Ten years ago, a Tower appeared in the world.
And after that, the world changed greatly.
Governments of every country racked their brains over the Tower, which would reduce its surroundings to scorched earth if a new floor wasn't cleared within a set period, but.
At the same time, the special resources obtainable only from the Tower were alluring things with enough value to advance human civilization by several decades.
That was why the whole world began to pay attention.
Beings capable of stopping the Tower's tyranny while also bringing back resources of enormous value.
The chosen ones who had awakened special abilities and been granted the qualifications to climb the Tower.
Namely, the 'Climbers'.
[Sent from Web]
[Hello, Mr. Iroun. This is the hiring manager at Pyurons Co., Ltd.
Based on the interview results, we regret to inform you that you have not been selected for this position...]
"...I failed again...."
And although I had been desperately struggling to survive in step with this changing era.
I was a job seeker who had already been failing to find employment for three years, drifting from part-time job to part-time job, worrying about the future.
"*Sigh*... I wish I could Awaken as a Climber too...."
I heard that even low-level Climbers who just beat up goblins easily make 500 a month.
If they'd really just let me do it, I was confident I could become a Goblin Slayer too, so I really wished I would Awaken.
"*Whew*... I feel gloomy, so maybe I'll dump a post on the gallery...."
As expected, on days like today when I fail an interview, the gallery is the perfect place.
It was the only garbage bin where I could dump all the pent-up negative emotions that had nowhere else to go.
《Tower Climber Gallery》
───
[Title: Tower Noob Finally Got a Job!!!!]
[JobVillain]
(That meme of a frog pointing a gun at its own head)
FuckIfailedagainIthinkI'mgoinginsanewhywon'ttheygivemeajobwhyamItheonewhohastosufferthiswhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustmewhyjustme
───
[Comments]
[TowerKnowItAll☑: Ah, this bastard's having another mental breakdown.]
ㄴ[Is he famous? First time seeing him?]
ㄴ[TowerKnowItAll☑: He usually stays quiet, then comes here and throws a fit whenever he fails an interview before disappearing.]
ㄴ[A bastard who really lives up to his nickname, lol]
[Mallangkongtteok☑: No way, JobVillain, JobVillain, did you fail again? How many times is this now?]
ㄴ[Just from what I've seen, it's roughly Season 23,256,432,326 or so]
ㄴ[Dude, at that point there must be nowhere left to submit applications]
ㄴ[Surprisingly, that's actually true, lol]
After pouring out my pent-up emotions onto the gallery like that, I felt a bit better.
Wasn't this the true proper function of a gallery?
After all, this place was overflowing with all kinds of shitposts anyway, even without mine, so I was just making useful use of it.
"I feel better now, so I should sleep."
Tomorrow I have to find a new part-time job... look for companies to apply to... rewrite my cover letter to match....
Anyway, I had a mountain of things to do.
"I hope there's a decent part-time job out there...."
Hoping that tomorrow would be a better day than today.
I buried myself under the blanket.
#####
The next morning.
*Ding-! Ding-! Ding-!*
I woke up to an alarm sound I'd never heard before.
"Mmh...?"
What the...? Did I change my alarm sound...?
I couldn't really remember, but I figured it was no big deal.
Forcing my still half-asleep body to move, I reached for the phone I'd placed by my bedside.
Or rather, I tried to reach for it.
If not for the blue message window floating in the air.
*Ding-!*
[Iroun has Awakened as a Climber.]
[Automatically displaying initial status window.]
[Name]: [Iroun]
[Level]: [1]
[Class]: [Alchemist]
[Skills]: [Transmutation (EX)] [Emerald Cauldron (SS+)] [Pure Flame (S+)]
[Traits]: -
"...Huh?"
Climber Awakening? Status window? What is all this.......
"...Ah, this is a dream, right?"
For a moment, the dream had felt so real that I couldn't distinguish it from reality.
I must be having this dream because I wasn't able to relieve all the stress I'd built up yesterday.
From now on, when dumping shitposts on the gallery, I guess I should write while keeping my emotions more tightly in check.
"But... just how badly did I want to Awaken to dream something like this...?"
They say dreams are the activity of the unconscious mind, an outlet for repressed desires and unresolved conflicts.
Even if it is a dream, an EX-grade skill seems a bit too much.
And seeing how I'd even carefully packed an SS+ and an S+ grade.
I guess my unconscious self must be an incredibly greedy bastard.
"Well... it's better to dream big, I suppose."
Since it's a mirage that will disappear when I wake up anyway.
Enjoying the feeling of being an EX-grade Climber while I'm dreaming might not be so bad.
"But this... can I use it...?"
You might ask what kind of absurd nonsense that is.
Looking at it now, this dream was one of high completeness, implementing even touch, smell, and pain.
So if it was a dream pursuing this level of realism, wouldn't I be able to use the skills in my status window too?
"Hmm... might as well try once."
Honestly, when would I ever get to have such a valuable experience again?
So I used it.
The highest-grade skill in my status window, [Transmutation (EX)].
"[Transmutation]"
*Ding-!*
[Please enter what you wish to transmute.]
〖 -- 〗
"Oh...?"
It works! It really works!
Even though it was a dream. I'd actually used an EX-grade skill!
"It really is my dream, but it's devious."
It implemented even this much? I admit it, unconscious Iroun!
Hmm, by the way. It's asking me to enter what I want to transmute?
"This is hard...."
By hard, I don't mean that nothing comes to mind.
On the contrary, too many things come to mind, making it difficult to pick just one.
Hmm... Hmmmm... Hmmmmm...!!!
"...Alright. I choose you."
There had been hundreds of candidates.
But after careful consideration, if I had to pick the single most important thing for getting by in this world, I think this might be it.
[Please enter what you wish to transmute.]
〖Handsome Potion〗
"Life is easier when you're handsome."
No matter how much I think about it, this is the correct answer.
Money? Once you're handsome, it basically prints itself.
Power? That more or less follows too if you're handsome.
A girlfriend? Need I even say it—a handsome guy just has to walk around and women approach him.
No matter how much the world had been turned upside down by the Tower.
This was an unchanging truth that remained the same.
"Now, show me! Unconscious Iroun! Just what is this Handsome Potion created by your filthy desires!"
[Searching for recipes for 'Handsome Potion'...]
[65,653 related recipes found...]
[Optimizing recipes based on current dimension...]
[...Complete.]
[Generated a total of 4 recipes for 'Handsome Potion'.]
[Automatically displaying the recipe with the best effects.]
[Handsome Potion ver.1]
[Required Materials]
- Dragon's Tears
- Sun Jewel
- Mandragora Essence
- Highest-Grade Spirit Water
[Required Tools]
- Emerald Cauldron
- Pure Flame
"Ah, so that's how it works?"
I'd imagined it would just pop into existence in mid-air with a *poof!* if I said "Be made!"
True to my unconscious self, which pursued realism to the point of being sinister, it had faithfully implemented even these details.
"But Dragon's Tears among the materials...?"
I was pretty sure I'd seen news about a dragon being caught in America before.
But how was I supposed to get that?
The other materials looked incredibly rare too. Was it even possible to make this?
I wanted to make at least one thing before waking up from this dream....
"...It said there were four in total, right?"
I needed to check the others first.
[Handsome Potion ver.2]
[Required Materials]
- Fairy's Tears
- Sun Jewel Fragment
- Mandragora Root
- High-Grade Spirit Water
[Required Tools]
- Emerald Cauldron
- Pure Flame]
"Fairy's Tears? Pass on this too."
[Handsome Potion ver.3]
[Required Materials]
- Elf's Tears
- Sun Jewel Powder
- Mandragora Rootlet
- Low-Grade Spirit Water
[Required Tools]
- Emerald Cauldron
- Pure Flame]
"Elf... pass on this too...."
[Handsome Potion ver.4]
[Required Materials]
- Human Tears
- Smooth Stone
- Dandelion Root
- Drinkable Water
[Required Tools]
- Emerald Cauldron
- Pure Flame]
"This one... maybe I could do?"
What's with the materials for the last one?
Compared to the previous three, isn't the gap way too big?
These were simple enough that I could go out and get them right now.
"I guess even my unconscious self wasn't perfect until the very end."
Well, from my perspective, that's actually a good thing.
"Then now I have to go outside to gather the materials but...."
...This dream.
Just what was outside the door?
####
It seemed my unconscious self was a pervert.
Because otherwise, there was no way I'd dream with such insane detail that even the scenery outside the door was fully implemented.
Well, thanks to that, I was able to safely gather the materials needed for transmutation.
I was somewhat shocked that my unconscious self was such a sinister pervert obsessed with this level of detail.
So.
"Now what do I do with this?"
I'd gathered all the materials, so now I just had to make it.
The required tools listed were Emerald Cauldron and Pure Flame?
Well, seeing as how these things were there, it seemed I just had to use the skills I had.
But I didn't really know exactly how to make it.
"Hmm... will using this tell me?"
Then first... let's try using [Emerald Cauldron (SS+)], which seems to be for holding ingredients.
"[Emerald Cauldron]"
*Tuk-!*
"???"
When I used the skill, something turquoise fell from the air and rolled on the floor.
Wondering what it was, I picked it up to check.
"...A toy cauldron?"
You know what I mean, right?
Among children's toys, there's that toy where you put various things in a toy pot and wait, then a doll pops out with a *poof!*
It looked exactly like the cauldron from that toy, but its material was something close to a gemstone.
"Unconscious me. This is a bit disappointing."
How dare it copy something! Since it lacked creativity compared to its detail, I'm deducting points for this skill.
So the next skill I use, [Pure Flame (S+)], will have to show a bit more originality.
"Then, before I try using the Pure Flame skill..."
I figured putting the ingredients in the cauldron came first, so I decided to do that.
First, drinkable water.
I roughly filled it with tap water. I didn't know the amount, so I just put in a suitable amount.
Next, dandelion root.
I pulled up some dandelions growing between the rocks near my house.
Next, a smooth stone.
I also just picked up an appropriate one from among the rocks near my house.
And finally... human tears.
There was no other way to get this, so I decided to supply it myself.
"*Hghh...!*"
*Crack-!!!*
"*Kgh...! Fuuuck...!! It hurts like hell...!!!*"
Why the hell is the pain in this dream so vivid…!!!
My cheek stung so much that I could faintly taste blood; the inside of my mouth must have split open.
It hurt so badly that tears as big as chicken droppings spilled out, and I quickly put them into the emerald cauldron.
After that, I moved to the bathroom in case of any unforeseen accidents.
Then I used the long-awaited [Pure Flame (S+)].
"[Pure Flame]"
When I used the skill—
Whoosh—!
A small purple flame began to flicker beneath the emerald cauldron.
[Would you like to refine ‘Handsome-Making Medicine ver.4’?]
[YES][NO]
Perhaps because I had met every condition in the recipe,
an option asking whether I wanted to refine it appeared before my eyes.
"Of course I’m doing it!"
Why else did I slap myself across the face until I cried?! This is all or nothing!
Without the slightest hesitation, I moved my hand and selected [YES].
Bubble, bubble, bubble—!
The emerald cauldron began to boil,
and soon the ingredients lost their shapes and started to blend into one.
"Ooh……."
This is kind of fascinating. My subconscious self, you pass in artistry.
After that, there was nothing I needed to do, so I just zoned out staring at the cauldron like I was staring into a fire.
It was quite entertaining to watch the ingredients mix together, their colors change, and gradually take form.
Then, after a short while—
[You have refined ‘Handsome-Making Medicine ver.4’!]
[Handsome-Making Medicine ver.4][B+]
An elixir made with ordinary ingredients by an alchemist of tremendous skill using tremendous tools.
[Effect]: Upon consumption, you enter the [Reconstruction] state and acquire the trait [Handsome Man (B+)].
[Penalty]: Immediately after consumption, you suffer pain proportional to how ugly you are.
"Ooooh!!!"
Although it was only a dream,
I had succeeded in creating the “medicine that makes you handsome,” something everyone must have wished for at least once in their life!
"All right! Shall I drink it while it’s still hot?"
I gulped down the completed medicine without suspicion.
The penalty that said “pain proportional to how ugly you are” bothered me a little,
but I was at least average, so it shouldn’t be that bad.
Wouldn’t it be about as stinging as having my skin break out a little?
If I could become handsome, I had to endure at least that much.
And so, after making my own judgment, I boldly drank the handsome-making medicine.
The result was….
Crunch—! Crack—!!! Craaaack—!!!!
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!!"
In the horrific pain of my face being finely minced and remade,
I screamed for a long time.
In the end, unable to withstand the pain, I lost consciousness.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
[You have acquired the trait ‘Handsome Man (B+)’.]