[Dohee, are you ready?]
Of course. I’m always perfectly prepared.
A professional who can get up on stage even if I’ve only just woken up.
“But for some reason, since I slept less than usual today, I feel like my brain isn’t working—”
Still, you need at least one excuse for everything...
[Ah, she’s laying the groundwork again.]
“Eeng...”
Jeon Harang isn’t easy.
As expected, this unnie knows me pretty well—
[You’re planning to get one wrong on purpose again, aren’t you? Ha.]
“Huh?”
What’s this now?
“Me?”
[Hey, Jeon Harang! Why are you suddenly picking a fight with Dohee-nim? Our breakfast and snacks are on the line right now, you know?!]
[No, unnie, I’m telling you, she really is the type who might do that.]
I have no idea what kind of person she takes me for, making such wild assumptions.
My mischievous side is perfectly moderate.
And I have a hundred times more serious sides to me.
Why would I go so far as to deliberately get a question wrong—
[Dohee really is the kind of kid who, if I couldn’t eat, would suddenly say her appetite’s back and start filming a mukbang right in front of me. Seriously.]
Mm, well, that is true.
But that’s also part of our Top East members’ traditional culture...
[And it’d be weird for her not to get a common-sense quiz right.]
“Ah?”
[You all know, right? She’s literally ranked first in her entire school.]
Okay, I’ll take that one for now.
Keep talking, Harang-unnie.
[She’s so tenacious, and she normally reads so many books too.]
Oh, hmm, that feels subtly nice. Hehe.
[One time, she even...]
Yes, unnie, good! More! More!
[Hey, Harang, stop pressuring her. What if she can’t get it right now!]
[Exactly, answering within five seconds is a totally different matter!]
...It had been going so well.
[Dohee, please absolutely, absolutely don’t feel pressured by what Harang says. You know, right? Just relax with a very comfortable heart~]
“Yes, relax.”
Well, what Harang-unnie said wasn’t entirely wrong.
It was true that I had been making weak excuses.
[Good luck!]
However, I absolutely had no intention of getting anything wrong on purpose.
I still had a report card showing I was first in the whole school.
People were already saying all sorts of nonsense—claiming it was manipulated, that it was staged, that people were exaggerating over one single time.
Why would I give them more material to chew on?
‘They wouldn’t believe me even if I took a picture of the report card at home and uploaded it.’
I’ll just get them right. And since I’m already doing this, I do want Harang-unnie to eat properly to some extent too.
[Come to think of it, Dohee, you’re famous for being good at studying, right?]
I could only hope the PD would give me difficult questions within the range of common knowledge I could still answer.
[Still, I’m not that petty. I, and our Mission Planet members too, prepared common-sense questions that are very easy to solve, so don’t worry!]
Hmm...
[All right, you just need to answer within the five-second countdown. Here comes the first question.]
I wonder what’ll come up.
[The official name of this city is Krung Thep Maha Nakhon. It is also the place where we are right now.]
Huh?
[Ah, what is this~]
[PD-nim!]
What is this, seriously?
[Yes, what is this place, the capital of Thailand?]
I think I got nervous for no reason.
“Answer, Bangkok.”
[Correct!]
So the reason they were quizzing me really was just to get viewership...?
[Yes! Just two more questions and the mission’s a success!]
[But Byeonghun-hyung, you’re not favoring her because she’s an outside guest again, are you?]
[Everyone, when have I ever gone back on my word? I said we would start with really easy questions, didn’t I!]
[Yes, Byeonghun-dad is the best!]
Naturally, at a quiz on the level of elementary school common sense, all the cast members’ voices on the other end sounded excited.
[Dohee, you’re not flustered because it was too easy, are you?]
From my position, it was a little anticlimactic, but I understood.
‘Well, maybe PD Byeonghun is considerate. There’s the guest’s dignity to think about... and the cast needs to eat if they’re going to get through today’s schedule too.’
“Yes, yes.”
[Okay, then here comes the second question. The kiwi, New Zealand’s national bird, is a bird that forgot how to fly, and they say this is because there were no terrestrial predators in New Zealand.]
“Mm?”
Just from the feel of it, the difficulty seems completely different from the previous one?
[In fact, in neighboring Australia, there are around 140 species of this animal, but in New Zealand, this animal does not live there at all. Therefore, in order to protect its natural ecosystem, the New Zealand government strictly prohibits the import of this predatory animal. This animal also cannot be found in New Zealand zoos. What animal is this?]
And sure enough, as soon as the PD finished reciting the question, the cast members started protesting.
[Ah, PD-nim, that suddenly got hard!]
[Come on, PD-nim!]
It was definitely on a different level from a simple capital city question.
[Now! You have to answer quickly! Five...!]
But it was a question I knew.
“Answer, snakes.”
[...Huh? Oh, correct! How did you know?]
It seemed like the production team had intended that one as a question for me to get wrong.
I thought quite a lot of people would know it, though.
“I think I heard it somewhere along with stories about islands like Hawaii, Guam, and Saipan being the same way, originally having no snakes until they were introduced through pets.”
[Wow... as expected. Okay! Then let’s go straight to the third question without taking a break. If you get this right, Harang’s team succeeds in their mission, right? If you get it right?]
[Wow, unnie, look at PD Byeonghun’s eyes. His gaze suddenly got weird!]
[Exactly, Byeonghun-hyung, please give her an easy one! Why are you doing this to the guest!]
[That’s right! What does that make me, the one who called Dohee!]
Well, whether they were noisy or not.
My throat suddenly started feeling dry, so I left the room, poured some juice into a cup, and waited for the next quiz.
I don’t eat snacks or ice cream or stuff like that, but I just can’t give up this liquid fructose...
[All right, question. This is the only country in the world that bans marathons. This country—]
“Answer, Iran.”
[......Yes! The country that bans marathons is Iran, yes? Yes, it is commonly known to be Iran.]
“Hm?”
What, that wasn’t the question?
[Yes, that’s right, Dohee, Iran, Iran is right! In fact, Iran is a country that places major investment or restrictions on marathons. Right, Dohee?]
“...PD-nim?”
[Everyone, calm down. You have to listen to the question until the end, right? Now~ However, they say that even Iran has not actually never held a marathon event. Instead, at that time, they did not call the event a marathon, but changed its name to this. What was the name of the event at that time~?]
“......”
No, how on earth would anyone know that?
[No, where do you get off changing the question halfway through! It’s obvious you changed it!]
[PD-nim, are you messing around with the mission right now? Do you want your wrist chopped off?]
There was definitely an intense outcry, but what came back was the PD’s rather shameless voice.
[Everyone, this was the original question. Originally.]
It seemed like a lie no matter who heard it...
But I suppose I should understand this as the struggles of a variety show PD trying to get footage.
[Now, starting the countdown! Five!]
Fine, what can I do if I don’t understand?
I should just answer anything.
[Four!]
Hah, but if it’s a marathon.
[Three!]
It’s the Greco-Persian War...
[Two!]
And the reason Iran bans it is probably because it’s Persia.
Whatever, if I’m wrong, I’m wrong...
[One!]
“Answer, Persian running.”
[Wro... Yes? What did you say?]
“...? Persian running.”
[...You have to say it precisely.]
“Precisely?”
[Yes, very precisely.]
No, then that means this answer is actually roughly right?
But honestly, if “Persian running” is roughly right...
“Persian...”
[Gulp...]
If Persian isn’t wrong, then naturally “running” must be wrong... and they wouldn’t say dal-li-gi overseas either.
“Persian... Run?”
[......]
“Is that right?”
[...Yes, that is correct.]
“Wow... I guessed.”
Once again, shouts that felt like they might make my ears fall off rang out.
[Doheeya!! My baby! Our pretty girl!!]
[Thanks to you, Dohee, the two of us get to eat!]
Harang’s team had succeeded in the meal mission. If I kept the phone to my ear, I felt like my eardrums might actually start bleeding.
[Dohee, good luck on the remaining two questions too!!]
[You can do it. Aja aja!]
For now, I should put it on speakerphone and answer from a bit of a distance...
Those two speaking gently over there will scream too if I get the remaining two questions right...
[Jinhee, pick some properly difficult questions. Okay?]
Meanwhile, even amid the shouting, the production team’s cold atmosphere was clearly making its presence known.
[PD-nim, you picked the last one.]
[Exactly, so pick something decent.]
I don’t know why, but star PDs definitely feel like they have more presence than celebrities...
[Something that looks difficult at a glance.]
I’d like to get them all right if possible.
“Um, PD-nim.”
[Yes?]
“I got that one right because I was lucky, so please make it a little easier, hehe.”
[Uh... Huhuhaha, oof, I suppose we should? Right, right, we should make it easy.]
But did I just sound like I was lisping? I think a bit of a cutesy tone slipped out without me realizing.
[Oh, what’s with the aegyo~]
[Unnie, when our girl was younger, she was really even cuter. You have no idea how adorable she was.]
Damn it, have I gotten too used to doing aegyo as a joke these days to annoy the unnies? This is seriously troublesome.
[PD-nim, this one.]
[Jinhee, isn’t this a bit difficult...?]
[Didn’t you just ask me to give you a difficult one, PD-nim?]
[That’s true...?]
...But the person next to him, whether she’s a writer or an assistant PD, is good at her job. Should I do aegyo?
Of course, I didn’t do aegyo.
[All right, then, Dohee, here comes the fourth question.]
I simply listened quietly to the quiz that seemed to have been carefully selected with great effort.
[Now, this word originated from medieval European peasants protesting their lord’s unjust treatment by trampling the harvest with wooden shoes, and it comes from the French word meaning “wooden shoe.”]
But I think I know it just from hearing that.
“Ah.”
[...You don’t already know it, do you?]
I only let out a sound without realizing, but since a greatly flustered voice came back from the other end, I felt pointlessly sorry.
“Uh, but I’ll listen to the end of the question.”
[...Yes, in Korea, this word is commonly translated as tae-eop, or work slowdown, or covert destructive operation. What is this term?]
Ah, I was right after all.
[Answer, sabotage.]
And just like that, the PD let out a long sigh again.
[...Yes, that is correct.]
But I’m not exactly fluent in French, though I can speak it. Did they not know that?
It even made the news and everything. Well, for me, it’s a good thing if more people find out now...
[We were originally planning to make you miss two questions and give you an easy final question... You’re really good.]
“Hehe... Thank you.”
But now please give me the final question.
Because getting them right is pretty fun.
[For the final question... I’ll give you science common knowledge.]
“Ah, science?”
[Uh... Is that perhaps your weak point?]
“Huh?”
[Ah, well, since you’re on a music career path, it’s not easy to have scientific knowledge. Ah, I should’ve gone with this from the start.]
Of course, my tendencies are definitely more on the humanities side.
But my actual CSAT subject is science exploration...
Though I chose it because the standard score is high.
[Haa, what a relief. We really needed to get more footage later with a separate snack mission on the schedule, you see. What a relief.]
At this point, I’m starting to wonder if I should just get it wrong even if I know it. Why does his muttering sound so sad...
[Here comes the final question. Now, this refers to the phenomenon in which a relatively hot liquid undergoes a phase transition into a solid faster than a relatively cold liquid.]
But it’s kind of wrong to get something wrong when I know it, isn’t it?
[This is difficult to understand by common sense and is rare to that extent, but it is a phenomenon that is undeniably observed. At the same time, it is one of the unresolved problems in physics for which the exact cause has not yet been identified. What is this phenomenon?]
“Answer, Mbappé.”
[Mbappé?]
Ah, I unconsciously said the name of a soccer player. I’ve been too busy lately to even read soccer articles, so why did that suddenly come to mind?
“No, no, Mpemba. The Mpemba effect.”
[Ah, Mpemba.]
Soon after, the PD’s pained voice came through exactly as it was.
[...Yes, that is correct.]
Of course, among the cast members, it was a party atmosphere. They hyped me up almost as if they were worshiping me, to the point that I felt embarrassed.
[Wow, total brainy beauty, brainy beauty!]
[I even bought Dohee’s last Debonair album!]
Ah, right, the album.
“Um, PD-nim, could I ask when this broadcast will air?”
[...It looks like it’ll go out at the end of January.]
Ah, so it’ll come out during Harang-unnie’s music show promotions after her debut.
But since our comeback is in February...
“Then could I do just a tiny bit of promotion?”
Before the PD’s permission even dropped, the cast members all started granting permission however they pleased.
[Oh, as much as you want!]
[Yes, go ahead, as much as you want!]
Except for Harang-unnie.
[Tsk, I’m against it. We’re rivals, Lee Dohee.]
This unnie is someone who goes on variety shows just because they’re fun, but this time, she must have gone on the show to promote her debut.
“But I don’t overlap promotions with you, unnie.”
[Ah, really? No, in the first place, you didn’t tell me your comeback date.]
Whatever, I just need to promote a little now.
“Yes, it’s nothing much. We’ll be making a comeback in mid-February, so I hope you’ll show us lots of interest.”
Actually, the comeback date is confidential too. But since the broadcast is in January anyway, it’s just the right timing for promotion, and the director will probably say I did well.
[I’ll definitely listen when the new song comes out!]
[Your year-end stage was seriously amazing too!]
However, amid the warm atmosphere, it was simply pitiful to hear the PD alone creating the mood of grinding his teeth, determined to get footage.
[Dohee, next time I’ll prepare a really difficult quiz, so you have to come on at least once, okay?]
“Ah, really? I’d like that.”
[You have to. You absolutely have to!]
Of course, even if I go, I’ll only go as a group.
This year, I have absolutely no intention of going on variety shows alone.
“Then please enjoy your meal~”
After roughly exchanging words like good work, thank you, and good luck with your debut, Harang-unnie, I hung up.
“Phew...”
Once silence returned, it felt strangely quiet.
Being alone is lonely...
“Ah, right. Seoyun-unnie threatened to wake me up yesterday.”
—Knock knock.
“Unnie, are you asleep~?”
There was no answer, so I picked the door open and went in.
She’d locked the door like she was something special, but it was the kind of lock you could open by jabbing it with a chopstick anyway.
I saw the innocent Seoyun-unnie sleeping in a proper posture like a princess, breathing softly.
Strangely, this seemed more fun than getting the quiz questions right.