What is he doing?
He could just sleep beside me.
What is the point of coming all this way and then leaving again?
And what is the point of tucking the blanket around me while he’s at it?
It had been a long time since the old me needed to exert herself.
Think, think, think, think. A retai… no.
What on earth is he thinking?
I have no idea.
I pulled the blanket over my head and fell asleep.
Joseph’s bizarre behavior did not end that day.
***
Joseph woke at four o’clock.
It was an awakening that went beyond habit and bordered on instinct.
This was not the familiar palace in Vienna. It was a provincial castle where they were staying briefly for the imperial tour, but an emperor’s day did not change depending on location.
He quietly rose from the bed.
Last night, Joseph had certainly entered the bedroom.
He had seen Sisi tossing and turning from the fatigue of the tour and the unfamiliar surroundings.
But he could not bring himself to lie down beside her.
Joseph washed his face with cold water and looked at himself in the mirror. Over the face of Joseph in his early twenties, the emperor’s mask his mother had made was placed.
‘Am I truly the one who is wrong?’
The emperor rang the bell and summoned an attendant.
“Bring me the reports.”
In the temporarily prepared office, mountains of documents for approval had already been piled up, brought by carriage from Vienna overnight.
Before the sun had even risen, in the silent room where candlelight flickered, the only sound was the scratch of a pen moving across paper.
Complaints from the Hungarian nobles, reports from the garrison in the Kingdom of Lombardy-Venetia, the Ministry of Finance’s status on tax collection… The empire was vast, and so were its problems.
He could not rest.
From the moment he had taken on this immense empire at the age of eighteen, a personal life had been a luxury.
“Your Majesty, it is time for breakfast.”
“Bring it here.”
Without taking his eyes off the report, he mechanically chewed his food.
Ten in the morning.
The official schedule of the tour began.
“His Majesty the Emperor and Her Majesty the Empress are entering!”
When he came out of the office, Sisi was already perfectly prepared and waiting for him.
As if last night’s confusion had been washed away, she greeted him with a dazzling smile.
Joseph forced himself to ignore his violently pounding heart and stiffly offered his arm.
“Let us go.”
Cheering crowds, children throwing flowers.
All the while they sat side by side in the carriage and waved, Joseph’s mind was filled entirely with the report he had left half-read moments ago.
‘The citizens are smiling, but the price of wheat is soaring. Appeasing the people of this region is important, but a fundamental solution…’
Just then, Sisi, sitting beside him, whispered in a small voice.
“Look over there, at that child. Isn’t he adorable?”
Following her gaze, he saw a child shyly waving his hand.
“I see.”
After the tour, lunch was an official luncheon.
Dozens of splendid dishes were served, but the emperor merely touched two plates closest to him and set down his fork.
The meal ended in twenty minutes. The local nobles dining with them, as well as the empress, hurriedly finished their meals to match the emperor’s pace.
The afternoon was filled with local inspections and a review of the troops.
A forced march with no time to rest.
When they returned to their lodging around sunset, Joseph headed straight back to his office.
Nine in the evening.
The aide-de-camp cautiously opened the door.
“Your Majesty, it is time to retire.”
Joseph set down his pen.
Half the documents still remained, but one of his ironclad rules was to go to bed at the appointed hour.
If he was to wake at the same time tomorrow, he had to rest.
“The empress?”
“She has retired for the night.”
The aide-de-camp quietly guided the emperor to the room where the empress was.
The person who had made him break his ironclad rules for the first time.
The woman who had made him oppose his mother’s command for the first time.
As he had yesterday, he gazed at her sleeping face today as well, then turned away.
To Joseph, who had come out of the marital bedroom, the aide-de-camp said,
“I will prepare the bedchamber so that you may rest comfortably.”
It was a careful suggestion that he sleep beside the empress.
But Joseph shook his head.
“I would not want the empress to wake because of me at dawn.”
It was half the truth. The other half was his fear that if he lay beside Sisi, the self he had built as emperor would collapse.
“Understood. I will have it prepared quickly.”
Joseph pretended not to notice the aide-de-camp’s thoughts and tacitly allowed it.
Organizing in his head the list of documents he had to handle tomorrow, he fell asleep.
***
He’s been coming and going shamelessly for an entire week now, so what on earth is he scheming, just watching me and leaving?
This strange game of hide-and-seek repeated throughout the entire tour of Milan.
After our last conversation, we played the perfect imperial couple during the day, at least.
I linked arms with Joseph and smiled at the nobles of Milan, and he waved to the crowds.
And then night.
Every night, Joseph entered my bedroom like a ghost.
He comes in, stares, and leaves.
He only tucked the blanket around me on the first day. After that, he simply stood there like a shadow and watched me.
Is he a pervert? Or—
“Are you wondering if I’ve hidden some other man in here?”
Why on earth does he keep coming?
Who am I supposed to ask about this? No, the maids around me would of course report it to Sophie, so naturally it’s hard to confide in them.
If it were Sophie, she would surely nag me again, saying, “Isn’t the emperor acting so distant because you are failing to fulfill your role as empress?”
Did Sophie give him some other bizarre order? Is that why he’s keeping his distance from me?
The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt.
…But we are acting like a couple during the day, right?
Is Joseph someone who can act that affectionate?
Compared to the first day, at least he had begun to read the room and awkwardly strike up conversation.
I could definitely sense that he felt sorry… So why does he build a wall the moment night falls?
“That’s it!”
Well, for a man, I suppose it would be more comfortable not to see it at all than to endure. That has to be it.
Don’t tell me I talk terribly in my sleep—no. That can’t be it.
I looked at the clock.
It was almost nine. Today, we had to talk no matter what.
I lay down on the bed, carefully closed my eyes, and waited. I made even my breathing as steady as possible, perfectly pretending to be asleep.
To think the only thing I’ve improved at over the past week is pretending to sleep well….
How long had passed? I heard the very faint sound of the door opening.
His footsteps stopped at the same place as usual.
By now, he was probably looking down at me quietly as I slept.
I snapped my eyes open and, so he could not run away, reflexively reached out and grabbed Joseph’s wrist.
“Joseph! We need to ta—”
I had definitely tried to pull him toward the bed.
Startled by my sudden action, Joseph flinched and tried to step back, while my body, refusing to let go of his wrist, lurched out of the bed.
Thud!
Joseph fell backward, and I lost my grip on his wrist and helplessly collapsed on top of him.
“Ow, ow….”
Did our foreheads collide?
When I came to my senses, we had frozen in an awkward and dangerous position.
Both my hands were planted on his chest, and I could feel his bewilderment vividly.
Even in the darkness, his face was clearly visible, close enough that I could feel his breath.
The dignified emperor he usually was had vanished; only Joseph, his eyes widened with surprise and confusion, held me in his gaze.
Thump, thump, thump.
Through my hands, or perhaps through my body, I felt his heart beating.
“…Are you all right?”
The one who broke the silence first was Joseph.
His voice was slightly hoarse and rough.
Instead of answering, I swallowed dryly.
“I-I’m sorry.”
This wasn’t how I had planned it.
When I panicked and tried to quickly push myself up, this time he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“……”
Every sound in the world disappeared, leaving only the sounds of our hearts tangled together.
Thump, thump, thump.
What I had thought was Joseph’s heartbeat may, perhaps, have been my own.
It was only frustrating, this heart that beat contrary to its owner’s thoughts.
“Wh-what are you doing? Let go of me.”
“I do not want to.”
He answered in a husky voice and buried his face in my shoulder.
“What did you say?”
“…I said I do not want to.”
At his stubbornness, I stopped resisting.
“…Why on earth are you doing this? You’ve been acting like a ghost all week.”
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
I won’t run away, so at least let’s talk while looking at each other’s faces.
“Just listen to me.”
Fine, fine.
I gave up completely and let my body rest as it was.
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“If I fell asleep in bed with you….”
“If you did?”
“I thought the me who exists as emperor might crumble.”
It was not an answer in any of the scenarios I had expected.
It was not Sophie’s order, nor dissatisfaction with me.
“So.”
No, this is unbelievable.
“So the solution you came up with was to come every night and peek at me? That was the answer Your Majesty found?”
“You are the only one. The only person who made me defy my mother’s will.”
Joseph offered his excuse to me.
“I must wake earlier than anyone. I must read reports and give orders. The empire does not function without me. But when I am by your side… I feel as though I may not be able to rise again.”
I felt the strength drain from Joseph’s arms. Instead of lifting myself off him, I lay down beside him on the floor where he was sprawled, using my arm as a pillow.
“Sisi?”
“The floor is colder than I expected.”
I looked straight into his eyes.
“Joseph. Don’t be afraid. There’s something I heard long ago—that you shouldn’t be afraid before you even try.”
They called him the soldier emperor, but he was just a coward. A coward crushed beneath duty.
“The empress is the emperor’s partner who shares his duties with him. When I’m struggling, you carry it with me, and when you’re struggling, I stay with you. So sleep here tonight before you go.”
I embraced him.
“…Empress.”
“When it’s just the two of us, Sisi. And I’m tired too. Smiling in front of all those Milanese nobles is no ordinary task.”
Joseph seemed to hesitate for a moment, but soon let out a sigh as though he had given up.
It tickles.
His hand slowly wrapped around my back.
“…Very well.”
His heartbeat began to ring fast once again.
Ah, what a fate I have.
Winning this rigid, stubborn emperor over to my side was going to be far more exhausting than I had imagined.
He’s nothing but an overgrown child.
***
Count Grünne, the chief aide-de-camp, stood with a rigid face, glaring without the slightest movement at the door to the imperial couple’s bedroom.
‘…The appointed time has come, yet he has not emerged.’
He quietly raised his hand to knock on the door.
“Is a man about to knock on the door of the room where Her Majesty the Empress resides?”
No, he had been about to. If Countess Esterházy had not stopped him, he certainly would have tried to turn him back into an emperor once more.
“…Mistress of the Court.”
“Chief aide-de-camp. Do not overstep your bounds. Matters related to Her Majesty the Empress are not under the Emperor’s Household, but ours, the Empress’s Household.”
Instead of answering, Grünne shot a look filled with contempt and rage at the closed door.
‘To think the archduchess’s eye has been passed over for a Bavarian woman.’