A gloomy husband.
Ever since Milan, he’s been secretly watching me like this.
“What are you doing?”
“Were you not asleep?”
Worried that Sophie might wake, I carefully sat up.
“…You don’t happen to have a taste for watching people sleep, do you?”
Josef let out a hollow laugh.
“I have no such taste.”
But why did he look so drained today?
I drew the canopy, then took Josef by the wrist and led him to the sofa.
“Did something happen?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Hmmm, that sounds suspicious.”
Surely the reason Josef was this listless couldn’t be me.
“Did you fight with Mother?”
“What would there be for me to fight with Mother about?”
Liar.
His expression was exactly like that of a sulking adolescent boy who’d been scolded by his parents.
Josef avoided my gaze and sank deeply back against the sofa.
“I came because I missed you.”
“Who? Me, or Sophie?”
“Both.”
He stared silently at the bed where Sophie lay asleep.
“As I watched Sophie sleeping, a thought occurred to me.”
“What thought?”
“That it was a relief the child’s silence looked peaceful.”
As far as I knew, Josef wasn’t the sort of person to say things like this.
“Who are you?”
“What prank are you trying to play this time?”
“Do you want me to be honest?”
I narrowed my eyes and looked at him.
“…Speak.”
“You weren’t interested in Sophie. Gisela and Rudolf, too.”
That was just Josef’s nature.
“When did I ever do that?”
Josef raised his voice as if wronged.
You’re saying no?
“Has hair grown on your conscience?”
Did his vanished mustache migrate to his conscience?
“To say I’m not interested is a misunderstanding. You may not know it, but in my own way, I’m doing my best.”
“Your best? What best?”
“I mean creating an environment where they can grow up lacking nothing as members of the Habsburg family.”
“Then do you know what toy Sophie likes?”
You don’t, do you?
“Do you know what position Sophie sleeps in, or what foods she likes?”
Josef’s eyes wavered.
“…That is why I assigned her the finest nannies.”
Unbelievable.
“And Mother did that.”
At my pointed remark, Josef shut his mouth, then offered an absurd excuse with a serious expression.
“That is because I am clumsy at such things. And to be honest…”
He toyed with my hand and let the end of his sentence trail off.
“When it’s hard enough for me to look after you alone, where would I have the leisure to turn my eyes elsewhere?”
Ha, look at this man.
Honestly, it made me feel…
“My head is already full of worries that you might cause trouble… no, that you might have a hard time.”
And there went the good feeling.
“Cause trouble?”
“Did you not tell me to speak honestly…?”
“You were the one who told me to speak honestly. Not me.”
As if trying to change the flow of the conversation, he gave a dry cough.
“Ahem, in any case. One moment you abruptly leave for Hungary, then you mingle with subjects at La Scala, and you even appear on the front lines. There was also the memorial incident at Place de la Concorde, and the matter of suddenly bringing Sophie to the Empress’s Palace.”
When he put it that way, I had nothing to say.
They were certainly things an ordinary empress would never do…
“As for the front lines and Concorde, Sisi, I believe you handled them properly.”
So the rest weren’t?
“Hungary is a place you consider important too.”
“What do you think the Hungarian subjects would have thought of you, alone there while the army was absent?”
What would they think?
The Hungarians like me. Regardless of how I feel about Hungary.
“They liked me.”
Because I’m Sophie’s enemy.
“I will compare it to the circus you like so much. You may believe those wild beasts have been tamed, but in my eyes… I see only you, precarious and alone among them.”
Next, he spoke of how he had felt during the incident at La Scala.
“What would you have done if there had been a terrorist attack in the general seats? The nobles might never dare, but if some nationalist fanatic with nothing to lose had lunged at you, how were you planning to stop him?”
I hadn’t thought that far.
“Sisi.”
He stepped closer and drew my head into his embrace. Then I heard his calm voice.
“I do not want you to do dangerous things.”
Josef asked me not as an emperor, but as a husband.
“…Josef.”
“Did you simply call my name?”
The serious mood from a moment ago had somehow turned strange again.
“Sophie is sleeping well, isn’t she?”
Josef seemed to understand what I meant as well, for his hand slowly drew up the hem of my chemise.
And just as I carefully undid his belt—
“Mama!”
Ah.
At the sound of Sophie calling for me, I immediately slipped out of Josef’s arms and quickly checked that nothing was out of place.
“…And you still insist on raising her in the empress’s bedroom?”
“Are you jealous of Sophie right now?”
“A little.”
Goodness, when did he become so shameless?
And yet I didn’t hate it.
Ring, ring.
“…”
When Sophie shook the bell on the table, the ladies-in-waiting, thinking I had rung it, entered the room.
How must we have looked in their eyes?
“…We shall withdraw.”
Esterházy said so, then went back outside with the ladies-in-waiting.
“Josef! Why is your belt still…!”
No, what were you doing all this time without fastening it?
Never mind. I should go to Sophie first.
I drew back the canopy and said,
“Mama is right here—”
As I soothed the teary-eyed Sophie, I saw Josef turning to leave, showing only a bitter back.
“Sophie, you should say goodbye to Papa.”
I took Sophie’s hand and waved it from side to side so Josef could see.
He looked dumbfounded, then slowly approached and kissed my forehead.
“I will come again later.”
What does he mean, come again?
He won’t be able to do anything because of Sophie anyway.
“Papa’s gone too. What should we play?”
Sophie frowned and pressed her lips tightly together.
Was she choosing from the French words she had learned?
“Sophie, what color is that chair over there?”
“Yellow.”
“Yes, that’s right. Well done, Sophie.”
After that, I continued pointing at things and asking Sophie questions.
“What is that?”
“A vase.”
“What is that?”
“A chair.”
“What is that?”
“A desk.”
…She’s better at French than I expected.
I had meant to have her slowly speak in German whenever there was a word she didn’t know.
Ugh… what would be good?
“Sophie, shall we play hide-and-seek?”
“Hide-and-seek?”
At last, she repeated after me not in French, but in German.
As expected, she hadn’t learned any French words about games at all.
“When Sophie hides in the room, Mama will look for Sophie.”
“Mama will?”
“Yes. But if Mama says, ‘I can’t find Sophie,’ you have to come out right away. Understand?”
Sophie nodded.
“Yes.”
I carefully set Sophie down under the bed, covered my eyes, and began counting.
“One, two…”
Through the gaps between my fingers, I watched Sophie scurry about looking for a hiding place.
“Nine, ten!”
I tilted my head and pretended to look around the room.
“Where did Sophie go? Did she perhaps hide under that table?”
So cute.
Did Sophie think that if she couldn’t see me, then she was properly hidden?
Sophie had hidden behind the curtain, but she didn’t know her feet were showing.
I circled around nearby, pretending to search for her.
“Where could Sophie be hiding?”
Then I suddenly changed direction and flung the curtain open.
“Aha! Found you!”
Sophie threw herself into my arms and burst into loud, tinkling laughter.
“Our little puppy, who do you take after to be this adorable?”
Holding Sophie in my arms, I spun around once.
“Now, it’s Sophie’s turn. Mama will hide this time. Come now, cover your eyes and count like Mama did.”
At my words, Sophie crouched beside the bed and covered her eyes with her small hands.
“Eins, zwei…”
German.
She had definitely used German.
So as not to disappoint Sophie, I crouched beneath the desk.
*
“Mama! Again!”
“…Sophie.”
Mama is tired now.
Mama has been playing hide-and-seek for three hours.
“Mamaaa.”
Sophie tugged at my skirt and whined sweetly.
Was there anyone in this world who could refuse those eyes?
Well, there was.
One man who shared Sophie’s surname.
“But Sophie, Mama has already looked everywhere there is to hide.”
Under the desk, inside the wardrobe, beneath the bed, behind the curtains… there wasn’t a single place in this small bedroom I hadn’t squeezed into.
“Just once! Just one more time!”
“You said that last time too.”
“Hing.”
Sophie pushed out her lips and lowered her head.
Now she could whine and throw little tantrums too.
It was an incredibly joyful and grateful thing… but at the same time, I couldn’t help desperately wanting to lie down.
I haven’t even had one proper meal today.
“Your Majesty, it is the chief lady-in-waiting.”
Oh, my savior.
“Come in.”
When Esterházy entered, Sophie, unlike how lively she had been just moments ago, became quiet again.
Was she still tense in front of other people?
“Chief lady-in-waiting. How about smiling a little?”
I had never seen Esterházy smile either, though.
To be honest, one look at Esterházy told anyone exactly what kind of personality she had.
Strict, solemn, and rigid.
She was expressionless as a rule, and unless she was extremely flustered, that expression never vanished.
“Your Majesty, the reading lady has obtained some books that Her Imperial Highness the Archduchess might enjoy.”
What, she smiles beautifully? And like an elegant noblewoman, too…
“Your Majesty.”
Right. Esterházy was a noblewoman.
“Thank you. Have the reading lady come in as well.”
I lifted Sophie as she was and seated her on the sofa.
The title of the book Ferenczy was holding was Shockheaded Peter.
“Konrad had a habit of sucking his thumbs and not listening to his mother.”
As I listened to its contents, it gradually became harder to maintain my expression.
A child whose fingers were cut off by a tailor for sucking his thumbs, a child who wasted away and died after throwing a tantrum about not eating soup…
Is this all right…?
Is this really all right?
But Sophie showed interest in the fairy tale Ferenczy was reading, her eyes sparkling.
I spoke quietly, just loud enough for Esterházy beside me to hear.
“Is it truly all right for a child to hear such stories?”
“It is better than the Brothers Grimm’s tales.”
“Hansel and Gretel?”
This is better than that?
As if her words were not wrong, the Brothers Grimm’s fairy tales and Andersen’s stories brought for Sophie were similar as well.
At least Andersen’s tales had sad endings, so I was busy comforting Sophie when she cried.
***
After finishing his day’s work, Josef confirmed that Sisi was not in the marital bedroom and immediately headed to the Empress’s Palace.
“Court Minister, from next week, the children will be placed under the Empress’s Palace.”
“Understood, Your Majesty.”
“The empress?”
“She retired with Her Imperial Highness the Archduchess an hour ago.”
With a word of acknowledgment, Josef returned to the Emperor’s Palace and lay down in bed.
‘…Perhaps I should simply order them moved to the Empress’s Palace starting tomorrow.’
Unlike usual, it was a night on which sleep did not come easily.
Josef tossed and turned for a long while before falling asleep.