“The real-time voting for the final week of November on the live broadcast of SBC Trending Songs has now closed.”
Ju Seungbin and I took turns reading from the cue cards.
“Who will be this week’s winner? Please show us the results.”
The roulette spun, and the scores on the board locked in one by one.
“After adding up all the scores on the Trending Songs chart, this week’s number one is?”
“Who could it be?”
The final total appeared.
Fireworks burst onstage.
“Congratulations, Ailee!”
Ju Seungbin and I handed the trophy and bouquet to the Ailee members standing beside us.
They had won first place all week long, so you’d think they might have gotten a little used to it by now, but the Ailee members’ pupils were still wide, as if it didn’t feel real at all.
“Thank you...”
Yeeun unnie, who took the mic from me, was just as dazed, her voice choked up.
In the middle of that, I felt my right hand being grabbed, so I glanced over and saw Sera unnie reaching for me.
I tried sending her a little look that said, “You’re supposed to be holding hands with the Ailee members, what are you doing?” but Sera unnie’s grip only tightened.
Still, Sera unnie’s left hand was at least holding Bom’s hand, the youngest of Ailee, and on top of that, we were live on air, so I didn’t push her hand away.
Meanwhile, Yeeun unnie, who had been speaking in a choked voice, couldn’t continue and naturally passed the mic to Hana unnie beside her.
Thankfully, Hana unnie calmly began naming the people she needed to thank one by one.
“First, thank you to our fans. And thank you to the staff who worked hard and struggled alongside us... Producer Jinsung, who brought us to JS... Director Kwon Woohyeon...”
At the same time, Hana unnie’s eyes met mine.
Tears rolled down from her reddened eyes.
“The people around us who are always with us and cheering us on... and the Ailee members...”
Standing at the center of this stage not as a member, but as an MC, I couldn’t know exactly what emotion unnie was feeling.
It must have been something difficult to describe, something you could only understand by becoming the person in question.
Of course, I could vaguely guess.
It was probably the process of releasing the burden that had built up from Seven’s success. The fear of trying again. Those feelings had finally loosened into relief after sweeping first place on music shows for an entire week, bringing tears to her eyes.
And then, seeing me—someone from the old Seven, a fellow member—after redebuting must have made her choke up again.
The cheers bursting out from below.
“Congratulations, Ailee!!”
“Aaaah!”
Maybe it overlapped like déjà vu with the day Seven won our first number one, and that was why her tears fell.
I watched the sight in a daze until Ju Seungbin nudged me from the side, and only then did I realize there were still lines I had to say.
I freed my hand from Sera unnie’s and gripped the mic, then took a step forward.
“Then shall we say goodbye here?”
“Where are we going next Sunday?”
“All together, to Trending Songs! Bye, everyone~”
And then the intro to Ailee’s encore began to play.
* * *
On the way home.
I didn’t know exactly why watching Ailee win first place had made me feel so choked up too.
I let myself sink into sentimentality for a bit.
The burden brought on by Seven’s success.
The fear of redebuting, wondering if we could succeed this time.
Maybe I was the only one who hadn’t felt those emotions.
Or maybe Sera unnie too.
Because Sera unnie was full of confidence in herself, even if she never said it outright.
Of course, naturally, I also had absolute confidence and faith in myself.
So maybe that was why I was only now, little by little, starting to realize what redebuting really meant.
What about Seoyun unnie?
Had she just not expressed it because she was influenced by me, while secretly feeling afraid inside?
Seoyun unnie was always nervous before going onstage, so maybe she was.
She was only twenty at most, still young to be called a full adult.
I kind of wanted to comfort that Seoyun unnie a little.
* * *
Normally, I would have kicked the door open, but just for today, I knocked.
“Come iiin~”
When I opened the door, Seoyun unnie, who had been lying on her stomach on the bed using her phone, lifted her head.
“Unnie, want to go for a walk with me?”
“A walk? In this freezing winter? At night?”
“It’s only nine. Put on a padded jacket.”
Kim Seoyun ignored me and focused on her phone again.
Apparently the variety show clip was funny, because she was giggling.
“Don’t wanna~”
And she even copied the way of speaking I’d been pushing lately.
“Ah, why. Let’s just go to the convenience store out front and come back.”
Kim Seoyun rolled over in a circle, then lay on her side, emphasizing her figure as she ran her mouth.
“You want to go with this unnie that badly?”
Should I just give up?
“Hup!”
The moment that thought crossed my mind, Seoyun unnie shouted with spirit, sprang up, and started spinning around as she pulled clothes from the hanger.
“Since it’s a request from our youngest, who loves her unnie sooo, sooo much, I guess I have to listen~ Really, Dohee~ You’re such an unnie fool~”
What an idiot, seriously.
* * *
After bundling up warmly and leaving the room, Ua unnie, who was lying on the living room sofa and resting, looked over at us.
“What’s this~? Where are you two going without me~?”
“What ish this? Why are you leaving Chiyo out?”
“Just a walk nearby. To digest dinner.”
“Hah, Dohee kept whining that she was scared outside without me...”
I cut off Kim Seoyun’s ridiculous nonsense.
“Ua unnie, do you want to come too?”
“Why aren’t you asking me?”
“Nope. It’s too cold outside. Just buy me some wet wipes on your way back. I don’t have anything to wipe my room with.”
“Okey.”
Meanwhile, Chiyo unnie puffed out her cheeks and pretended to sulk.
“Expensive ice cream.”
“Sure.”
We were heading out the front door like that when Naeun unnie, who had been in her room, shouted for us to wait a second.
Then she came all the way to the entryway and personally wrapped a scarf around my neck.
“Dohee, it’s cold outside.”
“Unnie, what about me...?”
“Seoyun, you look plenty warm already.”
“Why are you discriminating? I’m a baby too.”
“Yeah, yeah. You babies have a safe trip~”
“Mm, we’ll be back.”
We left the dorm behind, leaving the three of them there.
When I thought about it, Naeun unnie really did still seem to treat me like a child.
Well, first impressions lasted a long time.
When I first met Naeun unnie, I was twelve, and she was seventeen.
As soon as we stepped out of the building, white breath billowed out in the chill.
“Ah, damn... It’s freaking cold. Let’s share the scarf.”
Seoyun unnie immediately unwrapped the longer side and started bringing it to her own neck.
“Ah, what are you doing?”
Still, somehow, it wrapped around both of us.
“Good?”
“Phew...”
It was a little uncomfortable, but because of the scarf, Seoyun unnie and I had no choice but to press close together as we slowly walked along the apartment path.
Then, at Seoyun unnie’s low words—
“Un—”
“This reminds me of the old days.”
My opening was buried.
“What does?”
“When we were trainees. After we ate, you, Ua, and I always went for walks like this.”
“Well, we did.”
In truth, out of all the trainees, the three of us had stuck together the most.
“Hah, back then, because you kept getting perfect scores, my mom nagged the hell out of me.”
“You should’ve studied too.”
“If I had studied back then, the Kim Seoyun of today wouldn’t exist.”
Back then, Chiyo unnie, who had joined the latest among us, wasn’t there yet.
And Naeun unnie had been the oldest among the trainees and had acted like the leader, so she went around taking care of everyone.
“Still, back then, you were such a good kid... Cute, too...”
“I’m still good and cute now.”
“Hmm... Is that so? Well, she’s a bit dumb, but she is good.”
Thanks for that.
“Ah, and do you remember? Last year, when we went to the West Sea...”
“The day you tried long-jumping in front of the camera and fell forward.”
“Hmm... Did that happen?”
Maybe even she found it embarrassing, because she looked away.
Still, they weren’t only embarrassing memories.
Because everything that passed became a precious memory.
Like that, we walked through the cold winter night, unraveling old memories.
Around the time the air filled with our chattering voices, I brought up what I had been about to ask earlier.
“Unnie, how are you these days? Is anything hard?”
Of course, Seoyun unnie worried about me instead.
“Why? Are you having a hard time lately?”
“No, it’s just that today, Yeeun unnie and Hana unnie were crying their eyes out. It made me feel kind of unsettled.”
Seoyun unnie gave a faint laugh with a strangely pleased expression.
“They won first place, so of course they’re happy. And Yeeun always cried a lot even when she was alone... Hana unnie went through a lot too, changing agencies and getting hate and all kinds of things...”
“Then what about you, unnie? Are you okay?”
“To be honest, I do have some worries. When I turn off the lights and lie down, even though I’m tired, I can’t sleep, and negative thoughts come to me. After we debut again, what if people don’t like the changed me, the different me? What if we fail this time? Just things like that...”
Seoyun unnie hesitated for a long while, then spoke as if whispering.
“But actually, even if Naeun unnie is the leader... you and I are the ones with real experience. And between us, I’m the older one. So it felt stupid to worry like that. I should be using that time to teach the members well, to lead them... Things like that. Yeah.”
“Did you feel sorry?”
“Not to you.”
“Phew.”
Seoyun unnie chuckled, and when she breathed out, white vapor rose into the air.
“If anything, you’re someone I can rely on. But just... I don’t want to say weak things like this in front of you. I’m still your unnie, after all. I want to be an unnie you can rely on.”
The white mist felt as if it were revealing my shape in the cold air.
“I do rely on you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
To begin with, if she had been nothing but childish, I wouldn’t have gotten close to her back in elementary school.
Back then, I found it annoying to hang out with little kids.
Seoyun unnie had been a middle schooler and playful, but inside, she was mature. That was why we’d become close.
“Even if I bicker with you childishly, it’s like how deep down, you’re someone I rely on too.”
“That’s true.”
I linked arms with her and quickened my steps.
“It’s cold. Let’s hurry up, buy what we need, and go back.”
“Yeah, I have a schedule tomorrow morning. I need to hurry back and sleep.”
“Okey.”
The sound of our trudging steps echoed dully.
What broke the silence was Seoyun unnie’s cheerful-sounding voice.
“Oh, right. You have a schedule tomorrow too.”
“Huh? I don’t have anything tomorrow. I think I’m scheduled for vocal practice tomorrow?”
“No, no. I didn’t want to suffer alone, so since you were free tomorrow, I told the director I’d go with you.”
“Ah, quit bullshitting.”
“It’s true. Your manager didn’t tell you?”
What a lunatic, seriously.