the debut team for about a year, do profile shoots, album recording, music video filming, and so on, and debut next winter.”
“You’re curious who will be in the debut team, right?”
“First, the biggest factor in the criteria for choosing the debut team was the monthly evaluation results.”
The trainees who had often been in the lower ranks let out quiet sighs.
“Of course, if we chose based only on results, a certain few would come to mind, but since the debut team will later debut as a girl group, we also considered individual star quality and whether you suit the girl group image we’re planning.”
“The debut team will have five members. Then I’ll call the first member. If your name is called, come forward.”
The CEO paused for a moment, then said,
“Kim Seoyun.”
Everyone applauded.
Everyone must have expected Seoyun unni to be in the debut team.
Because if you had to pick one person based on skill, it would be Seoyun unni.
“Seoyun, do you know why you were chosen?”
Seoyun unni nodded while crying.
“That’s right. As you know, if I had to choose one trainee who lacks nothing in either singing or dancing, I’d say Seoyun. You always received the most praise in the monthly evaluations too.”
The CEO offered her a handshake and said,
“Congratulations.”
“Then second, Naeun.”
Naeun unni had also been consistently in the upper ranks until now.
“Naeun.”
“Yes.”
“Naeun, I think you’ve shown your skills every time until now. More than anything, you’re only nineteen now, but as the oldest among the trainees, you’ve led the others well. Congratulations.”
“Thank you...”
“Now, third, Chiyo.”
Chiyo unni had a bewildered expression, as if she hadn’t expected it at all.
“Eh?”
“It must have been hard coming to another country, learning Korean, and practicing too, right?”
“No...”
“In my opinion, Chiyo seems like the member with the most potential left to grow. Congratulations.”
“Next, fourth, Dohee.”
Ah.
That’s right, fuck.
If not me, then who?
“If I ask Dohee if she knows why she was chosen, I feel like she’ll answer shamelessly. You know, right?”
I wanted to answer, “Of course,” but my throat was choked up, and my voice wouldn’t come out.
The CEO said with a smile,
“Why are you crying, unlike yourself, Dohee? Don’t cry.”
I lifted my head, swallowed my tears, and answered,
“Yes...”
“In my opinion, Dohee has the most star quality. However, you’ll have to show that you can fit the group’s image.”
“Yes... I understand...”
“Good. Congratulations.”
The CEO let out a sigh and said,
“Right. Now there’s one person left.”
There were six trainees who still hadn’t heard their names.
Everyone was watching desperately.
Among them, there was already a girl who had given up and was crying.
“You’ve all worked hard until now. The last person is...”
“U-a.”
“You’re our company’s longest-running trainee, aren’t you?”
U-a unni held back her tears with effort and looked at the girls whose names hadn’t been called.
“I think U-a’s skills have improved steadily every time. But I think there are still questions about your star quality. I hope you gradually show it as part of the debut team.”
The CEO looked at us, who had been called and come forward, and said,
“Congratulations, everyone.”
“But you know that being chosen as a debut team member doesn’t mean you’ll definitely debut, right?”
""" Yes... """
“If you show results below expectations, members can be replaced at any time. Work hard.”
Then the CEO looked at the girls whose names hadn’t been called and said,
“Girls.”
""" Yes... """
“You’re all still plenty young.”
“You can wait for the next debut team. Or a member might be replaced.”
“However, if you want to quit trainee life and study, or if you want to be connected to another company, the company will help you, so think it over slowly and tell Team Leader Jeong.”
""" Yes... """
“Everyone, you worked hard.”