Now, since you broke your promise, I ought to receive compensation, shouldn’t I?
“Mm….”
“What are you thinking so hard about all of a sudden?”
“I’m trying to decide what wish to make.”
“A wish?”
“You promised.”
I held out my little finger to him.
“Our very first promise, just between the two of us—truer than any treaty in the Empire, than any oath sworn before the Pope. Have you forgotten?”
Surely not.
“Are you the type of man who goes back on his word?”
Josef snorted and said confidently,
“Ha. State your wish.”
“How do you know what I’ll wish for?”
“Did I not promise I would grant it as much as I could?”
Honestly, that pride of his.
I rose from my seat and straightened my clothes.
“You are leaving already?”
“You have to wake up early tomorrow, too. I’ll tell you my wish when the time comes.”
One, two.
I took hold of the doorknob and looked back.
“Aren’t you coming?”
“Where?”
“To the marital bedroom, of course.”
There were ridiculous rumors going around. Did Josef not know?
“Wait a moment.”
We came outside hand in hand.
“Is there something you requir….”
The attendant was startled when he saw Josef and me together.
Well, of course he would be startled to see the Empress, who had never gone in, coming out with him.
Or not? Was the problem that we were holding hands?
Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. If I wanted to put those rumors to rest, this was the only way.
“Could it be that your wish is….”
As if.
“Don’t say strange things. I’m still thinking about what to use my wish on.”
“Ahem, very well.”
When we arrived at the marital bedroom, we lay down on the bed together.
I had held back last time, but should I ask, just once?
“Josef.”
“Sisi.”
“By any chance… did Mother say anything else to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Something like the duties of the Empire….”
You know… it comes up in that number, “Us or Her.”
“The duties of the Empire? She demands those of me every day.”
No, not that kind of thing.
“You know.”
As if frustrated, Josef turned his body toward me.
“What is it you wish to say? This is unlike you.”
“You mean she didn’t say anything about some special duty of the Empire, right?”
“I am asking what on earth this duty of the Empire is.”
Ah, damn it. Trying to say it directly somehow made me feel petty.
A mistress! A royal mistress!
According to Eugénie, that was only natural.
‘Elisabeth, now that you are pregnant, you must know that they appoint an official mistress under the pretext of the Emperor’s health, do you not? That is simply how this world works.
I do not like that I must endure the hurt and, as Empress, pretend not to see for the sake of the Empire’s stability, but what can be done?’
Josef had turned twenty-six last month, a man in the prime of his vigor.
A royal mistress was only natural.
Rather than him meeting some clueless maid or a woman from the brothels and causing a scandal, it was only natural to discreetly arrange a royal mistress and keep it quiet.
If one added my pregnancy and the purification ritual afterward, it meant he would be unable to touch me for nearly a year.
Ah, I don’t know.
At this rate, I’ll look like someone suffering from delusional jealousy.
“Forget it. Just stay still.”
“Sisi? Elisabeth!”
***
Josef thought back on the previous night while in the middle of his work.
‘So there was a method like that.’
Though he was still rather bewildered.
Only at that moment did he realize what Sisi had been trying to say.
‘Mother is not someone who would attach a royal mistress to me.’
It was Archduchess Sophie who had made Josef into a man of military restraint and a Catholic emperor through absolute morality.
To such an archduchess, a mistress was not a necessary evil for the Empire’s stability, but merely a reef that would create a new faction at court and undermine the Emperor’s authority—a form of corruption.
‘If anything, she might find it even more dreadful for a third woman to appear and another source of power to arise.’
In his view, the reason she had shown such a changed side during this pregnancy, unlike the last, was because she had gone to Paris.
Unlike Austria, the French and Russian imperial courts were famous for being sordid.
While they were open enough to institutionalize the maîtresse-en-titre or Russia’s favorites, in Austria, such things were secrets that had to be hidden.
In any case, thanks to Sisi’s consideration, Josef was able, if only briefly, to forget the worries of daily life and regain his peace.
***
“Your Majesty. You absolutely must rest.”
I pressed my fingers to my temple and sighed.
“I truly did not do it.”
“Your Majesty, every rumor is already circulating inside the palace.”
I was so wronged I could have jumped in place.
“Truly, nothing happened.”
“There is evidence, is there not?”
Esterházy’s eyes narrowed.
“Surely you did not do it like a woman from the brothels.”
Just because we didn’t have relations, she was saying “like a woman from the brothels”?
“Fine, we did. Satisfied?”
“That is how you must answer.”
“You knew and still said that?”
“Of course. If you had relations, it could not be so filthy.”
Ah, right. Esterházy had been married too.
“Your Majesty must never provide such service. You must affirm it, as you just did. Though it may have been reckless and harmful to your health, that is within the domain of husband and wife. Your Majesty’s dignity is not damaged.”
But the more I thought about it, the stranger it seemed.
“I do not think I ever learned the etiquette regarding sexual relations.”
“You should have learned it in Bavaria.”
Ah, so that was it?
“Did His Majesty the Emperor learn it separately?”
“His tutor would have instructed him.”
I see.
“Chief lady-in-waiting.”
“Speak, Your Majesty.”
“Did you also….”
“Mine was an arranged marriage.”
Ah, I understand.
There is still far too much I do not know to become an Empress.
“Most ladies of the court will know. There is no need for Your Majesty to bring it up first.”
So the ladies do it the same way too.
They simply can’t talk about it because of appearances.
Ah, I see. Esterházy brought up the brothels on purpose.
Meaning that other ladies might disparage me that way, so I should be careful.
“There must have been more than once or twice when I would have been in trouble without you, chief lady-in-waiting.”
“It is an honor, Your Majesty.”
By the way, why are the maids who went to fetch the food taking so long?
“Your Majesty.”
Hm?
“What is it?”
“If it displeased you so much, why did you make such a decision?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have been washing your hands all day long, have you not?”
That was….
“He is at the height of his vigor, is he not? I merely worried, just in case.”
I couldn’t help feeling uneasy.
Normally, I hadn’t thought much of it.
“His Majesty the Emperor enters!”
Who?
Esterházy immediately straightened her posture and gave the Emperor a Hofknicks.
Josef entered my room and smiled at me.
“I came to keep our promise.”
Promise?
Josef watched my expression as he said,
“Did we not promise to dine together from time to time?”
Ah, right. I think that had been the promise.
But why are you watching my expression?
“I was worried that Your Majesty might have forgotten.”
Sorry. I remembered that we made a promise, but I had forgotten the contents.
Josef smiled brightly and took a seat across from me.
“You should come beside me.”
Hadn’t we eaten like that then?
“Your Majesty, saying we should dine together from time to time means that we should spend time together in ordinary life as well.”
“… Did it not mean only that we would eat together?”
Ha, when Josef came at me so innocently like that, all the worrying I had done seemed foolish instead.
“If we only eat together and attend formal events together, would that not be no different from a circus?”
That was just being a married couple for show.
Though most couples were like that, it was because, according to Catholic doctrine, they could not divorce.
… Elisabeth and Josef had been like that, too.
Josef looked at me with concern in his eyes.
“Do you have no appetite?”
“I’m fine.”
Sometimes, knowledge can become a curse.
I cut the steak and brought it to my mouth, forcing myself to savor it as though I were enjoying it.
“How would you feel about going to see a play together after so long?”
“I’m pregnant, you know?”
“Then we can summon the actors here.”
“No, thank you. It is always the same Greek tragedy every time.”
“What about the Frankenstein you are sponsoring? To tell the truth, I have also felt lately that Greek tragedies are not amusing.”
“… Truly?”
“If something called fate exists, then you and I would never have met.”
He must have already finished eating, for he wiped the corner of his mouth.
“You are the fate I chose, are you not?”
… That was where the tragedy began.
“All right. Let’s go see a play.”
I dragged the corners of my mouth upward with difficulty.
Perhaps noticing that my heart was gloomy, Josef cut a piece of steak and quietly placed it on my plate.
“Eat more. I have heard that during pregnancy, one must eat the child’s share as well.”
He worked the fork with awkward movements.
“Pfft.”
He was usually good at it, but how often would an emperor have had reason to serve food onto someone else’s plate?
At Josef’s consideration, the tight feeling inside me seemed to ease a little.
“Thank you.”
I put the meat he had cut for me into my mouth.
“Josef.”
“I am listening.”
“I just wanted to call you.”
“What do you mean, you just wanted to call me?”
Josef laughed as if dumbfounded.
“Why? Am I not allowed to call His Majesty the Emperor just because I’m bored?”
“If it were anyone else, no. You are the Empress, are you not?”
“What a relief. Then I’ll call you whenever I’m bored from now on, Joscha.”
When I called him by his nickname, he coughed awkwardly.
“By the way, Joscha.”
I pierced the piece of steak he had cut for me with my fork.
“I think the one you cut tastes better.”
“Is that so?”
His expression brightened ever so slightly.
“Did you perhaps take turns serving meals in the army? Your knife work was very precise too.”
“Is that praise?”
Josef furrowed his brow.
He seemed unable to tell whether I was complimenting him or teasing him.
“Of course. It was brimming with strength.”
“Sisi!”
Josef seemed to realize I was teasing him and called my name in a low voice.
“Ah, all right.”
I burst into laughter and put the meat in my mouth.
“Still, thank you. Maybe because it was meat you gave me, it tastes much better than before.”
He shook his head as if there was no helping me, but there was a smile at the corners of his mouth.
“Oh, right, about the play. After I give birth, let’s go see it together then.”
“Let us do that.”
I set down my cutlery and lightly wiggled my little finger at him.
“For the record, this is not a wish. You said it first.”
Josef’s gaze lingered for a moment on my mischievous gesture, and then he smiled faintly, as if his strength had left him.
“Very well, Sisi.”
*
February 14, 1857.
On the Feast of Saint Valentine, a double blessing came to the House of Habsburg as well.
I gave birth to one daughter and one son.
“… My gloomy mood has vanished completely.”
I felt somehow refreshed and happy.
As expected, humans are slaves to hormones.
I thought the Wittelsbach family’s problem existed in me as well.
Ludwig II, deposed after being diagnosed with mental illness.
His younger brother Otto, likewise mentally ill.
The Wittelsbach family had been famous for generations for producing many handsome men and beautiful women, but there had also been considerable suspicion of depression, extreme eccentricity, and mental instability.
Thinking back, I feel like I was like this when I was pregnant with Sophie too.
“They say the first time is harder, but the second is actually harder.”