The Valkyrie is Hungry
Episode 4. The Valkyrie is Hungry
Crack!
A spear shot forth like light pierced clean through the frost giant’s head.
True to a frost giant’s blood, it was so frigid that it froze the instant it spilled.
The one standing atop that blood retrieved the spear she had thrown and raised it high, bellowing.
“Valkyries! Follow me! Let us smash those ice giants to pieces!”
“In the name of Thrud!”
At the battle cries of her subordinate Valkyries chanting her name, Thrud, chieftain of the Valkyries, grinned fiercely.
Just then, before her eyes, she saw an army of frost giants charging with ear-splitting shrieks.
Thrud raised her shield and roared.
“Shield Wall!”
Boom! Boom!
The clamor of weapons striking shields echoed across the battlefield as the Valkyries raised their defenses.
Before the shield wall of the Valkyries—called Shieldmaidens, warrior women who bore shields—not a single attack from the frost giants could surmount that barricade.
The fate of the frost giants who had failed in their assault was obvious.
“Thrust!”
Spears and swords stabbed out through the gaps in the wall.
The Valkyries, ravens of death incarnate, attacked, and all the frost giants spilled their cold blood, becoming corpses upon the battlefield.
“Whew, that was another fine battle today.”
When Thrud removed her helmet after the battle, astonishingly, rich golden hair that looked as though molten gold had been poured out cascaded down.
Both her parents had been famous for their gorgeous blond hair, so she too was renowned for her beautiful golden locks.
“Lady Thrud, a great victory yet again today!”
“Truly the daughter of a great warrior!”
“Your prowess rivals even his!”
Thrud’s father had been the greatest warrior in Norse mythology.
At praise saying she was comparable to her own father, she broke into a smile without realizing it.
“Really? I fight as well as my father?”
“Of course! Lady Thrud’s skill at crushing giants’ skulls is already renowned across the Nine Realms!”
“That’s good to hear. Hehehe.”
Though she was one who mercilessly smashed giants’ skulls, her joy at receiving such praise was childishly pure.
The subordinate Valkyries thought that even such behavior resembled her father, but none bothered to voice it aloud.
The fact that she rampaged when angered was also because she took after her father.
“I’m in a good mood! Now that the battle is over, we must hold a feast. It’s on me!”
“Wow! Meat! Let’s eat meat!”
“Meat sounds great! Let’s go!”
But the joy was short-lived. Thrud and the Valkyries, excited by the victory and the prospect of a feast, turned sullen at the sight of chunks of meat burnt black.
“Th-this isn’t how it’s supposed to be?”
When poked with a fork, it should have plunged in smoothly with juices flowing, yet the meat Thrud stabbed crumbled apart like a chunk of charcoal.
At the same time, Thrud’s expression crumbled as well.
“Did I burn it? W-well! There’s bread. Let’s eat our fill of bread at least!”
Thrud quickly had the pre-baked bread brought out, but the bread was anything but edible.
Crack!
The bread was so hard that even the sturdy teeth of the great warrior women who roamed battlefields smashing giants’ skulls couldn’t so much as scratch it.
“Lady Thrud, the bread is too hard. We can’t eat it.”
“Who baked this?”
“Shh, quiet. Lady Thrud baked it.”
“Gasp!”
Thrud’s face flushed bright red at the Valkyries’ whispering.
That she, who had shown more brilliant feats on the battlefield than anyone else, would make such a disgraceful spectacle.
To make up for her two failures, Thrud deliberately raised her voice and shouted.
“What warrior fills their belly with meat or bread! Ale, it’s ale! Ale flows through a warrior’s veins!”
“Um, Lady Thrud…”
“Y-yes? What is it?”
“The mead has turned to vinegar from being left out too long?”
Oh no.
Thrud’s face crumpled as she looked at the drink that had turned to vinegar because she’d forgotten to store it in a cool cave before the battle and had left it outside instead.
“…I’m sorry, everyone.”
Then her subordinate Valkyries rushed to console her.
“I-it’s alright, Lady Thrud! We can survive without eating!”
“Exactly! Who are we! The reapers of the battlefield who guide warriors’ souls to Valhalla! The battle maidens of great Odin!”
“Odin’s maidens…”
Thrud only grew more depressed at her subordinates’ consolation.
Valkyries were originally maidens who served Odin and the warriors drink and food in Valhalla.
However, Thrud—who had a great warrior for a father and was an outstanding warrior herself—had stormed out of Valhalla with her subordinate Valkyries, declaring she had no desire to serve drinks.
“If we had stayed in Valhalla, we could have eaten delicious food, but because of me, you all too…”
At Thrud’s words—her head bowed so low it seemed she might sink into the ground—the subordinate Valkyries too were left speechless, bowing their heads deeply.
Like Thrud, they were all peerless in battle but utterly hopeless when it came to cooking or domestic affairs.
After breaking up the celebratory meal that should have been joyous but was ruined, Thrud was left alone, sulking.
“Sigh, times like this make me envious of the lower realm folk. They get to eat nothing but delicious things.”
Thrud was a Constellation bearing the name “Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield.”
Befitting a Constellation, she had Hunters with whom she’d contracted and whom she sponsored.
Whenever she looked down upon the lower realm to check on those Hunters, seeing them all eating delicious food, she could never hide her envy.
“But it’s not like I can descend to the lower realm just to eat.”
To Constellations, lower realm food was too lowly in stature to consume.
Therefore, she could do nothing but watch her Hunters eat.
“I believe they call this ‘mukbang’ in the lower realm tongue.”
It was only natural that whether one was from the lower realm or a Constellation, watching mukbang made one want to eat along.
But with no way to do so, she could only swallow her drool.
“Well, it’s not just me, after all.”
She wasn’t the only Constellation coveting lower realm food, so similar posts occasionally appeared on the Constellation community board.
It was just as Thrud was browsing the Constellation community, seeking solace in shared misery.
[(Review) Argh~ you punks~~ This old man,,, got his strength back~~!!!]
Author: [Former Farmer]
- Hey~~~~ today,,, ate human food,,,!!!
- Thought human cooking would be,,, nothing special,,,!!!
- But when I ate it,,, holy shit,,, thought I saw Him who resides in heaven,,,,!! Even though I can't go,,, to heavenㅠㅠ,,,,
- Just a joke, you punks,,, laugh,,,^^
- Anyway,,, in kids' speak these days,,, highly recommended,,, highly recommended,,,,!!
- Perfect for this old man's palate,,, going again~~~^^
- You other punks too,,, if you get the chanceㅋ make sure you go~~!! This old man's,,, golden rule,,, take it to heart~~~!!!
└ [Brother-Hating Shepherd]: Ugh, reeks of old man. Plus every time he opens his mouth, it's a lie. How can a Constellation eat human food? Nice try at baitㅋㅋㅋㅋ
└ [KingGodisKing]: But if it's real, I'm super jealous. Give us some info.
└ [Brother-Hating Shepherd]: Here's another idiot who believes thisㅋㅋㅋ Where's your brain?
└ [Returned Glutton]: But is human food actually good?
The Constellations’ reactions to the post claiming he had actually eaten human food were explosive.
“There are Constellations who don’t believe it and immediately call it a lie, but this one just seems like a forum troll……”
Thrud, who had fallen into thought for a moment, began typing a comment.
└ [MjolnirSoonMine]: If it's real, could you please share the information? I'm really desperateㅠㅠ
It was slightly embarrassing for her, a warrior who called forth blood on the battlefield, to be pleading on a forum, but it was anonymous anyway.
Convincing herself that no one would know her identity, Thrud finally posted the comment.
And a short while later,
[PM from [Former Farmer]: Thrud lass,,, curious,,,?]
“Huh, how did they figure it out? Should I play dumb?”
Thrud was bewildered, unable to fathom how her identity had been exposed, but her curiosity about human food was greater than her desire to make excuses, so she shut her eyes tight and sent a reply.
* * *
The day after returning from offering Cockatrice Samgyetang to Cain, the Farmer Who Could Not Plow the Land, a Constellation.
I had no doubt that I would be returning to a peaceful daily life.
But that was a delusion.
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield has taken an interest in you.]
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield says she too wants to eat human food.]
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield complains that you only offer tribute to the Farmer Who Could Not Plow the Land.]
Ding- ding- ding-
I’m going insane from the message alarms ringing all day long.
I can’t focus on the shop at all!
Cain was the same, but are all Constellations usually this clingy?
From what I’ve heard, Constellations only contact you when making a contract or issuing important quests, so why is it only me?
“Good grief, it’s not like she’s a clingy ex-girlfriend.”
“Pardon? Are you speaking to me?”
I had muttered to myself in irritation, and it seemed a female customer in the middle of paying had heard it.
I hastily shook my head.
“Ah, no. There’s just someone who keeps asking me for things these days. H-haha.”
“Ah, I see……”
The female customer, wearing an expression that said she didn’t believe me at all, exited the shop.
Ah, I doubt she’ll ever come back.
I shouted into the empty air with a seething heart.
“Ah, please stop sending messages! I can’t run my business like this!”
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield protests, asking why you don’t just offer her food and run your business.]
“Aaaargh! Do you think food for a Constellation is instant curry ready in three minutes?”
Fortunately, it was a slow period with no customers, so I avoided being treated like a lunatic, but continuing to receive messages like this made me feel like I would go insane.
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield……]
“I got it, I got it. I’ll cook for you!”
[……She is overjoyed that she can finally eat lower realm cuisine.]
To think she’d be so happy over a single dish.
The image of the great, solemn Constellation I had known seemed to have plummeted into the abyss.
I let out a sigh and asked.
“Just what kind of dish do you wish to eat?”
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield desires a warrior’s dish.]
“……A warrior’s dish?”
Wait, she doesn’t even tell me exactly what dish it is, and orders so vaguely like that?
At least Cain had asked for whatever I cooked, which made it easy.
How is this any different from saying “anything is fine”?
I let out a deep sigh and said.
“The restaurant comes first, so let’s talk again once I’m done with business for the day.”
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield asks if she can eat immediately once the restaurant closes.]
“Of course not. I haven’t even decided what to cook yet.”
Once I decided on the dish, I had to get ingredients according to the recipe.
I had suffered quite a bit before I could cook the Cockatrice Samgyetang.
If it weren’t for my younger sibling, a successful Hunter, procuring ingredients would have been difficult.
“So please stay quiet. I’ll cook for you. Okay?”
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield pouts and says she understands.]
[The Maiden of Strength Who Roams the Battlefield threatens to swear on Odin’s beard and deliver heavenly punishment if you don’t cook for her.]
Wait, do Constellations even use such language in their messages?
Looking at the Constellation blatantly showing she was sulking, I let out a deep sigh as if the ground would swallow me whole.
“By the way, what in the world is a warrior’s dish?”
Judging by the mention of Odin’s beard, she seems to be from the Norse mythology Constellation line.
When I think of warriors from that side, Vikings are all that come to mind.
I took out my smartphone and began searching for Viking cuisine.
“Hm? There’s a dish like this?”
The dish that caught my eye was a Viking-style pork belly dish, Fløskesteg.