Josef received a parcel on the battlefield.
‘A pillow?’
Along with the pillow was a letter from his beloved wife.
‘What is the meaning of this?’
“Adjutant, is this all?”
Josef checked once more, wondering if another parcel might have been left out.
There was nothing.
It had no military meaning, nor any political meaning.
‘Was Marshal Radetzky right when he said I should not have left my wife so soon after childbirth?’
For the pillow Josef had received was the very one that had lain in their marital bedroom.
‘Does it mean she does not want me to return from the battlefield?’
With a faint sense of fear, Josef picked up the enclosed letter from Elisabeth.
It was Sisi’s familiar handwriting.
“Josef.
Your letters from Venice always feel cold. The bed there must be as hard as a block of stone.
I thought you might not be sleeping properly, so I am sending this pillow.
Without you, this pillow looked far too lonely.
No, perhaps I am the one who cannot sleep, and I am merely blaming the pillow.
Our daughter, Sophie, is very healthy. I think she has your eyes.
I hope you will come and see for yourself.
I pray that Mother’s worries and the Tsar’s ambitions do not keep you away for too long.
Even there, please do not forget yourself.
Though the shadow of war may fall over your days, at night, please think of your family’s embrace.
Return safely.
P.S. Rest your head on the matching pillow, and may we dream the same dream.
Sisi”
Josef read the letter over and over.
Again, and again.
Savoring every word.
“…”
He slowly rose from his seat, removed the hard pillow from his camp bed, and carefully placed the pillow Sisi had sent in its place.
***
When I woke in the morning, I stretched before ringing the bell.
Nngh—there we go.
Haah, I slept well.
Ferenczy certainly does write well.
When it was just me and the lady reader, something embarrassing had happened.
I had naturally assumed that Hungarians used the order of family name followed by given name, but contrary to my expectations, they used given name followed by family name.
So from the lady reader’s perspective, the empress had approached her warmly the moment they met, and at this point, it was hard for me to say it had all been a misunderstanding on my part.
We’re close in age anyway, so it would be nice to be friendly. The other ladies-in-waiting have quite an age gap with me.
“Why have there been so many embarrassing things lately…?”
“Have you awakened, Your Majesty?”
Esterhazy’s voice came from beyond the canopy.
“I do not think I rang the bell yet. When did you come in?”
“I took the liberty of entering briefly to prepare Your Majesty’s bath.”
…So I was caught embarrassing myself again.
“Your Majesty, waking and stretching may be all well and good, but you must not make moaning sounds.”
“I understand. I will take care from now on.”
Next time, I should check whether anyone is in the room before stretching.
“I shall have breakfast brought in.”
“No, wait a moment.”
“Is there something in particular you would like to eat?”
I reflected on how my figure had changed after childbirth.
“…Do you remember the meal that was served when I first arrived?”
“His Majesty the Emperor will surely still love Your Majesty as you are now.”
So I gained weight.
I really did gain weight.
No wonder, when they tightened my corset last time, two ladies-in-waiting clung to it instead of the usual one!
“Have that meal brought in only until His Majesty returns.”
Esterhazy immediately bowed.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“The roses look especially lovely today.”
“I shall prepare them at once.”
I washed myself in a bath filled with the scent of roses and came out.
“Chief lady-in-waiting. From now on, it would be better not to add milk.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
If we lose the war, every little thing like that will be picked apart.
Phew.
I drew in a deep breath and sat down at the table.
The meal from when I first arrived.
The things I had faced for the first time after becoming Sisi, and had briefly forgotten during my pregnancy.
Lukewarm milk that seemed freshly drawn, transparent and slippery raw egg whites sprinkled lightly with salt, and meat juice.
First, I picked up the glass containing the fishy-smelling raw egg and squeezed my eyes shut.
I felt the cold, slippery liquid slide down my throat in one go.
I feel nauseous…
How did I ever eat things like this before?
Right now, the only thing I can do is preserve the image of a beautiful empress.
Is this easier than approaching the citizens and playing the role of a benevolent empress?
Then again, they never let me go anyway.
I had protected the empress’s apartments, but I still was not permitted to go outside them.
I forced down the tasteless things and spent a stretch of time that barely deserved to be called a meal.
Should I go see Sophie?
“Chief lady-in-waiting. I wish to see Archduchess Sophie.”
“I shall immediately inform Her Highness the Archduchess’s lady-in-waiting of Your Majesty’s visit.”
“Very well.”
It meant that to see my own daughter, I needed not my own will, but their permission.
Because the nursery was not in my apartments, but in Archduchess Sophie’s apartments. I could go only after receiving Archduchess Sophie’s permission.
In order to see my daughter freely, I would have to bring the nursery into the empress’s apartments, but I could not allow my mother-in-law to come and go from my apartments as she pleased. Was there no good way?
Skoda, hmm… as expected, is trying not to get involved in politics as much as possible. He must understand better than anyone that this is a conflict between me and Sophie.
“Josef…”
In the end, I need to persuade Josef, but what method should I use?
“Your Majesty, would you like to go riding during your free time?”
Riding?
“Chief lady-in-waiting. Did you not say that was improper according to etiquette?”
“For Your Majesty’s sake, His Majesty the Emperor has specially built a riding hall in a place beyond the eyes of others.”
Oh.
My horseback riding experience amounted to briefly imitating it in dramas. I couldn’t handle a horse freely like Sisi. What should I do?
“I would like to enjoy a tea party with Lady Slavnitza for the first time in a while.”
*
I would be able to see Sophie after the archduchess finished her duties, so in the time remaining, I had to enjoy a tea party with Lady Slavnitza and learn to ride.
“Welcome, Lady Slavnitza.”
“Thank you for inviting me to your tea party, Your Majesty.”
I offered her a seat.
“I hear marriage talks are underway?”
“Yes, they are proceeding with the Metternich family.”
“Congratulations on the marriage talks. Once I heard the happy news, I could not put off our promise any longer.”
I reminded her of the promise we had made at my first tea party, that we would ride together.
Pauline’s face brightened.
“Your Majesty, you remembered that promise. The new riding hall His Majesty the Emperor built for you is the talk of the entire court. Everyone is looking forward to seeing Your Majesty ride there.”
Everyone was looking forward to it? How burdensome. I had to get straight to the point here.
I set down my teacup and leaned slightly toward her.
I whispered as though sharing a secret.
“That is precisely why I need your help, my lady.”
“My help?”
“The people of the court will expect me to ride as I did in Bavaria. But…”
I let out a sigh and subtly indicated my abdomen.
“After giving birth and going through that wretched Wochenbett, I have no strength in my legs at all. To be honest, I am not even confident I can sit properly in the saddle.”
This was the best approach. Not that I couldn’t ride, but that my body had not recovered.
“Your Majesty…”
“I do not want to embarrass myself before Her Highness the Archduchess or anyone else. If I call for a riding instructor, the whole matter will reach Archduchess Sophie’s ears.”
I lightly took Pauline’s hand.
“So, Pauline. Not as an instructor, but as a friend, could you help me regain my old sense for it? In secret, just between us.”
Sharing the empress’s secret. Becoming the empress’s friend. There was no way she would refuse.
They had said that becoming Metternich’s daughter-in-law meant Pauline possessed sufficient political sense.
And she was a star of society. She had little reason to refuse the empress’s favor.
“Your Majesty. It would be a greater honor than anything. Of course. I will help you begin slowly, as slowly as you wish, without anyone knowing.”
Done! I had secured my first instructor.
A maid placed Sachertorte on our table.
“First, let us have tea.”
Pauline and I exchanged light social jokes.
While she complained about the marriage talks with the Metternich family, she seemed secretly expectant.
Setting down my teacup, I said,
“How about we take a look in advance at the place His Majesty gave me?”
“That is a wonderful idea.”
The riding hall Josef had built was not far from my apartments.
When the footman opened the door, a dazzling white space greeted us.
“…My goodness.”
Pauline let out an exclamation of admiration.
I-is this insane…
This is a riding hall?
The ceiling was as high and solemn as that of the court chapel. Massive white columns supported the space. Sunlight poured in between them, dyeing the sand on the floor gold.
And above our heads…
“They even hung chandeliers.”
Pauline murmured.
“It is as if they moved the Winter Riding School here as it is. No, it is even more splendid.”
Exactly.
Unaware of my feelings, Pauline continued speaking.
“I can feel His Majesty the Emperor’s love. In a place like this, any horse would dance!”
I was the one who received the gift, so why did Pauline look happier than me?
I swallowed dryly and forced a smile.
“It truly is… truly a magnificent gift.”
The footmen brought out horses for us.
“This is far too grand a rehabilitation ground for me.”
The biggest problem was that this was not a place for a beginner to practice walking, but a professional training hall equipped with the finest obstacles and facilities.
The horses were not on the level of the ones I had ridden on Jeju Island, either.
“Lipizzans! They have prepared the finest horses worthy of Your Majesty’s skill!”
No, I am in serious trouble right now.
With a footman’s help, Pauline mounted her horse gracefully.
It was not a saddle where one sat securely with both legs apart, but a women’s saddle, a sidesaddle, where one had to gather both legs to one side and balance on the horse using only the waist and core muscles.
“Your Majesty?”
Right. Mounting itself should not be a problem.
With the footman’s help, I too climbed onto the horse at once.
As I grabbed the reins to find my balance, the horse slowly moved forward.
“Your Majesty!”
Esterhazy cried out urgently at the sight of me tilting, but unexpectedly, I was perfectly fine.
A feeling of freedom, of becoming one with the horse, and a strange excitement that came from moving according to my own will.
There was no room to think of anything else. I focused only on the horse’s movement, my balance, and my breathing.
For a moment, I forgot the complicated politics of the court and felt as though I could think only of the present.
“This is fun…!”