I was reincarnated into a world with magic and divine power.
I wasn’t particularly happy about it.
It wasn’t as if I’d wished for it. Someone was living just fine, and then all of a sudden they were dropped into some remote environment—who would be happy about that?
If I’d at least had overflowing talent, or been told the reason I’d ended up in a place like this, maybe it would have been different. But I was magically impotent and had zero faith, so I truly gained nothing but a new life.
A drastically changed environment and human relationships.
I spent seventeen years overcoming depression and loneliness while adapting to my new surroundings.
They say mountains and rivers change in ten years, and sure enough, by now I’d become more or less used to my new life.
Except for a few dissatisfying things, that is.
The vanity and affectation unique to nobles.
Their obsession with splendor and beauty.
Their complicated, dizzying etiquette and formalities.
I couldn’t get used to the very things that mattered most to nobles.
It was truly dreadful.
If I had to be precise, things like etiquette and formalities, or vanity and affectation, were unpleasant, but not beyond my understanding.
They existed everywhere, merely in different forms.
What tormented me to the very end, however, was the way their obsession with splendor and beauty fused with their vanity.
Especially the clothes.
To me, noble attire was far too much.
Men wearing stockings and garter belts, women cinching their waists to insanity with corsets and puffing their skirts out with paniers as they walked around like hourglasses—watching them felt like looking at the face of someone addicted to plastic surgery.
In other words, grotesque and spine-chilling.
You might wonder how a single outfit could evoke that kind of reaction, but when a person’s figure narrows like a funnel and then turns into a parasol, wouldn’t it be stranger not to find it bizarre?
“Tch...”
I clicked my tongue softly, picked up a glass of champagne set out in the hall, and moved toward a wall where there were hardly any people.
For nobles, socializing is akin to work, so unless one is on the verge of death, one must attend events held on national holidays without fail.
And today was the anniversary of His Imperial Majesty’s accession to the throne.
Because of that, I had been dragged out to this banquet and forced to look at all these grotesque outfits I couldn’t stand.
Beneath the dazzling chandeliers, the hourglass corps had appeared again today without fail, decked out in clothes of every color and glittering jewels.
They sparkled so much I felt like I might have a photosensitive seizure without even needing a monitor.
“Haa...”
I let out a sigh.
If I kept looking at the crowded, noisy center of the hall, I felt like I’d get dizzy and collapse.
I downed more champagne and turned my head slightly.
There were fewer people near the edges, at least.
But belatedly, I realized that turning my gaze that way was not always a very good choice.
A young lady with red hair, who seemed to be about my age, entered my field of vision.
A dress smothered in frills and lace from shoulder to ankle, a voluminous skirt that could make even a parasol look ordinary, a waist as thin as an hourglass, breasts gathered up with everything short of her soul and a chest more than half exposed, and gemstone accessories as large as eyeballs.
I didn’t know whose daughter she was, but judging by how she flaunted a peacock-like splendor all on her own, she was likely the child of someone quite noble.
“Sss...”
I sucked in a thin breath through my mouth like a threatening snake, then once again gulped down champagne to calm my displeasure.
The desire to look beautiful isn’t a bad thing.
If one is a living creature, it is only natural to adorn oneself beautifully for a mate and prove one’s superiority over others.
Like cicadas crying noisily to find a mate, peacocks showing off their splendid feathers, and deer boasting their big, thick antlers.
But aren’t those all males?
Hm...
Fuck it, I don’t know.
I just wish they’d all disappear.
Corsets, paniers, and dresses smothered in dangling frills and lace.
“...”
My chest felt so tightly blocked it might burst, so I hurriedly brought the champagne glass to my lips, but nothing flowed in.
“Good grief...”
I stared blankly at the empty glass and let out a deep sigh. Then I withdrew my gaze from the peacock lady and started walking to get a new glass of champagne.
Before entering the banquet hall, Mother had sternly warned me, “Don’t guzzle alcohol like a whale,” but it couldn’t be helped.
What was I supposed to do when it was so stifling and hard to endure sober?
“Young master, please give me your empty glass.”
“...Thank you.”
As I slowly moved my feet in search of fresh champagne, a butler who had somehow approached my side exchanged my glass with a movement as natural as flowing water, then withdrew.
I always think this, but a highly trained, first-rate servant is indistinguishable from a ninja.
When needed, they glide over, finish their task, and vanish like the wind. If that isn’t a ninja, what is?
“......”
I sipped the champagne I had received from the butler and returned to the wall, leaning my back against it.
Like this, I would look at nothing, blend in with the wall, quietly sip only champagne, finish the congratulatory ceremony quietly, and go home.
A truly perfect plan...
“William, what are you doing here?”
...which fell apart the moment I made it.
I lowered my champagne glass slightly and turned toward the direction of Mother’s voice.
“I felt dizzy, so I was resting for a moment.”
“Of course you’d feel dizzy after gulping down champagne like that. I saw you clearly, looking around like a field mouse and finishing a glass in less than five minutes.”
“Haha...”
At Mother’s sarcasm, I bit my lip slightly, then raised my glass again and smiled awkwardly.
Damn it, she’d already seen everything.
Still, if there was one saving grace, it was that this was still my first glass.
If I pretended to restrain myself from now on, Mother would probably let it pass without speaking at length.
“I’m sorry. I suppose I got a little carried away by the banquet’s atmosphere. I won’t drink after this.”
“Tch...”
Mother clicked her tongue sharply, furrowed her brow, and covered her mouth with her fan.
Judging by the displeased look on her face, what I’d said must have grated on her nerves quite a bit.
This wasn’t good...
“If you were drunk on the atmosphere, why are you always stuck to the wall like wallpaper? Do you have no intention of mingling with people?”
“No... I’ve been making various efforts...”
“To see how well you can blend into the wall? Have you decided to become a cicada, or perhaps some animal from a faraway foreign land called a sloth? Aside from when you went to fetch alcohol, you were diligently clinging to the wall. You looked so natural doing it that this mother of yours nearly mistook you for wallpaper.”
“I’m sorry......”
I lowered my head deeply and put on a dejected expression, but Mother merely looked at me with a cold face.
A chill ran down my spine and spread through my entire body.
Today, Mother had come properly sharpened for battle.
I could feel it in my skin. This wasn’t nagging I could lightly brush aside.
“William, how old are you this year?”
“Seventeen.”
“Yes, a full seventeen. Other people are all building connections and finding partners, preparing for engagements or marriage. Are you going to keep wasting your time like this? No, more importantly, is there a woman you’re seeing these days? Every time I see you rubbing up against the wall like this, I feel so frustrated I could go mad.”
“I’ve been making various efforts too...”
“Enough! That tiresome effort of yours! William, I’ve been tolerating it because you aren’t the eldest son, but are you truly making an effort? You don’t want a political marriage, you don’t want a love match, you don’t meet friends—no, you don’t have any friends. It’s not as if you have a dream either. Whether it’s a congratulatory ceremony or a banquet, whenever people gather, your first thought is how to get out of it. You don’t even go outside often. Is this what you call effort? If you really are making an effort, shouldn’t you at least go to the marriage meetings your parents arrange for you? William, there are only so many times we’ll be foolish enough to be deceived by the word ‘effort.’ How long do you plan to keep sliding by like this?”
“I, well...”
“When you were young, you were such a bright child. Why are you so listless now? I still vividly remember the days when little you said you would unfold all sorts of dreams.”
“......”
My heart was torn apart in an instant by the scolding that poured down like a waterfall.
Every single word Mother spoke was filled with emotion, as though she was determined to rip me to shreds.
But because these weren’t words meant to criticize me blindly, but concerns based on affection and fact, each and every one of them, it hurt even more.
Like how a fan, the moment they become an anti, can hit harder and more effectively than anyone.
“Mother, I do think I want to change too...”
“William...”
Seeing me move my lips as if trying to make some excuse, Mother suddenly choked up with emotion, tears welling at the corners of her eyes as she gently took my right hand.
Looking into her wistful, sorrowful jade-colored eyes made my stomach burn and my heart ache.
I was filled with guilt for being such a fool of a son, but I absolutely did not want to associate with those peacocks.
No, even if I wanted to approach them first, the moment I saw them, my motivation plummeted. What was I supposed to do...
It was so unfair I felt like I would go mad.
“......”
But just because I felt wronged didn’t mean I could honestly say that.
As I waited for Mother’s words with an awkward smile, she opened her mouth carefully, her expression full of worry.
“Are you perhaps impotent?”
“Pardon?”
I opened my eyes wide and stared blankly at Mother.
Had something strange just come out of her mouth?
“William, I hear other children your age make fiancées or joke with the servants, but you do nothing of the sort and merely stare blankly at others, so I can’t help but worry...”
“That is absolutely not the case.”
“Then are you perhaps afraid of women?”
“......”
Mother, who had been steadily hitting me with facts, suddenly began competing with incitement and fabrication.
From my perspective, the leap was so absurd and ridiculous that I was left speechless.
As I gently pressed the cold champagne glass to my head to soothe my complicated mind, Mother’s hand tightened around my right hand.
“Shall I ask Caroline to help you?”
“Yes?”
My aunt’s name suddenly flowed from Mother’s lips.
After my uncle passed away a few years ago, she had been living quietly in a secluded mansion, so why suddenly bring her up...
“?!”
Goosebumps rose all over my body.
Because I’d recalled the “role” of a widow living in seclusion.
I hurriedly shook my head, opened my eyes wide, and said,
“There’s no need. I’m not afraid of women, and there’s no problem with... that either.”
“That is how desperate I am. Do you know how frustrating it is to see my son, perfectly fine on the outside, acting like a naive boy who is uncomfortable around women? Speak honestly.”
“No, haa...”
At Mother’s quite stubborn attitude, I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a sigh.
No matter how desperate she was, having a widow attached to me for “sex education” felt a little wrong.
“There really is no need. And it would be a nuisance to Aunt as well.”
At my answer, Mother narrowed her eyes, brought her face closer, and whispered in a small voice.
“Your taste does not happen to run toward men, does it?”
“......”
My shoulders trembled.
After getting hit with “Can you even get it up?” now I was getting “Are you actually gay?” It was enough to drive a man insane.
“Absolutely. Not. Mother.”
“If it is neither this nor that, then please find yourself a partner. The entire family is terribly worried about your marriage prospects.”
I clenched my molars and denied the gay suspicions, putting strength into every word, but Mother paid it no mind and continued worrying.
“I’ll give you good results as soon as possible.”
“Yes... If you truly wish to show us good results, I would like you to tell us as quickly as you can. I do not think our patience will last very long.”
Even though my words were filled with sincerity, Mother’s gaze upon me was not kind.
Narrowing her eyes and glaring at me sharply, Mother left behind a quiet warning, then turned and walked toward the glittering, splendid center of the hall.
“...”
I watched Mother’s back as she left, then gulped down my champagne.