17.
After that, Veronica came to the counseling office over the course of several days.
But who I accepted as a client was entirely at my discretion.
And ever since that dawn, I had not accepted her.
It wasn’t that I intended to continue my revenge.
If I looked at it coldly, all I’d suffered at her hands were a few sarcastic remarks and being ignored.
And how should I put it…
As her younger brother, giving my older sister psychological counseling was extremely burdensome.
It was like I could speak comfortably, yet it didn’t feel comfortable at all.
On top of that, she herself had started running off in some strange direction, talking about “forgiveness” and whatnot.
It was awkward in many ways.
In the midst of all this, it would be a problem if the other noble young ladies and maids couldn’t receive counseling for long.
Naturally, Veronica had no choice but to be pushed down the priority list.
Well, she had received counseling three times in one go by herself, so it was only natural.
Whether Veronica didn’t know this or not, even when I filtered her out every time, she still stood near the front of the line again.
Her complexion was much better than before.
The shadows under her eyes had faded too, as if she was sleeping reasonably well.
So I judged that there likely wasn’t any serious problem.
Still, just in case, I said this to her.
“If you keep coming like this every time, it’s a little burdensome for me as well.”
Veronica was standing in the second spot in front of me again today.
I approached her and said that.
In polite speech, in case anyone else heard.
Surely she understood that much.
At the very least, she should understand that I would mostly be taking other people for a while, so she should come later.
Hm. I really have become a noble now.
Even naturally talking around things like this.
Or was I always a noble to begin with?
After saying that, I called another client and turned around.
There was no answer from behind me.
I didn’t look back.
She should have understood at least that much.
***
“If you keep coming like this every time, it’s a little burdensome for me as well.”
Burdensome.
That one word lodged itself in the center of my chest.
For a while, I stood there as if nailed to the spot.
Isaac had already called another client and turned away.
His steps were utterly unconcerned.
His back looked as though he had not the slightest lingering attachment.
At the sight, memories I had forgotten came flooding back.
“Hm? I don’t recall our family having hair like this?”
So that our parents could not see.
But so that the other servants could see clearly.
“Get rid of him. He’s an eyesore.”
The days when I shoved the black-haired child into a corner and mistreated him.
I repeated that for years.
Then that child ended up despised even by the family’s servants.
How satisfying it had been.
The black-haired child was terrified whenever he saw me.
He would tremble and flee into a corner.
I had never once thought it was wrong.
Driving out a monstrosity who did not have Sinclair red hair.
Teaching the stain on the family his place.
That was what I believed.
And yet.
‘It would be better not to dwell on it too much.’
His counseling office, which I visited because I could no longer endure my headaches.
When I entered, clutching at even a straw, he said something strange.
That I was paying it mind.
That surely, I knew it myself too.
There was no way.
No, I thought there wasn’t.
‘You were definitely paying it mind.’
He calmly pointed it out.
What it was inside my heart that was tormenting me.
What remained inside me like a burden.
Only then did I realize.
That the terrible acts I had committed had been choking me for a long time.
Which meant.
I had learned that fact from the very existence who had become the burden on my heart.
With a confused heart, I stared at him.
That black hair, which should originally have made hatred surge up in me.
Strangely, I did not find it as repulsive as before.
Not wanting to admit that fact, I spoke.
I told him not to say ridiculous things.
But he remained calm to the end.
‘It might be better to let it go.’
He told me to let go of my guilt.
That he could forgive everything.
Even with me, full of malice, before him, he did not waver in the slightest and said so kindly.
“…I didn’t think you would forgive me.”
Unable to believe it, I said it aloud myself.
But the moment those words came out, my heart became unbearably light.
And he looked at me as though wondering why I would say such a thing.
As if letting bygones flow away was only natural.
Looking at him made me feel so terribly shabby.
I fled his counseling office as if running away.
I thought it was a lie because I did not want to admit it.
But afterward, I slept peacefully.
My head no longer rang painfully as before.
Ah, I see.
So this was the burden on my heart.
Everything I did to you had been weighing down my heart.
And yet, when you said you would forgive me, I…
“……”
After that, I swallowed my shame and went to see him.
In order to tell him thank you.
But what came back was the very words from just now.
“If you keep coming like this every time, it’s a little burdensome for me as well.”
Burdensome.
Was I a burden to him?
I had thought I had been forgiven by him.
But in truth, had all I done been to place another burden on him?
No.
Perhaps even thinking I had been forgiven was my misunderstanding.
Perhaps he had merely offered me gentle words to soothe me while I was steeped in pain.
If I thought about it, wasn’t that so?
Compared to the malice I had committed against Isaac throughout his entire life.
All Isaac had done was ignore me a few times in line.
And yet, so unsightly of me.
A few warm words made my body feel light.
I mistook the warmth in his gaze as something directed at me.
At his words telling me to put down my burden, I truly put it down.
To dare believe that forgiveness was sincere.
Veronica Sinclair, aren’t you far too hideous?
I stepped out of the line and walked down the alley.
The farther the shabby wooden building became, the more my vision blurred.
I walked, and walked, and walked again, yet my heart showed no sign of growing distant from that place.
My steps stopped.
Because I knew what I had to do.
“…A sinner must naturally receive punishment.”
Those who do not know their place need punishment.
I had lived that way until now, so this was something I rightfully had to do.
***
A few mornings later.
With the same light steps as usual, I opened the first-floor door and stepped outside.
But the atmosphere was strange.
An eerie silence.
The young ladies and maids who should have been standing in line were pressed tightly against the walls with horrified faces.
People split to either side in the narrow alley.
At the center of it was one person.
It was not a clumsy hood, nor a plain dress.
Expensive black fabric.
The red crest of House Sinclair, vividly embroidered on her chest.
Displaying the majesty of a noble with not even the slightest intention of hiding it, Veronica Sinclair stood there.
‘What is that?’
I narrowed my eyes and looked at her.
Don’t tell me she intended to use the power of her family to stage some kind of protest because I wouldn’t give her counseling?
Around the time I thought that.
Thud—
Veronica dropped to her knees.
Receiving the shocked gazes around her with her whole body.
Not even murmuring arose.
The dirty dirt ground of the back alley.
The skirt of the eldest daughter of House Sinclair, famed for its pride, was soiled with mud.
But as if even that were nothing at all.
Her forehead touched the ground.
“I have sinned throughout my entire life…”
“…Huh?”
“All my life… I have lived shamefully…”
The noble young ladies around us gasped and drew in their breaths.
The maids went pale, covering their mouths outright.
I, too, could only look down at her with my mind gone blank.
“Until I heard it directly, I did not even realize that I was a sinner…”
Her low, trembling voice.
Her proud red hair rolled in the dirt and dust.
“And yet…”
In a voice half-choked with sobs.
“I dared to take your words of forgiveness as sincere.”
She was confessing her sins to me.
“Wait, Veronica—”
“I am sorry.”
A noble young lady’s public apology.
And not only that, with her head pressed into the dirt.
My mind flipped over once, then returned.
What is this?
Why?
No. How did it end up like this?
I couldn’t understand a single thing, but one thing was certain.
Other people must not be watching this situation right now.
“Come inside.”
I strode over, grabbed Veronica by the arm, and pulled her to her feet.
“Right now.”
“……”
Her forehead, which had been touching the ground, lifted.
Hair covered in dirt and dust.
Bloodless lips.
And yet, strangely, only her eyes were calm.
As if it was only natural for things to be this way.
Avoiding that gaze, I pushed her inside.
I closed the door and gave a short bow to the clients standing in line.
“We are closed for today. I apologize.”
Thak.
An enclosed space.
Me and Veronica.
If this continued, there would be trouble.
No, it might already be too late.
Even after coming inside, Veronica tried to kneel again.
Looking at her, I thought.
One way or another, I had to deal with this woman.
Right now.