【Episode 8 – And an Old Bond (2)】
「Eight years ago…
Fall 2014.
A car worth as much as an apartment building pulled up in front of the hagwon where I worked.
“Teacher Je, someone’s here to see you.”
“Me?”
The man who stepped out of the expensive car was Sujeong’s father.
I had known to some extent that she came from a wealthy family, but that was the first time I realized her household was that rich.
“Are you the student Jeheon?”
“Hello.”
“I am Sujeong’s father.”
He was a man with a benevolent countenance.
So, when he first brought up the matter, I had thought he came to comfort me.
Back then, I was still a twenty-something ignorant of the ways of the world.
“I heard about your father’s accident. How could such a thing happen… You must be deeply grieved.
And I heard you dropped out of school because of it? That must have been a difficult decision.
I hear you’re going to donate your liver? Hoo—you’re a rare filial son these days. Sujeong has told me many times that you’re a smart friend, but you have a good heart as well. You truly are an admirable young man.
However….”
That was not it.
“What happened to you is tragic, but just as your father is precious enough for you to cut out a piece of your own liver, Sujeong is likewise a daughter so precious to me that it wouldn’t hurt to place her in my eye. Until now, your relationship did not seem serious, so I watched, but as a father, I cannot support my daughter—whom I struggled to educate—giving up everything she has built to come to your side because of you. You know, don’t you? How much Sujeong wanted to become a designer in New York. That was that child’s lifelong dream. Please do not crush that child’s dream. Talk some sense into her. If you truly care for her, that is.”
Having finished speaking, her father placed down an envelope containing 100 million won and took his leave.
It was something that happened to me straight out of a weekend drama.
A hollow laugh escaped me, but as I looked at the 100 million won inside the envelope, all sorts of thoughts began to creep in. With just that, so many things would become easier. It felt as if the suffocating feeling of being unable to breathe every night because of money would vanish as well.
After a truly long internal conflict, I returned the money and deliberately pushed her away even more cruelly.
“Just please leave me alone.”
“Why?! What the hell is the problem? I want to be by your side! I hate New York! I don’t need a New York without you!”
“Why are you doing this too? I’m already suffocating because of my father. I feel like I’m going crazy!”
“Then lean on me. I’ll be right beside you.”
“Can’t you understand what I’m saying? It’s burdensome. What you’re doing is even more burdensome! Just leave me alone. I’ll handle everything myself.”
Even as I pushed her away without rhyme or reason, she constantly held on.
The more she did, the more I pushed her away with harsher words.
“Okay. I won’t be a burden. Call me only when you need me, okay? I’ll be in Seoul. If it’s hard, make sure to call me. Okay?”
“Hey, go! Please! Why are you acting like a leech? The more you act like this, the more I feel like I’m suffocating and going crazy.”
“Heon, don’t do this. Please… I understand how you feel. But don’t go this far. This isn’t like you.”
“What’s like me? What do you know about me to say such things? Just let me go, okay? Please.”
In the end, wounded to the point where she could no longer endure my hurting words, she left with tears streaming down her face.
“Cripple.”
“Yeah, I’ll be a cripple now. After I give my liver to my father, I’ll be no different from a cripple. So just live your own life.”
“That wasn’t what I meant. You know that.”
The answer “I don’t” rose to the tip of my throat, but I couldn’t spit it out. Facing her face, which was truly disappointed in me, I couldn’t say those words either.
She had cried so much that her eyes were swollen.
That was the end.
We broke up like that in the parking lot in front of the hospital.」
---*---
“What? Is this place closed too?”
Sujeong, who had waited until the afternoon Commercial Law class ended, finally grabbed my sleeve and led me to SoHo.
“The food here is really good… Hing—”
I knew. It was a Japanese pub we had frequented.
Due to the blackout that had occurred over the weekend, almost every restaurant in Manhattan had closed.
That place was no exception.
“Let’s just grab coffee and go.”
“One place. Let’s try just one more place, okay?”
To be honest, I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what emotions I felt for her.
I was truly happy to see her after so long, but at the same time, unpleasant memories came flooding back, so I couldn’t be unconditionally happy.
It was absolutely not resentment.
I knew full well that it wasn’t her fault.
But that didn’t mean I felt like starting over with her now.
From her perspective, they were things that had not yet happened, but from my perspective, they were things that had already happened.
She was someone who would marry another person.
“No, let’s just go. I have an early class tomorrow morning. And I have a research part-time job.”
“Hey— why? We met after so long.”
“I’m tired. And it hasn’t been long since I moved.”
“You’re acting weird. Then, do you want to go to my place? There’s a decent Irish pub nearby; it looked like it was open when I came out. Let’s do that! Let’s go to my place.”
If things turned out exactly as before, we would start dating before long, and around the time the spring semester began, I would move into the apartment where she lived.
“No. Let’s say goodbye for today. You have classes tomorrow too, don’t you?”
“I’m fine, but…”
“This really won’t work. I have research to do tomorrow. I’ll contact you over the weekend.”
Back then, we were so overjoyed at having met again that we started dating without any consideration for each other’s backgrounds or circumstances.
If I were still as oblivious as I was back then, that would be one thing, but now I know.
That she and I might be able to become good friends, but we cannot end up in a blessed marriage.
If that were possible, wouldn’t we have been connected in our past life too?
That said, I didn’t intend to push her away coldly.
I simply intended to draw a line.
“Hing— okay. You really are tired. Ugh— why did the blackout have to happen now of all times.”
Looking back, thanks to this blackout, I had spent the night at her apartment back then.
I had shared my first kiss with her.
To think I had even forgotten such an aching memory.
Could that be it, in the end?
The fate between her and me.
“Let’s go. I’ll take you.”
“It’s fine. Just go.”
“No. I need to know where you live. East Harlem, right?”
The story of her and me ended at the point where we wanted to remember it as fresh, youthful memories; if we started dating again, it would become a complicated story of adults that I wouldn’t want to remember.
“It’s fine. Let’s part ways here.”
“Jeheon, are you really doing this?!”
I’m sorry, Jeong Sujeong.
But I think this is the better choice for you too.
I put her in a taxi first, then trudged toward the bus stop.
***
3rd Avenue and 100th Street.
“I’m back.”
“Oh, you’re back? I heard everything from Jenjen. You slept outside? Geez, I feel so bad. What should I do? I should have given you the key before I left. It was my fault.”
When I returned after meeting Sujeong, Mia and Jennifer were waiting for me at the East Harlem apartment.
“It wasn’t that bad. It’s not like I slept on the street.”
“Thanks for saying that. Ah, Heon, have you eaten?”
“No.”
“Perfect! Jenjen bought this as an apology for you….”
“Mia! When did I? I just bought it so we could all eat together.”
“Right. When have you ever bought something like this? Anyway, do you want to eat together?”
“Wow—nachos. And hot wings too. I was actually craving beer. Thanks for the food.”
“Jenjen bought it.”
“Mia!”
Perfect women.
Buzz—
[Where are you?]
Around evening, a message came from Sujeong.
[Me: School.]
[Sujeong: Good.]
[Sujeong: You’ll be there for about 30 minutes, right?]
[Me: Why?]
[Sujeong: I have something to give you. Wait for me. I’ll text you when I get there.]
After the text exchange ended, about thirty minutes later, she came to the school. In her hand was a large shopping bag.
“Here.”
“What is this?”
“A gift.”
“A gift?”
Just by looking at the shopping bag, I couldn’t tell what it was. It was covered once more with a black slipcover.
“What is it?”
“Open it?”
Unlike me, who was slightly flustered and hesitating, she looked at me with eyes trembling with excitement. She had an expression like she would be wagging her tail if she had one.
Reluctantly, I pulled out the black cover from the gray shopping bag, and a logo was visible.
｢THOM BROWNE
NEW YORK｣
Only then did I remember. Back then, too, Sujeong had given me a law school entrance celebration gift…
It was a suit.