My bank balance was dwindling at a terrifying rate.
I couldn't even go outside. I'd spent every last penny I'd had to buy clothes.
Every time the number on the screen dropped, it felt like my life bar was burning away, bit by bit.
A five-digit number became four digits in an instant, and before I knew it, four digits had turned to three—no, it was crawling closer and closer to zero.
Now, I truly had no idea what I was supposed to do.
Before I ended up in this body, I'd at least tried to act like a functioning human being, browsing job-hunting sites for even a minute a day.
But now I did nothing. Because none of my efforts meant anything anymore.
There was nothing I could do in this body.
“Haa... ha....”
My stamina and my intelligence both felt like they'd dropped to less than half of what they used to be.
Though the fact that my stomach had also shrunk by half wasn't such a bad thing in this situation, I suppose.
*What the hell was I thinking when I did something like this?*
If I'd taken action after calming down a bit, if I'd just thought things through before going through with it, things might have been a little different.
The money I'd blown on a so-called VTuber debut and the shame of that stupid voice I'd put on during the stream were gnawing away at me.
I was drowning in belated regret, feeling like such an idiot.
It prodded at my brain like some dark history from my school days. The only difference was that this was far, far more vivid.
But what was crushing my spirit, decisively, was the isolation.
The terror that my very existence had been erased from the world, that this cramped studio apartment was the only space I could occupy.
I knew this life couldn't go on forever. It might even end very soon.
Once the food I'd stockpiled—human feed to fill my stomach—ran out, that would be the end.
But out of sheer inertia, I sat down in front of the computer, browsed internet communities, watched streams, and just snickered.
Escaping reality.
In the dark room, I stared at the only source of light—the monitor—and forgot about reality.
Who I used to be, what kind of person I was now—none of it mattered.
Inside the monitor, there was no need to think about any of that.
But there was something that interrupted that escape.
*Gurgle—*
A twisting pain in my stomach bent me forward. My index finger, scrolling the mouse wheel, trembled violently.
The food I'd set aside was already showing the bottom of the container.
*What happens if I just starve to death like this?*
A horrifying image suddenly filled my mind.
Days later, the stench that the next-door neighbor would smell.
After knocking repeatedly and finding it strange that no one answered, someone would report it.
When the police forced the door open, the first thing they'd see would be the corpse of some nameless girl.
They wouldn't be able to identify me even if they investigated.
How would society define this incident?
Would they conclude that a male college student had imprisoned a girl in his studio apartment, dumped her corpse, and then gone missing?
Who would think that the college boy had turned into a girl and died of social isolation and starvation?
It was catastrophic. Truly catastrophic.
What if my mother, who had lived her whole life believing only in me, heard that news?
On top of the grief of losing her son, she'd be remembered by others as the parent who raised a despicable criminal, and she'd spend the rest of her life in hell.
*That can never happen...*
I stopped scrolling.
*I really should get in touch...*
I could almost see my mother's reflection on the monitor.
After divorcing my father, my mother had lived her life with her eyes only on her children.
I had an older sibling above me, and I was the youngest son.
Perhaps because she harbored guilt for not being able to help my older brother as much, she had done her utmost to support me, her youngest, without letting me want for anything.
Despite the lack of support, my brother had become a proper adult, running a business overseas.
Watching him, I thought he was amazing and respected him, but at the same time, I felt inferior.
Until now, I had never once disappointed my mother.
I hadn't gone through the typical adolescent rebellion, hadn't gotten into any of the trouble everyone else did.
No—I had tried my hardest not to.
I had lived desperately, silently following what my mother wanted, never straying from the orbit of a son who could be her pride, just like my brother.
That sense of responsibility was sometimes suffocatingly heavy, but I believed it was a weight I could gladly bear for my mother's happiness.
But now, I couldn't possibly bring myself to choose to contact her in this state.
I didn't have the courage to press the button.
*At least... I have to wait until I've prepared enough to be self-sufficient in this body.*
A corner of my chest ached.
I had no one I could tell about this situation.
Just as I put my phone face-down on the desk, a familiar alarm rang, and a small window popped up in the lower-left corner of the monitor.
Ah, maybe there was one person.
The notification was a Discord DM.
[Seong Si-u: Hey]
[Seong Si-u: What are you doing?]
A Japanese mobile game character as his profile picture.
Seong Si-u. My only college classmate.
Truth was, he wasn't a college friend—we'd gone to the same elementary, middle, and high schools, and even ended up at the same university too. A friend I'd known since we were practically kids.
He was probably the person who knew me best in this world, aside from my family.
If not for the fact that he liked subculture too, I wouldn't know why someone with such ridiculous stats hung out with me.
His face, his height—everything about him.
Maybe he was just scarily attached to our childhood, but I was incredibly grateful he still hung out with me.
[Seong Si-u: You're online but not joining]
[Seong Si-u: You're not even playing anything, just logged in. Killing yourself?]
I placed my trembling fingers on the keyboard. The clacking sounded unusually loud.
[Baek Eun-hae: no]
[Seong Si-u: You haven't been joining the Discord voice channel lately.]
[Seong Si-u: It's been like two weeks?]
[Seong Si-u: When you're not even doing anything]
[Seong Si-u: get your ass on Discord]
I didn't know how to reply, so I kept typing *"I woke up and turned into a girl"* and erasing it over and over.
Then, another message arrived.
[Seong Si-u: Don't tell me you ditched me to get a girlfriend?]
[Seong Si-u: Not like you go outside anyway, so doubt it lol]
A girlfriend. If I looked in the mirror now, a girl had taken over my body.
I stared blankly at the screen and bit my lip.
Should I tell Si-u the truth? Or rather, would he even believe me?
[Seong Si-u: Answer.]
Yeah, anyway, there was no one else to talk to but him.
I swallowed dryly. My smaller fingers trembled slightly over the keyboard.
[Baek Eun-hae: Si-u]
[Seong Si-u: Yeah]
[Baek Eun-hae: I have a favor to ask... Can you listen to me really seriously?]
[Seong Si-u: Why're you talking like that, you're making me nervous]
[Baek Eun-hae: Buy some food and come to my place right now]
[Seong Si-u: ???]
There was no reply for a long time. The *typing...* indicator in the chat window appeared and disappeared repeatedly.
It was a request I would never have made normally.
I considered my home a sanctuary; I'd never invited anyone over first, and I was definitely not the type to ask someone to buy something for me.
[Seong Si-u: What is it, all of a sudden]
[Baek Eun-hae: Just come]
[Seong Si-u: No, tell me why. You think I'm gonna come just because you suddenly told me to?]
[Baek Eun-hae: You won't believe me even if I tell you over chat anyway]
[Seong Si-u: What is it]
[Seong Si-u: You gotta say what it is for me to be convinced]
[Seong Si-u: Or get in a voice call. Join Discord and stop typing]
[Baek Eun-hae: I need to tell you in person]
[Seong Si-u: Are you sick or something? Should I buy porridge?]
[Baek Eun-hae: Not porridge, a lunchbox...]
[Seong Si-u: You crazy bastard? lol You don't sound sick]
[Baek Eun-hae: Brace yourself...]
[Seong Si-u: *Sigh*]
[Seong Si-u: I'll go, but]
[Seong Si-u: It better be something serious]
Perhaps because the tension had eased, my eyes stung. Still, a very small smile formed at the corners of my mouth.
Seong Si-u was coming. And he would see me, who had turned into a girl.
The thought that someone was actually heading to my house made me feel like my feet were on fire.
How should I greet him?
Should I smile nonchalantly and say, *"I turned into a girl!"*?
Or should I set the mood and say seriously, *"I've become a girl...."*?
*No, will that bastard even see me as me in the first place? If he just sees what's in front of him...*
A new kind of anxiety spread through my chest.
*He won't try to lay a hand on me, right?*
If his gaze contained desire when he looked at me?
A chill ran down my spine at the thought that I might have created an even bigger problem to solve a problem.
*He's not that kind of guy, but...*
If he knew it was me inside, chances were higher that he'd just make fun of me.
If my ability to judge people wasn't wrong, Seong Si-u was exactly that kind of person.
This time, the phone lying face-down buzzed.
[Seong Si-u: Almost there.]
[Baek Eun-hae: yeah]
“Huu....”
There was no more time to worry. My worries flared up and faded in an instant, over and over.
I was anxious. I looked forward to it. I was scared. I hoped he'd believe me.
“Hrr... kgh...”
Again, that damned whimpering cry tried to burst out, but I bit my lip hard to suppress it.
*Why do tears keep trying to come out at the most random times?*
I was more of a coward than I'd thought to greet him the way I'd imagined earlier.
With the situation now right before me, I lay on the bed and pulled the blanket over my head.
And I texted Si-u.
*This is always how I am.*
[Baek Eun-hae: Open the door yourself. The code is 0111]
While I waited restlessly, it seemed time had passed, and I heard the sound of the door lock code being pressed.
I clutched my chest tightly, feeling like my heart would burst.
The gentle curve under my palm cruelly reminded me that I was no longer a guy.
“Haa....”
The hot breath I exhaled lingered inside the blanket.
And finally, the front door opened.